Farewell to The Spectator . . . Aretha's NFL reign . . . Change coming to express lanes?

A Thanksgiving Day tweet from @TheFakeESPN: “Aretha Franklin had a longer NFL career than Johnny Manziel.” . . . If you missed it, the Queen of Soul handled the U.S. anthem prior to the Thursday game in Detroit between the Lions and Minnesota Vikings. She did it in a nifty four minutes 35 seconds, too. . . . That led CBS-TV to put up a late first-half graphic that showed times of possession: Vikings 10:48; Lions 14:37; Aretha Franklin 4:35.” . . . “Her rendition of The Star-Mangled Banner went on so long that the leg Colin Kaepernick was kneeling on at home fell asleep,” noted Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. . . .

BTW, Hamilton, a veteran of the print wars at the Leader-Post, has taken a buyout and his column — The Spectator — ended its run on Saturday. Hamilton wrote: “The last word this week goes to The Spectator, who is ending this column’s run after 13 years. Thanks for reading and (hopefully) laughing once in a while. Adios!” . . . “A popular Heinz television ad showing people drumming on baked bean cans was banned by British regulators as unsafe,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Probably a decision by a bunch of old farts.” . . . 

“The Miami, Ohio, Redhawks, with a 21-20 victory over Ball State, have become the first team in FBS history to become bowl eligible after starting the season 0-6,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our crack South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “The only more impressive turnarounds involve cable cars and Robert Downey Jr.” . . . Littlejohn wonders: “With Fidel Castro gone, the world’s most notable dictator is (a) Kim Jong Un; (b) Vladimir Putin; (c) John Tortorella?” . . . Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, with an interesting NFL-related note: “Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has as many wins playing in Cleveland (10) as any Browns QB since 1999.” . . . 

Ahh, football coaches are a special breed. First, we watched Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll blow a Super Bowl with the overthink, and then Dave Dickenson of the Calgary Stampeders does it in the Grey Cup game. And yet football coaches are the first ones to tell everyone to keep it simple. . . . The Regina Pats are the best WHL team that I have seen to this point in the season, and that was without centre Sam Steel, the league’s leading scorer, in the lineup. . . . 

After Andre Ward got the decision over Sergey Kovalev in a recent light-heavyweight title fight, Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald noted: “In a sign of the times, Kovalev won the popular vote.” . . . Here’s Dickson, after LeBron James signed a three-year, US$100-million contract extension with the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers: “That will take him through the next six Cavaliers head coaches.” . . . One more from Dickson: “I read that supermarket chains around the country are relaxing a limit on the number of items you can have in the checkout line. Oh, great. So instead of 45 items in the ’12 items or less’ express line, now people will have 108.” . . . 

We close this week with a final paragraph in honour of the aforementioned Hamilton by using three clips from his swan song. . . . “Two Buffalo Bills fans who threw a sex toy onto the field during a game have been banned for life from New Era Field. Team officials wanted to find a suitable penalty, so they thought long and hard about it.” . . . “Green Bay Packers fan Glenn Seefeld told WKOW in Madison, Wis., that he won’t wear pants until his struggling team wins another game. A Wisconsin winter is fast approaching, but Seefeld is vowing not to shrink from the challenge.” . . . “In a Thanksgiving Day clash, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant and Washington Redskins cornerback Josh Norman threw verbal (and left) jabs at each other. Norman told reporters that Bryant at one point said, ‘Where I’m from, we unload the clip.’ Who does Bryant think he is, Plaxico Burress? . . . What a pair of turkeys.” . . . Adios, pal.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

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Keeping Score: Bambi thumps runner ... Reaching out to Bartman ... Boss's bike breaks

With news that the NHL’s Arizona Coyotes are likely to get a new arena in Tempe, Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register notes: “Coyotes are abandoning a beautiful arena in Glendale. Wrong side of town? Not if they adopted a new parking plan called ‘winning.’ ” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Anthony Davis can’t name anyone else on the Pelicans either. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Week 10 TV ratings up after NFL tries new strategy of good games. . . .

A report from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “English golfer Ian Poulter, in fit of pique, took a club and whacked his bag a few times — shattering not only his cellphone, but his caddie’s, too. That was certainly uncalled for.” . . . One more from Perry: “Giddy Cubs fan Ricky Rainey, to commemorate the curse-busting World Series title, had the Wrigley Field marquee tattooed onto the top of his head. So how does he top that, get ivy implants?” . . . By now, you may have seen the video of the deer that took out cross-country runner Justin DeLuzio in Center Valley, Pa. As Perry put it, it was a case of “a fast-moving Bambi deciding to turn Thumper.” . . .

“The Chicago Cubs have won their first World Series title since 1908 and Donald Trump has won the U.S. presidential election,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Those logic-defying events can mean only one thing: Congratulations to the 2017 Stanley Cup-champion Toronto Maple Leafs.” . . . Fore Twenty, a marijuana-friendly golf tournament, is scheduled for Oregon City, Ore., in June. Hamilton reports: “Highest score wins.” . . . Hamilton, again: “The Houston Texans and Oakland Raiders are to meet in an NFL game Monday in Mexico City. Raiders fans had better hustle home before Trump’s wall goes up.” . . .

“President Obama inviting the Chicago Cubs to the White House before he leaves office reminds one of a similar situation the last time the Cubs won the World Series,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Pharaoh invited the Cubs for a visit just before the Ten Plagues of Egypt.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Cubs owner Tom Ricketts says he plans to 'reach out' to Steve Bartman. Hope it goes better than when Moises Alou reached out to Bartman.” . . .

“In Freehold, N.J.,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, “biker Dan Barkalow stopped to help a stranded rider whose chopper had broken down. It turned out to be Bruce Springsteen. So of all the bikes sold in New Jersey, Springsteen bought one that wasn’t Born to Run.”. . . “Kate Upton aimed a twitter tirade at two Cy Young voters who left her fiancé Justin Verlander off their ballot,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I can only imagine what it's like having Kate Upton against me.” . . . One more from Currie: “Game 3 of the World Chess Championship in New York lasted six hours. I caught most of the second half by switching back-and-forth during the final three minutes of an NBA game.” . . . Currie, again: “Metro UK reports a German found a long-lost wedding ring in his garden with a carrot grown through it. He was happy to find the band, even if it was just one-carrot gold.” . . . 

If there was any doubt as to which B.C. community is the province’s Baseball City, it was removed with the news that Victoria will be the site of the next two Canadian senior men’s championships. The 2017 tournament is scheduled for Aug. 23-27, with the 2018 event running Aug. 22-25. Victoria also is home to the HarbourCats, who led the West Coast League in attendance in each of the past two seasons. In 2016, the average crowd was 2,239. . . . Yes, Kamloops remains on the WCL’s radar, but that would be in 2018 at the earliest. . . . 

After the visiting Chicago Bears lost 36-10 to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune wrote: “The Bears went down to Tampa to play a football game. Instead, they held televised auditions for clown college.” . . . “Don’t look now, but the Los Angeles Lakers are respectable again,” notes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “So is it Luke Walton coaching or Kobe Bryant leaving?” . . . The Indiana Supreme Court has ruled that Notre Dame’s police department doesn’t have to release crime reports to ESPN. “Well, yes,” writes Hough, “because there is no higher authority than Touchdown Jesus.” . . .

It’s Thursday night and there are five NHL games to choose from on TV — Winnipeg at Philadelphia, Florida at Toronto, Nashville at Ottawa, Edmonton at Los Angeles, and Arizona at Vancouver. . . . Whoops! That’s not quite right. They all are regional telecasts. . . . So we’ll watch one of the two NBA telecasts, the NCAA college football game or the NFL game. While we’re watching, we will be wondering just how it is the NHL thinks it is growing the game. . . . 

Here’s Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “SI.com ranked the most memorable moustaches in sports. I believe that six of the top 10 belong to former members of the East German women’s Olympic team.” . . . Long-time Chicago Cubs fan Mabel Ball died on Nov. 8 at the age of 108, just days after her favourite team had ended its championship drought. As comedy writer Jim Barach noted: “Her last words were ‘I’m not going through that again.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

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Did Blue Jays win World Series already? . . . FIFA in Mob Museum . . . Hanks wants word with Flores

On the ultra-rare occasion you phone a business and a real live person answers, you're hard pressed not to begin weeping with gratitude

— George Johnson (@GeorgejohnsonCH) July 27, 2015

“Russian President Vladimir Putin said Monday that FIFA boss Sepp Blatter deserves the Nobel Prize,” reports Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Everyone else thinks Blatter deserves the No-Bail Prize.” . . . Have you noticed how Tiger Woods is becoming golf’s answer to the Chicago Cubs? Like the Cubbies, Tiger now teases his fans with a good round or two before he falls back into the pack. . . . “Thank God for @KING5Seattle's weather ‘futurecast’,” tweets Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Because ‘forecast’ was just so confusing to so many of us for so long.” . . .
“A woman who won a $188-million lottery jackpot this year in North Carolina was busted last week for marijuana,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “You’d think with that much money she could afford to move to Colorado.” . . . Hough, again: “The Houston Astros have made Taylor Swift move her tour date at Minute Maid Park from Oct. 13 to Sept. 9 because the team may be headed to the playoffs. Wonder how long it will take for Swift to write a bitter song about the brush-off?” . . . With the struggling Detroit Tigers and Boston Red Sox playing on ESPN last Sunday night, Hough wrote: “I’ll take ‘Matchups that sounded a lot better when they drew up the schedule’ for $400, Alex.” . . .
After Philadelphia starter Cole Hamels threw a no-hitter against the Cubs, the Twitter account @Cubs handled it with: “Dexter Fowler walks twice in loss to Phillies.” . . . It’s fireworks season in Vancouver and Wednesday was Brazil night. Why? Because, as Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen explained, Brazil “had some money to burn between the World Cup and Olympics.” . . . The Seattle Seahawks signed quarterback Russell Wilson to a four-year, US$87.6-million contract on Friday. “Fortunately,” noted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “Seattle citizens still have vastly less-important issues to hold their attention-like education, transportation and health care.” . . .
Is it just me or is Buck Martinez, the always-talking TV voice of the Toronto Blue Jays, trying hard to become the Canadian version of Hawk Harrelson, the professional cheerleader who calls Chicage White Sox’ games? . . . Why else would Martinez be screaming at balls to “get out of here” when a Toronto player hits a long ball? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Yankees and Red Sox have to be disgusted by Blue Jays trying to buy an AL East title. . . . Did the Blue Jays win the World Series when they beat the bat-less Minnesota Twins on Monday afternoon? . . . Hey, just asking. . . . One more from SportsPickle.com: A-Rod says he wants to play until he’s 45 or baseball begins testing for rare steroid he’s using. . . .
“Jose Canseco says he will live as a woman to support Caitlin Jenner,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “He started by borrowing some leftover stash from Manny Ramirez.” . . . The Mob Museum in Las Vegas has said it will open a FIFA exhibit in September. That led Littlejohn to wonder: “How much did FIFA have to bribe them to get it?” . . . “The first photos of Jason Pierre-Paul's hand have emerge” Littlejohn writes of the New York Giants defensive lineman who suffered injuries during a July 4 fireworks accident. “It looks like we've found the long-lost cousin of Kermit the Frog.” . . .
Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News wonders: “Has any sports owner around here ever had to admit, as John Mara did the other day, that he didn’t know how many fingers one of his star players has?” . . . Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has a question: “If Pete Rose were a Buddhist, would he be banned for more than one lifetime?” . . . Here’s RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com with a social note: “Tennis stars Maria Sharapova and Grigor Dimitrov have ended their two-year relationship. I can’t help thinking he took Sharapova for grunted.” . . .
Earlier this week, centre Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins was seen serving coffee at a Tim Hortons outlet in Dartmouth, N.S.. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “How does he sleep at night taking away much needed part-time work from CFL players?” . . . Actually, Crosby and Nathan MacKinnon of the Colorado Avalanche were shooting a TV commercial. . . . “New York Mets shortstop Wilmer Flores was shown on TV crying after they told him he had been traded,” Chong writes. “The deal fell through but Tom Hanks still said he wanted to have a few words with young Wilmer.” . . .
Brendan Taman, the general manager of the 0-6 Saskatchewan Roughriders, gave his head coach, Corey Chamblin, a vote of confidence on Monday. . . . That only means that Chamblin shouldn’t be buying any green bananas. . . . Actually, the head coach is signed through 2017 and, while the Roughriders have money in the bank, they aren’t about to spend it by paying someone not to coach for two-plus seasons. . . . NFL training camps are in full swing. "As usual," NBC's Seth Meyers reports, "the New England Patriots camp began with the ceremonial burning of the rule book.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)
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Coyotes in HGTV show? . . . Bacon gets wurst of sausage fight . . . Verlander vs. Salamander?

Victor Espinoza, who rode American Pharoah to the Triple Crown last Saturday, threw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium the next day. The Yankees then signed him to pitch in short relief. . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, on why Espinoza looked like a natural on that pitch: “He’s got a good WHIP.” . . . Reader Jim Corrigan wrote to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, asking: “Who will have more wins this year, American Pharoah or the Browns?” . . . After hearing reports that American Pharoah’s stud fee could be as high as US$175,000, former Washington Times sports columnist Dan Daly wrote: “For that kind of money, they should rename him American Gigolo.” . . .

“Sesame Street was a tough hood,” points out Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “One guy lived in a garbage can.” . . . Rolfsen, again: “HGTV has signed the Arizona Coyotes to appear in an episode of next season's House Hunters.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “In golf's world rankings, Tiger Woods has fallen below Carl Spackler.” . . . In Major League Baseball’s recent first-year player draft, the Pittsburgh Pirates took shortstops Kevin Newman of Arizona and Kevin Kramer of UCLA with their first selections. Todd Dewey of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted: “Pirates draft Newman, Kramer, but no Costanza.” . . .

“Alabama-Birmingham reinstated its football program for play in 2016 — just six months after announcing it was scrapping it,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “If anyone has any sense of fortuitous timing, the season opener’s very first play call will be a reverse.” . . . “Two guys got into a fight over sausage in Madison, N.J.,” reports Perry, “but that wasn’t the wurst of it. Police arrested the one named Thomas Bacon.” . . . “Dumb-de-dumb-dumb,” Perry writes. “Police in Orange County, Fla. — once surveillance video was broadcast on local television — were deluged with tips identifying the guy wearing the Rockstar shirt who robbed a 7-Eleven at gunpoint. That would be Kyle Evans, a member of the Rockstar Energy Drink Professional Wakeboarding Team.” . . .

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald reports that “the town of Snyder, Nebraska (population 300), is holding its 125th anniversary this weekend. About 15,000 people are expected, which could be problematic since Snyder has enough restaurant and hotel space to accommodate six.” . . . Headline at fark.com: Alex Rodriguez* passes Barry Bonds* for 2nd place on the MLB all-time RBI list. . . . Bob Molinaro, of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot: “I suppose this item could wait, but the World Series doesn’t begin until Oct. 27, with a possible Game 7 set for Nov. 7. Baseball’s disregard for the calendar makes me wish a game or two would be snowed out.” . . .

“Hard to believe, yet true,” points out Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. “This is the first NBA Finals since 1998 that does not include Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade or Tim Duncan.” . . . Is LeBron James the greatest NBAer of all-time? Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, for one, isn’t impressed by James’s two championships. As Chad points out: “Heck, George W. Bush won two presidential elections, and Werner Klemperer — Col. Klink! — won two Emmys. How tough is two?” . . .

“According to a headline in the East Oregonian newspaper, Oakland A's switch-pitcher Pat Vinditte is amphibious,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “Sometimes you just have to grin and Berra it.” . . . “Does this mean,” Littlejohn wonders, “that when Vinditte faces Detroit, they will print 'Verlander vs. the Salamander’?” . . . “The Japanese team won the World Custard Pie Throwing championship,” Littlejohn reports. “Two members were graduates of the Soupy Sales Academy.” . . . “A Brazilian man crooned and strummed his guitar while undergoing brain surgery,” Littlejohn writes. “Seven NFL team doctors pronounced him fit to go back into the game.” . . .

“Four tourists, including a brother and sister from Canada, were arrested for stripping naked on a Malaysian mountain,” observes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Locals say they angered the tribal spirits and caused a recent deadly earthquake, Wow! How often do you hear ‘Ah, those ugly Canadians?’ ” . . . With the Chicago Blackhawks one victory away from a Stanley Cup championship, Mark Whicker of the Los Angeles News Group tweeted: “Maybe the Blackhawks will someday get a goalie but right now they have to live with the guy who has given up 10 goals in five games.” . . . That would be the oft-criticized Corey Crawford, of course. . . .

“Glendale cancels signed arena lease with Coyotes hockey franchise. Is it too late to do that with Mariners and Safeco Field?” wonders Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, via Twitter. . . . “Not a good week for U.S. women’s soccer goalie Hope Solo,” Judd writes, “hit with the details of her arrogant, boorish, embarrassing behavior after being arrested in a domestic-violence incident last year. On the plus side, the release of all the juicy details about her alleged fisticuffs moved her way up the depth chart for the Seahawks’ 2016 draft.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)


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Now those are expensive tickets . . . Jennings a happy man . . . Want to buy a urinal?

“While you are fretting over the efficacy of NBA concussion protocols,” writes Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com, “consider the story of New York Ranger Mats Zuccarello, who missed the end of the Rangers’ playoff run with an upper body injury that ended up being a fractured skull and brain contusion that cost him the power of speech for three days; he is still in speech therapy. I remember when that was a romantic tale of how tough hockey players are. Except that we know better now.” . . . Here’s Ratto, again: “Here’s your gilt-edged mortal lock prediction for The Finals. If there is a Game 7, some moron (or morons) will pay $183,565 for a courtside seat, because money and stupid go together like money and FIFA. And stupid.” . . . This was after he noted that the cheapest ticket available for Game 1 of the NBA Finals was priced at $638, with the most expensive $58,000. . . .

British journalist Andrew Jennings has been writing about FIFA for 15 years and played a role in all that has happened over the last couple of weeks. Here’s a summary of how he feels: “I know that they are criminal scum, and I’ve known it for years. And that is a thoughtful summation. That is not an insult. That is not throwing about wild words. These scum have stolen the people’s sport. They’ve stolen it, the cynical thieving bastards. So, yes, it’s nice to see the fear on their faces.” . . . How did Jennings react on the morning when the first FIFA arrests were made in Switzerland? “My phone started ringing at six in the morning,” he said. “I turned it off actually to get some more sleep, because whatever is happening at six in the morning is still going to be there at lunch time, isn’t it?” . . .

“Hey,” asks Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, “did you hear that a wedding was held at FIFA headquarters the other day? The organist played ‘Here Comes the Bribe.’ ” . . . “After decades of ignoring soccer, FIFA corruption scandal front page news in U.S.,” tweets Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press. “Somewhere, Gary Bettman tents his fingers and goes, ‘Hmm.’ ” . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Sepp Blatter Resigns From FIFA With Generous Severance Bribe. . . . Another headline at TheOnion.com: Report: Underpaid migrant laborers working 18 hours per day on FIFA legal defense. . . . Headline at BorowitzReport.com: McCain urges military strikes against FIFA. . . . The Women’s World Cup opened Saturday in Canada and, as comedy writer Argus Hamilton noted, “Everything will be on sale. Soccer balls, jerseys, national flags, FIFA officials. . .”

Ron Judd, in the Seattle Times: “Now that embattled president Sepp Blatter is out of the picture, it looks like the world soccer organization, FIFA, is starting over, from scratch. Does this mean they can finally do something about the flopping?” . . . “After inadvertently washing my wallet with my clothes,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “I’ve applied to be president of FIFA. I’m experienced at laundering money. . . .

“Police were called to a Michigan McDonald’s after it turned away a man wearing scuba gear,” Currie reports. “I carried jumper cables into a restaurant once; they warned me not to start anything.” . . . ICYMI, Caitlyn Jenner will be honoured with the Courage Award at this year’s ESPYs. Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen wonders: “Is that for spending so many years around the Kardashians?” . . . NFL fan Mike Kozan is trying to sell a Barry Sanders-autographed urinal from the Pontiac Silverdome on eBay. As Rolfsen points out: “It includes decades of Detroit Lions Super Bowl dreams.” . . . A woman in California dropped off an Apple 1 computer that turned out to be worth US$200,000. As Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong pointed out: “She had no use for it, as their home office has been running just fine using a Sperry Univac and Commodore VIC-20.” . . .

“Yes, LeBron scored 44 points in Game 1,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent, “but he took 38 shots. 38 shots? Who was he shooting at, the Warriors or Bonnie and Clyde?” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Indian police said they detained a pigeon suspected of being a Pakistani spy after it was found to have a message stamped on its body. They released it, however, upon learning that the message translated to 'Property of Bill Belichick.’ ” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “For Game 1 of the NBA Finals, the Golden State Warriors invited a fan known only as Sweetie, who turns 105 later this month. Sweetie reportedly adopted the Warriors because she was tired of waiting for the Cubs.” . . .

“Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca,” claims Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning, most of them responded ‘I didn’t even hear the thunder.’ ” . . . Hough, again: “Two months into a seven-month abalone season, a sixth person has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast. How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?” . . . One more from Hough: “So if it’s a pack of wolves and a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking ‘an embarrassment of riches.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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FIFA this, FIFA that . . . You will want to try a Frankenslice . . . NBA fun begins Thursday

As you will know by now, Sepp Blatter was re-elected as president of FIFA on Friday, despite the seeming implosion of the organization earlier in the week. . . . “Say,” wondered Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, “wasn’t Sepp one of the original Three Stooges?” . . . More from Hamilton: “Seven of the people arrested in Zurich, Switzerland were picked up at the five-star Baur au Lac hotel. They’re now staying at the no-star Crowbaur Hotel.” . . . The FIFA scandal involves officials being charged with accepting bribes to the tune of more than US$150 million. As comedy writer Jerry Perisho pointed out: “Do you know how hard it is to take $150 million in bribes without using your hands?” . . .

“This FIFA scandal has gained some interest in Canada,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Mike Duffy wants to know how he can get on the board of directors.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: FIFA fires executive who failed to bribe U.S. and Swiss officials. . . . “Officials at soccer's governing body, FIFA, are allegedly involved in a $150-million bribery scandal,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Or, as members of the U.S. Congress call that, ‘October.’ ” . . .

“Atlanta Hawks radio play-by-play man Steve Holman made his feelings known about Cleveland Cavaliers guard Matthew Dellavedova on Tuesday,” reports the afore-mentioned Hamilton. “During the Eastern Conference final between the teams, Dellavedova’s frequent dives into the legs of Atlanta players resulted in an injury to one (Kyle Korver) and the ejection of another (Al Horford, who threw an elbow at Dellavedova’s head). So, as Dellavedova arrived at the scorer’s table in Game 4, Holman told his listeners: ‘Tonya Harding checking in.’ ” . . . Trust a minor-league baseball team, in this case the Fresno Grizzlies, to come up with the Frankenslice — one slice of pizza with hot dogs baked into the crust. One will set you back $7. As Fark.com put it: “Any fan who can eat a whole pie gets to be carted off on the seventh-inning stretcher.” . . .

Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen: “Draft lottery 1960s: fake injury to avoid Vietnam. Draft lottery 2010s: fake injury to avoid Knicks.” . . . You may not have been aware that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, he of Deflategate, and baseball home run king Barry Bonds both attended the same high school in San Mateo, Calif. Here’s Dickson: “I believe the school’s known as The Fighting Asterisks.” . . . A mid-week tweet from Michael Farber of Sports Illustrated: “The hockey word for 2015, ripped off from basketball, is ‘looks,’ as in ‘getting good looks.’ Calling your team a ‘group?’ That is so 2013.” . . .

The NBA is going to have Steph Curry versus LeBron James in its championship final. Yes, the association is all smiles. . . . The fun begins on Thursday. . . . “Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors passed Reggie Miller for most 3-pointers in one NBA postseason the other night,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our California correspondent who is based in South Lake Tahoe, “but it should come with an asterisk. After all, Curry didn’t do it with Spike Lee hanging all over him.” . . . “Former wide receiver Joe Horn has called NFL commissioner Roger Goodell 'the devil,’ ” Littlejohn writes. “Goodell denied this, saying that he's never even met Charlie Daniels.” . . . Littlejohn also reports: “A newlywed couple in Massachusetts says they won’t go on their honeymoon until Tom Brady's four-game suspension is lifted. Goodell and the NFL reportedly sent them a list of Boston area seminaries.”

“The minor-league Port Charlotte, Fla., Stone Crabs canceled their A-Rod Juice Box Night after the Yankees complained that lampooning PED-inflated slugger Alex Rodriguez was in poor taste,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “There goes any hope for hosting Tom Brady Ball-Needle Night.” . . . “In tennis news,” Perry reports, “Portugal’s Joao Sousa defeated Brazil’s Joao Souza 7-5, 6-3 at the Geneva Open. So where will they stage the rematch — in Walla Walla, Wash.?” . . . One more from Perry: “Jack Nicklaus donated the 3-wood he used to win all 18 of his major golf titles to the USGA Museum. No word on whether Elin Nordegren plans to hand over her 9-iron.” . . .

“Thanks, or no thanks, to technological advances,” writes Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot, “MLB can gauge the height of a home run ball at its apex. Miami’s Giancarlo Stanton, for instance, hit a homer the other night that crested at 143 feet, the fifth-highest by anyone this season. Another relatively new measurement is the speed at which a ball leaves the bat. Do these revelations actually enhance our enjoyment of the game . . . or just serve as a reminder that some people sitting behind computers have too much time on their hands?”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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NFL should spin goal posts . . . No Rush to get to Saskatoon . . . Marlins like paying managers

You may have heard that the IOC has stripped the U.S. men’s 4x100-metre team of its silver medal from the 2012 London Olympic Games because of Tyson Gay’s doping suspension. As Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post writes: “Good work, IOC: The Americans took 37.04 seconds to finish the race and you took nearly three years to catch up to them.” . . . . New York Yankees starter Chase Whitley is to become the 16th major league pitcher this season to undergo reconstructive surgery to repair an injury to the ulnar collateral ligament in his throwing arm. “The procedure has become so prevalent,” Hamilton notes, “it seems like it’s being done on every Tommy John, Dick and Harry.” . . .

If you didn’t hear, the pooh-bahs at Wimbledon have decided to ban selfie sticks. “Great,” noted Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Now what’s the Queen supposed to do between sets?” . . . Too bad the pooh-bahs at the French Open didn’t get the memo. . . . Here’s Dickson, again: “Warren Buffett said he began playing ukulele in college to impress a girl. A ukulele to impress a girl? Were all of the oboes checked out? Now that he's acquired some $72 billion, I'm thinking she's impressed.” . . . “The Portage Terriers won the RBC Cup,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “ending Manitoba’s Junior A hockey championship drought dating back to 1974. Or as the Chicago Cubs call it, just yesterday.” . . .

After the NFL made a rules adjustment, Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea noted: “The only extra-point rule change that would have meant anything is spinning the goal posts during the kick so it's more like miniature golf.” . . . Here’s Ratto on head coach Mike Babcock’s decision to sign with the Toronto Maple Leafs: “He’ll be tunnelling back to Michigan by Christmas.” . . . That’s an interesting on-air crew that ESPN is using for the NBA’s Western Conference final between the Golden State Warriors and Houston Rockets. Analyst Mark Jackson was fired as Golden State’s head coach, while Jeff Van Gundy, the other analyst, once got gunned by the Rockets. . . .

There is speculation that the NLL’s Edmonton Rush is going to end up in Saskatoon. Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express doesn’t think that’s a good idea: “Professional lacrosse will not work in Saskatoon. Period. End of story. Teams in Buffalo and Colorado attract 16,000 people to their games. Calgary averages approximately 12,000. Edmonton had 7,000 at a game last week and is kicking tires for a new home.” . . . According to Hutchinson, “Nickelback is wanted in Australia for ‘crimes against music.’ Isn’t this the country that gave us Air Supply?” . . .  Has anyone told fans of the Edmonton Oilers that they didn’t win the Stanley Cup on Tuesday when Todd McLellan was introduced as their head coach? . . . Of course, the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup on Wednesday — didn’t they? — with the signing of Babcock as their latest head coach. . . . Forgotten in the champagne and caviar and releasing of balloons is that the Oilers missed the playoffs this season. By 36 points. The Leafs? They were 30 points out. . . .

“So do we finally have the real thing in American Pharoah?” wonders Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “Or will the Belmont Stakes turn yet another Triple Crown contender into Sam the Sham?” . . . You may have heard that Russian President Vladimir Putin scored eight times in an exhibition hockey game that featured a number of retired stars. As Littlejohn points out: “So much for Mitt Romney and his fight against Evander Holyfield” and “It was captured for posterity by the same photographer who caught Mao swimming the Yangtze.” . . . “Dwyane Wade reportedly wore three outfits at his wedding,” according to Littlejohn. “Was the wedding planner an Oregon Duck grad?” . . .

“Vladimir Putin just gave back Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl ring,” reports comedian Argus Hamilton, “saying if a team can’t play by the rules, it isn’t worth having.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Study: All the games you fall asleep watching have awesome finishes. . . . “Former Baltimore Ravens LB Ray Lewis will release a memoir,” notes Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “Will the publisher be DC or Marvel?” . . .

“History will be made when the new span connecting Detroit to Windsor is named in honour of hockey great Gordie Howe,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “It’s believed to be the first Howe-inspired bridge that wasn’t installed by a dentist.” . . . Here’s Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong: “A new bridge connecting Detroit to Windsor will be named after Gordie Howe. Calgary already has a street named after Gordie. It’s Elbow Drive.” . . . One more from Chong: “Newly hired Maple Leafs coach Mike Babcock called the Leafs ‘Canada’s Team’ in his first press conference. Babcock seems to be confused — somebody please tell him that he’s the head coach of Toronto, not Canada’s Olympic team.” . . .

The Miami Marlins fired manager Mike Redmond last Sunday. They ended up putting general manager Dan Jennings in the dugout as the manager. Because they still are paying Ozzie Guillen, who was fired after the 2012 season, the Marlins now have three managers on their payroll. We should also mention that they dumped catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia the other day. They still owe him US$14 million. . . . Now let’s not shed any tears for Miami owner Jeffrey Loria, whose fingerprints, you may recall, were all over the demise of the Montreal Expos. . . . In 20 years with the New York Yankees, Derek Jeter played for three managers. Giancarlo Stanton first played for the Miami Marlins five years ago. He now is playing for his seventh manager — Jennings. . . .

“Police said they found about 1,000 weapons at the Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco after the shootout last weekend,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Well, gosh, I can certainly see why Texas lawmakers are pushing to loosen the state’s gun laws.” . . . Here’s Hough, again: “A Norwegian Cruise Line ship that ran aground in Bermuda has been refloated. No word on what NCL might do regarding compensation for the passengers. If it was an airline, it would probably charge for an extra stop.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

A-Rod as The Needler? . . . Javelin takes out tooth . . . Time to take up painting?

“Tom Brady’s agent said the Deflategate report has ‘significant and tragic flaws’,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Can we perhaps save the word ‘tragic’ for things more important than some guy letting the air out of a ball?” . . . Dickson adds: “The Patriots are claiming that text messages using the term ‘deflator’ are a reference to an equipment manager's weight loss. Everyone on the planet who believes this will be meeting on Saturday in the Patriots' training whirlpool.” . . . That equipment manager apparently goes by the nickname The Deflator. “They said it's because he's trying to lose weight,” Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen says. “Remember when A-Rod was always having fun making jokes at his teammates' expense? That's why he was called The Needler.” . . .

Here’s ABC-TV’s Jimmy Kimmel: “I hope Deflategate is a good lesson for kids. If you cheat and don’t play fair, you will be the MVP of the Super Bowl and marry one of the most beautiful women on earth. Remember that.” . . . Here’s NBC-TV’s Jimmy Fallon, after noting that the Deflategate report said it was ‘more probable than not’ that Brady knew game balls were being tampered with: “Did they do this investigation with a Magic 8 Ball? ‘Try again later?’ ‘Reply hazy?’ ” . . . After hearing about Brady having been suspended, TNT’s Conan O’Brien offered: “They’re going to punish him by making him stay home in his mansion with his supermodel wife and think about what he did wrong.” . . .

The NHL opened its conference finals with games on Saturday at 10 a.m., Pacific, and Sunday, at noon. Hey, Gary, it’s a long weekend up here and the weather is glorious. I’m sorry but there were a million better things to do than watch your referees swallow their whistles for a couple of more games. . . . Bryan Clay, a former U.S. Olympic decathlete, used his javelin to help his daughter, Ellie, get rid of a loose baby tooth the other day. Yes, he did it exactly the way in which you are thinking. . . . “Here’s hoping Ellie doesn’t let her dad pierce her ears,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. . . . Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg added: “Let’s hope she never gets tonsillitis.” . . .

Women of Algiers, a Picasso painting that was done in the early 1950s, has sold at auction for US$179.3 million. Take away the 12 per cent commission and the price is $160 million. . . . Be careful that you don’t get trampled in the painting section at Michael’s by soon-to-be painters. . . . Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, comparing the price of that painting to the salary of the Seattle Mariners’ ace, wrote: “Felix Hernandez, by comparison, gets roughly only $750,000 per masterpiece — but then again, he just paints the corners.” . . . “Kris Bryant, Chicago’s highly touted rookie, hit his first career home run the other day and his Cubs teammates responded by emptying the dugout,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “It’s one of the few empty dugouts this season that didn't involve the Kansas City Royals.” . . . “The baseball record books are wrong,” Littlejohn claims. “Before Corey Kluber, the last to record 18 strikeouts did it on match.com.” . . .

After Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn split up, Steve Schrader of the Detroit Press noted: “Hey, it worked for Rory.” . . . RJ Currie at SportsDeke.com: “According to the Daily Mail, Lindsay Vonn split with Tiger Woods because he cheated on her. Talk about a guy wasting a mulligan.” . . . If Woods really was out and about again, the afore-mentioned Hamilton noted, “it proves once again that a Tiger can’t change its stripes.” . . . One more from Currie: “Prince William and Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, named their new baby girl Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. NHL translation — Charsy.” . . .

Jack Finarelli, aka the Sports Curmudgeon, checks in with this: “Just in case you were worried that hyperbole might be on the wane, CBS announced that Super Bowl 50 — to be televised on CBS in February, of course – will be ‘the most historic broadcast event of all time.’ Really? Have the suits at CBS forgotten already about Katie Couric’s colonoscopy and that time Judge Judy had to interrupt and scold one or both of the ‘litigants’ in her ‘court,’ and/or the final episode of My Mother the Car?” . . .

“San Francisco has banned chewing tobacco in sports venues starting Jan. 1, 2016,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “John Shea in the San Francisco Chronicle quotes one anonymous Giants player as asking: ‘But you can smoke weed?’ ” . . . Here’s Hough, again: “Reports say that New Jersey governor Chris Christie spent $82,000 at Jets/Giants games at MetLife Stadium between 2010 and 2011. Well, to be fair, at NFL prices that’s probably only a few dozen beers.” . . . With a playoff game on the line the other night, David Blatt, the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers, drew up a play that had LeBron James making the in-bound pass. “The play that was drawn up, I scratched,” James said after making a buzzer-beater. “I just told coach, just give me the ball.” . . . According to Hough, Marshall Lynch said: “Damn, you can DO that!?” . . .

Headline at SportsPickle.com: Yankees honor A-Rod’s HR achievement with new car that has the brake lines cut. . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Raiders considering taking chance on prospect with zero off-field incidents. . . . Another headline from TheOnion.com: Jimmy Garoppolo informs locker-room attendants how he likes footballs. . . . Jimmy Garoppolo? He’s the man for the Patriots if Brady is under suspension when the NFL season begins.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

She's not Miss Congeniality . . . Now that's an approach shot . . . $83,333 per second. Really?

If the Toronto Blue Jays, including their manager, their right fielder and their TV play-by-play bunch, would stop griping about not getting calls, perhaps they would get some calls. . . . A tweet from pitcher Brandon McCarthy of the Los Angeles Dodgers, after he had Tommy John surgery: “Thles pani pills are’nt havin any eff=ect at al;/ claer th*inking is me and motoor sskils is very greats.” . . . A few days later, McCarthy tweeted: “WAY too many people are curious as to the amount of pain pills you have left.” . . . Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong with a bridge report: “The old Port Mann Bridge connecting Coquitlam to Surrey has almost been deconstructed, with only the middle piece remaining. I’ve always wondered whether Port Mann Bridge had a brother name Peter.” . . .

“A guy from USA Today actually tweeted last week that the term ‘war room’ in conjunction with the NFL draft should be abandoned because it’s ‘offensive to people fighting real wars,’ ” writes Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Hear, hear. It’s also offensive to people living in real rooms.” . . . One more from Judd: “Thanks to KIRO TV traffic reporter Alexis Smith for dispensing timely May Day advice that people might as well adopt as daily wisdom from here to eternity: ‘Avoid downtown Seattle today if possible.’ ” . . .

Who said Alex Rodriguez is a no-class guy? It should be pointed out that he waited until the day after Willie Mays’ 84th birthday to hit home run No. 661 and move past the Say Hey Kid into fourth spot on baseball’s all-time list. . . . RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com writes: “Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods have agreed to split up. One returns to going downhill fast; the other goes back to her skiing.” . . . What happened to the Montreal Canadiens? When did they turn into the Hab-Nots? . . .

“University of Bridgeport (Conn.) senior Danielle Puddefoot was charged with assault after the team’s year-end banquet,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “According to police, she head-butted a teammate after Puddefoot didn’t receive an award during the event. What did she expect to win anyway, Miss Congeniality?” . . . Hamilton again, “After a four-month investigation, the NFL has determined that New England Patriots employees let air out of the footballs the Patriots used during their AFC championship victory over the Indianapolis Colts. So much for the premise that cheaterssssssssssssssss never prossssssssssssssssper.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent checks in. . . . “Earplugs helped American Pharoah win the Kentucky Derby,” Littlejohn reports. “But after the Belmont is over, he has to give them back to Colin Kaepernick.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Leaked from Tom Brady’s appeal to Roger Goodell: ‘To air is human, to forgive divine.” . . . A man on a Connecticut golf course pulled a gun when the group behind his complained of slow play and expressed a desire to play through. Littlejohn claims that “gives new meaning to 'approach shot.’ ” . . . Apparently, Bobby Knight’s cell phone rings to the tune of My Way. As Littlejohn points out, that’s “only fitting because Sinatra was the chair-man of the board.” . . .

Garth Brooks is spending the weekend in Omaha, Neb., where he is to play six shows over four days. According to Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “Brooks brought about 20 semitrailers to town. Or, as Cher calls that, ‘my wardrobe.’ ”. . . “Minor league baseball's Akron RubberDucks held Brian Williams' Pants-on-Fire Night,” Dickson reports. “I only hope this doesn't stop anyone from taking the RubberDucks seriously.” . . .

A couple of Robservations from Rob Vanstone of the Regina Leader-Post: 1. Why is it so difficult for the NHL to insist that its referees call the game by the book in the playoffs, at a level of consistency that is maintained throughout a game? In football, by contrast, officials are not averse to calling penalties in the crucial stages of an important contest — as evidenced by the final seconds of the 2014 Grey Cup game. . . . 2. If only there was a way for the NHL to ban hockey panels. . . .

Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen has been keeping an eye on the World hockey championship. “Do you believe in miracles?” he reports. “Belarus made Minsk-meat out of the U.S. 5-2 at the world hockey championship.” . . . Rolfsen also had an eye on last weekend’s big fight. As he notes: “I'm not sure what had less fighting: the NHL playoffs or Mayweather-Pacquiao.” . . . Here’s Dickson with his take on the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight: “It was sort of like the NFL draft, only with even more hugging.” . . . To help brighten your day, here are a few numbers showing Floyd Mayweather’s income from last weekend’s scrap: $180 million for the fight; $15 million per round; $5 million per minute; $83,333 per second. . . . Per second! . . . Enjoy your day!

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Brooks vs. Mayweather? . . . Tebow on drums? . . . Spring football popular

“I've reached a big decision,” tweets actor/comedian Albert Brooks. “I will let Floyd Mayweather beat the (bleep) out of me for $300 million.” . . . “Stephen Harper was at the Winnipeg Jets game Wednesday night,” notes Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “The Jets were eliminated from the NHL playoffs and now are owned by Saudi Arabia.” . . . Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong also noted that Harper was at that game. “Apparently the tickets were an anonymous gift,” Chong reported, “and the receipt for them had been previously reimbursed to a Mike Duffy.” . . . A Friday tweet from Montreal journalist Jack Todd: “Peter Chiarelli is going to a really bad team. But he's smiling because Cam Neely is no longer sitting on his head.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent, had a great week so he gets his own paragraph. . . .“The best and most consistent starter for the defending World Champion San Francisco Giants is not named Peavy or Lincecum, or even Bumgarner — but is named Heston. Fans are wondering: (1) How could this happen; and (2) What are his views on gun control?” . . . “There is joy and merriment at the North Pole — with the Philadelphia Eagles’ signing of quarterback Tim Tebow, Santa Claus knows he won't be alone in being booed in Philly at Christmas.” . . . “An Eagles exec says that Tebow has improved since his stint with the New England Patriots. That's like saying that Eddie the Eagle has improved since the '88 Olympics.” . . . “The Eagles have worked their home schedule around the Pope's visit — but many of their fans plan to show up and boo him anyway.” . . .

Former NFL kicker Jay Feely appeared on Jim Rome on Showtime the other day. Asked about Tebow, Feely said he respects him as a man but said the quarterback was “the single-worst quarterback I ever saw in my career in the NFL.” . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post noted: “It sounds like Jay is a very touchy Feely person.” . . . French swimmer Amaury Leveaux won gold at the 2012 London Olympics and now has written a book. In it, he claims that cocaine use was prevalent among French swimmers. "Some of us wouldn't spit at a little line of coke from time to time,” he wrote. “For others it's not just a little line, it's a complete motorway covered in white powder which they zoom down at top speed." . . . Hamilton reports that “French officials plan to investigate toot de suite.” . . .

Jimmy Fallon of NBC-TV admits to being shocked when he heard about Tebow signing with the Eagles. Fallon explained: “It is pretty shocking, mainly because I didn’t even know he played an instrument.” . . . In 2013, Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen purchased a 3,310-square-foot apartment in New York City. They paid US$14 million for the 47th-floor unit. You could have rented it — $45,000 per month furnished, or $42,500 unfurnished — but someone beat you to it. . . . Tom and Gisele can use the pocket change. . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Report: New NFL stadium in Los Angeles could create thousands of local law-enforcement jobs. . . . After Houston Rockets centre Dwight Howard said his home contains 50 guns and 20 snakes, Fark.com pointed out: “Or as that’s called in the Texas homebuilding market, standard features.” . . .

“The Apple Watch, scheduled to be in stores April 24, now won’t be there until June,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Isn’t the first function of a watch to be on time?” . . . One more from Hough: “San Francisco 49ers right guard Alex Boone apparently told HBO’s Real Sports about former head coach Jim Harbaugh: ‘This guy might be clinically insane.’ Just wondering what percentage of NFL coaches Boone thinks aren’t?” . . . The national-champion Ohio State Buckeyes played their annual spring game last Saturday and 99,391 fans showed up. That is a record for a spring game. The Buckeyes had drawn 95,722 in 2009. In Alabama, the Crimson Tide had 65,157 at its spring game this year, while Nebraska drew 76,881 and Michigan 66,000. . . . Yes, football is king. . . .

“A mom in Michigan discovered marijuana inside a pair of jeans she bought at Target for her nine-year-old son,” reports Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “This is the first kid ever happy with the clothes his mom picked out.” . . . “The NBA playoffs are underway,” notes Dickson. “This is the annual sports postseason that takes slightly longer than it did to build the average Egyptian pyramid.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: LeBron’s 10-year-old son drops 40 points on Celtics on ‘Take Your Kids to Work Day.’

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.