Keeping Score

It would appear that Dan Daly of the Washington Times doesn’t put much stock in the retirement of professional athletes these days. “Annika Sorenstam might say she’s through,” Daly writes, “but these early retirements rarely stick. I mean, a year from now, for all we know, she could be quarterbacking the Jets.” . . . Boo Weekley became everyone’s good ol’ boy during the Ryder Cup. And now he has confessed to some early hijinks. Here’s the story from James Corrigan of The Independent, a London newspaper: “In short, the then-16-year-old was persuaded by his mates at a county fair to try to win $50 by climbing into the ring with the orangutan, and he then remembers two things. The first was having to sign a waiver — ‘looking back that was a bad sign’ — and the second was ‘waking up bleeding in the back of a friend’s pickup.’ “ . . . Melinda Gainsord-Taylor, a former world-class Australian sprinter, was one of 265 competitors who recently broke the world record for running a race in stilettos. As she told The Age of Melbourne afterwards: “All the girls were pumped.”
There were 25,629 fans at this season’s college football game between Montana and Montana State. As Pat Ryan of Butte’s Montana State wrote: “When Montanans get that many people packed into a relatively small area, it’s usually known as ‘The Opening Day of Hunting Season.’ ” . . . Here is former Kamloops Blazers defenceman Jordan Rowley, in conversation with the Prince Albert Daily Herald, on life with the Raiders: “I have a new start here, and so far it’s been good. I wasn’t playing much in Kamloops. I didn’t fit right. Sometimes that happens. We had a coaching change this year and it was best for me to get out of Kamloops while I could.” . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “Poor Cavaliers fans having to hear all this talk about LeBron James maybe going to the Knicks when he becomes a free agent in 2010. Like it’s not bad enough just having to live in Cleveland!?”
So if you’re Plaxico Burress and you’re packin’ heat to protect yourself, what do you pack to protect yourself from the heat you’re packin’? . . . Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “So now Plaxico Burress, a Giants’ Super Bowl hero currently in the process of punching his ticket out of town, goes from being an accident waiting to happen to an accident that actually did happen.” . . . How many games are left in Burress’ career with the Giants? Whatever you think, I’ve got the under. . . . Gary Loewen, in the Toronto Sun: “When Mae West uttered that famous line years ago, ‘Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?’ do ya think she had New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress in mind?” . . . The political comedy website www.236.com has a habit of listing a word of the day. Earlier this week, that word was “plaxident” which it defined as “an act of stupidity that costs you $35 million.”
Jeff Gordon, in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “Why did the Hurricanes bring back former coach Paul Maurice as their new coach? Does Carolina GM Jim Rutherford have the world’s smallest Rolodex?” . . . Steve Rosenbloom, at ChicagoTribune.com: “Charlie Weis, with a face like a fist and charisma to match, will return to coach Notre Dame. I believe I speak for every Irish hater when I say thank you, thank you, thank you. If I couldn’t hit last night’s Mega Millions, this is the football equivalent of matching the first five lotto numbers.”
When Sean Avery went off like a fool the other day, he slighted women everywhere and may as well have punched Brett Hull in the face. Hull is half of the Dallas Stars’ two-headed management monster — and Avery was his guy — so don’t be surprised if Hull gets shuttled off to the Dept. of Public Relations on Golf Courses after this one. . . . Anyone who was surprised by Avery’s latest showing, please raise a hand. Hmmm. No hands. So why is the NHL acting like it is so surprised? . . . It seems there is at least one woman out there who wasn’t offended. Here’s Sportsnet’s Evanka Osmak, on her blog: “Sean Avery has said, and done, a lot of idiotic, immature things over the years with Tuesday’s comments in Calgary being no exception, but getting suspended for referring to his ex-girlfriends as sloppy seconds, are you kidding me? Since when did the NHL discipline players for gossiping?”
Before he was an NFL quarterback, Kurt Warner of the Arizona Cardinals was an Arena Football League quarterback. And before that he worked in a grocery store. “I go to the grocery store and I still want to bag my own groceries,” Warner told FSN’s Best Damn Sports Show Period. “I still think I can do it better than anyone else in the grocery store. And definitely the eggs always go separate.” . . . Matt Williams, the Ulster soccer coach, knows that whining about the referee is a waste of time. “It’s like complaining to your mother-in-law about your wife,” he told BBC Sport. “It doesn’t get you too far.” . . . The Saskatoon Blades have as good a chance as anyone at being the last team standing in the WHL. They are as big as any team in the league and, as one GM put it, “They will play you any way you want to.” No other team, however, is able to compete with those ’staches.
In case you missed it, the Canadian Tour stopped off for a golf tournament in Santiago, Chile, last weekend, and is in Buenos Aires, which is in Argentina, this week. You’re right — nothing says Canadian Tour like Chile and Argentina. Rafael Gomez, an Argentine, won the tournament in Chile by a stroke over Daniel Im. . . . I’m thinking Daniel’s nickname is Apostrophe. . . . “It was interesting how they changed the name of the network on Saturday,” noted CKNW’s Dan Russell the other night in reference to last weekend’s Hockey Night in Canada production. “It was the Canadian Burke Corporation. It was all Burke all the time.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor
of The Daily News. He is at
gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.