Keeping Score

Patrick Reusse, in the Minneapolis Star Tribune: “The steroid web now includes Clemens, Bonds and Rodriguez — the equivalent of Jordan, Bird and Magic being caught fixing NBA games, and Baseball Bud simply goes on, apologizing and worrying about Netherlands vs. Venezuela.” . . . Mike Bianchi, in the Orlando Sentinel: “Bud Selig says he is thinking about attaching an asterisk to Barry Bonds’ home-run record and reinstating Hank Aaron as the home-run king. I’ve got a better idea. Why not just put an asterisk on Selig’s entire reign as the overseer of the sport. *Baseball presided over by clown commissioner whose head was in the sand the whole time.” . . . The St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s Jeff Gordon asks: “Since Selig is getting paid $18 million to lead, shouldn’t he actually lead?”

The New York Post reports that Baseball Bud now can prepare to read Darryl Strawberry’s bio, titled Straw: Finding My Way. Strawberry apparently is telling all about his days with the Mets in the 1980s. “(Beer) was the foundation of our alcoholic lifestyle,” he writes. “We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke.” . . . The goofy part of all that is happening in baseball is that one man is more credible than all the rest. “I think I have the ear of the nation now,” Jose Canseco says. “I think everyone realizes I have not in any way, shape or form tried to create smoke and mirrors like Major League Baseball has and the players have. I have been excruciatingly honest about what’s going on in baseball.”

According to Janice Hough, the Left Coast Sports Babe, the science of steroids has gained from Alex Rodriguez having tested positive. As she puts it: “Now we know steroids don’t work in October.” . . . Ted Wyman, in the Winnipeg Sun: “Great act scheduled for the Playhouse tonight — world famous, pot-smoking trio Cheech, Chong and Phelps.” . . . Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “If you get wiser as you get older, how do we explain Bud Selig and Bobby Knight? Knight says Gatorade is a performance-enhancing drug. Selig seems lost in space, overwhelmed by events.” . . . Now that everyone has had their say, do you think we can just get on with the hockey tournament known as KIBIHT? After all, it is for the kids, isn’t it?

Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue has been on the shelves for a few days now. Where is the outrage? . . . Gary Loewen, in the Toronto Sun: “Just wondering. Shouldn’t Beach Volleyball Magazine put out an annual streetclothes edition?” . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “We might be in a national recession, but the Marlins' Dan Uggla was awarded a $5.35-million salary in arbitration. Cannot confirm that the ballclub immediately asked the federal government for a bailout.” . . . One more from Cote: “Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit issue is out. Featured is Andy Roddick's girlfriend Brooklyn Decker. I promise to never again accuse Andy of having a bad year.”

You may recall hearing A-Rod say that one of the reasons he used performance-enhancing drugs while with the Texas Rangers was the pressure of living up to his huge contract. To which NBC-TV’s Conan O’Brien responded: “Which makes you wonder what kind of steroids Oprah is on.” . . . Is it too early to suggest Cory Clouston as the NHL’s coach of the year? . . . The Modesto Bee reports that the folks in power have decided to subject high school cheerleaders in Visalia, Calif, to random drug testing. As Drew Curtis over at Fark.com put it: “2-4-6-8 — everybody urinate.”

In case you missed it, the Kootenay International Junior Hockey League, of which the Kamloops Storm is a member, monkeyed with its playoff format on Tuesday, just one week before those playoffs are to start. I dare you to try and keep track of the KIJHL’s playoffs, which open with a mess of round-robin and best-of-seven series. . . . And then there is the Vancouver Island Junior Hockey League, a junior B circuit on Vancouver Island, where the Westshore Stingers went 0-48-0. But guess what? Yes, they are in the playoffs. They get to face the first-place Peninsula Panthers, who went 35-8-5.

Dwight Perry, in the Seattle Times: “Mets pitcher Mike Pelfrey, playing golf with four teammates in Florida last week, flipped the cart he was driving when a tire caught a sand trip. If you’re scoring at home, that’s one run, one hit, one error and nobody left on.” . . . Tim Keown, at ESPN.com: “If you truly believe (Alex Rodriguez) didn’t know exactly what he was taking or what it might do, and if you truly believe he and his nameless cousin just cooked up this plan like a couple of desperate, broke guys plotting a robbery, then good luck to you as you await your fortune from a Nigerian bank account.” . . . . Richard Sandomir, in the New York Times: “Every time Alex Rodriguez defaulted Tuesday to saying he was stupid, naïve or ignorant for taking steroids, I thought of Dean Wormer’s words to the flunking frat boy Flounder in ‘Animal House:’ ‘Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.’”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca and gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.