Keeping Score

From The Daily News of Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008 . . .

Ben Moffitt, a South Florida linebacker, has filed for divorce after five years of marriage. His soon-to-be ex-wife, Shauna, has told the Tampa Tribune that Ben “has never written a paper. Never. Ever. I love him, but he doesn’t know how to spell. He cheats. I’d write his paper and he’d go clean the kitchen.” . . . Jeff Schultz, in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Dr. Phil met the other day with Britney Spears. He later said he will not do a TV special on her mental breakdown, but plans are in the works for an examination on the Falcons’ coaching search.” . . . Excuse me, ma’am, but if RBC hasn’t accepted your nomination of Nick as a local hockey leader by now, I don’t like your chances.
Paul Shirley, who once dreamed of being an NBA player, now plays in Spain and blogs at espn.com. “My writing ‘career’ has wreaked havoc on my basketball ‘career,’ ” he wrote the other day. “Some general managers now question my dedication to the sport; they seem to think the 21 hours each day that I am not working out would be better spent in nobler pursuits than writing. Like fathering illegitimate children or shooting at my illegally procured pit bulls.” . . . Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Marion Jones’ attorneys, desperate to keep her out or prison, say she has suffered enough. For instance, they say sportswriters all over the world have portrayed Jones ‘in the worst light.’ I’m here to make it right. Even though Jones made a mockery of the Olympics, hoodwinked her millions of fans and sought to disgrace anyone who didn’t buy her lies, she looked good in a track suit.”
The Golden Baseball League, which may end up with a franchise in Kamloops for 2009, is saying that it “expects expansion of up to three teams in British Columbia and Washington for 2009 and two to three additional franchises in California and Arizona.” Five more teams would turn the GBL into a 13-team circuit and wouldn’t it be fun to be a part of that? . . . The GBL’s Reno Silver Sox have signed former major leaguer Jeffrey Leonard as their manager. Leonard, 52, spent 14 seasons in the bigs and was a two-time all-star. . . . Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “Wonderful to see another Canadian victory at the world junior hockey championship but I do wonder: Does the Canadian budget for putting together an operation such as this for a two-week tournament surpass all its competitors’ combined?”
The 1972 Miami Dolphins went 14-0 in the regular season, of course, and are proud of it. In fact, they aren’t about to share the glory with the 16-0 New England Patriots. “We were the first ones to climb Mount Everest,” Miami kicker Garo Yepremian said before New England’s 16th victory. “If New England comes and does it, then they can be the second ones. But you usually don’t remember No. 2. I remember Sir Edmund Hillary was the first one to climb Mount Everest. I don’t remember who did it the second time. Do you?” . . . To which Peter Yoon of the Los Angeles Times responded: “Just like no one remembers the second NFL kicker to throw an interception after a blocked field-goal try and have the other team return it for a touchdown in a Super Bowl.” . . . The Dolphins are in the market for a head coach. Noted the Regina Leader-Post’s Ian Hamilton: “One of the leading candidates is Dallas Cowboys assistant head coach Tony Sparano, unless he gets whacked by a rival mob first.”
Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald, writing about Bill Parcells having taken control of the NFL’s Dolphins: “Big Tuna’s title? Executive Vice President of Scaring the Crap Out of Everybody.” . . . Remind you of anyone in these parts? . . . One more from Cote: “Cuba’s Under-23 soccer team will play in Florida for the first time in March. The announcement came early in order to give players who plan to defect plenty of time to make arrangements.” . . . Kevin Baxter, in the Los Angeles Times: “Infielder Cesar Izturis’ contract with the St. Louis Cardinals will pay him $50,000 if he is named most valuable player of the league division series. There is no MVP award in the division series.”
Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, who keeps track of such, has awarded the 2007 Trite Trophy, which goes annually to the worst cliché in sports. Last year the winner was: “It is what it is.” In fact, it was the only two-time winner in the award’s 24-year history. The envelope, please. Collier says the 2007 winner is: “They’re very physical.” In the No. 2 slot is “It is what it is,” with third place going to “Run the table” and “Thrown under the bus” in fourth spot. Still, Collier doesn’t sound convinced about the winner. As he writes: “Are you kiddin’ me? What about ‘Are you kiddin’ me’?” . . . Los Angeles has a lot of things, but it doesn’t have an NFL team. Here’s T.J. Simers, in the Los Angeles Times: “Some people, who live elsewhere, will insist we are missing something because we don’t have a team of our own to get excited about. But then we don’t pay for parking, tickets, concessions or experience a rise in the crime rate with so many more professional athletes living among us. And our dogs don’t have to sleep with one eye open.”
Devon Hester of the Chicago Bears is the greatest kick returner in NFL history. This season, he ran back six kicks for touchdowns. . . . There were seven kick-return TDs in all of the CFL in 2007. . . . Bill Dwyre of the Los Angeles Times, after Roger Clemens’ appearance on 60 Minutes: “His is not a new strategy. It is frequently used by teenagers when cornered by their parents. It is called ‘shout loudly in protest, look offended and talk a lot about things not related to what you are accused of.’ ” . . . You may have heard that the International Tennis Federation has banned Martina Hingis for two years after she tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon last summer. “In a related story,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “Hingis tells CBS’s 60 Minutes she was snorting lidocaine and vitamin B-12.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor
of The Daily News. He is at
gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.