Keeping Score

So . . . you and Jerry Jones are wondering what happend to the Dallas Cowboys. It turns out that the New York Post jinxed them. The Post took Lynsey Nordstrom, a makeup artist and nanny from Seattle who bears a striking resemblance to Jessica Simpson, and planted her in the crowd three rows behind the Cowboys’ sideline area wearing a pink No. 9 Cowboys jersey. “So many people were like, ‘I really thought you were her!’ “ Nordstrom told the Post. At one point, she moved closer to the Cowboys' bench but was challenged by a security guard who told her: “Y’all get back to your seats. We don’t need Jessica Simpson.” . . . If you’re a U.S. college football fan
you already have your eyes on a big, big early-season game. Ohio State visits USC on Sept. 13. Here’s hoping USC does us all a favour and cleans up on Ohio State, thus denying the Buckeyes the opportunity to lay a third straight egg in the BCS championship game.

When the Toronto Maple Laffs played in Anaheim last week it was their second game there in nine years. . . . The Maple Laffs then went on to play the Kings in L.A., their second time there since 1997-98. . . . Hey, NHL, nice scheduling. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Flyers use 3-on-1 breakaway to savagely beat opposing defenceman. . . . The Cowboys last won a playoff
game in 1996. Since then, the New England Patriots have won 16 playoff games. . . . Peter King, at si.com: “Shaun Alexander is not a good football player anymore. A running back has to be hungry to be good. Alexander plays like he just finished the hot-dog-eating contest at Coney Island.”

Roger Clemens was to have played in this week’s Bob Hope Chrysler Classic pro-am, but he pulled out because he had been scheduled to testify before Congress on Wednesday. As Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post noted: “It was a tough choice for Clemens: Either way, bad lies could abound.” . . . According to the New York Post, Mets pitcher John Maine recently followed a female into the women¹s bathroom at a nightclub. According to a Post source,
Maine then asked the woman “if he could try on the little black dress she was wearing.” Wrote Hamilton: “Apparently, the woman gave him the slip.” . . . Cam Hutchinson, in the Saskatoon StarPhoenix: “Here's some good news for Clemens. Among those going to support him at next month's congressional hearing will be Brian Mulroney's family.” . . . Has TRU men's basketball
coach Nevin Gleddie become the CIS version of Bobby Knight, or what? Seven technical fouls and three games in suspensions, so far this season, would seem to indicate Gleddie is on the right road.

Gerry Callahan, in the Boston Herald: “(The AFC title game) is such a lopsided matchup that Tom Brady is thinking of spending a couple of days in Mexico with Jessica Simpson, just to make it fair.” . . . Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Cowboys’ fans are worried about Jessica
Simpson jinxing their quarterback. Me, I’m worried sick about what Tony Romo is doing to Simpson’s career.” . . . Linebacker Greg Ellis of the Dallas Cowboys was The Associated Press' choice as the NFL’s comeback player of the year after playing well following an Achilles injury. David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram noted: "Runner-up was Patriots receiver Randy Moss, who had 1,493 yards and 23 touchdowns after recovering from a severe case of
not wanting to play for the Raiders."

Upon the conclusion of the NFL regular season, Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times wrote: “Won't be long before the latest NFL team highlight films start rolling out. Fans of the 16-0 Patriots will have their choice of the usual DVD or VHS, while the 1-15 Dolphins version comes in your choice of glossy or matte finish on the 8-by-10 photo.” . . . Dan Shaughnessy, in the Boston Globe: “Questions posed to Randy Moss in the interview room after Saturday night's win over the Jaguars: ‘I really like your outfit. Where did you get that? I love your fashion sense. Can we see your pants?’ Yeesh. Sounded a little like Mike Wallace with Roger Clemens.”

A little birdie whispers that a Golden Baseball League franchise in Kamloops for the 2009 season came one step closer to fruition this week when a potential investor paid our city a visit. The birdie also whispers that the GBL and the city have agreed on a lease for NorBrock Stadium. Yes, you
should start stocking up on peanuts and Crackerjack. . . . Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch wonders: “Wasn’t it nice watching old friends Bud Selig and Donald Fehr spend some quality time together Tuesday? Did they promise to stay in touch? . . . Who could have possibly guessed that Pacman Jones would end up in another strip joint skirmish?”

It is going to be frigid in Green Bay on Sunday evening. Packers QB Brett Favre is 42-5 when the tundra is frozen. Sorry, New York Giants, but you are going to freeze your butts off for nothing. . . . And one from our old friend The Sports Curmudgeon (sportscurmudgeon.com): "I really have gotten tired of driving behind cars and minivans with bumper stickers proclaiming that the owner of the vehicle has an honor student at Wherever Middle School. Just once, I would like to see a parent admit that they have an honor student enrolled at the Jenna Jameson Institute for Carnal Pleasures."

Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “The Marlins signed former Ray Jorge Cantu to compete at third base and also might be interested in 18-year veteran Luis Gonzalez to lend a steadying, mentoring influence to a young clubhouse. It might be tough for the penny-pinching Marlins to sign Gonzalez, though. Evidently, because of his expected role, they want to pay him $6 an hour,
like a baby-sitter.” . . . One more from Cote: “Southern Cal coach Pete Carroll is said to be seriously considering the Atlanta Falcons job. Concerned family members are worried Carroll may have sustained a concussion.” . . . And let’s close with this one from Cote: “The Washington
Capitals signed Alexander Ovechkin to a 13-year, $124-million contract – the NHL’s first $100-million deal. What that means is, hockey is still dying, but now Ovechkin will be able to cover the cost of the arrangements.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.