Keeping Score

Is this a Tiger-free zone? . . . What do you think? . . . Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen points out: “The irony gods are relentless; the Chinese zodiac’s Year of the Tiger begins the day after Valentine’s Day, 2010.‚‚ . . . Curtis Stock, in the Edmonton Journal: “I guess it isn’t Jack Nicklaus (who) has to worry about Woods breaking his records. It’s Wilt Chamblerlain, who, in his 1991 autobiography, wrote that he had sex with 20,000 women.” . . . Then there was comedy writer Alex Kaseberg who, in noting that the number of alleged mistresses was into double digits, said: “Even NBA players are saying, ‘Dude, give it a rest.’ ” . . . You knew, of course, that the blue movie industry would get involved, but did you know that the movie under production carries the title Tiger’s Wood? . . . And here I thought Elin used a 3-iron to beat up the Escalade. . . . I don’t what it means but Tiger does have Dana White and Ron Artest in his corner. . . .
Things got to the point where even host Bob Schieffer of the CBS news program Face the Nation felt obliged to chime in: “As his life came apart, (Woods) was still complaining about being put upon, about not being able to lead a normal life. Sorry, Tiger. We all make mistakes, but if you wanted to be normal, you should’ve taken (golf legend Arnold Palmer’s) advice: Just play golf with your friends on Saturdays, like the rest of us.” . . . Ian Hamilton, in the Regina Leader-Post: “One report this week said that Woods and his wife, Elin Nordegren, may leave their home in Florida and move to her native Sweden. That seems fitting: Sweden is part of Scandalnavia, y’know.” . . . Jeff Gordon, in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “During Tiger’s PGA Tour sabbatical, perhaps he will learn all the things he missed during his meteoric rise to fame and fortune — such as the value of using separate cell phones for your ‘special ops’ manoeuvres.” . . .
Bill Simmons, over at ESPN.com, has some tips for philandering athletes, one of which is: “Never get involved with a girl whose name ends with two n’s or two e’s, or a girl who has a name with two k’s or two x’s back to back.” . . . And just when you think things are quieting down on the Tiger front, along comes a doctor with links to HGH who has visited Woods in his home on at least four occasions. . . . And now Woods finds himself being mentioned in the same sentences as Barry Bonds. . . . Bill Plaschke, in the Los Angeles Times: “Even those guys wearing plaid pants and fat cigars don’t much tolerate golf cheats. If golf fans go nuts when they think a guy is using a juiced driver, imagine what they’ll think about a juiced body.” . . . Phil Mushnick, in the New York Post: “Tiger Woods is no longer good enough to speak for Gillette, but Vince McMahon is?” . . .
I don’t think Tiger will be competing in the Swedish Open for a while. His soon to be ex-wife has become rather popular in her home country. Columnist Britta Svensson, in the tabloid Expressen: “Our Swedish hearts are overwhelmed with pride, because our very own Elin didn’t take any (bleep). Just like a tough Swedish girl shouldn’t. Elin is our heroine.” . . . Jan Helin, the editor-in chief of Aftonbladet, wrote: “Swing it again, Elin!” . . . And then there was Aftonbladet reporter Ann Soderlund, who put it this way: “Thank God for girls like Elin. Next time, I hope she uses a bigger club.” . . .
It would seem that the Golden Baseball League won’t be operating out of Kamloops in 2010, but it may have a team in Palm Springs, Calif. The GBL announced this week that there will be a team there in 2010 or 2011, depending upon when a deal with a ballpark can be done. . . . Are you ready for a couple of weeks of Gord Miller telling you that this is the best hockey he has ever seen? Are you ready to watch hockey while a guy named Pierre yells at you? . . . Yes? . . . Enjoy the world junior championship. . . . Of course, Canada wins the gold medal and sets the stage for the Olympic Winter Games in February. . . . You have to love the roster sheet for the Westsyde Whundas senior boys basketball team. It seems Ryan Porter is the coach, assistant coach, manager, trainer, team driver, half-time orange slicer, team shrink and stats keeper, while Kent Lapa is the team yoga instructor, head of security and team shoulder to cry on. What? No chef? . . .
Hey, Minnesota Vikings fans, isn’t this about when quarterback Brett Favre starts throwing picks? . . . Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets rushed off the court during the fourth quarter of a recent game. Asked later what was going on, he replied: “I got Kaopectate in my hand. You guys do the math.” . . . Social note: Word on the street is that Kate Hudson and A-Rod have been to Splitsville. . . . How popular is Kamloops Blazers head coach Guy Charron? Well, I was tooling around the Internet one night this week and stumbled upon classicauctions.net, where a game-worn Charron jersey from the 1974-75 Kansas City Scouts had just sold for $3,146. Bidding opened at $1,000 and the 11th bid got it. . . .
A tip of the cap to the local female peewee team that was in Revelstoke last weekend. The gent who refereed the game was impressed enough with their play and their sportsmanship to drop a line to the KMHA. Kudos to coach Jen Price and her girls. Well done! . . . TRU hockey player David Boychuk will head for Boston later this month. He wants to watch his brother, Bruins defenceman Johnny Boychuk, play in the Winter Classic. . . . Terrell Owens — yes, that T.O. — has signed with a modeling agency. As he explained: “When you’ve got some good looks like myself, you’ve got to take full advantage of it.” . . . If you’re already planning next year’s Christmas shopping, you may want to consider Danica Patrick’s signature fragrance that will be on shelves in February. Just in case, as Drew Curtis of Fark.com, put it, “You want your lady to smell like motor oil, burning rubber and gasoline.” . . . Bill Plunkett of the Orange County Register, describing last week’s baseball winter meetings in Indianapolis: “When it was all said and done, a lot more was said than done.” . . . If you’re wondering what kind of player outfielder Tyler Gillies of Kamloops is, here’s a scouting report from si.com: “The 21-year-old outfielder from Canada is built like a sprinter and has the speed to match. What type of hitter he’ll be is still a question, but he could turn into a Shane Victorino-type with better speed.”

We’re shutting it down here for a couple of weeks over the holidays. Here’s to a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all, thanks for being here, and we’ll see you in 2010.

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca and gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score returns in January.