Keeping Score

When ESPN.com ranked NFL fans, it listed its top three, in order, as followers of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Green Bay Packers and Cleveland Browns. Fans of the Miami Dolphins finished 28th. “Ouch,” wrote Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “Sorry, Dolfans. On the bright side, in December and January, we’re not living in Pittsburgh, Green Bay or Cleveland!” . . . Dwight Perry, in the Seattle Times: “In an unprecedented move, the St. Louis Rams — outscored 79-16 in their first two games — are expected to place their entire roster on the Physically Unable To Perform list.” . . . The trophy that has gone to the winners of the Tom Middleton 3-on-3 hockey tournament is AWOL from the Ice Box Arena. According to Margo Middleton, Tom’s widow, “It’s a home-made Stanley Cup-like trophy” with the winners’ names engraved on it. If you know anything about the trophy’s whereabouts, please give Margo a call at 250-372-7742, or, better yet, drop off the trophy at Middleton Petroleum Services, 702 East Athabasca, or at the Ice Box.

In one of the biggest stumbling, bumbling manoeuvres of recent years, the LPGA ruled that all its players must learn to speak English. Then, after receiving a real clubbing, backtracked on it. Robert Green, the Golf International editor for England’s Observer newspaper, summed it all up, as he noted that the LPGA will stop in China, Japan, Korea, Thailand and Singapore in 2009: “American players there will not be required to speak the local language. Furthermore, revenue from Korean television is the LPGA’s biggest single source of annual income. A cynic might say the message seems to be: ‘We like the way your money talks but not the way you do.’ ” . . . Responding to a recent mention in this space about Regina Mayor Pat Fiacco having completed the Penticton Ironman and a suggestion of a possible mayoral fitness challenge, Kamloops Mayor Terry Lake notes that he has “struggled through” two Royal Victoria Marathons, the major problem being that, despite his last name, “my swimming techniques resemble that of a heavy stone.” His (soon-to-be ex-)Honour adds that “using sharply honed executive skills, I have designated Public Works Director Dave Duckworth to compete in triathlons on my behalf. This strategy has proven very successful as Duckie's last time in Penticton (2007) was just over 12 hours, putting Pat Fiacco to shame.” . . . You’ve got to think that “Duckie” doesn’t swim like a stone.

Belated congrats to former Blazers assistant coach Andrew Milne and his wife, Erin, on the birth of their first child. Easton Rhys was born on Aug. 24. He arrived five weeks premature and spent a week in neo-natal intensive care in a Calgary hospital. Today, mother and child are at home and doing well. . . . Easton is the maiden name of one of Andrew’s grandmothers. . . . Easton’s dad is into his first full season as GM and head coach of the AJHL’s Canmore Eagles. . . . Congratulations and best wishes, too, to Ross Jardine, one of the good guys, and his lovely bride, Arline. Most couples can only hope for 50 years of wedded bliss; Arline and Ross are proof that it’s do-able. . . . Audry and Bill O’Donovan, who celebrated with a jaunt to Alaska, are only 25 years behind. . . . While we’re at it, congratulations to former WHL commissioner Dev Dley, who officially was welcomed as a provincial court judge on Friday.

During the WHL exhibition season, the league office fined eight teams a total of $2,750 for becoming involved in “multiple-fight situations.” Which part of the message do you think the teams don’t understand? . . . On the subject of messages, Edmonton city police staged ‘Operation 24 Hours’ — a one-day traffic enforcement blitz — early this week. In those 24 hours, they issued 2,267 traffic tickets — 1,944 of them for speeding. The blitz was accompanied by lots of advance publicity aimed at alerting motorists, many of whom obviously didn’t believe any of it. . . . It’s worth noting that in all of August, Edmonton cops handed out 2,186 speeding tickets. . . . The Kamloops Blazers and Red Deer Rebels, who last season were a combined 45-88-6-5, each went 5-1 in the WHL’s silly season. . . . Which leads to one question: Do you believe in miracles?

Over at ChicagoSports.com, Steve Rosenbloom isn’t at all impressed with what has been happening with the White Sox’ bullpen of late. "The parade of Boone Logan, Scott Linebrink, D.J. Carrasco and Octavio Dotel is starting to look like Bears quarterbacks getting out of the clown car," Rosenbloom writes. . . . From the Sports Venting column in the Edmonton Journal: “Roughriders fans were tolerable as lovable losers, but they’re obnoxious as defending Grey Cup champions.” . . . Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Examples of CCC (Creeping Coach Control): the new NFL rule allowing one defensive player on each team to wear a helmet radio, and the new tennis rule allowing coaching during matches. Enough, already, with the overcoaching. At the Olympics, table tennis coaches would huddle with players during time-outs. What are they saying? ‘Less ping, more pong.’ ” . . . Derek Jeter is up there with Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle, atop the New York Yankees’ career hit list. As David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram notes: “That’s almost as impressive company as another list of names he has been associated with: Minka Kelly, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Mariah Carey, Scarlett Johansson . . .”

It doesn’t sound like Eric Van Slyke, a pitcher who spent this season with the Golden Baseball League’s Edmonton Cracker-Cats, will return for a second go-round. “We didn’t have any TV or Internet in any of the rooms,” Van Slyke told Cam Tait of the Edmonton Journal. “It was terrible. I wouldn’t be able to live like that for another year.” Edmonton players stayed in Lister Hall dorm rooms at the U of Alberta. . . . The 24-year-old Van Slyke led the league with 128 innings pitched. . . . By the way, the Orange County Flyers, managed by Gary Carter, won the GBL title, taking the best-of-five championship final from the Calgary Vipers in five games.

Has any league lost more friends in recent times than has the CFL? . . . First, it was Don Wittman. . . . Then Bobby Ackles. . . . A few days ago, Earl Lunsford, Earthquake as a running back and an Okie gentleman as a general manager, died. . . . And now Ron Lancaster is gone. . . . Sometimes life isn't fair but for the CFL to lose four first-class people like those men in such a short period of time goes beyondn that. . . . There was a time when Wittman and Lancaster formed as good a football TV pairing as there was. No one has come close to Lancaster as an analyst of the Canadian game. . . . Yankee Stadium. R.I.P.

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.