Keeping Score

Our premier has been taking some shots of late, but none any stiffer than the one delivered by The Province’s Howard Tsumura, who wrote this week: “As part of its new budget, a government led by former B.C. high school basketball player Gordon Campbell has slashed its entire annual grant of $130,000 to B.C. School Sports, effectively crippling the organization’s ability to administer B.C. championship tournaments in most of its sports.” . . . South African runner Caster Semenya, who won the women’s 800 metres at the worlds in Berlin, is undergoing gender testing. So, someone wondered, what’s involved in that? “The test is fairly standard,” explained comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. “She is handed a beer and a TV remote. They then toss a flower vase at her (and) if she drops either the remote or the beer to catch it, she is not a male.” . . . Add the name Jim Thome to your list of good guys. It seems that Thome, the slugger who was dealt from the Chicago White Sox to the Los Angeles Dodgers on Monday, is paying for the post-secondary education of 14 nieces and nephews. It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?
So . . . are you wondering what in the world has gone wrong with Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella? Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times fills us in: “Once a decent, normal, even jovial sort, he’s wrapped in the beast’s plasticized sputum, bathed in its gastric juices, dissolving before our very eyes, whether he knows it or not.” . . . The beast being, of course, The Curse of the Cubbies. . . . The Cubs were sold the other day for around US$845 million. The Left Coast Sports Babe noted: “The deal, which took 2½ years to put together, will be known as ‘a LOT of Cash for Clunkers.’ ” . . . Outfielder Carlos Gonzalez of the Colorado Rockies sat out a few late August games with a puncture wound to one hand. Here’s the Sports Babe: “Gonzalez claims he hurt himself on a steak knife while he was putting a dish in his kitchen sink. The story is more than a little suspicious; he expects us to believe a man actually put a dish in the sink?”
Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “Tennis’ Williams sisters joined the Dolphins’ growing ownership group, but confusion ensued. Serena ended up carrying six times against Tampa Bay on Thursday, and Ricky is seeded No. 2 in the U.S. Open.” . . . There were more than 200 accredited media types in attendance last week as Hockey Canada held that pre-Olympic camp in Calgary. As Bill Lankhof of the Toronto Sun put it: “There hasn’t been this much fuss made about human bonding since Brad met Angelina.” . . . One more from Lankhof: “Good morning Buzz Hargrove. Heard your report got (NHLPA) director Paul Kelly the Brutus brush-off because he wasn’t a mean, nasty, hard-ass who would toadie to the players and talk their language. Good thinking. That, we assume, would be the same (%&$#(0#$) language you used to get the auto workers where they are now.” . . . The NHLPA being run by Hargrove, some lawyers and the Lindros family? Now that’s a formula for success, isn’t it?
Those who frolic on the PGA Tour didn’t think much of Liberty National, the course on which they played The Barclays last weekend. Steve Politi of the New Jersey Star-Ledger didn’t think much of the whining: “. . . I would like to offer them a friendly reminder: This is Jersey City. There are roughly 500 places within 10 minutes of the course where we can hide a body.” . . . Wait! There was more from Politi: “Golfers are professional crybabies, but they are taking it to a new level this week. . . . One unnamed player told CBSSports.com that ‘$250 million doesn’t buy what it used to,’ and one caddie cracked, ‘They ruined a perfectly good landfill.’ And, of course, there was the not-so-subtle slap from Tiger Woods himself. ‘It’s interesting.’ No, Tiger, your choke in the PGA Championship was interesting. This course is a man-made wonder.”
The Golden Baseball League wrapped up its regular season Sunday with shortstop Nelson Castro of the Calgary Vipers winning the batting title. Castro hit .410, which is a big number in any league. . . . Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “Wonder how long it took Mats Sundin to decide whether he was going to get married?” . . . Look, I love Jacques Demers. But Senator Jacques Demers? . . . Hey, whatever happened to Susan Boyle?
As you may have guessed, Brett Favre jerseys have become big sellers in the upper midwest of the Excited States. “Until now,” noted comedian Argus Hamilton, “everybody’s favourite purple dinosaur was Barney.” . . . Cam Hutchinson, in the Saskatoon StarPhoenix: “Brett Favre played two series in his debut for the Minnesota Vikings. A Toronto Maple Leafs fan seemed confused, asking, ‘What’s a series?’ ” . . . So the fans in Philly stood and applauded last week when Michael Vick made his Eagles’ debut, which makes me think that perhaps Santa Claus should go and knock off a few dogs. You know, just to get back into the city’s good books.
Mark Kriegel, at FoxSports.com: “Joba Chamberlain, a big, strong guy in his third major league season, is being limited to three-inning stints. And I’m wondering, do the Yankee trainers powder his bottom, too?” . . . Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times has a couple of questions: “Will Lasik eye-surgery ads be popular on TV during the 2020 Olympics? When Ichiro cashes his paycheck, does he ask for most of the bills in singles?” . . . And let’s close with this from Perry: “From the Sometimes These Items Just Write Themselves file comes word that Onterrio Smith’s infamous Whizzinator — which proved an NFL Waterloo of sorts for the ex-Vikings running back — went for $750 at an auction in the Minnesota town of Shakopee.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca and gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.