After Sports Illustrated picked the Chicago Cubs to finish last in the NL Central, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg hit a home run: “Whoa, way to go out on a limb, Sports Illustrated. Next thing you know you’ll pick a Kenyan to win a marathon.” . . . Here’s Kaseberg again, this time after American fans at a World Cup qualifier in Mexico complained that beer had been thrown at them: “Really, beer? You go to Mexico and cheer against Mexico? You’re lucky your head and body didn’t end up in different vans.” . . .
A tweet from Mike Vaccaro of the New York Post, after Tianlang Guan, 14, was penalized for slow play at the Masters on Friday: “Augusta National didn't accept first African-American member until 1990 & first female member until 2012. THAT'S what you call slow play.” . . . And here’s Bob Irving of Winnipeg radio station CJOB, tweeting what a lot of golf fans were thinking: “Guan gets a one-stroke penalty for slow play . . . think they would have the guts to call that on Tiger who always takes his sweet time?” . . .
Someone took the time to count the number of words spoken by Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 2. They came up with 700, for which he was paid US$15 million. . . . When news hit that North Korea was moving into position a missile that might be capable of reaching the U.S., blogger TC Chong of Richmond reacted: “Satellite surveillance confirms the weapon is being transported via rail. The good news is, there is no sign of the gigantic rubber band that will be needed to launch it.” . . .
Goaltender Marcus Beesley, who started this season with the junior B Kamloops Storm and finished with the Nelson Leafs, says he’ll play next season with the BCIHL’s Selkirk College Saints. Beesley, who is from Prince George, spent three seasons in the KIJHL. . . . If you haven’t heard, there is a project afoot to send four people to Mars on one-way tickets. Which caused Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn to wonder: “Has Jose Canseco ever had astronaut training?” . . .
“This week's viral video shows two upright deer delivering blows to each other's head until one goes down,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Not exactly Marquez-Paquiao, although I suspect it involved some doe.” . . . One more from Currie: “Have you seen Nike's new ad featuring Tiger Woods and the tagline Winning Takes Care of Everything? Two words for Nike: Lance Armstrong.” . . .
If you missed it, forward Aaron Gagnon, the pride of Armstrong, scored his first NHL goal on Tuesday night in his third game of the season with the Winnipeg Jets. Overall, it was game No. 31, the first 21 of which were with the Dallas Stars. Gagnon was born in Quesnel, raised in Armstrong and played five seasons for the WHL’s Seattle Thunderbirds. . . . Obviously, the first one was fun, because Gagnon scored No. 2 on Thursday. . . . “The Olympic poobahs are trying to come up with new stuff for the Brazil Olympics,” notes Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, in looking ahead to 2016, “and some of the events being considered are 3-on-3 basketball and BMX freestyle which is essentially doing tricks on bicycles. I have one question. Are these the Olympic games or Barnum and Bailey?” . . .
Yes, it’s true. Mark Cuban, the owner of the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks, has said he would be interested in drafting Baylor centre Brittney Griner. So ESPN.com asked Miami Heat forward Shane Battier if that would be a good idea, or if she would be just a sideshow. "Listen,” Battier responded, “this whole (NBA) is a sideshow — what's one more trailer?" . . . “Shockingly,” writes Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, “the cool billion slapped onto the rosewood by local .000001-percenter Steve Ballmer and former Seattleite Chris Hansen to resurrect the Seattle Sonics failed to win over the country clubbers who run the NBA, or their ethically challenged bag man, David Stern. They ‘need more time’ to decide whether to screw over Sacramento, or take advantage of a truly unique opportunity: to re-screw defending champion chump Seattle. Translation: Additional greasing must commence, in both places.” . . .
One more women’s world hockey championship has been decided and, unfortunately for the game, this one played out like all the rest. That means there were lopsided scores and it ended with the Canadians and Americans in the final. If ever a sport needed one or two more competitive teams, this is it. . . . If you like great stories and if you haven’t already seen it, you won’t want to miss the documentary film Searching for Sugar Man. What an amazing story, and with great music, too. . . .
The first round of the NFL draft is scheduled for April 25 at Radio City Music Hall in New York. Kevin Costner will be there, too. He is to play the general manager of the Cleveland Browns in a movie titled Draft Day. That movie will be filming at the draft. . . . Aside to Dave Sims, one of the play-by-play voices of the Seattle Mariners: Who is Guti? Or is it Gutti? . . . Reliever Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees is into his final season. Earlier this week, he met with 25 employees – ushers, ticket takers, etc. – of the Cleveland Indians, simply because he wanted to thank them. As they chatted, Rivera asked: “Where’s the drummer?" Yes, John Adams was there. Rivera told him: “Hey, you the man . . . being loyal, being there day in and day out. I really respect that." You may not like the Yankees, but you have to like Rivera.
(Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca, gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears Saturdays, except when it doesn’t.)
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