Keeping Score

Cam Hutchinson, in the Saskatoon StarPhoenix: “Seven players, including captain Tomas Ujfalusi, were kicked off the Czech Republic soccer team this week after being caught with prostitutes the same night they lost a World Cup qualifying game. With the pressure of the World Cup, I'm thinking the players wanted a friendly.” . . . One more from Hutchinson: “It is sad and pathetic to see photos of John Daly selling memorabilia from a bus outside the entrance of Augusta National. Once arguably the most loveable character in golf, I'm thinking Daly is now a bad haircut and dye job from becoming Pete Rose.” . . . British heavyweight boxer David Haye is to scrap with Wladimir Klitschko on June 20 in Frankfurt. As Haye told BBC Sport: “I'm a man on a mission to save boxing from this Eastern European invasion of Ivan Drago clones."

Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Mike (Sigmund) Singletary says the 49ers won’t consider Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford because at the NFL combine Stafford seemed reluctant to talk to the 49ers’ psychologist about his parents’ divorce some years prior. Here’s hoping that Beaver Cleaver is still on the board when the 49ers draft.” . . . Of the four NHL players involved in the Kamloops Blazers’ ownership group, only defenceman Darryl Sydor won’t play hockey this spring. His Dallas Stars didn’t make the playoffs. You can bet that Sydor, 37, won’t want his career to end like that. . . . While Mark Recchi (Boston Bruins) and Jarome Iginla (Calgary Flames) are involved in playoff hockey, Shane Doan (Phoenix Coyotes) will play for Canada at the World championship in Switzerland. . . . It says here that the only way Recchi, 41, considers retirement is if the Bruins win the Stanley Cup.

Hey, TSN, you should know that LGIW bought me an iPod. Yes, I now am of the iPod Nation. Which means you may pre-empt PTI whenever you want because it’s available via podcast. And you also should know that listening to the podcast allows one to hear the whole show, including the last three minutes. . . . The death this week of Mark (The Bird) Fidrych brings back a lot of memories. Will baseball ever again see something like The Bird on his hands and knees working on the mound, then standing up and talking to the baseball? . . . “He set me straight on talking to the ball,” wrote Michael Rosenberg of the Detroit Free Press. "He said that wasn't what he was doing. He was talking to himself, demanding he get his act in gear. But with the Bird, people saw what they wanted to see. It was too irresistible."

Gary Loewen, in the Toronto Sun: “Question to those who watched the final round of the Masters on CBS: Is it possible we missed coverage of one of Tiger Woods' practice swings?” . . . Here’s what Cory Clouston is up against as head coach of the NHL’s Ottawa Senators. Mike Fisher is dating singer Carrie Underwood, Mike Comrie and Hilary Duff have been an item for a while now, and Chris Campoli is going out with model Gia Allemand. As Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press notes: “No wonder they didn't make the playoffs.” . . . By now you have seen and heard Susan Boyle somewhere on the Internet. Which means that by now you're wondering when we're going to find out it's all an Internet scam perpetrated by the nefarious Simon Cowell.

When GM Brian Burke of the Toronto Maple Leafs stood in front of the media this week and delivered his State of the Laffs address, why didn’t he just tell John Tavares not to bother reporting to the New York Islanders or Tampa Bay Lightning, who hold the first two selections in the 2009 draft? . . . Jeff Blair of The Globe and Mail points out that next season the Rogers Centre, formerly SkyDome, will be the eighth-oldest park in Major League Baseball. “Look,” Blair writes, “I’m just throwing this out. I’d rather extend subway lines, get the sewage out of the house safely and keep swimming pools and libraries open. But the debate’s a-comin’, at a time when it appears we won’t be able to prevent the NFL from imposing the Buffalo Bills on us, and at a time when politicians are musing about grand schemes and shovels in the ground.”

The Toronto Sun’s Steve Simmons, with some history for Maple Laffs’ fans: “Luke Schenn said he remembered watching the Leafs in the playoffs but what he didn't say was that he was probably playing bantam hockey at the time. Officially, Schenn was 14 years old when Jeremy Roenick scored an overtime goal on May 4, 2004, to eliminate the Leafs in, if you can believe it, the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.” . . . The Laffs haven’t been in a playoff game since Roenick’s goal. . . . Here’s Simmons, before the U.S. and Canada met for women’s hockey gold on Sunday: “Today is the 12th gold-medal game in the 12-year history of the women's world hockey championship and the 12th time Canada and the United States will play for the big prize. Not even Vince McMahon can make sport this predictable. And tell me again, how a sport with only two teams in the world deserves membership in the Hockey Hall of Fame?”

A few days ago, the first sports page of this daily journal carried a photo of a rather larger hamburger. Well, the West Michigan Whitecaps played their home-opener last week and, yes, the big burger was available at the concession stand. All told, 107 fans bought one — and 17 of them did eat the whole thing. Which might be the first time in history that one baseball game featured 17 grand slams. . . . Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “The 364 people who still attend (Florida) Marlins games sure are lucky to watch Hanley Ramirez every day.” . . . One more from Lupica: “Lance Armstrong saying he had to go take a shower when the dope testers came calling — that's like the cycling version of the dog ate Lance's homework, right?”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca and gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score returns May 16.