Keeping Score

After the Seattle Mariners signed a particular outfielder last month, Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times wrote: “Merry Christmas to the Mariners, the latest recipient of that oft-regifted Milton Bradley game. Just don’t lose the gift receipt.” . . . Brad Dickson in the Omaha World-Herald, on Bradley going to Seattle: “There’s a good idea. Take a guy known for mood swings and put him in a place where it rains six days a week.” . . . Hey, Kamloops, how did you like that nice big five-cent-a-litre Happy New Year kiss from big oil? Wasn’t that a thoughtful gesture? . . . Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, on the NBA and attendance: “If attendance is sparse enough, the blurry collage of fans, colors and empty seats almost looks like a Monet painting. In Year 2 of the No Benjamins Association, a disturbing number of home games have that Monet feel. Fudged attendance figures have become as commonplace as jokes about Shaq’s weight.” . . .
While there won’t be a Golden Baseball League franchise in Kamloops for the 2010 season, the idea isn’t dead. In fact, there is talk of the Calgary Vipers, who are the defending league champs, and Victoria Seals playing a three-game exhibition series at NorBrock Stadium prior to the start of the season. That series would be used by league execs to gauge interest in these parts. . . . The GBL badly wants a stopping off point for teams as they travel between Victoria and the Alberta franchises in Calgary and Edmonton. . . . Mark Heisler of the Los Angeles Times, after guns were pulled in the Washington Wizards’ dressing room on Christmas Eve: “As much as the league would like to bar carrying weapons, as it bars skiing, it would be unconstitutional. If you haven’t heard, a powerful lobby protects the right to bear arms, and it’s a lot more aggressive than any safeguarding skiers’ rights.” . . .
Pedro Bartes, who blogs out of Seattle, noted the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus: “If you are naughty, Tiger gets you tons of presents.” . . . After it was reported that one of Tiger’s transgressions was 48 years of age, NBC-TV’s Conan O’Brien said: “Or as Tiger refers to her, ‘My senior tour.’ ” . . . According to ABC-TV’s Jimmy Kimmel, Elin Nordegren’s grounds for divorce are “irreconcilable waitresses.” . . . Ian Hamilton, in the Regina Leader-Post: “Woods still hasn’t been seen since his infidelity came to light. Sounds like a movie idea: Crouching Paparazzi, Hidden Tiger. . . . Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted: “The Nigerian terrorist on the Northwest flight to Detroit pulled down his pants and his whole plan blew up on his crotch. As a result, investigators have nicknamed him Tiger Woods.” . . .
In case you missed it, Forbes magazine, for a fourth consecutive year, has pegged the Toronto Maple Leafs as the NHL’s most valuable franchise. This despite the Leafs not having won the Stanley Cup since 1967. As blogger RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com noted: “Who knew there was so much value in laughing stock?” . . . So, you’re Steve Yzerman and you’re selecting the players for Canada’s Olympic hockey team. Don’t you take Ottawa Senators centre Mike Fisher? You know, just in case you need Carrie Underwood to sing We Are The Champions at the post-Games party? . . . Just about choked on the Corn Flakes the other morning when the bunch on TSN’s The Dave Hodge Show (actually, it’s called The Reporters but Hodge talks more than anyone) was comparing Jordan Eberle’s late goal against Russia a year ago with Paul Henderson’s goal in 1972. . . . A more ridiculous comparison you could not make. . . .
Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “I’m not sure what the truth is about Mike Leach and his program at Texas Tech, but I do have trouble sometimes remembering what a colorful genius the guy is supposed to be. Tell you what, though: When Dick Cheney even heard the suggestion about punishing players in dark rooms, Leach became Cheney’s favorite coach in the whole stinking world.” . . . After Boston and Philadelphia played outside on New Year’s Day, David Whitley of FanHouse wrote: “The Bruins and Flyers sell out the NHL’s Winter Classic at Fenway Park, prompting Bud Selig to announce he sees no reason why baseball can’t play a 250-game season and play the World Series in January.” . . .
The Kamloops Blazers will have five ex-players and a former coach taking part in the Olympic Winter Games next month. Jarome Iginla and Scott Niedermayer will be playing for Canada, while Jason Holland and T.J. Mulock will play for Germany, and Hnat Domenichelli is on Switzerland’s roster. As well, former head coach Ken Hitchcock is on Canada’s coaching staff. . . . The U.S.’s victory over Canada in the World Junior Championship final on Tuesday is the best thing that could have happened to that tournament. Canada had won the tournament five straight times and Hockey Canada’s cash cow was getting so big it was in danger of swallowing itself. . . . Ticket prices were outrageous — $140 for a third-level seat for the first U.S./Canada game and $190 for that seat for the final — and you wonder what they’ll be like two years from now in Alberta. . . . Altogether now . . . Eh! O’Pepsi . . . Eh! O’Lame-o. . . .
Word out of an electronics trade show in Las Vegas is that 3-D TV may be the next big thing. That’s fine, but do you really want Pierre (Ol’ Yeller) McGuire right in your living room? . . . We started with Perry, so let’s finish with the Seattle quipster: “The bad news is that Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas faces a possible suspension for brandishing a weapon in the team’s dressing room. On the plus side, he’s suddenly the leading vote-getter for the NRA All-Star Game.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca and gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.