Keeping Score

Janice Hough, the Left Coast Sports Babe, on the opening of the Olympic
Games: “Millions of Canadians will watch, even though in most events their
team has little chance of winning. This will be particularly good practice
for Maple Leafs fans.” . . . Yes, Tim Berrett, the veteran race walker from
Edmonton via Britain, will be competing in Beijing. But how did he prepare
to deal with the bad air? “Other than pulling my treadmill into the garage,
starting the car and hoping I come out two hours later,” he told the
Kingston Whig-Standard, “there isn’t really a lot I can do to get ready for
it.” . . . Syndicated columnist Norman Chad is ready for the next couple of
weeks: “I would’ve thought 200 hours of Olympic TV were sufficient; NBC and
its cable networks will have 3,600 hours — 2,900 of them live — over 17
days. You do the math. It also will provide 2,200 live hours of coverage
online. I believe my microwave oven will be carrying synchronized swimming
most of next week.”
After Greg Norman paid the price for a divorce and then remarried, the
headline at SportsCurmudgeon.com read: I’ll take Chris Evert for $103
million, Alex. . . . Mike DiFelice, 39, is a catcher working to get back to
the big leagues just one more time. And, yes, he is with the Durham Bulls.
“The first day when he came here, he said, ‘Don’t anyone ever call me Crash’
and so I always call him Crash,” his wife, Tish, told the Raleigh News &
Observer. “He’s like, ‘I just told all the guys not to call me Crash,’ and
I’m like, ‘Yeah, but I’m your wife. I can call you Crash.’ We have a very
sarcastic relationship.” . . . Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times added: “No
word on whether that means Crash gets to call her Annie.” . . . And if you
don’t get any of that, you should spend tonight watching Bull Durham, which
is to baseball what Slap Shot is to hockey.
The day after the Boston Red Sox dealt Manny Ramirez to the Los Angeles
Dodgers, the Boston Herald headlined its story: Sox Bid Bum Adieu. . . .
That, of course, is a takeoff on the headline The New Yorker used on the
classic John Updike essay written after Ted Williams’ final game in the
autumn of 1960. That headline read: Hub Fans Bid Kid Adieu. . . . Now that
the Saskatchewan Roughriders finally have lost a CFL game, it is more likely
that athletic therapist Colin (Toledo) Robinson will be at least bearable
when the Kamloops Blazers open training camp. . . . My week’s lottery
winnings include “2.5 million pounds sterling” from the Lottery
International Programme. And, you’re right, nothing from the big 6/49 pot.
Theo Fleury, the former NHL star, is prepped to make his professional
baseball debut with the Golden league’s Calgary Vipers today in a
doubleheader against the Yuma Scorpions. Game 1, at Calgary’s Foothills
Stadium, starts at 5:05 p.m. . . . Fleury, who is expected to DH, signed a
contract Thursday and there’s a rumble out there that says he may even play
a little second base. One thing is for certain — he won’t embarrass himself.
. . . The Vipers had former Stampeders quarterback Doug Flutie taking
batting practice and working in the infield a week ago. . . . Now that the
long weekend is over and all the big spending Albertans have gone home,
perhaps we can reclaim the left lane on our highways, at least until the
Labour Day weekend. . . . Social note: Sean Avery, newly signed with the
Dallas Stars, is dating Kelly Klein, who would be Calvin’s ex. . . . Avery
is 28; Ms. Klein is 51. . . . She shoots! He scores! . . . Hey, America,
you’ve got to admit that Paris for President has a certain ring to it.
Remember the elderly gentleman who kept serving up those gopher balls to
Josh Hamilton in the Home Run Derby? His name is Clay Council and he is 71
years of age. Asked by si.com about the secret of his longevity, he replied:
“Good, clean living. Don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Don’t run around with loose
women. That’s what I told my doctor. I said, ‘You reckon I’ll live to 100?’
He said, ‘You don’t do any of that, so why would you want to live to 100?’ ”
. . . Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “If you do the math,
shouldn’t Madonna have just adopted A-Rod?” . . . One more from Lupica:
“Every time I even see another Beijing sunset on television, I start
coughing.”
You have noticed, of course, that the price of oil is falling faster than
Marian Jones’ credibility, but the price of gas at the pumps isn’t exactly
keeping pace. And, gee, I bet you are absolutely stunned. . . . Actor (?)
Gary Coleman was the leadoff batter for the Madison Mallards in a Northwoods
League game the other night. “Looks like you’re going to have a short
night,” home-plate umpire Jack Herbert said to the 4-foot-8 Coleman who
stepped into the batter’s box carrying a corked bat. Coleman was ejected
before he saw even one pitch. . . . I don’t want to say I’m absent-minded
but I’m on a first-name basis with the 250 lady. . . . Former Kamloops
sniper Brock Nixon, unable to land so much as a pro tryout to this point,
will attend the U of Calgary and play alongside Reid Jorgensen and the
plethora of other ex-Blazers who skate for the Dinosaurs.
Brett Lawrie, the catcher/third baseman from Langley, signed with the
Milwaukee Brewers this week but won’t play professionally until next season.
Instead, the 16th pick in June’s amateur draft is in Beijing with the
Canadian baseball team. Perhaps he’ll buy lunch for the boys with a chunk of
his US$1.6-million signing bonus. . . . Rick Chandler, over at Deadspin:
“The NFL is rolling out a Fan Code of Conduct, and be advised that if you
don’t follow it to the letter, you’ll be pummeled like a Tibetan monk at a
Chinese police picnic. Among other things, ‘unruly’ or ‘disruptive’
behaviour is forbidden. Also, ‘abusive language.’ They might as well sell
the Jets right now.” . . . “American swimmer Amanda Beard protested
Wednesday in Beijing on behalf of the People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals,” writes Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times. “Presumably doing
so in China was a better idea than protesting on behalf of People for the
Ethical Treatment of People.”
Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is
at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.