Keeping Score

After that goofy Chicago Cubs fan dumped his beer on Philly outfielder Shane Victorino, Neil Hayes of the Chicago Sun-Times noted: “When you consider the culture at Wrigley Field — a culture the club has promoted through the years — combined with the age of the average bleacher dweller, it’s a wonder opposing outfielders don’t wear rain gear and umbrella hats.” . . . The hills are alive with the news that a Bob Dylan Christmas album is soon to drop. I can hardly wait to hear him do O Little Town of Bethlehem. . . . According to Reuters, Britain’s Uncut magazine has poked fun at Dylan’s Christmas spirit, suggesting the album could include A Hard Reindeer’s A-Gonna Fall, Sleigh Lady Sleigh and Girl From The North Pole Country.
Phil Mushnick, in the New York Post, with his take on baseball and performance-enhancers: “The truth may be burdensome but it should never be unbearable. Those who would demand that the search for truth be suspended are those who should be most feared and condemned. The truth may be redundant and become boring, but it’s too valuable to be shouted down or eliminated. After all, if not for truth-seekers and truth-tellers, MLB players — and more than a few — by now might be hitting 85 home runs, being paid by the yard and being found dead in hotel rooms, two per month, like pro wrestlers. If the truth’s important, you can’t get tired of it. You can’t.” . . . One more from Mushnick: “Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, murderer of 270 people aboard Pan-Am Flight 103 in 1988, last week was released from a Scottish prison wearing, for the world to see, a Nike cap. He must have thought he was being flown to Libya on Air Jordan.”
Third-baseman Kyle Dhanani, who was drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers off the TRU WolfPack’s roster in June, has moved from the Pioneer League’s Helena, Mont., Brewers to the Midwest League’s Wisconsin Timber Rattlers. He hit .267 in 27 games at Helena before being moved from rookie to Class A. The Timber Rattlers play out of Appleton. . . . The Left Coast Sports Babe, after Brett Favre signed with the Minnesota Vikings: “At least we won’t have to worry about seeing Favre on the celebrity version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? He could never get past ‘Is that your final answer?’ ” . . . Here was the Sports Babe’s headline after Y.E. Yang won the PGA Championship: Hidden Dragon; Ouching Tiger.
There will be at least 18 competitors from Kamloops taking part in the Subaru Ironman Canada in Penticton on Sunday. That includes Candy Scheifele, whose occupation is shown on the Ironman website as “dominatrix.” Which leads one to wonder: Will she be trying to whip the competition or just trying to dominate it? . . . Gary Loewen, in the Toronto Sun: “Three members of the Nippon Ham Fighters baseball team are suffering from swine flu. Hopefully they will be cured soon.” . . . Former Blazers defenceman Victor Bartley will be going to training camp with the AHL’s Bridgeport Sound Tigers.
The most-telling part of an Associated Press report yesterday from The Barclays: “Tiger Woods bogeyed his final hole for a 72 and was eight shots behind. He refused to speak to the media for the second straight day.” . . . Had he shot 62 do you suppose Tiger might have held court? . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “Mexico beat the U.S. 2-1 in World Cup qualifying, leaving us 0-23-1 on Mexican soil. Which means we stop Mexicans in soccer about as successfully as we stop them from illegally crossing our border.” . . . If Michael Jackson hasn’t yet been buried, does that mean his body is on ice somewhere? If so, do you suppose he and Ted Williams are conversing somewhere? Listen! That’s Teddy Ballgame telling the King of Pop: “Get one good pitch and hit it hard.”
Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “Don’t you wish John Calipari had coached the Maple Leafs? Then an entire season of results could be wiped out.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: John Calipari promises Kentucky a vacated NCAA title within five years. . . . Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “Since the NCAA is back in the vacating business with Memphis, when does it start prosecuting across the land for all the inappropriate contact between agents and all those scholar-athletes we hear about in the television commercials?”
Outfielder Tyson Gillies of Kamloops continues to impress with the California League’s High Desert Mavericks, an affiliate of the Seattle Mariners. He went into Friday among the league leaders in batting (.338, fourth), hits (155, fourth), runs (94, tied for second), stolen bases (41, second), onbase percentage (.430, first) and OPS (.914, sixth). The five hitters ahead of him in OPS (onbase plus slugging percentages) all are home run hitters. . . . Ron Judd, in the Seattle Times: “Lost in the puffery over the defeat of Seattle’s bag tax was the release of a study by a Japanese chemist suggesting plastic shopping bags, well-known for their refusal to break down in landfills, eventually do break down, over time, in saltwater. Clearly, we should be tossing less of them in the dump and more of them into the ocean.” . . . He was kidding, folks. Uhh, I think. . . . One more from Judd: “Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new high, nearly 78 years, a government report says. Great. So much for ever getting a parking spot at Denny’s.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca and gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.