Winter Hawks rocked by retirement

A rather large announcement involving a rather small space came out of the Portland Winter Hawks’ office on Friday afternoon.
“After 33 years of dedicated service,” read the announcement, “the space in the Winter Hawks’ team name has announced its retirement. In honor of its outstanding service, the organization has decided not to hire a replacement space, and the team now will be known as just one word – Winterhawks.
“The space had been a Winterhawks fixture since the team moved to Portland in 1976, before which time they were known as the Edmonton Oil Kings.”
Someone in the Winterhawks’ front office was able to corner the space for a brief comment.
“When the team moved to Portland in 1976, my predecessor, the space in Oil Kings, told me to serve the position with honor, and I feel like I’ve done that,” the space offered. “It’s been an incredible run, but it’s time to move on.
“There have been so many highlights over the years – two Memorial Cups, the 9-1 victory in Seattle this year, it’s hard to pick just one. I would, however, like to lay to rest the rumors on the Internet that differences between myself and the team’s new management led to my departure. That innuendo was completely false, and I wish the Winterhawks – wow, that’ll take some getting used to – nothing but the best.”
Doug Piper, the Winterhawks’ president, took time out of his busy schedule to thank the space.
“I did my best to talk the space out of retirement but its mind was made up, and we certainly respect its decision,” Piper said. “After 33 years the space has earned the right to call it a day.
“Through thick and thin the space has always been there. Even though in this economy we’d probably find a number of qualified applicants, we know we can’t possibly replace everything the space has done for us, so we’re retiring the position altogether.”
Piper refused comment on a statement from the space that indicated Piper would be changing his name to Dougpiper.
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Two things: 1. One might think that after 33 years of dedicated service, the space had earned the right to go out the door as The Space; and, 2. One has to think that Piper and Co. should be prepared to be fined by the WHL office for making such a major announcement with the WHL championship series still in progress.