Headline at TheOnion.com: Dwight Howard interested in ruining Rockets. . . . “Have you noticed how the members of the Hockey Night in Canada panel roll their eyes when P.J. Stock is talking?” asks Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “Clearly, he should be sent down to TSN for seasoning.” . . . George Brett joined the Kansas City Royals as their hitting coach on Thursday. The first thing he did was show the boys how to use pine tar. . . .
One night last week, the Florence, Ky., Freedom held Lennay Kekua bobblehead night. In honour of Manti Te’o’s fake girlfriend, the first 1,000 fans through the gates received empty boxes. . . . You are aware, of course, that the Montreal Impact and host Vancouver Whitecaps combined to score four goals in a soccer game on Wednesday night. That was one more goal than was scored by the Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Sharks in Game 7 of their NHL playoff series, and by the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings in Game 7 of their series. So, please, no more soccer jokes. OK? . . .
You may have heard that North Korea recently test-fired four long-range missiles, none of which managed to get very far. As Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times put it: “That’s 0-for-4 with four pop-ups, if you’re scoring at home.” . . . “Apparently,” writes Janice Hough, aka the Left Coast Sports Babe, “if we really want to get voter turnout up in the U.S., all we need to do is offer voters a free Powerball ticket.’’ . . .
Tiger Woods has hired a new public relations outfit to work on reshaping his image. Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn wonders: “Who needs them when he has Sergio Garcia?” . . . Phil Mushnick, in the New York Post: “The problem with Sergio Garcia — before, during and after this extended Tiger Woods affair — is that he is a lot like Woods: brattish, spoiled, temperamental and excessively self-entitled, thus often given to acting like a jerk.” . . . “Sergio Garcia wants to one day beat Tiger head-to-head in a major,” notes Richmond blogger TC Chong. “It’s on his bucket list.” . . . Yes, I am going to miss thost John Tortorella postgame media confrontations. . . .
Here’s Littlejohn, again: “The Cleveland Cavaliers have won the (NBA draft) lottery for the second time in three years. Unfortunately for them, in next year’s draft there doesn’t look like there’s a Sam Bowie available.” . . . Remember when interleague play in Major League Baseball was something to look forward to? . . .
Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III and his bride-to-be registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond. And, yes, they were flooded with gifts. As Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution put it: “Nice to know that so many people who probably wouldn’t give a can of soup for a food drive will buy new sheets for RGIII.” . . . “With Rob Ford’s staffers bailing left and right,” tweets Thumper B, “rumour has it that Justin Bieber and his pet monkey are coming on board to right the ship.” . . .
“Tokyo reportedly has the most millionaires of anywhere in the world,” writes R.J. Currie of SportsDeke.com. “A close second is the New York Yankees clubhouse.” . . . Currie also came up with this one: “Show me a man who thinks baseball statisticians throw the most obscure facts into an argument and I’ll show you a guy who’s never had a wife.” . . . Dylan Willick, who captained the Kamloops Blazers this season, visited McGill University a couple of weeks back. Next week, he’s off to spend some time in Fredericton with head coach Gardiner MacDougall and the New Brunswick Varsity Reds. . . .
“Buzz Aldrin threw out the first pitch at Dodger Stadium,” tweeted Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register earlier this week. “I would have thought second pitch.” . . . One more from Whicker, who, after the Charlotte Bobcats signed an NBA assistant as head coach, tweeted: “How will Lakers get along w/o Steve Clifford? They”ll be down to only 11 asst. coaches.” . . . The price of gasoline dropped by a penny a litre on Thursday. Please, Kamloops, try to restrain yourself. . . .
Earlier this week, Ron Judd of the Seattle Times provided some breaking news involving the Skagit bridge collapse, pointing out that the “NTSB interview of Alberta trucker implicated in collapse delayed by search for Canadian translator.” . . . When the Powerball prize south of the border hit $590 million, David Letterman of CBS-TV noted: “That’s the biggest single jackpot since well, since Tiger Woods’ divorce.”
(Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca , gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears Saturdays, except when it doesn’t.)
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