As the year of the dragon kicks off and we all think about whether or not the Mayan calendar is something we should be worried about or if it's the best PR stunt ever, the folks at Chavez Ravine are steadying for a quake that's got Dodger fans thinking GREEN rather than the familiar BLUE that the sign overlooking Dodger Stadium leads you to believe.The deadline is set and the horses are in the starting gate, all racing to the Jan. 23 finish line in an attempt to buy one of the most storied franchises in baseball.
The gate is stacked with some heavy hitters — Joe Torre quit his job with MLB to get in line; Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has dropped his towel in the ring; the dynamic pair of Steve Garvey and Orel Hershiser is sitting 1 and 1a in the gate and looking like a great bet to win.
There are no sleepers in the field and it's going to be an exciting race as they come around the clubhouse turn.
———
Enjoy Jim Murray's 1978 column "Here We Go Again."
April 7, 1978, SPORTS
Copyright 1978/THE TIMES MIRROR COMPANY
Here We Go Again
Jim Murray
Today is the day a couple hundred bizarrely costumed millionaires step out in the public and begin earning more money faster for doing less than any group since the Hohenzollerns or the Hapsburgs. Never have so many done so little for so much. The baseball season opens.
You can't beat the hours, the working conditions are ideal, and, as Vin Scully would say, there's no heavy lifting. Some of them are going to get almost $5,000 a day for just standing there for an hour chewing gum, or for sitting on a cushioned seat all night trying to stay awake and look interested.
It's called "our national pastime" — and it consists mainly of throwing sockfuls of money at a group of individuals who have a talent so esoteric as to be invisible to three-quarters of the world's population. Guys used to have to have railroads in the family for generations to pile up the kind of money these plutocrats have. They're instant millionaires. Some of them are going from $20,000 a year to $450,000 a year-in one year. Even their agents have fur coats.
The country screams about a coal miners' wage hike, or a steel price increase, but sports stars live in mansions not even the inventor of the open-hearth furnace could afford. Guys who flunk out of high school drive Rolls-Royces while class valedictorians pump gas. Horatio Alger would never believe this world. The only good thing about it is, nobody could fix a World Series any more with these kind of salaries.
But only the wages will change. The game will remain the same. As the season progresses, expect the following events to transpire:
April 12 – The first story speculating on whether Rod Carew will hit .400 will appear. He won't. Neither will anyone else.
April 21 – A wire service story will report Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson no longer speak, which will immediately up Reggie Jackson's batting average by 60 points.
May 1 – Thurman Munson will bite somebody.
May 3 – Of all the free agents signed, the ones with the California Angels will wrench their backs putting out the cat or break their hands pushing a stalled Maserati.
May 10 – Charlie Finley will offer to move his Oakland franchise in any direction as the team shows a minus attendance with more people in the dugouts than the stands, on some nights more umpires than spectators. Bowie Kuhn will nix the deal because it's in the best interests of Charlie Finley.
May 20 – Steve Garvey will go 4 for 4, thereby earning the instant enmity of the rest of the infield, but the Dodgers will continue to lead the league in hugging. And not much else.
May 30 – Jimmy the Greek will pick the wrong teams in all divisions.
June 15 – Because the Yankees are trailing by two games, George Steinbrenner will buy up the American League. Bowie Kuhn will OK it.
July 2 – Howard Cossell will describe a Monday night game — accurately — as "dull." Most people will think he's overrating it. The TV camera will show a designated hitter sound asleep in the dugout, but the letter writers will still say only a Communist wouldn't love baseball.
Aug. 14 – The Baltimore Orioles will threaten to move. The Atlanta Braves will threaten to stay.
Aug. 20 – Nolan Ryan will set a world record for pitches in a single game, 705. This will give him 19,000 for the season, 9,000 strikes, 500 wild, 81 hit batsmen, and the rest bouncers — not to the infield, to the plate.
Oct. 21 – The Philadelphia Phillies will get in the World Series — but not for long. Reggie Jackson will hit a home run every time up, and television will show him doing a commercial for a compact car — which he keeps in the trunk of his Rolls.
And, over the winter, 100 new guys who batted .240 or more will become free agents and sign for an average of $350,000 apiece over the next 10 years, and at the same time the White House will call an emergency conference over whether bituminous coal miners have to buy their own canaries, and if not what it'll do to the country's wage-price spiral. The public will back a baseball players strike to lower the games to seven innings, on grounds the greedy owners only want the extra two innings to sell more peanuts and cracker jacks.
* Reprinted with the permission of the Los Angeles Times.
Jim Murray Memorial Foundation | P.O. Box 995 | La Quinta | CA | 92247
Posts
