Keeping Score

From The Daily News of Saturday, Dec. 15, 2007 . . .

The late Jim Murray, writing about Evel Knievel in the Los Angeles Times in December 1988: “He was either on a motorcycle or in an ambulance. He was America’s accident. The falling body. Look for the nearest crumpled heap and underneath was what was left of Robert Craig Knievel. The guy in the white silk suit with all the rhinestones — and blood — all over it. He broke more bones than holiday traffic.” . . . Remember the infestation of bugs during that playoff game between the New York Yankees and the host Cleveland Indians? Major League Baseball auctioned off a can of bug spray that was used during that game. Believe it or not, someone paid US$673 for it. . . . It’s the Miami Dolphins versus the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Who ya got?
During the weigh-in for last week’s scrap in Las Vegas between Floyd Mayweather and Ricky Hatton, ring announcer Michael Buffer had a message for all the Hatton fans in attendance: “The last time this many British invaded America, it was 1812 and you burned down the White House!” . . . Isn’t it about time some mad trapper took care of the Bell beavers? . . . Greg Oden, the Portland Trail Blazers rookie who will miss this season with a knee injury, says he doesn’t mind Portland. “The city is nice,” he tells the Indianapolis Star. “The only thing is, they don’t have any Wal-Marts near my house. I go to Best Buy or Target, but those places are pretty expensive.” . . . Oden is making US $3.9 million this season.
Mark Leiren-Young, at thetyee.ca: “The chairman of the Vancouver Board of Trade is concerned about recent gun violence tarnishing our gold medal image before the Olympics. However, Olympic experts say the gun deaths are simply a sign that Vancouver’s finally a ‘world-class city.’ ” . . . Marlene Todd of Deadwood, S.D., was in her backyard hot tub when a mountain lion showed up to take a peek. “Now,” Marlene told the Black Hills Pioneer, “I know what a goldfish feels like when the cat is staring in its bowl.” . . . Isn’t there something wrong with a society that will stand idly by and watch a rehabilitation facility close while debating over whether to build a fence to keep bighorn sheep off a highway?
An interesting tidbit from ChuckNorrisFacts.com: “Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.” . . . Scott Ostler, in the San Francisco Chronicle: “London Olympics. Original cost estimate: $6.1 billion. Cost now at: $19.1 billion. And another $5.5 billion budgeted for overruns might soon be wiped out. From what part of the body did they pull that original $6.1 billion figure?” . . . Hey, B.C., we’re next. Do you feel the chill? . . . One more from Ostler: “Michael Jordan’s divorce settlement cost him $168 million. Which explains why, on Jordan sportswear, the little silhouette logo is now wearing a barrel.” . . . While the Kamloops Blazers were singing the Sounds of Silence on Thursday, you can bet that assistant coach Andrew Milne didn’t leave the organization without someone’s palm prints on his back. There isn’t an ounce of quit in Milne, who has never walked away from a fight in his life.
After hearing that Chip Reese, who three times had won the World Series of Poker, was dead at 56, comedian Argus Hamilton noted: “He was one of the greatest bluffers in history. It was three days before anyone would believe he was really dead.” . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald, after the Florida Marlins dealt two high-priced stars to the Detroit Tigers for six prospects who will work much cheaper: “The expected introduction of the six newest Marlins at a stadium news conference has been delayed indefinitely by the club’s latest cost-cutting measure. Apparently to save air fare the six have been asked to hitchhike from Detroit and have just been picked up in central Tennessee by a guy with a ZZ Top beard in a backfiring VW van.” . . . Headline from Sportspickle.com: Marlins forget to win the World Series before dismantling this time.
Sports Illustrated has named Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre as its latest Sportsman of the Year. In order to receive the award, he flew in from Green Bay one day last week. His flight, from Green Bay to a New Jersey airport, took 105 minutes. His eight-mile ride from there to get the award took 65 minutes. Yes, it was rush hour in the big city. . . . Bob Ryan, in the Boston Globe: “The Brewers will pay Eric Gagné $10 million next year. Imagine what he’d have been worth had he actually gotten somebody out while he was here.”. . . One more from Ryan: “Yes, Bobby Petrino is the latest Atlanta Vick-tim. But the people in Arkansas should know that their new football mentor is about a 9.8 on the Slime-O-Meter.”
Roger Clemens on steroids? Who could have guessed? . . . Seriously, how surprised were you to hear any of the names mentioned in the Mitchell Report? . . . Right, about as surprised as you’ll be Sunday when the New England Patriots hammer the New York Jets. . . . Miles College of Fairfield, Ala., named Billy Joe as its head football coach this week. As Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times noted: “No word on salary terms — or as he prefers to call it, owed to Billy Joe.” . . . With the Chicago Cubs having signed a Japanese third baseman, Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch wonders: “What would Harry Caray have done with ‘Kosuke Fukudome’?”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. He is at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca.
Keeping Score appears Saturdays.