Keeping Score

After Yankees reliever Scott Proctor ended a 3-2 loss in Baltimore with a
bases-loaded walk the other night, the headline in the New York Post was:
Bawl four. . . . Somewhere, Sparky Lyle is smiling, because Yankee Stadium
again is the Bronx Zoo. First, there was Proctor walking in the winning run.
Then, after a 7-0 loss to Oakland, Proctor burned his glove by the dugout.
And then there was Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of you know who, showing up for
Sunday’s game, an 11-5 loss to Oakland, wearing a tank top that included an
obscenity across the top of its back. The Post immediately dubbed her the
“Bronx F-Bomber.” . . . On Monday, the New York Daily News decided that the
AL East race is over. With the Yanks 11 games behind the Boston Red Sox, it
ran the headline: They’re Done! . . . Robyn Norwood of the Los Angeles
Times, on Mrs. A-Rod’s wardrobe malfunction: “The New York Post called her
the OBronx F-Bomber.’ We’ll call her Mrs. A-Rude.”

Former NBAer Matt Geiger has put his 40-acre estate on the market. The St.
Petersburg Times reports that if you’ve got US$19.9 million, you can have
the 28,000-square-foot home. It features 40 TV sets, a cigar room, dance
floor with deejay station, bars, hot tubs, guest house, swimming pool with
lava pit, putting green, and an artificial lake in which there are 2,500
bass. . . . Happy fishing! . . . You may recall that Geiger got a
$52-million contract from the Philadelphia 76ers in 2001 but his career was
sidelined by knee injuries and he retired in 2002. . . . Bill Simmons of
espn.com, while watching the NBA draft: “(ESPN analyst) Jay Bilas calls Greg
Oden Othe ultimate high character guy.’ I would have gone with Gandhi.”

Mike Downey, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune, had a terrific rant after
watching ESPN’s coverage of Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest.
“Some people go to boxing matches to see the blood,” he wrote. “Some people
go to auto races to see a crash. I hesitate to think why people would go to
a hot dog-eating contest. To see what, the belches? The barfs?” . . . George
Shea, one of the contest’s co-promoters, thinks some people need to lighten
up. As he told the Orlando Sentinel: “People who love it are attracted to
its sense of irrelevance and precisely because it bothers others. Haven’t we
always known that if Mom hates it, it must be good?” . . . When he heard
that Takeru Kobayashi, he of hot-dog eating fame, had an arthritic jaw, Rick
Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times noted: “Maybe this is God’s way of telling
Kobiyashi, and me, to eat more vegetables.”

There have been reports that the Los Angeles Galaxy, preparing for the
arrival of David Beckham, wanted his wife, Posh Spice, to be on their
cheerleading squad. But as Des Clarke of the Glasgow Daily Record wrote,
“The idea was dropped, though, when team bosses discovered she couldn’t
spell L.A.” . . . The Toronto Sun’s Bill Lankhof, after some of the recent
NHL signings: “Who knew when the players gave the owners that cap they
wanted it would have the word ODunce’ written all over it?” . . . Here’s
some baseball food for thought. Yankees bench coach Don Mattingly, who as
Donnie Baseball had the game’s sweetest swing, recently told SI.com that the
five best hitters he has seen in the last 25 years are: 5. Rickey Henderson;
4. Paul Molitor; 3. George Brett; 2. Edgar Martinez; 1. Manny Ramirez. . . .
Sorry, Mr. Baseball, you’ve gotta find room for Tony Gwynn and Wade Boggs. .
. . It’s worth noting that Mike Keenan and Larry Brown are neck and neck.
Brown has coached nine pro basketball teams and is hoping to catch on with a
10th. Keenan is with his eighth NHL team, the Calgary Flames.

Headline at theonion.com — Pac-Man Jones: 'I Will Be Nowhere Near Next
Friday’s Strip-Club Stabbing’ . . . After the Spice Girls announced their
reunion tour, Toronto comedian Frenchie McFarlane noted: “In other news,
Lorena Bobbitt and Mrs. John Daly IV will team up for a Slice Girls tour.” .
. . You may have heard about the British mountaineer who got to the top of
Mount Everest and promptly pulled out his cellphone and made a call. And you
likely were wondering whom he called. Scott Ostler of the San Francisco
Chronicle: “He was disappointed when told Domino’s doesn’t deliver above
25,000 feet.” . . . One more from Ostler: “Nike says it’s not going to dump
Michael Vick as an endorser just because of demands by the Humane Society.
But my sources say that even if Vick is never charged, he won’t be getting
an endorsement deal with Hush Puppies.”

Syndicated columnist Norman Chad takes questions from readers, among them:
“Will the Cincinnati Bengals have to go no-huddle next season so their
players can avoid associating with known felons?” . . . During his stay at
Grand Blanc, Mich., last week, while he played in the Buick Open, John Daly
bunked at the estate of the estimable Kid Rock. Now what would you have
given to be the fly on the wall during some of their conversations? . . . A
deer recently ran through the door of former NHLer Tom Reid’s Hockey City
Pub in the Minneapolis area. As Reid told the St. Paul Pioneer Press, “It
was probably looking for a Moosehead.” . . . Vernon’s Chris Baryla is
rehabbing a wonky neck so hasn’t played a competitive round of golf since
June 21 when he withdrew from the Nationwide Tour stop in Knoxville, Tenn.
He hopes to be back on the Nationwide Tour later this month.

Dan Daly, in the Washington Times: “Former Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis, one
of the all-time whack jobs, is selling autographed baseballs for $175
bearing the inscription: OI threw a no-hitter on LSD.’ Dock’s feat was,
indeed, amazing — if it actually happened. But I’d still rank it below Roger
Federer’s 51 consecutive victories on grass.” . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami
Herald: “Heat coach Pat Riley indicates Alonzo Mourning is likely to return
rather than retire. That’s good news. Last season, Zo was among league
leaders in blocks and led the NBA in scowling and biceps-flexing.” . . . One
more from Cote: “U.S. teams have won every Stanley Cup since the early
1990s. Now, for the first time, the top two players selected in the NHL
Draft were Americans. That sound emanating from up north? It’s Canada,
weeping.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at
gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.