Coyotes in HGTV show? . . . Bacon gets wurst of sausage fight . . . Verlander vs. Salamander?

Victor Espinoza, who rode American Pharoah to the Triple Crown last Saturday, threw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium the next day. The Yankees then signed him to pitch in short relief. . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, on why Espinoza looked like a natural on that pitch: “He’s got a good WHIP.” . . . Reader Jim Corrigan wrote to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, asking: “Who will have more wins this year, American Pharoah or the Browns?” . . . After hearing reports that American Pharoah’s stud fee could be as high as US$175,000, former Washington Times sports columnist Dan Daly wrote: “For that kind of money, they should rename him American Gigolo.” . . .

“Sesame Street was a tough hood,” points out Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “One guy lived in a garbage can.” . . . Rolfsen, again: “HGTV has signed the Arizona Coyotes to appear in an episode of next season's House Hunters.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “In golf's world rankings, Tiger Woods has fallen below Carl Spackler.” . . . In Major League Baseball’s recent first-year player draft, the Pittsburgh Pirates took shortstops Kevin Newman of Arizona and Kevin Kramer of UCLA with their first selections. Todd Dewey of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted: “Pirates draft Newman, Kramer, but no Costanza.” . . .

“Alabama-Birmingham reinstated its football program for play in 2016 — just six months after announcing it was scrapping it,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “If anyone has any sense of fortuitous timing, the season opener’s very first play call will be a reverse.” . . . “Two guys got into a fight over sausage in Madison, N.J.,” reports Perry, “but that wasn’t the wurst of it. Police arrested the one named Thomas Bacon.” . . . “Dumb-de-dumb-dumb,” Perry writes. “Police in Orange County, Fla. — once surveillance video was broadcast on local television — were deluged with tips identifying the guy wearing the Rockstar shirt who robbed a 7-Eleven at gunpoint. That would be Kyle Evans, a member of the Rockstar Energy Drink Professional Wakeboarding Team.” . . .

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald reports that “the town of Snyder, Nebraska (population 300), is holding its 125th anniversary this weekend. About 15,000 people are expected, which could be problematic since Snyder has enough restaurant and hotel space to accommodate six.” . . . Headline at fark.com: Alex Rodriguez* passes Barry Bonds* for 2nd place on the MLB all-time RBI list. . . . Bob Molinaro, of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot: “I suppose this item could wait, but the World Series doesn’t begin until Oct. 27, with a possible Game 7 set for Nov. 7. Baseball’s disregard for the calendar makes me wish a game or two would be snowed out.” . . .

“Hard to believe, yet true,” points out Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. “This is the first NBA Finals since 1998 that does not include Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade or Tim Duncan.” . . . Is LeBron James the greatest NBAer of all-time? Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, for one, isn’t impressed by James’s two championships. As Chad points out: “Heck, George W. Bush won two presidential elections, and Werner Klemperer — Col. Klink! — won two Emmys. How tough is two?” . . .

“According to a headline in the East Oregonian newspaper, Oakland A's switch-pitcher Pat Vinditte is amphibious,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “Sometimes you just have to grin and Berra it.” . . . “Does this mean,” Littlejohn wonders, “that when Vinditte faces Detroit, they will print 'Verlander vs. the Salamander’?” . . . “The Japanese team won the World Custard Pie Throwing championship,” Littlejohn reports. “Two members were graduates of the Soupy Sales Academy.” . . . “A Brazilian man crooned and strummed his guitar while undergoing brain surgery,” Littlejohn writes. “Seven NFL team doctors pronounced him fit to go back into the game.” . . .

“Four tourists, including a brother and sister from Canada, were arrested for stripping naked on a Malaysian mountain,” observes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Locals say they angered the tribal spirits and caused a recent deadly earthquake, Wow! How often do you hear ‘Ah, those ugly Canadians?’ ” . . . With the Chicago Blackhawks one victory away from a Stanley Cup championship, Mark Whicker of the Los Angeles News Group tweeted: “Maybe the Blackhawks will someday get a goalie but right now they have to live with the guy who has given up 10 goals in five games.” . . . That would be the oft-criticized Corey Crawford, of course. . . .

“Glendale cancels signed arena lease with Coyotes hockey franchise. Is it too late to do that with Mariners and Safeco Field?” wonders Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, via Twitter. . . . “Not a good week for U.S. women’s soccer goalie Hope Solo,” Judd writes, “hit with the details of her arrogant, boorish, embarrassing behavior after being arrested in a domestic-violence incident last year. On the plus side, the release of all the juicy details about her alleged fisticuffs moved her way up the depth chart for the Seahawks’ 2016 draft.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)


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Golfers living in gatored community? . . . Hot dog stuffed into a donut?

Someone at the Brisbane, Australia, Courier-Mail asked former heavyweight boxer Joe Bugner, who is 65, what it was like to punch Muhammad Ali in the face. Bugner replied: “Very difficult.” . . . “A picture of a massive alligator taken by a member of Florida’s Myakka Pines Golf Course has gone viral,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “The club’s Facebook page has generated thousands of hits a day. The club invites visitors to play the course but reminds you that its 400 399 members have priority for times.” . . . “Sounds like the exclusive club is located in a gatored community,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. . . .

Here’s a minor league baseball culinary report from Hamilton: “The Wilmington BlueRocks are selling a hot dog (covered in bacon and raspberry jam) stuffed into a Krispy Kreme donut at concession stands this season. Meanwhile, the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers are offering a bacon cheeseburger served between two funnel cakes. Those coronary-inducing offerings could leave patrons dead at the plate.” . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Every single NFL player traded, retired, signed, cut, re-signed over past 24 hours. . . .

“Edward Snowden’s lawyer says the NSA secrets-leaker would consider a return to the U.S. if he could be assured of getting a fair trial,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Or, failing that, a live one-hour sit-down with ESPN’s Jim Gray.” . . . How big is March Madness in the U.S.? Perry informs us that, according to the American Gambling Association, “some 40 million citizens will fill out more than 70 million brackets and wager $9 billion on the upcoming NCAA basketball tournament.” . . . “For comparison’s sake,” Perry adds, “Barack Obama was the No. 1 seed on just 66 million ballots in the 2012 presidential election.” . . .

“When police pulled over a vehicle near Prince Albert, 17 people were found in the truck,” notes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “My first thought was they were auditioning for the Shrine Circus.” . . . “A San Francisco man claims he is the biological son of Wilt Chamberlain,” reports Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “Experts put the chances at about 1 in 20,000.” . . . Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg has made the case that “2015 has started off as a wild year. Two llamas escape, nobody can agree on the colors of a dress, and Harrison Ford has hit more fairways than Tiger Woods.” . . .


“Murray State pitcher John Lollar has an insane high leg kick,” reports contributor Bill Littlejohn. “Scouts call him half-Juan Marichal, half-Inspector Gadget.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Researchers from the Université Libre de Bruxelles found that the much-maligned cockroach has its own personality and even displays different character traits.I hear that one even scored a 22 on the Wonderlic test.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Vlade Divac wants to be the NBA's new flopping czar.Wouldn't that be like putting Lance Armstrong in charge of drug testing at the Tour de France?” . . .

“If Will Ferrell wants to reach an audience larger than the army of hangers-on and star-droolers that surrounded him Thursday in Arizona,” writes Ray Ratto of CSNbayarea.com, “he should seriously crash the NFL Draft and save it from its ponderous, self-important, over-analyzed, leaden, grisly awfulness.” . . . RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com has “a work-saving tip for MLB groundskeepers. Add alcohol to your spring fertilizer — the grass will come up half-cut.” . . .

Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “Woman on a bench outside our office, talking loudly on an iPhone speaker about her business deals. So tempting to ask her to speak up a bit so we can take notes.” . . . Here’s Hough, again: “South Dakota may join Idaho, Texas, Utah and Wyoming as states with 80 mph speed limits. Interesting enough, they’re all states you might want to drive like a bat out of hell to get out of.” . . .

“As we wade into March Madness,” writes Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian Pilot, “the blather from ESPN's talking heads would be a little more credible if every sideline drill sergeant wasn't portrayed as an incredible motivator, committed educator, wonderful family man and someone who is only looking out for the welfare of his players. Not a dubious character in the bunch, in other words. College coaching: only geniuses and saints need apply.” . . .

“The Jets traded for receiver Brandon Marshall but still have no decent quarterback,” writes Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “That’s like someone who can’t cook buying a great set of pots and pans.” . . . Daytime TV star Judge Judy signed on with CBS for another five years the other day. According to TV Guide, she pulls in a cool US$47 million a year. As comedian Argus Hamilton pointed out: “Only Kobe Bryant gets paid more to sit on the bench.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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If it looks like a catch, talks like a catch, walks like a catch and 100 football fans in a bar say it’s a catch, then it’s a catch. Except in the NFL. . . . Look, by the letter of the NFL law, Dez Bryant’s catch wasn’t a catch. But if I hear one more person talk about “the process,” I am going to be ill. . . . The rule needs changing. . . . One other thing: The NFL, NHL and Major League Baseball need to watch where they are going with video review. Yes, it’s admirable to want to get every call correct. But I’m thinking the games may have been better with more human error and less huddling by officials. . . .

“The Winter Classic has become a lot like baseball’s all-star game,” writes Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. “It matters in the city it’s being played in. It matters in the cities of the teams involved. It doesn’t matter much anywhere else.” . . . Here’s Simmons, again: “Weird place, Toronto. We’ll buy overpriced Leafs tickets and world junior tickets. But give us reasonably priced tickets for the Argos or the Pan-Am Games and suddenly we’re not so interested.” . . . 

If you missed Rich Sutter as a Sportsnet analyst during the Thursday game between the host Vancouver Canucks and Florida Panthers, you missed a lot. He threw former Vancouver goaltender Richard Brodeur under the bus and how many other talking heads have done that? . . . They were picking the top three goaltenders in Canucks history and Sutter put Brodeur third, accusing him of having quit on the team at times. Sutter, who was with the Canucks at the time, said there were problems in the dressing room back then and that some of that, he claimed, was attributable to Brodeur’s attitude. . . . Hey, Sportsnet, more Rich Sutter, please. . . .

Ron Judd of the Seattle Times writes that he “enjoys the diversion of the NFL playoffs, too. But please spare us the annual torrent of media hype about monitoring of fan-caused ‘earthquake’ symptoms at the local football stadium. There’s probably some value in this hypefest’s main goal — ‘testing’ the impact of large numbers of people simultaneously clicking, in Pavlovian style, on an earthquake-info website. But claiming grand scientific value in the exercise sits between questionable and ludicrous.” . . . Here’s Judd, again: “Baseball pitching great Curt Schilling, ticked at not being inducted into baseball’s Hall of Fame alongside truly deserving honorees such as former Mariner Randy Johnson, whines that being a Republican costs him votes. Now he knows how Mitt Romney feels.” . . .

“Kim Kardashian claims she doesn’t smile often because it causes wrinkles,” writes Janice Hough, aka The West Coast Sports Babe. “Got news for Kim, people aren’t looking at her face.” . . . “Boston beat out San Francisco as the U.S representative amongst bids to play host to the 2024 Olympic Games,” notes Hough. “So they have the Olympic bid and Pablo Sandoval. Wonder which one will give Boston buyer’s remorse first?” . . .

Veteran receiver Steve Smith of the Baltimore Ravens has admitted to The Associated Press that he loves playing in prime time. Why? “Family members get to see you play,” he explained, “ex-girlfriends that wished they wouldn’t have dumped you, they’re questioning themselves right now.” . . . Here‘s Smith after the Ravens lost to the host Houston Texans late in the regular season: "We expect and understand and anticipate all of the negative feedback and all of the fat, lazy, sorry couch quarterbacks are going to come out. We expect that and understand that. We're not going to pay attention to it." . . .

After Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was given 18 months probation on a DUI charge, Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen noted: “A judge denied his request to be sentenced to Sea World.” . . . Jim Mora, the head football coach at UCLA, has told The Associated Press that he isn’t in any hurry to return to the NFL. As he explained: “I don’t mind the recruiting. I’m at the point in my life where I would rather deal with moms and dads rather than wives and agents.” . . .

ICYMI, some Michigan-based rocketeers launched an outdoor iffy into the wild blue yonder the other day. As Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald put it: “If the Redneck Games had a space program, this is what it’d look like.” . . . There is something wrong with an intermission interview in which the two participants refer to each other as Sweens and Beersy. But that was the case on a recent night when Bob Beers, an analyst on Boston Bruins’ broadcasts, interviewed Bruins assistant general manager Don Sweeney. . . . Rob Vanstone, in the Regina Leader-Post: “Pet peeve: Any interview that ends with ‘thanks for this.’ ” . . .

“A time capsule from 1795 was opened in Boston,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Among the articles inside were some petrified baked beans, a bloodied sock once worn by Paul Revere and a loud Minuteman jacket that once belonged to Don Cherry.” . . . Comedy writer Jerry Perisho noted that the most surprising thing found in the time capsule, at least part of which was put there by Revere, was “a Steve Nash rookie card.” . . . “I just hacked into Sony Pictures’ computers,” Chong claims, “and found a movie to be released this week. It’s about NFL coaching brothers Rex and Rob called ‘Saving Ryan’s Privates’.” . . .
 
“British tabloids report David Beckham has approached U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard about joining his Miami MLS team,” wrote Greg Cote of the Miami Herald last month. “Which would be exciting if Beckham actually, you know, had a Miami MLS team.” . . . One more from Cote: “A Memphis man was charged with stealing 7,500 pair of new LeBron James shoes valued at $1.5 million. That’s galling! I don’t mean the thief thinking he’d get away with it. I mean Nike charging $200 for a pair of sneakers.” . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com wonders: “If Santa's helpers snap photos of themselves, are they taking elfies?” . . . “Holly Sonders of Fox Sports is one of golf.com’s Most Beautiful Women in Golf 2015,” notes Currie. “So many male admirers voted for her in December, one could deck the halls with beaus of Holly.” . . . The NFL off-season is off to a fast start for the Chicago Bears. Cornerback Tim Jennings was arrested for speeding on a Georgia interstate (he was doing 99 mph in a 65 zone), reckless driving and DUI. Uhh, it was noon. Uhh, he was en route to a parent-teacher conference. His excuse? He said he was late. Perhaps he’ll be late for the next NFL season.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)


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Who knew there was a National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum? Well, there isn’t just yet. But organizers are searching for the right location in Milwaukee and hope to have it open in 2016. . . . After the Miami Marlins signed slugger Giancarlo Stanton to that huge contract, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald chimed in with: “A 13-year, $325-million contract means Stanton will ‘earn’ $68,493 per day, year round, before taxes. That’s $2,854 per hour, nonstop, around the clock. That’s $48 a minute. In the time it took you to read the preceding few (lines), I think Stanton just made enough money to buy the Bahamas.” . . .

The WHL’s Saskatoon Blades held a Pucks and Paws night recently, after which RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com wrote: “Summing up Saskatoon's 8-7 OT loss at home to the (Swift Current) Broncos on Pucks & Paws night: 3. A bark-and-forth thriller; 2. Blades late equalizer sends crowd through the woof; 1. Losing in overtime simply arf-ful.” . . . One more from Currie: “Matt Damon confirmed he’ll return once more as agent Jason Bourne. Three suggested titles: 3. The Bourne Inability; 2. Bourne Again; 1. The Bourne Seniority.” . . .

After Tiger Woods kicked it around during his return to competitive golf on Thursday, ESPN’s headline read: Tiger 11 behind leader Spieth. . . . As Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, noted: “11 behind doesn’t sound great. But guess it’s better than saying it another way, that Tiger Woods is last in an 18-man field.” . . . The afore-mentioned Currie writes: “Lindsey Vonn returned to competitive skiing in Alberta while boyfriend Tiger Woods returned to competitive golf in Florida. Of the two, Tiger is going downhill faster.” . . .

Craig MacTavish, the general manager of the Edmonton Oilers, held a news conference Friday morning to discuss the state of his team’s union. The president of the United States should get such media attention when he discusses the state of his country’s union. . . . As Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express put it: “Craig MacTavish called a news conference to say the Edmonton Oilers suck, but will continue down the same path that makes them suck.” . . . MacTavish spent 30 minutes saying a whole lot of nothing, but that didn’t stop Sportsnet, with all those channels to fill with content, from replaying the news conference later in the evening. . . .

“After a round of online voting, the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame has announced its Class of 2014,” reports Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Joining 2013 inductee Rocky Balboa in the Hall are Crash Davis (of Bull Durham fame), Roy Hobbs (The Natural) and Ricky (Wild Thing) Vaughn (Major League). Better luck next year to the biggest work of fiction in sports history, Barry Bonds.” . . . The price of a gallon of gas has fallen more than $1.50 over the past six months. As comedian Argus Hamilton notes: “Hummers have resumed playing soccer on Sunset Boulevard, with Smart Cars as the ball.” . . .

“Jazz center Enes Kanter will wear a Santa hat and hang out with underprivileged kids in an event called ‘Kanter Klaus,’ ” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “The L.A. Angels, not to be outdone, are bringing back Bobby to host the Grich That Stole Christmas.” . . . One more from Perry: “Only in soccer: Seattle’s Sounders FC ties 0-0 in its final first-round MLS playoff game and advances. Then it wins its final second-round playoff game 2-1 and gets eliminated.” . . . Here’s Perry, again: “Boston University handed out tubes of Crest toothpaste when its hockey team hosted Colgate. Just be glad the Terriers don’t get to schedule Marlboro College.” . . .

In case you missed it, actor Mickey Rourke was back in the ring the other day, beating up an opponent 33 years younger than he is. As Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen pointed out: “Don't the San Antonio Spurs do that every week?” . . . Contributor Bill Littlejohn claims that the 62-year-old Rourke’s “prize move was the Ali Shuffleboard.” . . . “Big week for NASA,” scribbled Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, “whose successful launch and recovery of the Orion space capsule proved beyond a shadow of a doubt we’re halfway back to the capabilities of the Apollo program of 50 years ago.” . . .

Just the other day, Jack Gangwish, a defensive end with the Nebraska Cornhuskers, saw a raccoon on the side of a road so, yes, he decided to take a selfie with it. Yes, the raccoon bit Gangwish, who promptly killed it with a wrench. The raccoon is being tested for rabies, which resulted in Gangish tweeting: “I googled Rabies symptoms. Irritability, muscle spasms, aggressiveness, confusion? I think football gives you Rabies.” . . . It doesn’t appear that NFL teams are in a hurry to sign running back Ray Rice, who on appeal has had his NFL-imposed suspension lifted. “Rice is available to be signed by any NFL team,” noted comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, “but many teams have opted to buy a 10-foot pole instead.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

Just the other day, Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, came up with a great idea involving pro sports teams and those throwback uniforms. . . . “If the NFL wants to show its ties to the past and to demonstrate some commitment to ‘heritage’ – whatever that might mean – any game using ‘throwback uniforms’ should also occur in a ‘throwback environment’ that would include: 1. Free parking; 2. No more than $2 for a beer or $1 for a soda; 3. No DJ in the stadium creating meaningless noise; 4. No cheerleaders.” . . . Under those conditions, he writes, “I could put up with ‘throwback uniforms’ -- not counting ‘the bumblebees’ -- once a year.” . . . The ‘bumblebees,’ of course, are those hideous Pittsburgh Steelers outfits. . . . As Finarelli puts it, “I would support the NFLPA bargaining against any of its members ever having to appear in public wearing the ‘bumblebee throwback uniform’ that the Pittsburgh Steelers trot out every year. That is a form of public humiliation for union members.” . . .

"I would be very excited about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers bringing back beer snakes next season if I had any idea what a beer snake was," writes Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. "I’d be more excited if they brought back Dieter Brock." . . . Hey, I'd settle for Ralph Brock. . . . “FIFA (wink, wink) found no irregularities in the way World Cups were awarded to Russia and Qatar, but bid-committee members weren’t available for comment,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “They’d just left on their surprise vacation junkets to Barbados.” . . . Perry also notes that “Mike Vrabel, the Texans’ linebackers coach, lost the three Super Bowl rings he won with the Patriots when burglars broke into his Houston home. Not to cast any aspersions or anything, but how do you say ‘one for the thumb’ in Russian?” . . .

“Lee Chong Wei,, the world’s top-ranked badminton player, has apparently failed a doping test,” writes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Badminton? Who knew the most honest sport might turn out to be pro wrestling?” . . . Here she is, again: “A new report says a Secret Service agent was chatting on his cellphone while an intruder scaled the White House fence in September. Maybe it’s time to get men out of the Secret Service. Not that women don’t chat. But we can multitask.” . . .

“Doping investigators have now busted curlers, badminton players and golfers,” points out Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “What’s next? Bowlers and shuffleboard players?” . . . “The Oakland Raiders are 0-9, but head coach Tony Sparano says it’s not too late to save the season,” notes Chong. “With a couple of wins, they could cross over to the CFL East and make the playoffs.” . . . Chong, again: “Charles Barkley can chow down now after saying he wouldn’t eat another meal until the Los Angeles Lakers won. I bet he wouldn’t dare try that with the Raiders.” . . .

Bruce Arians, the head coach of the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals, told SI.com that he often uses a baseball analogy in reminding his backup players to be ready. “I always tell the Wally Pipp story,” Arias said, “even though the players never know who he is, that he’s the guy Lou Gehrig replaced and Wally Pipp could never get his job back. The worst part? They don’t know who Lou Gehrig is.”

“CBC Manitoba says a polar vortex continues to chill the Prairies,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “It all started during Selkirk’s Grand Slam curling event with Cathy O on the same sheet as Jennifer Jones.” . . . Here’s Currie, again: “Anaheim Ducks veterans Corey Perry and Francois Beauchemin have been diagnosed with mumps. That's just swell.” . . .

Phil Mushnick of the New York Post kept time near the end of a recent NBA game between the New York Knicks and Detroit Pistons. “The final 42 seconds . . . ran — I kid you not — 20 minutes, 12 seconds!” he wrote. “It took 1,212 seconds to play 42. With 42 seconds left, you could have ordered a pizza, picked it up, driven home and not missed the end!” . . . The way Greg Cote of the Miami Herald has it figured, free-agent third baseman Pablo Sandoval is a lock to sign with the Florida Marlines. Why? “Miami likes his bat,” Cote explains. “Sandoval likes the Marlins’ ‘All You Can Eat Mondays’ promotion.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

A midweek tweet from Ken Campbell of The Hockey News: “Cautionary tale to NHL teams: Aston Villa of British Premier League had to cancel Goal of the Month promotion because it didn't score any.” . . . This was just days after the Winnipeg Jets scored three goals in three road games and still managed to earn five points. They lost 2-1 in a shootout to the New Jersey Devils, beat the New York Rangers 1-0 in a shootout and got past the Chicago Blackhawks, 1-0. . . . Shades of the dead-puck era. . . . During the World Series, Kansas City Royals manager Ned Yost admitted to having lost some of his anonymity and added that he often uses the name “Frank” when he’s out and about. “I have the same problem,” explains blogger Chad Picasner. “When I make reservations, I use the name ‘Ned Yost.’ ” . . .

The Detroit Lions sent CJ Mosley home from London and suspended him for two weeks. The crime? Smokin’ dope and being a dope -- he disabled a hotel smoke alarm. According to Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen: “Mosley and the NFLPA have filed a grievance with the league, asking that future overseas games be played in Amsterdam.” . . . “Designer Oscar de la Renta was laid to rest this week in New York,” notes Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “No word on what he was wearing, but a relative said Oscar wouldn’t be caught dead wearing an Armani suit.” . . .

This is just so Chicago Cubbish. The Cubbies are paying three managers right now -- Joe Maddon, who was just signed; Rick Renteria, who was fired to make room for Maddon; and, Dale Sveum, who was dumped before Renteria was welcomed aboard. . . . When the Cubs signed their latest manager, the headline in the Chicago Sun-Times read: Maddon 15. . . . Last season, Arkansas Razorbacks basketball coach Mike Anderson and forward Alandise Harris didn’t see eye-to-eye. When asked by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette just what happened, Harris explained: “He didn’t like the answers I was giving him. We solved that when I got suspended.” . . .

Fox Deportes has decided to add stock car racing in Spanish to its TV schedule. As Greg Cote of the Miami Herald noted: “NASCAR previously had been broadcast in only two languages: English and Redneck.” . . . If you are of a certain age, you will remember Bruce Jenner as the winner of the Olympic decathlon. “When I was growing up his face was on a box of Wheaties,” says Jimmy Kimmel. “Now his face isn’t even on his face anymore.” . . .

Headline at SportsPickle.com: LeBron: ‘It’s just now hitting me that I chose to play in Cleveland again.’ . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Sportswriter has hunch team will use bye week to get healthy. . . . Another headline from TheOnion.com: New evidence confirms A-Rod invented steroids. . . . “How do the Philadelphia 76ers mark the end of Daylight Saving Time?” wonders Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “They set their clock back one hour, and then some other team comes and cleans it.” . . .

You may have heard that former big league outfielder Jose Canseco was cleaning one of his four guns the other day when he shot off a finger. “On the bright side,” notes CBS-TV’s Craig Ferguson, “he’s taken so much human growth hormone that the finger grew right back.” . . . Apparently, it was the middle finger of Canseco’s right hand. . . .  “Doctors say he’ll recover,” reported Bruce Murdock of Portland radio station KKCW, “but he’ll never be able to drive in New York City again.” . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com was in Selkirk to watch some Grand Slam curling on Oct. 31. Why? He explained: “3. I enjoy watching others clean house; 2. I enjoy being the youngest spectator; 1. Anna Sidorova.” . . . One more from Currie: “I apologized to my wife for being late for dinner and said I was a real dumbell. I got held up at the gym.” . . . A tip of the fedora to Mike Wiens, who owns the Great Canadian Oil Change franchise in Regina. He is offering free oil changes for drivers with veteran's licence plates through Monday. Gotta love that. . . .

Kelly Olynyk, who played his high school basketball in Kamloops, is in his second season with the Boston Celtics and is the NBA team's starting centre. In each of his last two games, he has gone 2-for-2 from three-point range. According to Elias Sports Bureau, "Since the NBA instituted the three-point field goal in 1979-80, the only other starting centres who shot 2-for-2 or better from beyond the arc in each of two straight games are the Lakers' Vlade Divac in January 1993, Utah's Mehmet Okur in January 2009, and San Antonio's Boris Diaw in January 2014. None of those players extended their streak to three games." . . . On Saturday, Olynyk went 2-for-4 from long range -- he missed his second attempt -- as the Celtics shocked the host Chicago Bulls, 106-101. Olynyk finished with 18 points and 11 rebounds in 33 minutes 26 seconds of playing time. . . .

“President Obama has declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Wonder how many people are thinking.‘Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.’ ” . . . Here’s Hough, after courts upheld a ban on gay marriage in the states of Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio and Tennessee: “So in those last two states, men can still marry their sisters, just not their brothers?” . .

“The price of gas jumped six cents one day last week,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “What happened? Did somebody in Saudi Arabia fart?” . . . ICYMI, pro golfer Keegan Bradley decided the other day to tweet this about Michael Jordan: “MJ how does it feel to get beat by me everyday at Bears Club? #GoHornets.” . . . To which Jordan tweeted back: “Last time I looked, you were wearing MY shoes. You don’t see me wearing Air Keegans . . .” . . . Bradley came back with: “Hahaha. Damn. Game over.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

An observation from Norman Chad, in his Couch Slouch column from the Washington Post: “Can you imagine the buildup and the hype — think of the length of the pregame show alone — if ESPN were around for the creation of the world?” . . . When the Seattle Seahawks dealt receiver Percy Harvin to the New York Jets, the New York Post headlined it: Percy snatcher. . . . The gang at Fark.com went with: Ppppercy and the Jets. . . . Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com noted: “Seattle will apparently receive a conditional draft pick in 2015. Percy Harvin will receive the month of January off.” . . .

After arriving in London, England, where they play the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday, the Detroit Lions released running back William Powell. So much for him getting the royal treatment. . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Calvin Johnson is out until back is healthy enough to carry team again. . . .

Jimmy Kimmel of ABC-TV yearns for the good ol’ days. “I love baseball,” he says. “You know, baseball was our national pastime before selfies took over.” . . . One of the college football bowl games this festive season will be the Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl. Len Berman of ThatsSports.com points out: “Yup, nothing goes together quite as well as spicy wings and a citrusy drink. What’s next, Guantanamo Bay sponsoring the Liberty Bowl?” . . . Here’s Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald making a valid point: “At a WWE event, the Big Show ripped down a Russian flag. Before World War III starts, can someone quickly explain to the Russians about pro wrestling? Thanks.” . . .

Thanks to Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times for passing along a note from Vox.com. Wanting to see how much action there is in a televised NFL game, the folks there took an in-depth look at what was shown during the telecast of the Oct. 6 game between the Cincinnati Bengals and New England Patriots. The results:
• Players standing around: 35.5 per cent
• Commercials: 24.5 per cent
• Replays: 10.7 per cent
• Coach shots: 4.9 per cent
• Referee shots: 3.2 per cent
• Halftime: 3.2 per cent
• Sideline player shots: 2.2 per cent
• On-screen promotions: 2 per cent
• Other (crowd shots, cheerleaders): 5.5 per cent
• Actual football being played: 8.3 per cent.

“According to an ABC News report,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “clowns carrying baseball bats have been terrorizing people in Bakersfield, California. ‘We feel your pain,’ said Cubs fans.” . . . A note to the talking heads doing the highlight shows who refer to the NBA as the Association. There is only one Association and they sang Windy. Feel free to Google it. OK? . . . “The Canadian Ebola vaccine looks very promising,” notes comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. “If Canada can rid themselves of Justin Bieber, they can get rid of anything.” . . .

Hey, TSN, you can ditch those fantasy football commercials as soon as you can find the delete button. Thanks. . . . “The NBA is experimenting with shortening games,” writes Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot, “while some players wish for a shorter season. But when it comes to sports in general on TV, what I want is a lot less pre-game chatter – none would be good – from the overcrowded panels whose analysis amounts to nothing. And I get what I want simply by not watching until the ball is in play.” . . . But, gee, without the panels, what’s left? . . . Gee, where would the likes of P.J. Stock and Glenn Healy go to be heard? . . .

Here’s Molinaro, again: “Media accounts of Kansas City’s undying love for its Royals go real easy on the inconvenient truth that the team ranked 25th out of 30 in attendance. The https://twitter.com/Royals were one of only six MLB clubs that didn’t break the 2-million mark this year. But don’t expect the facts to get in the way of a good story.” . . . Michael Beasley has played his way out of the NBA and signed with the Shanghai Sharks. Which got Greg Cote of the Miami Herald to asking: “How do you say ‘got weed?’ in Chinese?” . . .

With Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos putting a hammering on the San Francisco 49ers on Sunday night, Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen tweeted: “Finally, something positive to take Coloradans minds off worrying about weed-tainted Halloween candy.” . . . Have to wonder how many major league managers called their realtors when they found out Friday that Joe Maddon had left the Tampa Bay Rays. . . .

We close this week with a thought or two from Jack Finarelli, the Sports Curmudgeon, who is quickly becoming our resident sports philosopher: “With regard to Dallas Cowboys’ running back Joseph Randle’s arrest for shoplifting some cologne and some underwear because he supposedly did not want to wait in a long line at the cashier to pay for those items, can I please get someone at ESPN or FOX Sports1 to stop calling this a bad decision. That was so far beyond a simple ‘bad decision’ that it is insulting to every person on earth who ever made a bad decision. Buying and holding Enron stock was a bad decision; wasting two hours of one’s life to see the movie Ishtar was a bad decision; shoplifting items because the cashier line was too long to wait in is not a bad decision; it is an indicator of a massive case of entitlement. The fact that he is now some kind of spokesthing for the underwear company ought to be embarrassing to the max – but entitled people seem not to understand the concept of embarrassment.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

If you’re watching the MLB playoffs, you will have noticed that this autumn’s slogan is ‘Always October.‘ As Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle put it in a tweet: “That's so poetic! Was selected by MLB over ‘Kiss My November.’ ” . . . Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on baseball commissioner Bud Selig forming a committee to look at speeding up games: “I still like my idea: First run wins.” . . .

The best quote out of this week’s 1984 Edmonton Oilers' reunion came from Mark Messier, who said: "I never finished high school, so this is my first actual reunion.” . . . Quarterback Kerry Joseph emerged from retirement this week and signed with the CFL’s Saskatchewan Roughriders. Apparently, he walked across Wascana Lake to get to Mosaic Stadium for the official signing. . . .

“Paul Revere, founder of Paul Revere and the Raiders, has passed away at the age of 76,” writes Janice Hough, aka the Left Coast Sports Babe. “Please can someone get a comment from Sarah Palin on his death?” . . .  Hough, again: “So the AL representative in the World Series will be either the Kansas City Royals or the Baltimore Orioles. And Fox executives just threw up.” . . . Having just spent some time on Prairie highways, I am shocked by how many Alberta drivers appear to have purchased vehicles that lack working turn signals. . . .

Michael Phelps, one of the greatest American swimmers of all-time, is facing a second DUI charge after being arrested in Baltimore on Tuesday. “Apparently,” notes comedy writer Jim Barach, “not only does he swim like a fish, he drinks like one, too.” . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post added: “Phelps was released by police after doing a few lengths in the drunk tank.” . . . How are the St. Louis Cardinals doing it this season? Perhaps with a solid mix of older and younger players. As Matt Holliday told CBSsports.com: “It’s a good combination of experience and ignorance.” . . .

Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, has this idea involving football telecasts: “There would be no interviews with coaches just before the game or at halftime of the game. The penalty would be caning – probably 50 strokes would do the trick. The coaches clearly do not want to be interrupted from whatever zone they are trying to get themselves into; they never say anything even remotely interesting; the interviewer has to pretend to care about the pabulum answers. Stop this insanity and stop it immediately!” . . . OK! This is a great idea. But it should be extended to baseball, basketball and hockey telecasts, too. . . .

“A person who goes by the name Fake Gainer on Twitter says the No. 1 rivalry in sports in Canada is the Stampeders and Riders,” reports Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “I’m going with Leafs-Habs, Rider fans-Bomber fans and Jennifer Jones-Rachel Homan.” . . . “An ESPN poll of fan satisfaction rates Toronto's NHL club last of 122 professional sports teams,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “That's the Leafs for ya: when they finally finish first, it’s for being worst.” . . .

So what did I think of Sportsnet’s first night of NHL coverage? Well, it’s early but I was hoping for more new faces and new voices, less of some old faces and old voices, and more of Elliotte Friedman. . . . The new ref cam provides some interesting looks, but I’m thinking the guy wearing it has to be feeling a bit nerdish. . . . Yes, it’s early but these Edmonton Oilers look a lot like those Edmonton Oilers, don’t they? . . . Here’s Gary Player, 78, looking ahead in an interview on SiriusXM: “I’ve always said when I die I just hope that the golf course up in heaven looks like Augusta (National). I want to be the head pro, but I’m not in a hurry to tee off.” . . .

Headline at Fark.com: Tom Brady’s deal with the devil has finally expired. . . . “A friend in Oklahoma City tells me he attends Edmonton Oilers farm team games,” writes Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “I thought Edmonton was the farm team.” . . . "What’s this we hear — Johnny Manziel wants to be Jameis Winston’s life coach?" ponders Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. "So what’s next, John Daly taking Tiger Woods under his wing?" . . . One more from Perry: "Scots went to the polls (recently) and voted by a 55-45 margin not to: a) Leave the United Kingdom; b) Join the Big Ten." . . .

"Remember," writes Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, “when NFL officials thought the biggest distraction this season would be Michael Sam?” . . . Doug Ferguson of The Associated Press writes: “Jim Furyk earned $5,987,395 this year without winning on the PGA Tour. That’s about $250,000 more than Jack Nicklaus made in his career.” . . . IN HIS CAREER! . . . Think about that for a moment or two. . . . Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James is producing a basketball-related comedy show for the TV network Starz. Asked how many seasons he thought it might run, he replied: “Last time I said, ‘Not one, not two, not three, not four …,’ that didn’t go over too well.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

In case you missed it, and you may have, John Daly -- yes, that John Daly -- has recorded a country tune that is getting some radio time. It’s called Hit It Hard, and part of it goes like this: “No laying up, no holding back, ain’t afraid of nothing, it’s a natural fact.” . . . Here’s Adam Hill of the Las Vegas Review-Journal with some advice for Daly, the crooner: “Stay away from golf references. Your real life is more of a country song than anything you’ve done on the course.” . . . Going into the weekend, NFL players, through fines and suspensions, had forfeited US$14,063,619 this year. Last season’s total, for the ENTIRE season, was $10,619,855. Do you think whatever message the NFL is trying to deliver isn’t getting through? . . .

It was nice to arrive back in B.C. after a few days in Alberta and be greeted by headlines pertaining to another ICBC rate increase. Nothing like someone taking more money out of your pocket to make you feel at home in B.C. . . . “I am still smiling about B.C. Lions president Dennis Skulsky having to cough up more than 30,000 tickets after his guaranteed win against the Riders failed miserably,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “Maybe now he will keep his mug away from TV cameras during games.” . . . Hutch shouldn’t hold his breath, should he? . . .

“Suzuki, which stopped selling cars in the U.S., has recalled 19,000 sedans due to a risk of spider webs affecting fuel lines,” claims contributor TC Chong. “As there aren’t any dealers, owners are given a toll-free line to get further instructions from company spokesman Peter Parker.” . . . Having made two return trips over the Coquihalla Highway and a trek on the Yellowhead to Jasper and back in recent weeks, I feel quite safe in saying that B.C. is the first jurisdiction in North America, and maybe all of the world, to have done away with speed limits. Oh, there are posted speed limits on our highways, but it’s quite apparent that the limit really is whatever you want it to be. . . .

“Notre Dame supposedly has sidelined four football players because of academic fraud,” reports Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel. “My question: Is there a bigger oxymoron in college football than “academic fraud”? Don’t kid yourself, all of the big-time programs — by hiding their dozens of scholastically challenged players in gut courses and pointless majors — are academic frauds down to their very core.” . . . If you aren’t aware, there now are five TSN channels available to some of us, meaning, as Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen puts it, “Ice fishing inches ever closer to a profession.” . . .

The way Mark Waller, the NFL’s chief marketing officer, has it figured, elementary-school students would do better at math if teachers worked fantasy football into the curriculum. “Well,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “that’s one way to truly prepare students for the real-life workforce.” . . . In B.C., elementary-school students ask: “What is a curriculum?” . . . “Apple apparently will unveil iPhones with bigger screens in September,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “So at least when people look at their screens while walking and driving they won’t have to squint as much.” . . . When outfielder Scott Van Slyke of the Los Angeles Dodgers sprained an ankle this week in Arizona, he said it was because “they’ve got bad grass here.” . . . “Dude!” remarked Hough. “You want good grass, sign with the Colorado Rockies.” . . .

You thought Sportsnet’s NHL package was going to be full of new faces and different voices, didn’t you? Well, they sure fooled you, didn’t they? It’s going to be the same old all over again, with the likes of P.J. Stock and Glenn Healy and all of that gang. . . . If you hadn’t already guessed, the Sportsnet NHL telecast theme song will be Hail, Hail, the Gang’s All Here. . . . “The Dolphins continue to talk to Dan Marino about a front-office position that would be more than a figurehead role but have little real authority,” reports Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “Suggested title: Senior Vice President of Good Old Days.” . . .

There are those who would have you believe that the NHL is about to expand into Las Vegas and Seattle. Get back to me when the Las Vegas franchise has an owner and a venue in which to play. Seattle, meanwhile, has a potential ownership group but nowhere to play. If you are a regular viewer of NHL games, you might also wonder from where the players would come to stock two expansion teams. Think about what two more teams would do to the quality of play and try not to cringe. . . . Dick Bavetta, a long-time NBA referee, has retired at the age of 74. “Bavetta has seen it all in 39 years,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Well, except for traveling.” . . .

“(The Oakland) Athletics traded (Yoenis) Cespedes and rented (Jon) Lester for post-season,” tweets Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register. “Now they might not make post-season. What's the title of THAT movie?” . . . In Green Bay this NFL season, you will be able to visit a concession stand and spend $12 on something called ‘Bratchos.’ That would be pieces of brat, cheese and fried chips. Heath Barbato, the executive chef at Lambeau Field, told ESPN.com: “It’s basically Wisconsin in a bucket.” . . . “Caroline Wozniacki lost a point at the U.S. Open when her pony tail got caught in her racquet,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “She won the match but may have suffered a tress fracture.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, chimed in on the CFL-CFLPA dispute on Friday. “There is even a dispute between the parties here as to what the average salary per player was last year. The Players Association says it was not $82,904 but was only $71,700. Calculating ‘average salary’ is not exactly a mathematical feat comparable to proving Fermat’s Last Theorem. Therefore, when the two sides perform this mathematical operation and come up with numbers that differ by about 14 per cent, my conclusion is that the two sides would probably not agree that the sun came up in the east this morning even after they called their favourite local weatherman to ask.” . . .

“The Ottawa Redblacks held a ceremony Thursday at TD Place, where a 1976 silver dollar was embedded in the asphalt under the field as a tribute to the last Ottawa team to win a Grey Cup,” scribbles Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Current Redblacks likely paid close attention as the coin was buried. If/when there’s a strike and their source of income dries up, they’re going to need to know where to dig.” . . . “Clay Buchholz recently became the second Red Sox pitcher ever to lose seven pounds in a single appearance,” writes contributor Bill Littlejohn. “The first involved a burglary at Bill Lee's house.” . . .

On Wednesday night, the Los Angeles Kings and host Chicago Blackhawks played what was a terrific Stanley Cup playoff game. If you missed it, and you can bet Bill O’Donovan didn’t, the Blackhawks won 5-4 in double overtime. But it was the first extra period that had fans buzzing. It took only 26 minutes of real time to play the entire 20-minute period. Yes, it was hockey at its best. . . . Meanwhile, the visiting Miami Heat and Indiana Pacers were hooked up in an NBA playoff game. The Pacers won, 93-90. It took eight minutes to play the game’s final 12 seconds. . . . With the NBA draft approaching, Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel has some advice for the Orlando Magic: “Personally, I believe the Magic should package their No. 4 and No. 12 picks and try to move up in the draft to take Johnny Manziel.” . . .

If you have been paying attention to the NBA playoffs, you know that Paul George of the Pacers suffered a concussion in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference final, but was still back on the floor for Game 3. During the regular season, Orlando’s Nik Vucevic sat out 12 games with a concussion. “If you’re tanking, you miss three weeks,” Bianchi wrote in explaining the NBA’s concussion protocol. “If you’re in the conference finals, you miss three days.” . . . “The (Cleveland) Browns supposedly drafted Johnny Manziel after owner Jimmy Haslam heard a homeless man tell him, ‘Draft Manziel,’ ” writes Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “Cannot confirm the homeless man was a former team sports owner bankrupted by taking personnel advice from homeless men.” . . .

“A clueless French Open reporter congratulated Nicolas Mahut for a match Mahut had just lost,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “He also congratulated the Chicago Cubs on 106 great years.” . . . A Friday night tweet from Ray Ratto of Comcast SportsNet Bay Area: “With apologies to our atheist and agnostic friends, the seventh game is the closest we as a species have come to proving that God exists.” . . . After his Kings lost Game 6, 4-3, to the visiting Blackhawks, forcing a Game 7 on Sunday, head coach Darryl Sutter was asked: “What did you say to the team after the loss?” . . . His response: “We fly at 11.” . . .

If you hadn’t heard, Donald Sterling paid US$12.5 million for the NBA’s Los Angeles Clippers in 1981. On Friday, the franchise was sold, pending NBA approval, for $2 billion, which is four times the selling price for any other team. . . . “Because of an illegally recorded private conversation,” notes syndicated columnist Norman Chad, “an NBA owner is forced to sell his team at a 16,000-per cent profit. Only in America.” . . . Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times put it this way: “We all know how Donald Sterling feels about blacks. Now we’ll find out if he has a higher opinion of green.” . . .

Michael Vick, the newest quarterback with the NFL’s New York Jets, has told the New York Daily News that he can help the team get to the Super Bowl. “Apparently,” added comedy writer Jim Barach, “he has a GPS system and a license to drive the bus.” . . . The premier of Turks and Caicos has said he doesn’t have any problems with joining Canada as our 11th province. “Good news,” says Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “It would raise the average temperature of Canada by about 10 degrees.” . . .

After the New York Rangers finished off the visiting Montreal Canadiens on Thursday night, Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun pointed out a couple of things via Twitter: 1. At the Olympic break, the Toronto Maple Leafs had a three-point lead over the Rangers; 2. The Maple Leafs took the first Swedish goalie, Mikael Tellqvist, in the 2000 draft. The Rangers, 135 picks later, selected Henrik Lundqvist. . . . “Dale Weise and Alexei Emelin of the Canadiens both sat out Thursday’s game versus the Rangers,” claims Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, “as they wanted to avoid the post-game handshake in case Milan Lucic of the Boston Bruins showed up again.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Kevin Love has decided that enough is enough. He has spent six seasons with the NBA’s Minnesota Timberwolves and has told management he will leave as a free agent after next season. As Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel wrote: “He wants to go to a winning franchise. The Timberwolves have finally learned that money can’t buy them Love.” . . . “In an interview with People Magazine,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, “Elin Nordegren praises Tiger (Woods) for being a good father. Translation: Tiger is making his monthly support payments on time.” . . . A woman in Florida is facing charges after having her neighbour’s home bulldozed. “That,” Chong points out, “is what you get when you don’t trim your overhanging branches.” . . .

“We don’t even have dental (coverage). Go figure.” That was B.C. Lions kicker Paul McCallum, in conversation with Lowell Ullrich of the Vancouver Province. Just in case you aren’t sure why the CFL and the CFLPA are duking it out. . . . “Two words I’m waiting to hear from the CFL: Replacement players,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “I can visualize Keanu Reeves playing quarterback for the Blue Bombers.” . . . “Despite rumours to the contrary,” claims RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “the CFL has proposed a nine-per-cent increase in the salary cap, not a nine-cent increase.” . . .

In case you missed it, Gary Bettman, the commissioner of the NHL, was honoured the other night as Sports Executive of the Year at the Sports Business Awards in New York City. As he accepted the award, Bettman, who received a standing ovation, told the crowd: “It’s almost an out-of-body experience. This time of year, I’m normally presenting a trophy and getting booed. To receive one and get applause is really quite novel.” . . . A note from Janice Hough (aka The Left Coast Sports Babe): “Miguel Tejada has signed a minor-league deal with the Miami Marlins and will work out at the club’s spring training headquarters while he serves the last few weeks of a 105-game suspension for his third failed drug test. It’s all part of Bud Selig’s strict ‘three strikes and you’re almost out, maybe . . .’ policy.” . . .

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald reports that Vito Cammisano, the boyfriend of St. Louis Rams defensive end Michael Sam, is the grandson of a former Kansas City enforcer and mob boss. William Cammisano got his nickname -- Willie the Rat -- because he would dispose of bodies in the sewer where, well, you get the picture. . . . “Aside to Rams coach Jeff Fisher,” adds Cote. “Think twice before cutting Sam.” . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Kevin Garnett mostly just pounding chest to keep heart going at this point. . . . Garnett, 37, will play at least one more NBA season with the Brooklyn Nets. You would, too, for the US$12 million the Nets owe him for next season, the last one on his contract. . . .

Golfer Rory McIlroy sent out the wedding invitations, then got cold feet and ended his engagement to tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. “In golf,” claims comedian Torben Rolfsen, “that is known as signing an inaccurate card.” . . . “Rory McIlroy opened with a 68 at Wentworth, his first round of golf since calling off his engagement to Caroline Wozniacki,” noted Currie. “It’s nice he had a hot hand to go with his cold feet.” . . . Social note: Actress Olivia Munn and Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers are said to be an item. Or, as the headline in the New York Daily News put it: Say Cheese! Pack's Rodgers dating actress Munn. . . .

According to USA Today, Duke men's basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski is the highest-paid coach in U.S. college sports. He pulls in US$9,682,032 a year. You have to wonder how hard he negotiated for that $32. . . . The Oakland A’s beat the host Tampa Bay Rays 3-2 on Wednesday night. Somehow, the A’s scored three runs on only one hit, and think about that for a moment or two. Oakland now is 1-82 when held hitless or getting one hit. . . . On the other side of the coin, the Rays lost for the first time in the 10 games in which they have held the opponent to zero hits or one hit. . . .

From Ron Judd of the Seattle Times: “We loved the reaction to the L.A. Clippers story from some corners around here: ‘Man, that NBA sure is run by a bunch of racist, misogynist mouth-breathers. Any chance this means we get a team?’ ” . . . More from Judd: "We’re hoping someone was joking by throwing together a potential Clippers’ ownership group comprising three of the most stupendous egos on Planet Earth (in order): Larry Ellison, Oprah and David Geffen. Is there some reason they left out Lance Armstrong?" . . . If Oreo cookies had never been invented, would we still have crossword puzzles?

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Kibwe becomes hall of famer

As I have watched the momentum shifts in the various hockey games at the Olympic Winter Games, I find myself waiting for an enforcer to come off one team’s bench and attempt to regain the momentum for his side. . . . If you have been watching the Olympic hockey, you will be aware that no one has had a better couple of weeks than play-by-play man extraordinaire Jim Hughson. . . .

Some of Sochi’s stray dogs have been adopted by Olympic athletes. As blogger T.C. Chong wrote: “One American is bringing home a dog, and has already named it Sochi. A British guy wants to adopt one as well. Name? Eddie the Beagle, of course.” . . . According to Chong, retired American figure skater Johnny Weir, who has been working for NBC-TV at the Olympics, badly wants to meet Don Cherry. “Weir wants to ask him what he does with his old clothes,” Chong reports. . . .

Americans Meryl Davis and Charlie White won the gold medal in ice dancing at the Olympic Winter Games, with Canada’s Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir taking silver. Both pairs have the same coach, Marina Zoueva. Somewhere Scotty Bowman is thinking: “Why didn’t I think of that?” . . . “I've devoted more time in the last five minutes to ice dancing than my entire life to date,” Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com wrote during the final of the Olympic figure-skating event. “I just want to see what an actual fix is like.” . . .

“Saskatchewan skip Brad Heidt told the CBC that curlers get frustrated because they can't vent anger like NHL players,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “True, but if that changes, I want Ryan Harnden as my enforcer.” . . . One more from Currie: “I think we can all agree that the perimeter of a curling rock is round. So how can you corner freeze to it?” . . . 

Headline at SportsPickle.com: Kurt Russell begs Team USA to win hockey gold so he can maybe get another acting job. . . . Headline at the Onion.com: Richie Incognito Disappointed Wells Report Left Out Best Stuff He Did To Jonathan Martin. . . . Judging by his reaction to a bit of a nosebleed during a Thursday night game, there isn’t any hockey player in LeBron James. For a minute, it looked as though they were going to have to give him a stretcher ride to the dressing room. Yes, The King is soft. . . .

During a Toronto Maple Leafs game prior to the Olympics, a wedding proposal was shown on the Kiss Cam. After which Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press noted: “First time anybody’s got a ring there since 1967.” . . . Congrats to Kibwe Johnson, who will be inducted into the Gwinnett County, Ga., Sports Hall of Fame on May 9. Johnson, one of the United States’ top hammer throwers, lives and trains in Kamloops. He is one of three Americans to have broken the 80-metre barrier in his sport. . . . 

You will recall that one of the five Olympic rings didn’t light up during the Winter Games’ opening ceremony. As Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn explained: “Rings have a way of disappearing when Vladimir Putin is around, said Robert Kraft.” . . . A San Francisco radio station apparently left the Olympic hockey game between the U.S. and Russia before the game ended in a shootout. Littlejohn noted: “The show that it picked up was called Hooked on Golf. In this week's show, the golf pro gives lessons to a girl named Heidi.” . . .

Here’s Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, with a Winter Olympics-related tidbit: “I have been told there is one actual sport, biathlon, that involves both cross-country skiing and shooting guns. That happens to be a very popular sport in Miami, but without the cross-country skiing part.” . . . Someone asked the great Charles Barkley about curling. His response: “It’s dusting.” . . . Comedian Erik Rolfsen, after Derek Jeter announced that 2014 would be his last season as a pro baseballer: “Derek Jeter has played in more post-season games than the Cubs and White Sox franchises combined. He's also broken more hearts than the Cubbies.” . . .

Social note: Julianne Hough, who visited Splitsville with Ryan Seacrest just last year, now is being seen out and about with Brooks Laich, a former WHLer who plays for the NHL’s Washington Capitals. You‘re right, Laich has come a long, long way from Wawota, Sask. . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka the Left Coast Sports Babe, who isn’t related to Julianne: “The Clowns of America president says that membership numbers are plummeting because the younger generation isn’t going into the profession, and that the country may be facing a clown shortage. Well, we can always borrow some from Congress.” . . . Gee, there might even be a Canadian senator or three available. . . .

If you missed it, Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the non-profit organization known as the NFL, was paid US $44.2 million in 2013. Someone broke it down to approximately $850,000 per week, or $170,000 per day, or $21,000 per hour. . . . And then there’s swimmer Jaring Timmerman of Winnipeg, who has worked through injuries, including torn shoulder ligaments, suffered in his younger days to set age-group records. “That’s what they call a swimmer’s shoulder,” Timmerman, who is 104, told CBC News. “I got that when I was about 100.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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