Sunday, October 30, 2016

Kickers are like lawyers . . . Oakland plane called for holding . . . New eatery in Montreal


Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Hear about the guy who woke up in a cold sweat while dreaming he’d just gotten tickets to a possible showdown for the ages between Cleveland and Chicago? Alas, it was for a Browns-Bears game.” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Browns keep NFL in suspense, refuse to accept the results of season. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Regardless of who wins the World Series, hell will freeze over. . . . Ray Styrlund, at 105 years of age, is the world’s oldest Chicago Cubs fan. When WQAD-TV talked with him and asked if he thought the team was about to end its World Series drought at 108 years, he replied: “They better. I’m not going to wait another 100 years.” . . .

“In Mission Viejo, Calif., High School's 1993 yearbook, senior graduate Michael Lee predicted that the Cubs would win it all in 2016,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Not only that, but that he'd attend a World Series game with Marty McFly.” . . . “A golf outing for President Obama and Tiger Woods cost U.S. taxpayers $3.6 million,” Littlejohn writes. “And you thought it was expensive to play at Pebble Beach.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The Oakland Raiders picked up an NFL-record 23 penalties on Sunday in Tampa Bay. When their flight home approached Oakland International Airport, the plane was called for holding.” . . . 

“Kickers are like lawyers,” notes Matt Hasselbeck, a former NFL quarterback who now is an ESPN analyst. “Nobody really appreciates them until you need a good one.” . . . Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, wonders: “Anyone but me really tired of pumpkin-flavored everything?” . . . Hough, on Cleveland’s big year: “The Cavs have an NBA ring, the Indians are in the World Series, and the Browns are going to get a No. 1 draft pick.” . . . Girl Scout Cookies? How about Girl Scout Cookie Cereal? General Mills is bringing it out in a limited edition in Thin Mint and Caramel Crunch flavours. Here’s Hough: “Isn’t it easier to just eat cookies for breakfast?” . . .

There is nothing in the world of sports that is uglier than the NFL’s Thursday night uniforms — other than the Thursday night games, that is. But when you are the most powerful entity in the sporting world, you aren’t about to admit you’re wrong. So we’re stuck with them. . . . If you haven’t heard, Budweiser is working on a plan that involves having self-driving trucks make deliveries. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering “how long it will take my neighbour’s 14-year-old kid to hack into Bud’s GPS so all deliveries arrive at his door.” . . . ICYMI, Met Life has fired Snoopy. “I can’t believe that loveable little mutt lost the insurance company mascot competition to a stupid lizard with a dumb accent,” Chong writes. . . .

Russia will have a mascot named Zabivaka for the 2018 World Cup (soccer, not hockey). As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, noted: “No, it's not a bottle of vodka. It's a wolf, and it narrowly beat out a hacker.” . . . Police in Denver have arrested suspects after someone broke into the home of Broncos defensive lineman DeMarcus Ware and stole, among other things, a Super Bowl ring. “Houston police,” Rolfsen claims, “are still investigating how Brock Osweiler stole $72 million from the Texans.” . . .

“It seems Cleveland pitcher Ryan Merritt wasn't ‘shaking in his boots’ after all,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “José Bautista’s boots? They were planted firmly in his mouth.” . . . “It's Halloween,” reports Currie. “This October, the Edmonton Oilers are disguised as contenders.” . . . “Miami Heat guard Tyler Johnson, who played only 36 games last season and has averaged 7.4 points in his career, said he threw up after hearing the team offered him $50 million,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Tyler, that makes two of us.” . . . One more from Dickson: “Hillary Clinton slammed Donald Trump for losing a billion dollars. To put that in perspective, a Clinton has to give four speeches to earn that much.” . . . “Montreal scares me,” Steve Simmons writes in the Toronto Sun. “There’s now an all-you-can-eat poutine place downtown.”


(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

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