Was Innocent guilty? . . . From Q to q. Really? . . . A speeding minister

The MLS’s San Francisco Earthquakes have a midfielder named Innocent, who recently was hit with a one-game suspension. It was Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle who suggested that the headline on that story should have been ‘Innocent Guilty.’ . . . Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, with a ‘Note to Canada’: “Y’all seemed really excited last week announcing your first bombing runs against ISIS. Question: If we jumped off a bridge into Kabul, would you do it, too? OK, bad example.” . . . Judd, again: “Commercial fishermen in the Gulf of Alaska are getting increasingly miffed by the large numbers of sperm and killer whales that nab hooked cod and other fish right off their lines. Damn whales think they own the whole ocean.” . . .

ICYMI, a couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King recently were married. Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong reported: “When asked if they were planning to start a family they replied, ‘Yes, our first daughter will be named Wendy. If it’s a boy, then Carl Jr.’ ” . . . If you’re a fan of the New York Yankees, you are thinking: If they had only given Robinson Cano what he wanted. . . . Only the deep thinkers at CBC would take a scandalized radio show called ‘Q’ and rename it ‘q’. . . . Seriously, who makes those decisions? . . .

You can’t make this stuff up: Todd Stone is B.C.’s minister of transportation and infrastructure. Thus, he is responsible for the speed limits in the province. It was revealed on Friday that he was ticketed three weeks ago for going 109 kilometres per hour in an 80 zone. Cost him $196. Apparently, he was rushing to catch a ferry to the Lower Mainland from Victoria, with his wife and three children in the vehicle with him. . . . It turns out that Stone lost his driver’s licence in 2000 after accumulating five speeding tickets. He now has had two speeding tickets since then so obviously is a slow learner. . . . Maybe he should stick to the Coquihalla Highway, where he recently jacked up the speed limit to 120. . . . BTW, if you’re like me, you’re wondering if he made the ferry. . . .

You may be aware that Masters champ Jordan Spieth attended the U of Texas but didn’t stay long. He left in 2012 without finishing his sophomore year. As Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel pointed out: “It's an under-publicized problem for college golf: The hole-in-one-and-done.” . . . You may have noticed that a big part of the media is in love with Tiger Woods. As Phil Mushnick of the New York Post put it: “If there were a 5,000-car pileup, the breaking news would be: Tiger Woods wasn’t in it — and escaped unhurt.” . . . After the 21-year-old Spieth won the Masters, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted: “Tiger Woods has hickeys older than Jordan Spieth.” . . .

A paragraph from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent: 1. “According to stats in the early going, the length of major league baseball games are down eight minutes. Or about one Mike Hargrove at-bat.” . . . To the youngsters in our audience, Hargrove’s nickname was The Human Rain Delay. . . . 2. “Tom Brady bounced his first pitch at the Red Sox home-opener. I hear the baseball was two PSI below the limit.” . . . 3. “Britt McHenry's life story on film — ‘Gone Baby-Girl.’ In Britt's case, there hasn't been such a clear and emphatic reminder of another's 'lower' station in life since the heyday of Leona Helmsley.” . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com has a “note to those who laughed at Tom Brady after his ceremonial pitch: Four Super Bowl rings; wife Gisele Bundchen; wife’s 2014 earnings, $47 million. Who’s laughing now?” . . . One more from Currie: “Iconic Pittsburgh safety and shampoo pitchman, Troy Polamalu, announced his retirement. Yet to be decided — the hair apparent.” . . . With foreigners again allowed to compete in the Pyongyang Marathon in North Korea, Vancouver comic Torben Roflsen point out: “But they couldn’t have any water. The winner of the race was Kim Jong-un, with a reported time of 1 hour 35 minutes.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: ““There is a mayoral bet on the Canucks-Flames series: If Vancouver wins, the Red Mile becomes a bike lane.” . . .

Please, no more whining about WHL bus trips. “The Milwaukee Brewers’ AA farm team,” notes Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com, “which moved from Huntsville last year because Biloxi got all flirty and new ballpark-y, is beginning a 55-game, 60-day roadie because said new park isn’t ready yet. And because this is the Southern League, it’s all bus rides -– from Pensacola to Mobile to Jacksonville to Pensacola to Huntsville to Jackson, Mississippi, to Jackson, Tennessee, to Huntsville to Chattanooga to Birmingham. When the Shuckers finish this trip, they will have well and truly bonded. Unless, of course, they kill each other going from Jackson to Jackson.” . . .

So, Charles Barkley, what goes through your mind when you hear about NBA players getting into it with fans on social media? “I always use this analogy when it comes to sports fans,” he replies. “Just because you watch Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t mean you can perform an operation.” . . . “In Allen, Texas,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “a rancher was given a $266 citation for doing what he’s been doing for years, riding his horse to Taco Bell. Apparently, it’s not allowable to ride on a public street. Now, if he’d just walked downtown carrying a couple of shotguns. . .”

You are wondering why Lou Holtz is leaving his role as a football analyst with ESPN. Well, he’s 78, and as he told a Notre Dame website: “I’ve been everywhere except to bed. I’ve spoken to everybody except my wife. Somebody said, ‘Do you ever go anywhere where people don’t recognize you?’ I said, ‘Home.’ ” . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post reports: “In his new book, former NFLer Phillip Buchanon claims his mother demanded $1 million from him — her fee for raising him, as it were — after he was drafted by the Oakland Raiders in 2002. That gives new meaning to ‘child support’ ” . . .

“Rassler-turned-actor Dwayne Johnson says he eats 2¼ pounds of cod a day — or 821 pounds a year,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Rock cod, we presume.” . . . Centre Kendrick Perkins of the Cleveland Cavaliers took nine steps with the ball in a recent game and wasn’t called for travelling. “I have gone for runs that were shorter,” wrote Kaseberg.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Are we really disgusted with Alex Rodriguez? Do we really despise other cheaters in sports? “We as a culture don’t hate cheating,” writes Ray Ratto of CSNbayarea.com. “In fact, we not only don’t hate it, we like it -– love it, in fact. Can’t get enough. In fact, based on the talking points from the last World Series and the Jackie Robinson West scandalette, we need far more cheating than we are currently getting. It has always worked for wrestling, Roller Derby and politics, and there’s no reason now that we’ve had so much fun with this last NFL season that we can’t ask for more. We’ll take all the cheating and despicable behaviour you’ve got.” . . . If you’re not aware, the recent India-Pakistan ICC World Cup match — that would be cricket, of course — drew a TV audience of about one billion people. That is about eight times larger than the Super Bowl’s viewing audience. . . .

“If recent pictures out of Florida are any indication, new Boston Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval turned up at spring training slightly out of shape,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “The Kung Fu Panda looks more like the Kung Pao Panda.” . . . “Bill Murray hasn’t been funny on a golf course since Caddyshack in 1980,” writes Phil Mushnick of the New York Post. “Nevertheless, throughout every Pebble Beach Pro-Am, CBS finds him inescapably hilarious.” . . . A Sunday tweet from Golf.com: “When Pebble Beach opened on Feb. 22, 1919, greens fees were $2 for gentlemen and $1.50 for ladies. Today: $495.” . . .

Headline at Fark.com: When the star hits the road in a salary unload, that’s Amar’e. . . . The New York Knicks bought out what was left on Amar’e Stoudemire’s five-year, US$99 million contract, resulting in his saying that he was leaving with “a heavy heart.” Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer pointed out that “is probably an indication he carries his wallet in his breast pocket.” . . . “Amar’e Stoudemire wrote a goodbye poem to New York,” reports contributor Bill Littlejohn. “He was a little disappointed that he couldn't find something that rhymes with 'fire extinguisher’ “ . . . Here’s Littlejohn, again: “Danny Almonte has come to the defence of the Jackie Robinson West Little League Team. Isn't that like Kim Jong Un coming to the defence of Kanye West?” . . .

A woman in a Manhattan diner got a fish hook in her mouth as she bit into her dinner. CBS-TV’s David Letterman summed it up this way: “I hate when you go into a restaurant and you’re the catch of the day.” . . . “Let me just clear something up,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “If you live in Colorado and your neighbor invites you over for a ‘pot roast,’ it doesn't mean the same thing as it does elsewhere.” . . . Dickson, again: “On Presidents Day, a lot of people don't work and instead sit around taking it easy. Sounds more like Vice Presidents Day. Presidents Day is when we honor the greatest leaders in American history with 30 per cent off on products that are mostly made in China.” . . .

In autographing a poster for Barack Obama, Michael Jordan misspelled the U.S. president’s name. As NBC-TV’s Jimmy Fallon pointed out, “The president made sure Jordan’s name was spelled right when he had him audited by the IRS.” . . . Brian Burke, the president of hockey operations with the Calgary Flames, isn’t much of a golf fan. As he told Calgary radio station Jack FM the other day: "I hate golf because it's slow and there's no fighting."

“An ESPN survey of NHL agents reveals the top three cities that players don’t want to go to are: 1. Edmonton; 2. Winnipeg; 3. Buffalo,” writes Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Congratulations to Evander Kane, who is attempting to complete the trifecta.” . . . After Miss P, a beagle from Enderby, B.C., was named Best In Show at the prestigious Westminster Kennel Club show in New York, Chong reported that residents of Enderby “now are planning to change the road greeting sign to Welcome to EnderBeagle.” . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “The beagle that won Best In Show at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became ‘America’s Dog’, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Just the other day, Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, came up with a great idea involving pro sports teams and those throwback uniforms. . . . “If the NFL wants to show its ties to the past and to demonstrate some commitment to ‘heritage’ – whatever that might mean – any game using ‘throwback uniforms’ should also occur in a ‘throwback environment’ that would include: 1. Free parking; 2. No more than $2 for a beer or $1 for a soda; 3. No DJ in the stadium creating meaningless noise; 4. No cheerleaders.” . . . Under those conditions, he writes, “I could put up with ‘throwback uniforms’ -- not counting ‘the bumblebees’ -- once a year.” . . . The ‘bumblebees,’ of course, are those hideous Pittsburgh Steelers outfits. . . . As Finarelli puts it, “I would support the NFLPA bargaining against any of its members ever having to appear in public wearing the ‘bumblebee throwback uniform’ that the Pittsburgh Steelers trot out every year. That is a form of public humiliation for union members.” . . .

"I would be very excited about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers bringing back beer snakes next season if I had any idea what a beer snake was," writes Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. "I’d be more excited if they brought back Dieter Brock." . . . Hey, I'd settle for Ralph Brock. . . . “FIFA (wink, wink) found no irregularities in the way World Cups were awarded to Russia and Qatar, but bid-committee members weren’t available for comment,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “They’d just left on their surprise vacation junkets to Barbados.” . . . Perry also notes that “Mike Vrabel, the Texans’ linebackers coach, lost the three Super Bowl rings he won with the Patriots when burglars broke into his Houston home. Not to cast any aspersions or anything, but how do you say ‘one for the thumb’ in Russian?” . . .

“Lee Chong Wei,, the world’s top-ranked badminton player, has apparently failed a doping test,” writes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Badminton? Who knew the most honest sport might turn out to be pro wrestling?” . . . Here she is, again: “A new report says a Secret Service agent was chatting on his cellphone while an intruder scaled the White House fence in September. Maybe it’s time to get men out of the Secret Service. Not that women don’t chat. But we can multitask.” . . .

“Doping investigators have now busted curlers, badminton players and golfers,” points out Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “What’s next? Bowlers and shuffleboard players?” . . . “The Oakland Raiders are 0-9, but head coach Tony Sparano says it’s not too late to save the season,” notes Chong. “With a couple of wins, they could cross over to the CFL East and make the playoffs.” . . . Chong, again: “Charles Barkley can chow down now after saying he wouldn’t eat another meal until the Los Angeles Lakers won. I bet he wouldn’t dare try that with the Raiders.” . . .

Bruce Arians, the head coach of the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals, told SI.com that he often uses a baseball analogy in reminding his backup players to be ready. “I always tell the Wally Pipp story,” Arias said, “even though the players never know who he is, that he’s the guy Lou Gehrig replaced and Wally Pipp could never get his job back. The worst part? They don’t know who Lou Gehrig is.”

“CBC Manitoba says a polar vortex continues to chill the Prairies,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “It all started during Selkirk’s Grand Slam curling event with Cathy O on the same sheet as Jennifer Jones.” . . . Here’s Currie, again: “Anaheim Ducks veterans Corey Perry and Francois Beauchemin have been diagnosed with mumps. That's just swell.” . . .

Phil Mushnick of the New York Post kept time near the end of a recent NBA game between the New York Knicks and Detroit Pistons. “The final 42 seconds . . . ran — I kid you not — 20 minutes, 12 seconds!” he wrote. “It took 1,212 seconds to play 42. With 42 seconds left, you could have ordered a pizza, picked it up, driven home and not missed the end!” . . . The way Greg Cote of the Miami Herald has it figured, free-agent third baseman Pablo Sandoval is a lock to sign with the Florida Marlines. Why? “Miami likes his bat,” Cote explains. “Sandoval likes the Marlins’ ‘All You Can Eat Mondays’ promotion.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “I love watching the Masters every year, and always think that the last day of the Masters is the Super Sunday of golf. But it really is fun every year listening to the golfers and the announcers talk about a golf course like it’s church, isn’t it? And not just any church. Like the Vatican, that kind of church.” . . . Former Kamloops Blazers goaltender Cole Cheveldave, who was traded to the Prince Albert Raiders last summer, will attend Saint Mary’s U in Halifax and play for the Huskies next season. . . .

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald, writing about an event of last week: “On Friday, the Syracuse Chiefs, a AAA baseball team, are hosting ‘Deport Justin Bieber Night.’ It’s just nice to see one minor league team stop with the dumb promotions and delve into important social commentary.” . . . The New York Yankees turned a triple play against the host Tampa Bay Rays on Thursday. It was the third triple killing by the Yankees’ defence since 2010, each one coming with CC Sabathia on the mound. . . .

So if you aren't cheering for the Montreal Canadiens, the lone Canadian team in the Stanley Cup playoffs, does that mean you are a Canadien but not a Canadian? . . . The CFL’s Saskatchewan Roughriders gave quarterback Darian Durant a contract extension this week. “The deal is said to involve multiple years and all the water he can walk on,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. . . . The water will disappear after Durant throws his first interception. . . . Here’s Currie again: “A pair of Wall Street financiers bought Milwaukee’s last-place NBA team for $550 million. There’s a shrewd investment: over half a billion dollars to get a few lousy Bucks.” . . .

“Chad Johnson signs with Montreal Alouettes,” tweeted Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register, “(and) changes name to Chad Quatre-vingt-cinq.” . . . The afore-mentioned Currie is disappointed that the Als no longer play in Olympic Stadium. As he put it: “The Big O-chocinco has a ring to it.” . . . According to Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, Graham DeLaet of Weyburn, Sask., wasn’t too disappointed when he missed the cut at the Masters. Why not? As Chong explained: “He already owns quite a few green jackets, even though they all say John Deere on the front.” . . .

“I kind of like Brian Burke’s hedgehog look,” notes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. . . . Is that what that look is called? . . . . If you’ve been watching, you will know that Major League Baseball’s new system of reviewing plays has a few bugs in it. As Kevin Paul Dupont of the Boston Globe tweeted: “MLB replay system. More bugs than a $19-a-nite hotel room.” . . . “Well,” notes Janice Hough, aka the Left Coast Sports Babe, “Boston manager John Farrell has become the answer to a future trivia question – the first MLB ejection that resulted from arguing about a replay ruling. Are we shocked that it was about a call that went in favour of the Yankees?” . . .

Kelly Olynyk, the pride of Kamloops, has finished up a pretty good first season with the NBA’s Boston Celtics. The 7-footer definitely showed improvement as the season went on. On April 12, he put in what was then a career-high 25 points and added eight rebounds, seven on the defensive boards, as the Celtics beat the Cavaliers 111-99 in Cleveland. More impressively, he started and played 38:52. . . . On Monday, he started again, playing 35:17, and scoring 28 points and adding nine boards, in a 113-108 loss to the Sixers in Philadelphia. . . . The Celtics wrapped up their season at home on Wednesday, losing 118-102 to the Washington Wizards. Olynyk started and had a team-high 24 points and seven rebounds. . . . For the season, he averaged 20.0 minutes, 8.7 points, 5.2 rebounds and 1.6 assists over 70 games. The Celtics, in rebuilding mode, finished 25-57 and well out of the playoffs. . . . Olynyk is expected to spend some time with Canada’s men’s team this summer, but he also will be back in Kamloops. His annual Olynyk Klynyk is scheduled for Aug. 16-20. . . .

“We keep hearing about players with ‘flu-like symptoms,’ ” notes Phil Mushnick of the New York Post. “How are they treated, with cure-like remedies?” . . . You may have been watching last week when starter Michael Pineda of the New York Yankees had something that sure looked like pinetar on one hand. That got Mushnick to recalling an anecdote involving writer Phil Pepe, who covered the Yankees. As Mushnick wrote: “Pepe recalled when Jim Kaat was accused of applying a ‘foreign substance’ to the ball. ‘It’s not a foreign substance,’ said Kaat. ‘It comes from North Carolina.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.