Keeping Score

There is bad news today. Takeru (The Tsunami) Kobayashi has an injury and
may not be able to take part in Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog
Eating Contest at Coney Island, N.Y. As you may have heard, The Tsunami’s
world record recently was broken by Joey (Jaws) Chestnut and the world has
been agog as it awaits what was to have been Wednesday’s matchup. . . . Ahh,
you’re wondering about The Tsunami’s injury. “Occupational hazard,” blogged
Kobayashi, who won the last six Nathan’s titles. “My jaw refused to fight
any more.” . . . Linebacker Neil Ternovatsky, a product of the U of Alberta,
is on the Calgary Stampeders’ season-opening roster. He wears No. 99, which
must be a salute to boyhood idol Wayne Gretzky. Right? “No,” he says, “I
actually grew up in Winnipeg, never played hockey and that’s just the number
they gave me. It has nothing to do with Gretzky.”
The Orlando Sentinel’s Mike Bianchi can’t wait until Sam Woods flunks
algebra and then tries to explain it to her father, Tiger. Bianchi sees
Sam’s explanation going something like this: “Conditions weren’t conducive
to scoring well. The room was too drafty, the desks were too hard, and Sally
Mickelson said I was using an inferior pencil.” . . . Greg Cote, in the
Miami Herald: “Still can’t get over pudgy, chain-smoking Angel Cabrera
edging fitness freak Tiger Woods for the U.S. Open title. It was like
watching a movie starring Danny DeVito and Denzel Washington, and DeVito
gets the girl.”
Dan Shaughnessy, in the Boston Globe, after a certain Red Sox pitcher put in
an appearance a week ago: “Curt Schilling was in the clubhouse before the
game. He filled out his All-Star ballot and was busy with various other
tasks when the media asked if he’d speak about his shoulder. Schilling
declined, saying he had a ‘million things to do.’ Never saw a guy so busy
while spending time on the disabled list. Perhaps he’ll share on his blog or
his radio show.” . . . Dan Daly, in the Washington Times: “Curt Schilling
has been placed on the 15-day disabled list. All that blogging, team doctors
say, was putting too much strain on his right shoulder.” . . . Defensive end
Anthony Gargiulo of the Stampeders is a graduate of Dartmouth and has a rare
skill — he is capable of instantly alphabetizing any word upon hearing it.
Eric Francis of the Calgary Sun notes, however, that “the Stamps have his
last name spelled two different ways in their press kit, and both are
wrong.” . . . Welcome to the CFL, big guy.
Jeff Schultz, in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Kobe Bryant asked to be
traded. Then he recanted. Now he has asked to be traded again. Is there any
way that clause in Billy Donovan’s contract banning him from the NBA for
five years can be imposed on this guy?” . . . And here’s Los Angeles Times
columnist Bill Plaschke on Kobe: “At this moment, Bryant is not Magic
Johnson, he is Paris Hilton. He’s not Jerry West, he is Lindsay Lohan. He’s
not the old showtime Hollywood, he is the new spoiled Hollywood.” . . . And
here’s T.J. Simers, in the L.A. Times: “The way things are going, I wouldn’t
put it past the Kobester to also ask to be encircled by bigger stars at
courtside, replacing Jack Nicholson with someone who at least has won an
Oscar this decade.” . . . Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “I
keep hearing that the Lakers can’t trade Kobe because their Hollywood
$2,000-per-seat courtside clientele demands a glamour player. Those
Hollywood fans understand that if you have a great actor in a lousy movie,
it’s still a lousy movie, i.e.: last season’s Lakers.”
“Sammy Sosa became the fifth member of the 600 Home Run Club on (June 20),”
Jim Armstrong writes in the Denver Post. “Or was that the second member of
the 600 Home Run Club*?” . . . You may have seen photos of Delta Air Lines’
tribute to home-run king Hank Aaron — a Boeing 757 that has Aaron’s photo on
it. Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post claims that “Air France,
meanwhile, plans to unretire a needle-nosed Concorde to honour Barry Bonds.”
. . . Our country’s federal Conservative party is sponsoring a stock car on
the Canadian Tire racing series. As such, the No. 29 car also carries a big
blue ‘C’ on its hood and side panels. “The Tories,” Hamilton notes, “thus
became a political party willing to be judged on their track record.”
What is wrong with this picture? Jeremy Jacobs is the new chairman of the
NHL’s board of governors and Tim Leiweke is on the NHL’s expansion
committee. Jacobs owns the Boston Bruins and we all know how well that’s
gone since the days of Bobby Orr, while Leiweke’s organization — he is the
Los Angeles Kings’ governor — owns the arena in Kansas City which seems to
have been targeted by NHL commish Gary Bettman for an expansion franchise or
the relocated Nashville Predators. . . . By the way, how do you like
Bettman’s NHL in which one team (St. Louis Blues) is allowed to loan a
player (Keith Tkachuk) to another team (Atlanta Thrashers) for the stretch
drive and then get him back dirt cheap? . . . Credibility? What’s that? . .
. If you are interested in an hilarious take on last weekend’s NHL draft,
check out Bill Simmons at ESPN.com. He takes a chronological look at the
draft and, at one point, he writes: “Minnesota takes centre Colton Gillies
at No. 16. I’m digging some of these names. Colton Gillies. Keaton Ellerby.
Logan Couture. I swear, Steven Seagal played a character with one of those
names.” . . . Ryne Sandberg, a Hall of Fame second baseman, played 16 major
league seasons and was ejected twice. Now in his first season as the manager
of the Class A Peoria Chiefs, he already has been tossed four times and
suspended once. “I don’t understand it,” former teammate Rick Sutcliffe told
ESPN.com. “I rode with him for seven straight years to the ballpark and
couldn’t get him to say a word. Now he’s getting thrown out of games? Maybe
it has something to do with his hair turning gray or falling out.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at
gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.