The judges for the quote-of-the-year contest are done. This is it. It’s L.A. Lakers head coach Phil Jackson, with --some advice to the Crying Boys (aka Miami Heat): “This is the NBA: No Boys Allowed. Big boys don’t cry. But, if you’re going to do it, do it in the toilet where no one can see.” . . . If the NHL considers shootouts to be such an integral part of its game, why do shootout victories no longer count in the tiebreaking procedure should teams be tied in the standings come the end of the regular season? . . . Because the shootout is a gimmick, just like the bearded lady at the summer fair. . . . A recently released study claims that women who drink booze are less likely to be obese than those who don’t. To which Jay Leno noted: “All this time, you’ve been on Jenny Craig while you should have been on Johnny Walker.” . . .
The NHL is abdicating its responsibility to the game of hockey when it chooses not to suspend Boston Bruins defenceman Zdeno Chara for that ugly hit on Montreal Canadiens forward Max Pacioretty. The call on the ice was a major penalty for interference. Pacioretty suffered a serious neck/head injury. The NHL owed it to hockey at all levels to suspend Chara for at least two games for what obviously was a dangerous hit. . . . NHL honcho Mike Murphy, who made the ruling on Chara, said it was a “hockey play.” No, it wasn’t. It was an illegal hockey play and should have been treated as such. . . . Chara skates away with nothing and the next day the NHL suspends Tampa Bay Lightning defenceman Pavel Kubina for three games. Kubina’s crime? An elbow came into contact with the head of Chicago Blackhawks forward Dave Bolland. No, it wasn’t a good play and as a headshot it begged for discipline, but — geez, Louise — it didn’t even knock Bolland off his feet, while Pacioretty ended up in hospital. . . .
About the same time that the NHL gave Chara his Get Out of Jail Free card, the Canadian Curling Association was debating the case of P.E.I. skip Eddie (Spuds) MacKenzie. His crime? Getting routed 11-1 by Ontario’s Glenn Howard in a game that wasn’t being televised, MacKenzie and his boys called it quits. Except that CCA rules require teams to play a minimum of seven ends at the Brier. . . . Each player on the MacKenzie rink is likely to be fined $500. Maybe Chara could play at least part of the fine. . . . By the way, for Chara to say that he “had no idea (Pacioretty) was on the ice. I had no idea it was him” is disingenuous at best. Somehow I don’t think he became one of the NHL’s top defencemen by not knowing who is on the ice when he’s out there. . . .
Plaxico Burress — remember him? — should be out of jail in June and you can bet that more than one NFL team will want to sign the receiver. But, considering the NFL’s labour situation, Budd Bailey of the Buffalo News wrote: “He could be going from locked up to locked out.” . . . Eventually, Charlie Sheen, he of the more than two million Twitter followers, will be back on TV and he’ll be making more money than ever. Is America a great country, or what? . . .
If you’re a baseball fan, you may want to check out the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame’s fantasy pool. One of the prizes is a bat signed by Joey Votto, Justin Morneau and Larry Walker, the three Canadian MVPs. It’ll cost you $10 and it’ll give you a summer of fun. More details at baseballhalloffame.ca. . . . Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press wants to know: “Whose season seems most likely to be cancelled by a lockout next season? a) The NFL. b) The NBA. c) Two and a Half Men.” . . . A tweet from Allan Maki of The Globe and Mail: “The Miami Heat just heard about the Chara ruling and, according to their coach, ‘There are a couple of guys crying in the locker room.’ ” . . .
Alaska Airlines recently paid US$700,000 to have its logo on the floor at Hec Edmundson Arena in Seattle, the home of the U of Washington Huskies basketball teams. Ron Judd of the Seattle Times watched a recent game between the Huskies and UCLA that was televised on ESPN2 and noted: “Must have been so rewarding for Alaska brass to see the Huskies race across that logo for a win as an ESPN2 announcer gushed: ‘Cheers are ringing around the American Airlines Arena!’ ” . . . It’s almost time for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Hopefully you are more prepared for it than comedy writer Jerry Perisho, who notes: “Every time I try to focus on selecting the Final Four in March Madness, Charlie Sheen, Moammar Gadhafi, Sarah Palin and Lindsay Lohan come to mind.” . . .
Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “So The Ohio State University cheats at football, just like so many other major college programs trying to get ahead in the game. Welcome to the club, coach Jim Tressel. It turns out that even Mister Rogers ignores NCAA rules.” . . . Hey, how about the job turned in the other day by Damien Rubino, a soccer referee in Argentina. In one game, he handed out 36 red cards. It seems the teams got to fighting and some coaches and fans got involved. So he red-carded everyone, except for Zdeno Chara. . . . Len Berman, at thatssports.com: “Horse of the year Rachel Alexandra is pregnant. She was introduced to two-time horse of the year Curlin in a breeding shed. He had her at “neigh.”
Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. Email him at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca, follow him at twitter.com/gdrinnan, or visit his blogat gdrinan.blogspot.com.Keeping Score appears Saturdays.
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