In case you missed it, running back Jerome Messam of the Edmonton Eskimos has signed with the NFL’s Miami Dolphins. Now that’s a long, long way from Wally Buono’s doghouse. . . . Messam ran afoul of Buono, then B.C’s GM and head coach, during the Lions’ 2011 training camp and found himself in Edmonton, where he did enough to be named the CFL’s top Canadian player. . . . Now he’s going to go up against Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush, who is the Fish’s featured back. (Hmm, does Bush still have the trophy?) . . . Here’s Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “(Miami) Heat star LeBron James has cultivated a beard that looks as if he is paying homage to Abraham Lincoln. I think he’s taking it too far, though, ever since he replaced his trademark headband with that stovepipe hat.” . . .
Monday Night Football without Ron Jaworski will be like Jaws minus the shark. Jon Gruden wasn’t made for a two-man-in-the-booth broadcasting team. . . . On Thursday, The Canadian Press reported: “Toronto Archbishop Thomas Collins donned a personalized Maple Leafs sweater in St. Peter’s Square at the Vatican on Thursday. He’s one of 23 bishops in Rome this week preparing for elevation into the College of Cardinals.” . . . Seeking support from a higher power for the Maple Leafs is all well and good. But who gets the blame when they don’t make the playoffs? . . . It’s kind of like the baseball slugger who points to the heavens as he crosses home plate after a home run. Why doesn’t he do the same when he strikes out? . . .
Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, on next season’s Hockeytown Winter Festival that will include the Winter Classic game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and Detroit Red Wings: “This is a fan-friendly, week-long event. Now let’s see if there is fan-friendly pricing to go along with it.” . . . He’s kidding, of course. . . . Simmons also pointed out that Mats Sundin made $73,098,546 during his time with the Leafs. . . . Whenever I watch the Winnipeg Jets on TV and hear the play-by-play man say “Hainsey clears the zone” or “Hainsey shoots it in,” I wonder when Ryan Hanes played his first NHL game. . . .
The Minnesota Twins are going to auction off a baseball autographed by — wait for it — Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. The Left Coast Sports Babe responded: “No guesses as to the estimated price, but expect buyer’s remorse 72 days later.’’ . . . Sign of the apocalypse: Earlier this week, the top bid for that baseball was US$1,500, while bidding for a baseball signed by Jim Perry, the 1970 Cy Young Award winner, was at $60. . . . With news that Madonna will perform in the San Jose Sharks’ home arena, The Babe noted: “Unlike the Sharks, however, Madonna has actually made it to a championship game.” . . . And here’s one more from The Babe: “Sports commentators say the PGA tour doesn’t have anyone who’s a Tiger Woods anymore. Heck, even Tiger isn’t Tiger Woods anymore.” . . .
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after checking out the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am one day last week: “There’s always tension surrounding Tiger Woods’ group. A team of grim security cops walks the ropes ahead of Woods, scanning the gallery for people who might attack Woods with cameras and camera phones.” . . . Do we as a sporting society really care about the NHL trade deadline the way TV’s talking heads seem to think we do? . . . Now that the Montreal Canadiens have traded defenceman Hal Gill, what will the talking heads natter about for the next 10 days? . . .
From R.J. Currie at SportsDeke.com: “A toothless Pennsylvania woman charged with alleged armed robbery says she did it because she needed to buy false teeth. Possible plea for leniency? Her gums weren’t loaded.” . . . After the Christian Science Monitor reported that an estimated eight in 10 NFL players are bankrupt two years into their retirement, Currie noted: “This is different than CFL players who are bankrupt two years into their careers.” . . . If you are a baseball fan, you are wondering: What are the Pittsburgh Pirates thinking? If you are a fan of the New York Yankees, you don’t have a problem with whatever they’re thinking in taking right-hander A.J. Burnett from the pinstripes. . . .
The London Daily Mail reports: “A 32-year-old model on her way home from a Super Bowl party — and who held the record for the world’s largest implants — walked away unscathed from a car crash near Houston after her 38KKK breasts acted as de facto airbags.” . . . Sheyla Hershey has been charged with driving while intoxicated after hitting a tree in Houston while on her way home from a Super Bowl party . . . Phil Mushnick, in the New York Post: “It’s clear by now that on the day Tiger Woods retires, Golf Channel, now in NBC’s hands, can cease operations as well.” . . . With the Lingerie Football League on its way to B.C., Richmond blogger T.C. Chong notes: “They will play out of the religious, agricultural-based community of Abbotsford. Approval was granted only when the team said it would put up at least three Hail Marys per game.” . . .
Stephen Colbert of TV’s The Colbert Nation has noted how Jeremy Lin has taken the sporting world by storm. As Colbert put it: “This kid has singlehandedly done the unthinkable: Made people want to watch the New York Knicks!” . . . A tip of the hat to Connor Neufeld, who nailed O Canada prior to the Kamloops Blazers’ game on Tuesday night. . . . The game that followed Neufeld was as good as it gets in the 22-team WHL. While the Blazers’ 5-4 OT victory over the visiting Kelowna Rockets four nights earlier was a fingernails-on-the-backboard game of chip-and-chase, Tuesday’s affair between the Edmonton Oil Kings and Blazers featured a whole lot of line rushes and few stoppages. . . . The way Kamloops defenceman Austin Madaisky is playing of late, you have to wonder how far away he is from a spot with the NHL’s Columbus Blue Jackets. . . . Remember, that’s the Blue Jackets! . . .
Former NBA player Allen Iverson made more than US150 million during his career. Remember seeing him with all those chains around his neck? Well, the Philadelphia Inquirer reports that he owes a jewelry story $860,000 and his bank account is about to be seized. . . . Let’s see AI dribble around that. . . . The inane comment of the week comes from CNN’s Brooke Baldwin. Reporting on the Honduran prison fire that killed 350 inmates, she noted that the jail was “not designed for easy escape.” . . . Hopefully, designers will keep that in mind when they build the new crowbar hotel near Oliver. . . . Humorist Andy Borowitz tweeted: “Jeremy Lin may be the first person with an economics degree from Harvard who is doing something positive with his life.”
(Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca, gdrinnan.blogspot.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.)
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