Keeping Score

After beating the Saskatchewan Roughriders 33-12 in Regina a week ago, a couple of B.C. Lions offensive linemen tried to hop into the hot tub at Taylor Field. “They said, ‘Get the (deleted) out of our tub.’ Saskatchewan fans, they’re ruthless and toothless,” O-lineman Rob Murphy told Ed Willes of The Province. . . . The Roughriders lost Saturday and by Sunday they had put quarterback Michael Bishop on waivers. Hey, Bish, don’t let the door hit you on the rear on the way out of town and just be thankful they don’t blame you for the bad roads, the problems between the Pats and their landlords, and the next blizzard. . . . Josh Masters won the Shepherd’s Shermozzle, a competition among herders that is held in Hunterville, New Zealand. One of the events involves running 50 metres with a bull testicle between your, err, his teeth. “Best of all,” Masters told the Manawatu Standard, “they weren’t connected to anything.”
If you hadn’t noticed, the economy is bad. How bad? So bad, NBC-TV’s Jay Leno says, that “A-Rod is dating Madonna just to get the senior citizens’ discount.” . . . A writer from the St. Paul Pioneer Press asked safety Darren Sharper of the Minnesota Vikings what he most remembered about his days with the Green Bay Packers. His response: “A lot of cheese.” . . . When Tennessee Titans linebacker Keith Bulluck discovered that teammate Albert Haynesworth, a 330-pound defensive lineman, would be appearing on Sports Illustrated’s cover this week, he told The Tennessean: “Great, as long as it is not the swimsuit issue.” . . . The team formerly known as your Kamloops Blazers blew a 5-2 third-period lead Sunday and lost 7-5 to the Winter Hawks in Portland. The Stanley Cup-champion Detroit Red Wings blew a 5-2 third-period lead Tuesday and lost 7-6 in OT to the visiting Pittsburgh Penguins. Which of the losing teams do you think was on the ice the next morning at 4:45?
Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Santonio Holmes, Steelers’ wide receiver, is stopped by cops while he’s driving. They find Holmes smoking a cigar with marijuana inside it. Let that be a lesson for you kids: When shopping, make sure you read the list of ingredients on every package. Holmes will probably claim he was using the tobacco and marijuana to cover up the smell of his garlic fries.” . . . Do the Toronto Maple Laffs and Brian Burke deserve each other, or what? . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “The New York Rangers argue they are owed a compensatory 2009 draft pick because of the tragic death of 2008 draftee Alexi Cherepanov, claiming they are unable to sign him but that, technically, he is eligible to be drafted again. (Aside to the club’s guy in charge of public relations: Resign, please.)” . . . Taylor Pyatt scores on a penalty shot for the Vancouver Canucks on Wednesday night and radio analyst Tom Larscheid exults: “Atta boy, big boy!” Please allow me to be the first to thank Tommy Talker for his concise analysis.
Carol Alt, the one-time supermodel who was married to NHL defenceman Ron Greschner and has been linked to Alexei Yashin, has been spotted by the New York Post out and about with Rangers goaltender Henrik Lundqvist. Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix claims: “The 47-year-old model apparently showed off the 26-year-old goalie at her agency this week during bring your NHL player to work day.” . . . One more from Ostler: “After all that work, I’d hate to see Sarah Palin leave no legacy. So I’m proposing that the Winter Olympics add wolf hunting from helicopters.” . . . Peter Vecsey, in the New York Post: “Congratulations to Jazz coach Jerry Sloan, who became the first coach to win 1,000 games for a single franchise. I assume he was also the first coach to win 999, 998, 997. . . . Far be it from me to suggest he’s been in Salt Lake City a long time, but when Sloan first hit town, Brigham Young was celibate.”
You will recall that U.S. president-elect Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech in Chicago’s Grant Park. One of the thousands of people in attendance was, yes, Oprah. And during the course of the evening she had to, you know, go. “In all these years at every event, I’ve said, ‘No, I’m not going to do the Port-A-Potty’ but I said I better use it,” said Oprah, who now is that much closer to us common folks. . . . Where Are They Now Dept.: Surely, you’ve seen video of the last play in the California-Stanford football game from 1982. Kevin Moen, the last ball carrier on that famous multi-lateral play who ran over the trombone player, is a co-coach at Palos Verdes Peninsula High in the L.A. area. . . . Syndicated columnist Norman Chad has had an eye on the soccer scene: “(David) Beckham’s on-the-field effect has been negligible: The Galaxy is 14-22-12 with him on the roster; the team has missed the playoffs in both of his seasons, with the league’s worst record this year; he has five goals and 10 assists in 31 MLS games. People were hoping for a bit of Pele, and instead they got a lot of Stephon Marbury.”
Chris Erskine of the Los Angeles Times has a valid point about NFL coverage on TV: “I was married once. No replays. I watched the births of my children just once. No replays. So I sure don’t need to see a routine catch half a dozen times. Or all those cut-ins from other games. Like those 64-ounce sodas and Dolly Parton’s ample front porch, instant replay is threatening to be too much of a very good thing.” . . . Ian Hamilton, in the Regina Leader-Post: “There were a whopping 2,250 portable toilets on the course for last Sunday’s New York City Marathon. The race was covered by the Wall Street Urinal.” . . . Hamilton also tells of a charity soccer match in Scotland between politicians and sports journalists that was suspended due to a brawl with the pols leading 6-2. As Hamilton noted: “Luckily, nobody was kilt.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor
of The Daily News. He is at
gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.