Mount Budmore awaits . . . Did Bo know? . . . Any bowl games left? . . . Hey, it's Mr. Double Cheeseburger

Stars may not always win on the ice, but they always win above it.

(Pic via @unlikelyfanatic) pic.twitter.com/C4KdO5SaQZ

— Allison Currie (@AlleyDalley) January 22, 2017

“I’m not saying Bud Selig doesn’t deserve to be enshrined,” writes Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. “Just not in the Baseball Hall of Fame, even though he shattered all the commissioner-salary records. Selig should be chiseled into rock on Mount Budmore, along with Bud Abbott, Larry (Bud) Melman, Buddy Holly, Bud Light and Zola Budd.” . . . Ostler, again: “Look, I don’t want to return to the good olde days. I enjoy the crazy celebrations in the NFL, and even some of the taunting. But when did we reach the point where every play concludes with a heated jaw-off? Every play! Every cornerback is Deion Sanders and every guy who catches a pass is Terrell Owens.” . . .

So, in hindsight, adults in the 70s were pretty much just inviting us to all kill ourselves on the playground. pic.twitter.com/GKMnLtaToR

— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) January 22, 2017

“NFL bust Johnny Manziel will be signing autographs and posing for pictures with fans in Houston in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, with charges ranging from $50 to $128,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “No word on whether each signed photo comes with a complimentary sucker.” . . . Here’s Perry, again: “What’s this, a pro athlete with perspective? Two-time MVP Stephen Curry — when ESPN asked if it bothers him being only the fourth-highest-paid Warrior — replied: ‘If I’m complaining about $44 million over four years, then I’ve got other issues in my life.’ We now return you to our usual assortment of miscreants and knuckleheads.” . . . 

I wish @seanspicer would stop texting people in the White House Press Corps that the Packers are winning.

— Dave Zirin (@EdgeofSports) January 22, 2017

You may have heard last week where former baseball/football star Bo Jackson said he wouldn’t have played football had he known the potential impact of head injuries. As Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., pointed out: “So it turns out after all these years that Bo really didn’t know.” . . . I turned on the TV on Saturday afternoon expecting to watch an NHL game or two. After all, there weren’t any football games until Sunday and Canada has a whole bunch of sports channels, so what better time for the NHL to monopolize the airwaves. But there wasn’t even one NHL game to be found. . . . I would like to thank Gary Bettman and the NHL, though, because you are responsible for my watching Adam Hadwin shoot 59, instead. . . . 

When Don Cherry said "The Russian.. whatever his name is.." he was referring to Martin Marincin, who happens to be from Slovakia.

— Dimitri Filipovic (@DimFilipovic) January 22, 2017

“The Los Angeles Chargers plan on playing their first two seasons at the 30,000-seat Stub Hub Center in Carson,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Won’t they be embarrassed by all those empty seats?” . . . Littlejohn also notes: “The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is closing after 146 years. Fortunately, the genre still has the New York Knicks, the Kardashians, and the San Francisco 49ers front office.” . . . According to Littlejohn: “The Dallas Cowboys say they'll handle the 'Romo problem' with 'kid gloves.’ Right  . . . and the kid's name is Dak Prescott.” . . . Before the inauguration, Littlejohn reported that “President-Elect Trump has named New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as ambassador to the UK. When asked to comment about the Court of St. James, Johnson replied, 'I'm not going to get into it with LeBron.’ ” . . .

Sports should be about kids and their passion, not about parents and their goals. – Mike Matheny

— Coach Quotes (@CoachMotto) January 22, 2017

“Is that it for college football?” asks Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings. “I’m worried there is some 7-5 vs. 6-6 bowl lurking.” . . . Rolfsen, again: “The Chargers are moving to L.A. Depending on freeway traffic, they should be there in time for the 2018 season.” . . . According to Rolfsen: “Netflix's new show A Series of Unfortunate Events goes behind the scenes with the Vancouver Canucks at NHL draft lotteries.” . . . Why is the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shutting down? Because, according to Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “it couldn’t possibly compete with the daily circus in Washington.” . . .

“We didn’t only win five games because of the last-place defence that he co-ordinated,’’ Durant said. “I guess it’s all because of my play."

— Regina Leader-Post (@leaderpost) January 20, 2017

The feds have decided to give people free entry into Canada’s national parks in 2017, which is our country’s 150th birthday. That got Les Perreaux of The Globe and Mail to wonder: “Why destroy a provincial park on May long weekend for $8 when you can trash a national park for free?” . . . If you’re not Canadian, you need to understand that what is know up here as “May long” is when we come out of hibernation, set up out tents and, yes, it’s party time. . . . Before leaving office, President Obama pardoned Willie McCovey, the former San Francisco Giants star, for a 1995 tax-evasion conviction. As comedy writer Tim Hunter put it: “In tax terminology, that’s what they call ‘an intentional walk.’ ”

“Experts say Alabama would have beaten Clemson had Tide running back Bo Scarbrough not broken his leg in quarter three,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I find the argument about Scarbrough fair.” . . . Currie, again: “A Florida man reportedly was arrested for burning his underwear in a Starbucks washroom. Its always hard to believe a story about pants on fire.” . . . One more from Currie: “Sylvester Stallone’s three daughters made history as the first trio to serve as Miss Golden Globe. The Rocky star has had five offspring in total — 11 if you include sequels.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Report: City of Los Angeles eyeing move to get away from Rams and Chargers. . . . 

“A Red Oak, Iowa, pilot celebrated his 99th birthday by piloting a plane,” Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald writes. “Through force of habit he still calls his co-pilot ‘Orville.’ ” . . . Dickson, again: “A British man has legally changed his name to ‘Bacon Double Cheeseburger.’ The New York Times refers to him as Mr. Double Cheeseburger. His children, the McNuggets, had no comment.” . . . One more from Dickson: “In 2017, NBC will launch a year-round all-Olympic network.   Because it’s NBC, all events will be tape-delayed until 2019.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Keeping Score: Head elf arrested . . . How many chances for Gregory? . . . Oh, those TV promos!

A tweet from Thursday night, during the first intermission of an NHL game . . .

Los Angeles now leads St. Louis 2-0.

...both in this game and in professional football teams.

— #LAKings (@LAKings) January 13, 2017

——

The Los Angeles Chargers are going to spend a couple of seasons in the 27,000-seat StubHub Center after making the move from San Diego. Why don’t they move to Regina and play out of the new 30,048-seat stadium there? . . . The worst part of the NFL playoffs if you happen to live in Canada? That’s easy. Those interminable CTV promos that hit you in the forehead over and over and over and . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Chairs voted into WWE Hall of Fame. . . . Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has provided us, again, with his annual skewering of cliches. You should check it out right here because it’s good. Really good. . . . 

——

Starbucks barista won over $900,000 in Westgate Las Vegas football handicapping SuperContest. Now he can at least afford his own coffee.

— Janice Hough (@leftcoastbabe) January 3, 2017

There are a lot of Saskatchewan Roughriders fans who are spitting watermelon seeds with quarterback Darian Durant having been traded to the Montreal Alouettes for a sack of deflated footballs. It’s interesting that so many fans didn’t see this coming. From out here near the left coast, it seemed apparent that Chris Jones, who runs the CFL franchise, didn’t want Durant back at any price. . . . “North Pole police have finally cleared Santa’s head elf of charges of careless use of a firearm,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Authorities admit mistakes were made after finding a cartridge in a pear tree.” . . . Currie, again: “The B.C. government will increase the minimum wage by 40 cents before October 2017. In related CFL news, the Lions announced a major increase in playoff bonuses.” . . . One more from Currie: “A Florida octogenarian pleaded no contest to battery and assault with a weapon in a shuffleboard fight after charges were reduced to misdemeanours. His gums weren’t loaded.”

——

Seahawks average ticket price for playoff game: $497. You've got to be joking.

— Ron Judd (@roncjudd) January 6, 2017

Following the announcement that owner Dean Spanos was moving his San Diego Chargers to Los Angeles, Rob Vanstone of the Regina Leader-Post noted: “The Chargers once brought us Air Coryell. Now the Err Spanos label is most appropriate.” . . . Jack Todd, in the Montreal Gazette: “I’ve become a real fan of a special series of NHL games available on either Sportsnet or TSN almost every night of the week. They’re called ‘Game Not Available In Your Region’ and some of them have been truly unforgettable. Seriously. This is what we get in exchange for the $5.2 billion Rogers is shovelling into the NHL. The league gets richer while the most passionate hockey fans in the world get stiffed, night after night. Thanks, Gary.”

——

Thank you @SnoopDogg for the Christmas Sweater pic.twitter.com/jzaw7pkQEe

— Willie Nelson (@willienelson) January 4, 2017

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, reports: “New York Giants defensive backs call their unit ‘NYPD’ — that's New York Pass Defense. So in a case of blown coverage on someone's part, do we call them 'NYPD Blew’?” . . . I guess we witnessed NYPD Blew when Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers completed that Hail Mary pass against the Giants just before halftime last weekend. . . . Littlejohn, again: “Jim Harbaugh, Michigan’s head football coach, recently welcomed their seventh child. Nike is busy designing a shoe for his wife and children to move into.” . . . Going into this weekend, the WHL’s Regina Pats were 27-4-7. The midget AAA Regina Pat Canadians were 26-2-1. The junior B Regina Capitals were 26-3-1. Does that mean Regina is Hockeytown?

——

Earlier today Russia Today suddenly replaced the regular C-SPAN programming. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

— Janice Hough (@leftcoastbabe) January 13, 2017

The New York Jets finished 5-11 this season. So, Brandon Marshall, what kind of a season was it? “The best way I can describe it,” the receiver told Showtime’s Inside the NFL, “is having a diaper on and never changing it. And just sitting in that diaper the whole year.” . . . “Dallas Cowboys defensive end Randy Gregory has been suspended a year for another violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy, his third suspension of the season,” notes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “He will be eligible for the 2017 postseason. It’s all part of the league’s ’12 strikes and you’re out’ policy.” . . . 

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Everyone gets bowl game . . . Who should retire? . . . Salute to Sideline Chatter

May 2017 not include me in its celebrity deaths!!! Happy New Year!

— Larry King (@kingsthings) January 2, 2017

Headline at TheKicker.com after the Cleveland Browns won their first game of the NFL season last weekend: Browns fans bruise tender hands that hadn’t clapped all year. .  .  . Also at TheKicker.com: NCAA to give every game in 2017 a ‘bowl name’ to improve ratings. . . . So there was this Christmas party in Florida where folks seemed to have a drunken time with Vanessa Barcelo, a Florida beauty-pageant winner, in attendance. She later was charged with assaulting a man with a baseball bat. As comedian Argus Hamilton put it: “If stupidity were oil, Florida would be OPEC headquarters.” . . .

“Head coach Rex Ryan was fired by the Buffalo Bills last week,” notes Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “He was canned because he didn’t fulfill his promise of taking the team to the playoffs. Rex said he tried his best, but tickets to Pittsburgh Steelers and New England Patriots games were already sold out when he tried to buy 50 of them.” . . . Chong, again: “Remember ex-Patriots running back Jonas Gray who was sent packing by New England head coach Bill Belichick because he slept in and missed a team meeting? He’s currently trying out with the Seattle Seahawks. That’s right . . . Sleepless in Seattle.” . . .

Classy move by the Bills to let Rex Ryan go while he can still get a cabinet position.

— SportsPickle (@sportspickle) December 27, 2016

“Alabama DE Dakota Ball will miss the Peach Bowl after a hunting accident in which he blew off his left index finger,” Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, writes. “This comes despite an offer of a special glove from Jason Pierre-Paul.” . . . “For the second time, the Alabama team buses left behind offensive co-ordinator Lane Kiffin after a practice,” Littlejohn reports. “Well, it beats being thrown under the bus like he was at USC.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The Golf Channel honoured Tiger Woods on his birthday Friday by airing a 15-hour marathon that chronicled his major championship highlights from the 1997 Masters to the 2008 U.S. Open, plus features on his life. In that case, shouldn’t there have been a couple of episodes from 'Law and Order SVU’ thrown in?” . . . And a query from Littlejohn: “After an embarrassing performance around New Year's by a once-invincible superstar, calls are coming in for her retirement. Am I talking about (a) Ronda Rousey or (b) Mariah Carey?” . . .

Congratulations @TeamBrownBC! Winners of the 2017 BC Junior Women's Curling Championship! Undefeated. https://t.co/55ezWMIj37 #curling pic.twitter.com/16DfiGs3Na

— CurlBC (@CurlBC) January 1, 2017

—————

The Seattle Times has chosen to (almost) bring an end to Dwight Perry’s Sideline Chatter, with had quite a run as a three-times-a-week feature. The 3,704th Sideline Chatter appeared in Friday’s paper. Starting this month, it will appear only on Sundays, which is better than Never on Sunday. . . .

In tribute to one of the best, we will close with a few of Perry’s items from last week:

Ageless — OK, 44-year-old — Jaromir Jagr of the Florida Panthers moved into second place behind Wayne Gretzky on the NHL’s all-time scoring list when a puck bounced off his butt right to a teammate for an unlikely assist.

The first congratulatory text, we assume, came from Mark Sanchez.

——

Name of the Year: Six-foot-10 Creighton basketball player Sam Dunkum.

——

UFC announced that one of Cris (Cyborg) Justino’s test samples has been flagged for a potential doping violation.

What could be an illicit substance in Cyborg? Too much STP in the 30-weight, perhaps?

——

Herbert Hayden, 81, pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor battery charge for punching a fellow competitor at the Pinellas Park, Fla., Senior Center and whacking him with a shuffleboard cue.

Hayden was ordered to pay about $1,000 in fines, fees and restitution. And just for good measure, the judge tacked on five minutes for fighting, two minutes for roughing and another two for high-sticking.

——

Was Aussie race-car driver Will Power, in a previous life, a German racer named Horst?

——

Forbes has named Scarlett Johansson the top grossing star of 2016.

Only because cameras weren’t there to catch Vince Wilfork’s towel fall off in the sauna.
——

Hey, it’s great work if you can get it.

Ronda Rousey got paid $3 million to go 48 seconds in her UFC comeback Friday night — which pencils out to a tidy $225 million an hour.

——

Arkansas tight end Jeremy Sprinkle got sent home just hours before Thursday’s Belk Bowl when he got caught shoplifting — from a sponsoring Belk department store.

Or, as Razorbacks apologists prefer to put it: He had bad hands.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

A little of this and some of that as you take a break from turkey

For the younger generation going "Who?",  #ZsaZsaGabor was a Kardashian before there were Kardashians.

— Janice Hough (@leftcoastbabe) December 19, 2016

“Zsa Zsa Gabor has died at 99,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Wild celebrations broke out in chinchilla communities around the world.” . . . “Joining Leonard Fournette and Christian McCaffrey on the sidelines for their teams’ bowl games is North Carolina's Elijah Hood,” Littlejohn tells us. “Good grief! Is this the bowl season or the Major League Baseball All-Star Game?” . . . To which Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, chimes in: “Or the Pro Bowl?” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks has told a radio talk show host that ‘I'll ruin your career.’ If that happens, expect the Democrats to try and get him on Rush Limbaugh.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Snow has fallen on the Sahara Desert for the first time in 40 years — another sign of hell freezing over and the Apocalypse in conjunction with the Chicago Cubs having won the World Series.” . . . 

Ok jerk, just go around me. I’m already doing 20 over the limit, I’m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights.

— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) December 25, 2016

“There is still no word on performers at Donald Trump’s inauguration,” Hough tells us. “Maybe Trump can get a chorus together to sing Putin on the Ritz.” . . . As for rumblings that Trump soon is to reveal his new Secretary of Veterans Affairs soon, Hough asks: “Can I put money on a billionaire draft-dodger with no health-care experience?” . . . The New England Patriots added receiver Michael Floyd after the Arizona Cardinals released him following his DUI arrest. Later, a police video was released that showed Floyd’s arrest in all of its ugliness. However, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has said that video won’t have any impact on Floyd’s status. “Well, yeah,” Hough writes, “by comparison, not like he shot anyone or anything.” . . . 

In two weeks, the price of gas in Kamloops went from 99.9 cents to $1.16.9 for a litre of regular. So you know who gets the award for being The Biggest Grinch of Christmas 2016. . . . Perhaps we should be thankful it didn’t go all the way to $2. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Ezekiel Elliott scores touchdown, immediately donates self to Salvation Army. . . . Also from fark.com: NFL announces the players who will try to skip the Pro Bowl. . . . “There is a golf tournament in northern Oregon exclusively for marijuana smokers and growers,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “It’s the second athletic competition of its type. The other, of course, is called the NBA season.” . . .

“The Texas Longhorns generated a record $3.1 million in revenue from 2016 in-game alcohol sales,” RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports. “They also finished 5-7, but fans really didn't seem to mind.” . . . Currie, again: “First-year centre Auston Matthews is on pace to surpass a Toronto rookie scoring record. Typical of the Buds: still near the division basement despite turning over a new Leaf.” . . . 

Here’s Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “From the Sometimes These Items Just Write Themselves file comes word that the inaugural Celebration Bowl — won 10-9 by Grambling State over North Carolina Central — was decided on a blocked PAT that had been moved back 15 yards. Because of an excessive-celebration penalty.” . . . “Cheerleading has been granted three-year provisional status in hopes of becoming an Olympic sport,” Perry notes. “If it ever comes to fruition, you’ve got to like Egypt’s gold-medal chances in the pyramid competition.” . . . Perry, again: “NBC says it will roll out the Olympic Channel on select cable and satellite systems next summer. Apparently the peacock people still have a huge backlog of tape delays from the 1988, 1992 and 1996 Games that they haven’t shown yet.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

49ers did win without Harbaugh . . . Rams lose to grinches . . . Yes, we have the Fire Log!

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald is in the Christmas mood. . . . He writes: “The Nebraska Legislature Christmas pageant has been canceled. They couldn’t find three wise men.” . . . Dickson, again: “On Sunday, the public got to tour the 91,480-square-foot Nebraska Governor’s Mansion. I’m pretty sure the average town in Nebraska is about 80,000 square feet.” . . . “Once per year,” Dickson writes, “the Nebraska Governor’s Mansion is open to the public. This allows Democratic politicians to see what the inside looks like.” . . . One more from Dickson: “United Airlines has a new baggage policy. What? Are they now going to send the suitcases to the same city as the passengers?” . . .

Kylie has a 2017 lingerie calendar coming out. I also have a calendar, but I just write “underwear” each day so I don’t forget to wear it.

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) December 19, 2016

The Saskatchewan Roughriders went 5-13 in 2016 and missed the CFL playoffs. On Wednesday, 11 days before Christmas, members of the team’s training staff were given their walking papers. . . . The departed include Schad Richea, a former Regina Pats’ trainer who had been named the Roughriders’ head athletic therapist in January. . . . Hey, when you go 5-13, you have to pin it on someone. . . . Also in the grinchy spirit: The big oil companies, who pumped up the price of gas last week. But, then, that shouldn’t surprise anyone, should it? . . . 

72% of Leafs fans are scared Trump will cause the end of the world just as the team is getting good

— Stats Canada (@stats_canada) December 16, 2016

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent reports: “Evidence is mounting that the Russians, led by Vladimir Putin himself, exerted heavy Internet influence on the recent U.S. election. Suspicions were heightened when one unnamed state ballot initiative had the choices 'Da' and ‘Nyet.’ “ . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “Fired Oregon coach Mark Helfrich says he hoped Chip Kelly would be hired as the new Ducks football coach. ‘Ditto,’ said many fans of the San Francisco 49ers.” . . . Hough, again: “As fans await the end of the 49ers’ season, remember that San Francisco was sure it could win without Jim Harbaugh as head coach. And it has — six times in two years.” . . .

Trump won't attend daily U.S. intelligence briefings. Apparently, they're a schedule conflict with his Russian intelligence briefings.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 13, 2016

Headline at Fark.com: Giants alert NFL office over Steelers’ under-inflated footballs / League suspends Tom Brady four more games. . . . The other day, a readerboard at Kennedy’s Auto Pro in Halifax read: Things that tell the truth: small children, drunk people and yoga pants. . . . As proof that NBA regular-season games are all but meaningless to some teams, the Cleveland Cavaliers didn’t dress stars LeBron James, Kylie Irving and Kevin Love for a game in Memphis last week. The reasoning? It’s a long season and the players need rest. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “What’s next? A bye week for NBA teams?” . . .

In U.S., media crazy with fear Trump will to start WW3. In Canada, Peter Mansbridge just warned Albertans about "car licking moose". We win.

— randy turner (@randyturner15) December 16, 2016

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports that wrestler-turned actor “Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson said on The Tonight Show that his daughter has a fear of mall Santas. I’m thinking it’s Claustrophobia.” . . . Currie, again: “Anyone else secretly hoping Jose Bautista gets shipped to Boston? Only Tom Brady could deflate that ego.” . . . One more from Currie: “The Cleveland Browns will lose one home game next year to play an NFL game in England. At first the team protested, but Cleveland fans insisted.” . . . Currie was watching Thursday’s NFL game, the one in which the Seattle Seahawks appeared to be covered in green slime. Or, as Currie put it: “At any given time, it looked like 11 grinches stealing the Los Angeles Rams’ Christmas.” . . . 

RIP, Zsa Zsa Gabor. This 2007 @VanityFair profile of her has some fantastic writing. pic.twitter.com/JpY3xI2cAV

— Adam Proteau (@Proteautype) December 19, 2016

ICYMI, the Seattle Sounders won the MLS Cup the other evening, beating Toronto in a shootout despite not being able to muster even one shot on goal through 120 minutes of real play. As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, put it: “Zero. Also the number of new soccer fans the league's showcase game created.” . . . Why are car dealers allowed to sell so many vehicles whose turn-signals don’t work. I mean, if they worked the drivers would use them, wouldn’t they? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Donald Trump to also honor professional wrestling champions at the White House. . . . 

You know that eight-year-old grandson who stuck his tongue on a froze pole. Kid got me today. Drew a black spider on roll of toilet paper.

— Terry Jones (@sunterryjones) December 19, 2016

Congrats to Derek Evely, a veteran Canadian track-and-field coach who had a successful stint with the Kamloops Track and Field Club and will be inducted into the Burnaby Sports Hall of Fame on Feb. 23 at the Firefighters Banquet Hall at Metrotown. Evely is a graduate of Burnaby Central who finished sixth in the decathlon at the 1983 world junior championships. From a news release: “His athletes have set 13 national records. Eight have earned 33 national team positions and 10 won 71 national medals including seven who captured 39 titles. Four of his athletes – Sultana Frizell, Sophie Hitchen (U.K.), Dylan Armstrong and Shane Niemi – have won 13 international medals.” Yes, those are hall of fame-calibre numbers. . . . 

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”

— Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917—2016) pic.twitter.com/0JD7ZWJFM5

— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) December 18, 2016

A tweet from ESPN’s Mike and Mike radio show points out that the last three Pittsburgh Steelers head coaches have 442 victories between them; the last three Cleveland Browns head coaches have won 14 games. . . . Rob Vanstone, in the Regina Leader-Post: “After a no-expenses-paid, two-week vacation in New York, it is time for more futile lobbying. We want ESPN! Don’t forget ESPN2, ESPN Classic, TNT and NBC Sports Network. All is not lost. At least we have the Christmas Fire Log.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

NFL? Sense of humour? . . . Bautista not big in Baltimore . . . Who is Twit of the Year?

A note from comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “The NFL is unsure why TV ratings are down 14 per cent. But for now let’s cut to the Papa John, Nationwide, GEICO analysis of all the penalties and injuries before we cut to a commercial.” . . . “Boise State and Baylor, in case you missed it, will be paired in the Motel 6 Cactus Bowl on Dec. 27,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “And they will keep a light on for ya: The game doesn’t kick off until 8:15 p.m.” . . . Be honest. You tuned into that Thursday night NFL game, saw the Oakland Raiders dressed in white and thought: “I didn’t know anyone in the NFL office had a sense of humour.” . . .

A report from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent: “A day after trading starter Chris Sale to the Boston Red Sox, the Chicago White Sox dealt outfielder Adam Eaton to the Washington Nationals. The White Sox haven’t seen this much upheaval since Disco Demolition Night.” . . . “Congrats to Mick Jagger becoming a dad again at 73,” tweeted Bette Midler. “Which reminds me, I need to pick up a pregnancy test, because I’m, like, 936 weeks late!” . . .

ICYMI, Dan Duquette, the general manager of the Baltimore Orioles, says he hasn’t attempted to sign Jose Bautista because Baltimore fans don’t like the Toronto Blue Jays outfielder. Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, points out: “Well, that and maybe Bautista’s .234 batting average in 2016.” . . . “Won’t it be wonderful,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express, “if Bautista and his inflated ego have to crawl all the way back to Toronto?” . . .

Here’s Hutchinson, again: “The biggest employers in the world are the United States Department of Defence, the People’s Liberation Army in China, Walmart, McDonald’s and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. I’m guessing the Riders are still finding players in basement suites.” . . . One more from Hutchinson: “I flipped on TSN last Saturday and was treated to a U.S. college hockey game between Union, N.Y., and Quinnipiac. There is no punch line.” . . . Meanwhile, I flipped on Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday night and Cassie Campbell-Pascall was one of the analysts for a game between the Winnipeg Jets and the Flames in Calgary. She is married to one of the Flames’ assistant general managers. Hutchinson is right. There is no punch line. . . . 

Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, has an idea for the NHL and its Vegas franchise, which finds itself caught up in a nickname controversy. “At this point,” Rolfsen notes, “the new Vegas NHL team should just call itself the Roughriders. After all, 25 per cent of CFL teams called themselves that for decades and there was never any legal problem.” . . . Headline at Fark.com: Colts coach Chuck Pagano: ‘There’s no trophies for second place.’ Banners conspicuously not mentioned. . . .

Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “The NHL players who want Olympic participation most are the ones who won’t be playing in Korea. That way, they get two weeks off in the middle of the season. Who wouldn’t vote for that?” . . . Simmons, again: “I feel a whole lot better about Donald Trump, future president, now that Linda McMahon is involved with a significant posting (as head of Small Business Administration). Apparently, Jesse Ventura was otherwise engaged.” . . . Meanwhile, there was this reaction from Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “What next? Director of Homeland Security Sergeant Slaughter?” . . .

“Up to 30 inches of snow was predicted for mountaintops in Hawaii,” Dickson wrote early in the week. “Let’s hope we don’t learn that Hawaii has better snow removal than Omaha.” . . . Dickson, again: “The ‘mannequin challenge’ is when someone stands motionless and doesn’t move. In Omaha, this also is sometimes called ‘road construction.’ ” . . . Time magazine has named president-elect Donald Trump its Man of the Year. To which Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong wrote: “Not to be outdone, Twitter is expected to name Donald its Twit of the Year.” . . .

“New York City police say a thief snatched a pot of gold off the back of an unattended armoured truck,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “He was last seen being pursued by three leprechauns.” . . . Currie, again: “Emma Morano, reportedly the world's oldest person at 117, credits her long life to eating two raw eggs daily. Today she lives in an old yokes home.” . . . One more from Currie: “The New York Post is questioning why the NFL has failed to address ‘crass, uncouth social-media behavior’ by players. I think we can rule out lack of evidence.” . . .

After San Antonio dropped a 95-91 decision to the Bulls in Chicago on Thursday, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich was asked whether he had his players ready to play. His response shows why he is who he is: “Guys get a lot of money to be ready to play. No Knute Rockne speeches. It’s your job. If you’re a plumber and you don’t do your job, you don’t get any work. I don’t think the plumber needs a pep talk. If a doctor botches operations, he’s not a doctor anymore. If you’re a basketball player, you come ready. It’s called maturity. It’s your job.” . . . Following the death of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, comedian Argus Hamilton noted: “San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick praised Castro as a great humanitarian, automatically triggering the NFL’s concussion protocol.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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KS: Martha and Snoop . . . Colon and Dickey . . . Did Tiger win a major?

A tweet from Randy Turner (@randyturner15) of the Winnipeg Free Press: “Independence Day was a movie about aliens going from planet to planet sucking all resources. In a related story, the Arizona Coyotes are moving to Tempe.” . . . One more tweet from Turner: “I still don’t appreciate the way TSN cuts away after Jets games like they’ve just robbed a bank.” . . . The Chicago Cubs end a 108-year drought. Donald Trump is the president-elect of the world’s most-powerful nation. Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are business partners. Hey, is this a great time to be alive or what? . . . 

TC Chong, the Richmond, B.C., blogger, had plans for the weekend: “Time to put up the Christmas lights and pick up the leg-hold traps I set for the Pokemon players.” . . . Just wondering but are you as tired as I am of listening to people’s telephone conversations while out doing Christmas shopping? . . . After the Atlanta Braves, about to move into a new stadium, signed aging right-handers Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey — actually, Colon is 43, and Dickey is 42 — comedy writer Marc Ragovin wondered: “What is the name of their new place? Jurassic Park?” . . . 

In case you weren’t aware, the Cleveland Browns, who are 0-12, had a bye this weekend. As comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted going into the weekend: “Las Vegas has the Browns vs. Bye as too close to call.” . . . The Vancouver Sun, a Postmedia product, had a full page in Saturday’s sports section on airplane crashes involving the sporting world. Unfortunately, there isn’t a mention of the 1956 crash near Chilliwack that took the lives of five CFLers who were on their way back to Regina and Winnipeg from the all-star game that had been held in Vancouver. Of course, the copy the Sun used was from the Washington Post. . . . It’s enough to make an old newspaper guy cry. . . .

“I must have missed something,” venerable golf writer Dan Jenkins tweeted on Sunday. “Tiger beat two out of 17 players, but I kept reading that he was winning another major.” . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, after the second round of this weekend’s golf tournament: “ESPN headline ‘Tiger Woods fires 2nd-round 65 at Hero World Challenge, nearly aces No. 12.’ So is anyone actually leading this tournament?” . . . A note from Hough that some of us appreciate: “Dear Santa: On behalf of all of those people who have such nice cars but couldn’t afford turn signals — could you help them out this Christmas?” . . . “Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr said he tried marijuana twice for back pain in the last year and a half, but ‘it didn’t help at all,’ ” Hough reports. “Hmm! Maybe he should ask around the NBA for help getting better stuff.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, reports: “Indiana University fired men’s basketball coach Kevin Wilson for apparent player mistreatment. Imagine that — a coach at Indiana who mistreated players.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The MLB All-Star Game no longer will determine home-field advantage in the World Series. Instead, it will go to the pennant winner with the best regular-season record. The choice reportedly left a descendant to Paul the Octopus very disappointed.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Twenty to 30 inches of snow has been forecast for parts of the Big Island of Hawaii. So I guess, in the wake of the Chicago Cubs winning it all, Hell has officially begun to freeze over.” . . . Littlejohn also reports that, according to PNC Wealth Management, the cost of The 12 Days of Christmas now is more than US$34,000, an increase of more than $200 over last year. There are only three Saturdays left, so you best get started. . . . 

“The world’s oldest person, an Italian woman, has turned 117,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Even more impressive, she’s been alive for all three Cubs World Series championships!” . . . On Nov. 20, NFL kickers missed on 12 extra-point attempts, causing Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald to note: “The best kicking I saw all week took place on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special.” . . . 

If you didn’t hear, Flemingsberge IK dumped Åker/Strängnäs HC, 5-0, in a hockey game in a Swedish U-18 league the other day. The teams combined for 871 penalty minutes — that’s right, 871. Thankfully, there only were 67 spectators in the house. . . . The 1-10 San Francisco 49ers met the host 2-9 Chicago Bears on Sunday. How bad was it? Well, neither team was able to complete a pass in the first quarter. According to ESPN Stats and Info, that hadn’t happened in the NFL since Nov. 13, 1988, when the New York Jets and New England appreciates accomplished (?) it. . . . The Bears eventually won, to go to 3-9, which still won’t get them into the playoffs. . . .

Headline at TheKicker.com: Wildlife handlers dispatched to tranquilize Jim Harbaugh. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Chip Kelly starting to worry 49ers won’t fire him in time to take the Oregon job. . . . As my wife and I were sitting in our car on Friday, trying to make a right turn into traffic from a driveway with no one willing to slow down and let us in, she pointed out: “It’s December, the rudest month of the year because everyone is in a hurry.” . . . Slow down out there, folks. Take a deep breath and enjoy December.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Farewell to The Spectator . . . Aretha's NFL reign . . . Change coming to express lanes?

A Thanksgiving Day tweet from @TheFakeESPN: “Aretha Franklin had a longer NFL career than Johnny Manziel.” . . . If you missed it, the Queen of Soul handled the U.S. anthem prior to the Thursday game in Detroit between the Lions and Minnesota Vikings. She did it in a nifty four minutes 35 seconds, too. . . . That led CBS-TV to put up a late first-half graphic that showed times of possession: Vikings 10:48; Lions 14:37; Aretha Franklin 4:35.” . . . “Her rendition of The Star-Mangled Banner went on so long that the leg Colin Kaepernick was kneeling on at home fell asleep,” noted Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. . . .

BTW, Hamilton, a veteran of the print wars at the Leader-Post, has taken a buyout and his column — The Spectator — ended its run on Saturday. Hamilton wrote: “The last word this week goes to The Spectator, who is ending this column’s run after 13 years. Thanks for reading and (hopefully) laughing once in a while. Adios!” . . . “A popular Heinz television ad showing people drumming on baked bean cans was banned by British regulators as unsafe,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Probably a decision by a bunch of old farts.” . . . 

“The Miami, Ohio, Redhawks, with a 21-20 victory over Ball State, have become the first team in FBS history to become bowl eligible after starting the season 0-6,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our crack South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “The only more impressive turnarounds involve cable cars and Robert Downey Jr.” . . . Littlejohn wonders: “With Fidel Castro gone, the world’s most notable dictator is (a) Kim Jong Un; (b) Vladimir Putin; (c) John Tortorella?” . . . Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, with an interesting NFL-related note: “Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has as many wins playing in Cleveland (10) as any Browns QB since 1999.” . . . 

Ahh, football coaches are a special breed. First, we watched Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll blow a Super Bowl with the overthink, and then Dave Dickenson of the Calgary Stampeders does it in the Grey Cup game. And yet football coaches are the first ones to tell everyone to keep it simple. . . . The Regina Pats are the best WHL team that I have seen to this point in the season, and that was without centre Sam Steel, the league’s leading scorer, in the lineup. . . . 

After Andre Ward got the decision over Sergey Kovalev in a recent light-heavyweight title fight, Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald noted: “In a sign of the times, Kovalev won the popular vote.” . . . Here’s Dickson, after LeBron James signed a three-year, US$100-million contract extension with the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers: “That will take him through the next six Cavaliers head coaches.” . . . One more from Dickson: “I read that supermarket chains around the country are relaxing a limit on the number of items you can have in the checkout line. Oh, great. So instead of 45 items in the ’12 items or less’ express line, now people will have 108.” . . . 

We close this week with a final paragraph in honour of the aforementioned Hamilton by using three clips from his swan song. . . . “Two Buffalo Bills fans who threw a sex toy onto the field during a game have been banned for life from New Era Field. Team officials wanted to find a suitable penalty, so they thought long and hard about it.” . . . “Green Bay Packers fan Glenn Seefeld told WKOW in Madison, Wis., that he won’t wear pants until his struggling team wins another game. A Wisconsin winter is fast approaching, but Seefeld is vowing not to shrink from the challenge.” . . . “In a Thanksgiving Day clash, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant and Washington Redskins cornerback Josh Norman threw verbal (and left) jabs at each other. Norman told reporters that Bryant at one point said, ‘Where I’m from, we unload the clip.’ Who does Bryant think he is, Plaxico Burress? . . . What a pair of turkeys.” . . . Adios, pal.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.