Did Blue Jays win World Series already? . . . FIFA in Mob Museum . . . Hanks wants word with Flores

On the ultra-rare occasion you phone a business and a real live person answers, you're hard pressed not to begin weeping with gratitude

— George Johnson (@GeorgejohnsonCH) July 27, 2015

“Russian President Vladimir Putin said Monday that FIFA boss Sepp Blatter deserves the Nobel Prize,” reports Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Everyone else thinks Blatter deserves the No-Bail Prize.” . . . Have you noticed how Tiger Woods is becoming golf’s answer to the Chicago Cubs? Like the Cubbies, Tiger now teases his fans with a good round or two before he falls back into the pack. . . . “Thank God for @KING5Seattle's weather ‘futurecast’,” tweets Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Because ‘forecast’ was just so confusing to so many of us for so long.” . . .
“A woman who won a $188-million lottery jackpot this year in North Carolina was busted last week for marijuana,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “You’d think with that much money she could afford to move to Colorado.” . . . Hough, again: “The Houston Astros have made Taylor Swift move her tour date at Minute Maid Park from Oct. 13 to Sept. 9 because the team may be headed to the playoffs. Wonder how long it will take for Swift to write a bitter song about the brush-off?” . . . With the struggling Detroit Tigers and Boston Red Sox playing on ESPN last Sunday night, Hough wrote: “I’ll take ‘Matchups that sounded a lot better when they drew up the schedule’ for $400, Alex.” . . .
After Philadelphia starter Cole Hamels threw a no-hitter against the Cubs, the Twitter account @Cubs handled it with: “Dexter Fowler walks twice in loss to Phillies.” . . . It’s fireworks season in Vancouver and Wednesday was Brazil night. Why? Because, as Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen explained, Brazil “had some money to burn between the World Cup and Olympics.” . . . The Seattle Seahawks signed quarterback Russell Wilson to a four-year, US$87.6-million contract on Friday. “Fortunately,” noted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “Seattle citizens still have vastly less-important issues to hold their attention-like education, transportation and health care.” . . .
Is it just me or is Buck Martinez, the always-talking TV voice of the Toronto Blue Jays, trying hard to become the Canadian version of Hawk Harrelson, the professional cheerleader who calls Chicage White Sox’ games? . . . Why else would Martinez be screaming at balls to “get out of here” when a Toronto player hits a long ball? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Yankees and Red Sox have to be disgusted by Blue Jays trying to buy an AL East title. . . . Did the Blue Jays win the World Series when they beat the bat-less Minnesota Twins on Monday afternoon? . . . Hey, just asking. . . . One more from SportsPickle.com: A-Rod says he wants to play until he’s 45 or baseball begins testing for rare steroid he’s using. . . .
“Jose Canseco says he will live as a woman to support Caitlin Jenner,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “He started by borrowing some leftover stash from Manny Ramirez.” . . . The Mob Museum in Las Vegas has said it will open a FIFA exhibit in September. That led Littlejohn to wonder: “How much did FIFA have to bribe them to get it?” . . . “The first photos of Jason Pierre-Paul's hand have emerge” Littlejohn writes of the New York Giants defensive lineman who suffered injuries during a July 4 fireworks accident. “It looks like we've found the long-lost cousin of Kermit the Frog.” . . .
Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News wonders: “Has any sports owner around here ever had to admit, as John Mara did the other day, that he didn’t know how many fingers one of his star players has?” . . . Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has a question: “If Pete Rose were a Buddhist, would he be banned for more than one lifetime?” . . . Here’s RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com with a social note: “Tennis stars Maria Sharapova and Grigor Dimitrov have ended their two-year relationship. I can’t help thinking he took Sharapova for grunted.” . . .
Earlier this week, centre Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins was seen serving coffee at a Tim Hortons outlet in Dartmouth, N.S.. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “How does he sleep at night taking away much needed part-time work from CFL players?” . . . Actually, Crosby and Nathan MacKinnon of the Colorado Avalanche were shooting a TV commercial. . . . “New York Mets shortstop Wilmer Flores was shown on TV crying after they told him he had been traded,” Chong writes. “The deal fell through but Tom Hanks still said he wanted to have a few words with young Wilmer.” . . .
Brendan Taman, the general manager of the 0-6 Saskatchewan Roughriders, gave his head coach, Corey Chamblin, a vote of confidence on Monday. . . . That only means that Chamblin shouldn’t be buying any green bananas. . . . Actually, the head coach is signed through 2017 and, while the Roughriders have money in the bank, they aren’t about to spend it by paying someone not to coach for two-plus seasons. . . . NFL training camps are in full swing. "As usual," NBC's Seth Meyers reports, "the New England Patriots camp began with the ceremonial burning of the rule book.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)
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Bulls have early lead . . . New cause of tennis elbow . . . March of robots begins

Coaches and players love to talk about how “we win as a team and we lose as a team.” That may be true, but on Friday night the Saskatchewan Roughriders’ head coach, Corey Chamblin, lost one for his side. The Roughriders held an 11-point lead over the host B.C. Lions with about two minutes to play in the fourth quarter. Chamblin went with an empty backfield on third-and-short late in the quarter and the QB sneak got stuffed by B.C. Lions linebacker Adam Bighill. Then, on third and short in OT, Chamblin — what was he thinking? — chose to kick a field goal. Three plays later, the Lions scored a touchdown and won the game. . . . It isn’t often you can point the finger at a head coach and say “This one’s on you,” but that’s the case here. . . . Oh, Chamblin also is in charge of the Roughriders’ defence, which was anything but aggressive. . . . They now are 0-3 and the howling of Rider Nation can be heard across the country. . . .

With the U of Texas having OK’d the selling of beer and wine at football games, John Sharp, the chancellor at Texas A and M, has said his school won’t go down that road. As he told TexAgs Radio: “Our athletic program has not reached the point where we require the numbing effects of alcohol.” . . . ZING!!!! . . . Headline at Fark.com: And in Pamplona, the early score is Bulls 11, Idiots 0. . . . One more from the gang at Fark.com: Eugenie Bouchard’s black bra runs afoul of Wimbledon’s dress code / Moaning, grunting, shrieking all still OK. . . .

“Matt Stonie and Joey Chestnut, who combined to down 122 hot dogs in finishing 1-2 at this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, also share the same hometown,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Bet the all-you-can-eat places in San Jose, Calif., just love to see those two walking up.” . . . He’s hardly in the same league as Stonie and Chestnut, but Marcus Hanel, the Milwaukee Brewers’ bullpen catcher, recently ate 23 cheesesteaks during a four-game series in Philadelphia. . . . “Or,” wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, “as Joey Chestnut calls it, brunch.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent, reports: “Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are going to make a movie about the FIFA scandal — Good Will Bribing.” . . . Littlejohn also noted that “international timekeepers added one second recently to compensate for a slightly slower earth rotation — and possibly for David Ortiz' slightly slower bat speed.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Matt Bonner of the San Antonio Spurs says that tennis elbow caused by his iPhone led to his poor shooting. Tennis elbow from an iPhone — is that a case of 'server error’?” . . .

There may not have been a NASCAR race with a better name than the Firecracker 400 that always was run on July 4. Except that this year’s race became the Coke Zero 400 and was held on July 5. As Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel put it: “Once again, let’s cue the patriotic music: ‘My country ’tis of thee, sell your soul to network TV.’ ” . . . Comedy writer Jerry Perisho: “Breaking: Golfer Phil Mickelson will never be inducted into Baseball Hall of Fame.” . . .

You may have heard that Denver Broncos linebacker Von Miller claims that he was fined for flatulence during team meetings. His defence? According to Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “He tried to claim Tom Brady let the air out of him.” . . . Dickson also noted that the World-Herald “published a Q&A with (U of Nebraska Cornhusker) coach Mike Riley. Big surprise: It was only three times as long as our Q&A with the governor.” . . . Dickson, again: “Ohio Gov. John Kasich will reportedly announce on July 21 that he’s seeking the GOP nomination for president. By then he will be the 89th declared GOP candidate for president. Kasich is the third most powerful person in Ohio behind Urban Meyer and LeBron James.” . . . One more from Dickson: “The FCC chairman has proposed bringing high-speed Internet to the poor. According to an informal survey, 99.9 percent of poor people would rather have food.” . . .

The flag of the state of Washington features a photo of George Washington, and Ron Judd of the Seattle Times suggests it’s time for a change: “Keep George W., but redraw him to look more hip, swarthy and ticked off. Sort of like the way marketing geniuses changed the old, friendly Seahawk into the modern, constipated Seahawk.” . . . Failing that, Judd writes, “Cut to the chase and go with an image that more directly reflects our modern governmental process: corporate lobbyists and paid signature gatherers, arm-in-arm on the Capitol steps.” . . . Hey, that being the case, perhaps B.C. and Washington could share a flag. . . . “A 22-year-old worker was thrown up against a wall and killed by a robot in a Volkswagen plant in Germany,” Judd reports. “This is how it begins.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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Coyotes in HGTV show? . . . Bacon gets wurst of sausage fight . . . Verlander vs. Salamander?

Victor Espinoza, who rode American Pharoah to the Triple Crown last Saturday, threw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium the next day. The Yankees then signed him to pitch in short relief. . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, on why Espinoza looked like a natural on that pitch: “He’s got a good WHIP.” . . . Reader Jim Corrigan wrote to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, asking: “Who will have more wins this year, American Pharoah or the Browns?” . . . After hearing reports that American Pharoah’s stud fee could be as high as US$175,000, former Washington Times sports columnist Dan Daly wrote: “For that kind of money, they should rename him American Gigolo.” . . .

“Sesame Street was a tough hood,” points out Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. “One guy lived in a garbage can.” . . . Rolfsen, again: “HGTV has signed the Arizona Coyotes to appear in an episode of next season's House Hunters.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “In golf's world rankings, Tiger Woods has fallen below Carl Spackler.” . . . In Major League Baseball’s recent first-year player draft, the Pittsburgh Pirates took shortstops Kevin Newman of Arizona and Kevin Kramer of UCLA with their first selections. Todd Dewey of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted: “Pirates draft Newman, Kramer, but no Costanza.” . . .

“Alabama-Birmingham reinstated its football program for play in 2016 — just six months after announcing it was scrapping it,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “If anyone has any sense of fortuitous timing, the season opener’s very first play call will be a reverse.” . . . “Two guys got into a fight over sausage in Madison, N.J.,” reports Perry, “but that wasn’t the wurst of it. Police arrested the one named Thomas Bacon.” . . . “Dumb-de-dumb-dumb,” Perry writes. “Police in Orange County, Fla. — once surveillance video was broadcast on local television — were deluged with tips identifying the guy wearing the Rockstar shirt who robbed a 7-Eleven at gunpoint. That would be Kyle Evans, a member of the Rockstar Energy Drink Professional Wakeboarding Team.” . . .

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald reports that “the town of Snyder, Nebraska (population 300), is holding its 125th anniversary this weekend. About 15,000 people are expected, which could be problematic since Snyder has enough restaurant and hotel space to accommodate six.” . . . Headline at fark.com: Alex Rodriguez* passes Barry Bonds* for 2nd place on the MLB all-time RBI list. . . . Bob Molinaro, of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot: “I suppose this item could wait, but the World Series doesn’t begin until Oct. 27, with a possible Game 7 set for Nov. 7. Baseball’s disregard for the calendar makes me wish a game or two would be snowed out.” . . .

“Hard to believe, yet true,” points out Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. “This is the first NBA Finals since 1998 that does not include Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade or Tim Duncan.” . . . Is LeBron James the greatest NBAer of all-time? Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, for one, isn’t impressed by James’s two championships. As Chad points out: “Heck, George W. Bush won two presidential elections, and Werner Klemperer — Col. Klink! — won two Emmys. How tough is two?” . . .

“According to a headline in the East Oregonian newspaper, Oakland A's switch-pitcher Pat Vinditte is amphibious,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “Sometimes you just have to grin and Berra it.” . . . “Does this mean,” Littlejohn wonders, “that when Vinditte faces Detroit, they will print 'Verlander vs. the Salamander’?” . . . “The Japanese team won the World Custard Pie Throwing championship,” Littlejohn reports. “Two members were graduates of the Soupy Sales Academy.” . . . “A Brazilian man crooned and strummed his guitar while undergoing brain surgery,” Littlejohn writes. “Seven NFL team doctors pronounced him fit to go back into the game.” . . .

“Four tourists, including a brother and sister from Canada, were arrested for stripping naked on a Malaysian mountain,” observes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Locals say they angered the tribal spirits and caused a recent deadly earthquake, Wow! How often do you hear ‘Ah, those ugly Canadians?’ ” . . . With the Chicago Blackhawks one victory away from a Stanley Cup championship, Mark Whicker of the Los Angeles News Group tweeted: “Maybe the Blackhawks will someday get a goalie but right now they have to live with the guy who has given up 10 goals in five games.” . . . That would be the oft-criticized Corey Crawford, of course. . . .

“Glendale cancels signed arena lease with Coyotes hockey franchise. Is it too late to do that with Mariners and Safeco Field?” wonders Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, via Twitter. . . . “Not a good week for U.S. women’s soccer goalie Hope Solo,” Judd writes, “hit with the details of her arrogant, boorish, embarrassing behavior after being arrested in a domestic-violence incident last year. On the plus side, the release of all the juicy details about her alleged fisticuffs moved her way up the depth chart for the Seahawks’ 2016 draft.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)


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Now those are expensive tickets . . . Jennings a happy man . . . Want to buy a urinal?

“While you are fretting over the efficacy of NBA concussion protocols,” writes Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com, “consider the story of New York Ranger Mats Zuccarello, who missed the end of the Rangers’ playoff run with an upper body injury that ended up being a fractured skull and brain contusion that cost him the power of speech for three days; he is still in speech therapy. I remember when that was a romantic tale of how tough hockey players are. Except that we know better now.” . . . Here’s Ratto, again: “Here’s your gilt-edged mortal lock prediction for The Finals. If there is a Game 7, some moron (or morons) will pay $183,565 for a courtside seat, because money and stupid go together like money and FIFA. And stupid.” . . . This was after he noted that the cheapest ticket available for Game 1 of the NBA Finals was priced at $638, with the most expensive $58,000. . . .

British journalist Andrew Jennings has been writing about FIFA for 15 years and played a role in all that has happened over the last couple of weeks. Here’s a summary of how he feels: “I know that they are criminal scum, and I’ve known it for years. And that is a thoughtful summation. That is not an insult. That is not throwing about wild words. These scum have stolen the people’s sport. They’ve stolen it, the cynical thieving bastards. So, yes, it’s nice to see the fear on their faces.” . . . How did Jennings react on the morning when the first FIFA arrests were made in Switzerland? “My phone started ringing at six in the morning,” he said. “I turned it off actually to get some more sleep, because whatever is happening at six in the morning is still going to be there at lunch time, isn’t it?” . . .

“Hey,” asks Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, “did you hear that a wedding was held at FIFA headquarters the other day? The organist played ‘Here Comes the Bribe.’ ” . . . “After decades of ignoring soccer, FIFA corruption scandal front page news in U.S.,” tweets Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press. “Somewhere, Gary Bettman tents his fingers and goes, ‘Hmm.’ ” . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Sepp Blatter Resigns From FIFA With Generous Severance Bribe. . . . Another headline at TheOnion.com: Report: Underpaid migrant laborers working 18 hours per day on FIFA legal defense. . . . Headline at BorowitzReport.com: McCain urges military strikes against FIFA. . . . The Women’s World Cup opened Saturday in Canada and, as comedy writer Argus Hamilton noted, “Everything will be on sale. Soccer balls, jerseys, national flags, FIFA officials. . .”

Ron Judd, in the Seattle Times: “Now that embattled president Sepp Blatter is out of the picture, it looks like the world soccer organization, FIFA, is starting over, from scratch. Does this mean they can finally do something about the flopping?” . . . “After inadvertently washing my wallet with my clothes,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “I’ve applied to be president of FIFA. I’m experienced at laundering money. . . .

“Police were called to a Michigan McDonald’s after it turned away a man wearing scuba gear,” Currie reports. “I carried jumper cables into a restaurant once; they warned me not to start anything.” . . . ICYMI, Caitlyn Jenner will be honoured with the Courage Award at this year’s ESPYs. Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen wonders: “Is that for spending so many years around the Kardashians?” . . . NFL fan Mike Kozan is trying to sell a Barry Sanders-autographed urinal from the Pontiac Silverdome on eBay. As Rolfsen points out: “It includes decades of Detroit Lions Super Bowl dreams.” . . . A woman in California dropped off an Apple 1 computer that turned out to be worth US$200,000. As Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong pointed out: “She had no use for it, as their home office has been running just fine using a Sperry Univac and Commodore VIC-20.” . . .

“Yes, LeBron scored 44 points in Game 1,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent, “but he took 38 shots. 38 shots? Who was he shooting at, the Warriors or Bonnie and Clyde?” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Indian police said they detained a pigeon suspected of being a Pakistani spy after it was found to have a message stamped on its body. They released it, however, upon learning that the message translated to 'Property of Bill Belichick.’ ” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “For Game 1 of the NBA Finals, the Golden State Warriors invited a fan known only as Sweetie, who turns 105 later this month. Sweetie reportedly adopted the Warriors because she was tired of waiting for the Cubs.” . . .

“Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca,” claims Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning, most of them responded ‘I didn’t even hear the thunder.’ ” . . . Hough, again: “Two months into a seven-month abalone season, a sixth person has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast. How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?” . . . One more from Hough: “So if it’s a pack of wolves and a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking ‘an embarrassment of riches.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

She's not Miss Congeniality . . . Now that's an approach shot . . . $83,333 per second. Really?

If the Toronto Blue Jays, including their manager, their right fielder and their TV play-by-play bunch, would stop griping about not getting calls, perhaps they would get some calls. . . . A tweet from pitcher Brandon McCarthy of the Los Angeles Dodgers, after he had Tommy John surgery: “Thles pani pills are’nt havin any eff=ect at al;/ claer th*inking is me and motoor sskils is very greats.” . . . A few days later, McCarthy tweeted: “WAY too many people are curious as to the amount of pain pills you have left.” . . . Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong with a bridge report: “The old Port Mann Bridge connecting Coquitlam to Surrey has almost been deconstructed, with only the middle piece remaining. I’ve always wondered whether Port Mann Bridge had a brother name Peter.” . . .

“A guy from USA Today actually tweeted last week that the term ‘war room’ in conjunction with the NFL draft should be abandoned because it’s ‘offensive to people fighting real wars,’ ” writes Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Hear, hear. It’s also offensive to people living in real rooms.” . . . One more from Judd: “Thanks to KIRO TV traffic reporter Alexis Smith for dispensing timely May Day advice that people might as well adopt as daily wisdom from here to eternity: ‘Avoid downtown Seattle today if possible.’ ” . . .

Who said Alex Rodriguez is a no-class guy? It should be pointed out that he waited until the day after Willie Mays’ 84th birthday to hit home run No. 661 and move past the Say Hey Kid into fourth spot on baseball’s all-time list. . . . RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com writes: “Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods have agreed to split up. One returns to going downhill fast; the other goes back to her skiing.” . . . What happened to the Montreal Canadiens? When did they turn into the Hab-Nots? . . .

“University of Bridgeport (Conn.) senior Danielle Puddefoot was charged with assault after the team’s year-end banquet,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “According to police, she head-butted a teammate after Puddefoot didn’t receive an award during the event. What did she expect to win anyway, Miss Congeniality?” . . . Hamilton again, “After a four-month investigation, the NFL has determined that New England Patriots employees let air out of the footballs the Patriots used during their AFC championship victory over the Indianapolis Colts. So much for the premise that cheaterssssssssssssssss never prossssssssssssssssper.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent checks in. . . . “Earplugs helped American Pharoah win the Kentucky Derby,” Littlejohn reports. “But after the Belmont is over, he has to give them back to Colin Kaepernick.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Leaked from Tom Brady’s appeal to Roger Goodell: ‘To air is human, to forgive divine.” . . . A man on a Connecticut golf course pulled a gun when the group behind his complained of slow play and expressed a desire to play through. Littlejohn claims that “gives new meaning to 'approach shot.’ ” . . . Apparently, Bobby Knight’s cell phone rings to the tune of My Way. As Littlejohn points out, that’s “only fitting because Sinatra was the chair-man of the board.” . . .

Garth Brooks is spending the weekend in Omaha, Neb., where he is to play six shows over four days. According to Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “Brooks brought about 20 semitrailers to town. Or, as Cher calls that, ‘my wardrobe.’ ”. . . “Minor league baseball's Akron RubberDucks held Brian Williams' Pants-on-Fire Night,” Dickson reports. “I only hope this doesn't stop anyone from taking the RubberDucks seriously.” . . .

A couple of Robservations from Rob Vanstone of the Regina Leader-Post: 1. Why is it so difficult for the NHL to insist that its referees call the game by the book in the playoffs, at a level of consistency that is maintained throughout a game? In football, by contrast, officials are not averse to calling penalties in the crucial stages of an important contest — as evidenced by the final seconds of the 2014 Grey Cup game. . . . 2. If only there was a way for the NHL to ban hockey panels. . . .

Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen has been keeping an eye on the World hockey championship. “Do you believe in miracles?” he reports. “Belarus made Minsk-meat out of the U.S. 5-2 at the world hockey championship.” . . . Rolfsen also had an eye on last weekend’s big fight. As he notes: “I'm not sure what had less fighting: the NHL playoffs or Mayweather-Pacquiao.” . . . Here’s Dickson with his take on the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight: “It was sort of like the NFL draft, only with even more hugging.” . . . To help brighten your day, here are a few numbers showing Floyd Mayweather’s income from last weekend’s scrap: $180 million for the fight; $15 million per round; $5 million per minute; $83,333 per second. . . . Per second! . . . Enjoy your day!

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Was Innocent guilty? . . . From Q to q. Really? . . . A speeding minister

The MLS’s San Francisco Earthquakes have a midfielder named Innocent, who recently was hit with a one-game suspension. It was Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle who suggested that the headline on that story should have been ‘Innocent Guilty.’ . . . Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, with a ‘Note to Canada’: “Y’all seemed really excited last week announcing your first bombing runs against ISIS. Question: If we jumped off a bridge into Kabul, would you do it, too? OK, bad example.” . . . Judd, again: “Commercial fishermen in the Gulf of Alaska are getting increasingly miffed by the large numbers of sperm and killer whales that nab hooked cod and other fish right off their lines. Damn whales think they own the whole ocean.” . . .

ICYMI, a couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King recently were married. Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong reported: “When asked if they were planning to start a family they replied, ‘Yes, our first daughter will be named Wendy. If it’s a boy, then Carl Jr.’ ” . . . If you’re a fan of the New York Yankees, you are thinking: If they had only given Robinson Cano what he wanted. . . . Only the deep thinkers at CBC would take a scandalized radio show called ‘Q’ and rename it ‘q’. . . . Seriously, who makes those decisions? . . .

You can’t make this stuff up: Todd Stone is B.C.’s minister of transportation and infrastructure. Thus, he is responsible for the speed limits in the province. It was revealed on Friday that he was ticketed three weeks ago for going 109 kilometres per hour in an 80 zone. Cost him $196. Apparently, he was rushing to catch a ferry to the Lower Mainland from Victoria, with his wife and three children in the vehicle with him. . . . It turns out that Stone lost his driver’s licence in 2000 after accumulating five speeding tickets. He now has had two speeding tickets since then so obviously is a slow learner. . . . Maybe he should stick to the Coquihalla Highway, where he recently jacked up the speed limit to 120. . . . BTW, if you’re like me, you’re wondering if he made the ferry. . . .

You may be aware that Masters champ Jordan Spieth attended the U of Texas but didn’t stay long. He left in 2012 without finishing his sophomore year. As Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel pointed out: “It's an under-publicized problem for college golf: The hole-in-one-and-done.” . . . You may have noticed that a big part of the media is in love with Tiger Woods. As Phil Mushnick of the New York Post put it: “If there were a 5,000-car pileup, the breaking news would be: Tiger Woods wasn’t in it — and escaped unhurt.” . . . After the 21-year-old Spieth won the Masters, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted: “Tiger Woods has hickeys older than Jordan Spieth.” . . .

A paragraph from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent: 1. “According to stats in the early going, the length of major league baseball games are down eight minutes. Or about one Mike Hargrove at-bat.” . . . To the youngsters in our audience, Hargrove’s nickname was The Human Rain Delay. . . . 2. “Tom Brady bounced his first pitch at the Red Sox home-opener. I hear the baseball was two PSI below the limit.” . . . 3. “Britt McHenry's life story on film — ‘Gone Baby-Girl.’ In Britt's case, there hasn't been such a clear and emphatic reminder of another's 'lower' station in life since the heyday of Leona Helmsley.” . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com has a “note to those who laughed at Tom Brady after his ceremonial pitch: Four Super Bowl rings; wife Gisele Bundchen; wife’s 2014 earnings, $47 million. Who’s laughing now?” . . . One more from Currie: “Iconic Pittsburgh safety and shampoo pitchman, Troy Polamalu, announced his retirement. Yet to be decided — the hair apparent.” . . . With foreigners again allowed to compete in the Pyongyang Marathon in North Korea, Vancouver comic Torben Roflsen point out: “But they couldn’t have any water. The winner of the race was Kim Jong-un, with a reported time of 1 hour 35 minutes.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: ““There is a mayoral bet on the Canucks-Flames series: If Vancouver wins, the Red Mile becomes a bike lane.” . . .

Please, no more whining about WHL bus trips. “The Milwaukee Brewers’ AA farm team,” notes Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com, “which moved from Huntsville last year because Biloxi got all flirty and new ballpark-y, is beginning a 55-game, 60-day roadie because said new park isn’t ready yet. And because this is the Southern League, it’s all bus rides -– from Pensacola to Mobile to Jacksonville to Pensacola to Huntsville to Jackson, Mississippi, to Jackson, Tennessee, to Huntsville to Chattanooga to Birmingham. When the Shuckers finish this trip, they will have well and truly bonded. Unless, of course, they kill each other going from Jackson to Jackson.” . . .

So, Charles Barkley, what goes through your mind when you hear about NBA players getting into it with fans on social media? “I always use this analogy when it comes to sports fans,” he replies. “Just because you watch Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t mean you can perform an operation.” . . . “In Allen, Texas,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “a rancher was given a $266 citation for doing what he’s been doing for years, riding his horse to Taco Bell. Apparently, it’s not allowable to ride on a public street. Now, if he’d just walked downtown carrying a couple of shotguns. . .”

You are wondering why Lou Holtz is leaving his role as a football analyst with ESPN. Well, he’s 78, and as he told a Notre Dame website: “I’ve been everywhere except to bed. I’ve spoken to everybody except my wife. Somebody said, ‘Do you ever go anywhere where people don’t recognize you?’ I said, ‘Home.’ ” . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post reports: “In his new book, former NFLer Phillip Buchanon claims his mother demanded $1 million from him — her fee for raising him, as it were — after he was drafted by the Oakland Raiders in 2002. That gives new meaning to ‘child support’ ” . . .

“Rassler-turned-actor Dwayne Johnson says he eats 2¼ pounds of cod a day — or 821 pounds a year,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Rock cod, we presume.” . . . Centre Kendrick Perkins of the Cleveland Cavaliers took nine steps with the ball in a recent game and wasn’t called for travelling. “I have gone for runs that were shorter,” wrote Kaseberg.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

“Michael Oher was recently cut by the (Tennessee) Titans,” writes contributor Bill Littlejohn. “Michael took the news fine, but Sandra Bullock had to be escorted off Titans property.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Joba Chamberlain's new contract with the Detroit Tigers includes a Cy Young bonus. Isn't that like Vin Diesel's new contract including an Oscar bonus?” . . . A Littlejohn hat trick: “David Ortiz is upset over some of the new pace-of-play rules, including one where the batter has to keep one foot in the box after each pitch. Just think how upset Big Papi will be if a rule comes out speeding up home-run trots.” . . .

Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post has another idea that would help MLB speed up the process: “Give infielders and base umps a cattle prod to use on Boston Red Sox plodder David Ortiz during his home-run trots.” . . . Here’s Hamilton, again: “Media reports suggest England’s Radio 1 has banned Madonna’s songs because she’s old and irrelevant. Does that mean TV networks won’t show Tiger Woods anymore?” . . .

After a brief flurry of NHL deals on Wednesday, Ray Ratto of CSNbayarea.com wrote: “If this ruins Deadline Day, I will hate them all forever. But if it leaves all those Canadian TV guys on the set dissecting five-day-old news and literally begging teams on set to do something, anyway, my mood will be assuaged.” . . . It has to be a helpless feeling to be one of the TV hockey panelists watching all of the trade activity over the last few days. . . . What’s left for Monday’s trade deadline? No, I won’t be tuning in at 5 a.m. . . . With all of the NHL trade rumours being spewed by the talking heads these days, you have to wonder if the NHL is the leakiest ship in the navy. . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports: “Two Tennessee high school girls basketball teams got banned from the post-season for intentionally trying to lose a game to avoid the top seed. The first thing that gave them away? They came out in tank tops.” . . . Currie, again: “Complex Sports called Michael Jordan the most clutch player in Bulls history. Derek Rose may go down as the most crutch.” . . .

The next time you’re looking at that last strip of bacon and debating, don’t bother. Just eat it and think about Matt Stonie while you’re doing it. Matt Stonie? He’s a competitive eater and holds the world record for most strips eaten in five minutes. That would be 182. . . . Is this a great world, or what? . . . Outfielder Tyson Gillies of Kamloops, who was released last summer by the Philadelphia Phillies, is in Peoria, Ariz., with the San Diego Padres. He signed a minor-league deal with the Padres on Friday. . . .

“Donald Trump said that he is ‘more serious’ than ever about running for President in 2016,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “And Jon Stewart is thinking ‘well, maybe I can delay that retirement just a bit.’ ” . . . Finally, Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather are scheduled to climb in a ring together and duke it out. Noted ABC-TV’s Jimmy Kimmel: “I’m glad to see Manny and Floyd are finally putting aside their differences to fight.” . . . The last info I saw on tickets had the cheap seats at $3,500. That would buy a lot of bacon. . . . “If you thought the Mayweather-Pacquiao promoters couldn't get any greedier,” reports Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen, “they've added Crosby-Dubinsky II to the undercard.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “Rough week for Chicago sports fans: Patrick Kane injury, Derrick Rose injury, and the Cubs are back.” . . .

It was Larry King — yes, that Larry King — who tweeted this the other day: “The rat is perfectly named.” . . . Think about that for a moment. Is that a profound thought, or what? . . . I didn’t watch much of the Academy Awards, but I did get to see Lady Gaga’s tribute to The Sound of Music. Who saw that coming? . . . “What a strange world we live in,” tweets Steve Buffery of the Toronto Sun. “Everybody wants a bigger and bigger TV screen, but they don't mind watching stuff on tiny mobile devices.” . . .

“Alex Rodriguez reported to the Yankees’ spring-training complex in Tampa, Fla., three days early,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Apparently clubhouse attendants needed the extra time just to haul in all his baggage.” . . . “According to Delta Dental research,” Perry notes, “kids in the U.S. received an estimated $255 million from the Tooth Fairy last year. In a related story, Alex Rodriguez still has $61 million coming from the Yanks.” . . . After A-Rod delivered that hand-written apology, and everyone laughed, Will Leitch of Sports on Earth wrote: “We have reached the point with A-Rod that everything he does is reflexively seen as venal and murderous; if A-Rod jumped on a grenade to save the President's life, the New York Post headline would be 'A-Rod Stains West Wing Carpet, Fails to Clean It Up.' ’’ . . .

“Junior hockey franchise officials are threatening to move their teams out of state if they are forced to pay players under child-labor laws,” writes Ron Judd in the Seattle Times. “Oh and they also want a new arena. And a PlayStation.” . . . One more from Judd: “Seattle is considering capping rents at $618 a month on ‘micro-apartments,’ defined as those containing less living space than the single box of a stereo speaker you owned in your 20s.” . . .

It was the late Dean Smith, the long-time head coach of the North Carolina men’s basketball team, who once said: “If you make every game a life-and death proposition, you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.” . . . Only in today’s NHL could Jaromir Jagr, now 43 years of age and slower than slo-motion, be traded to a team that appeared to be getting younger and faster. . . . Only in today’s NHL could David Clarkson, with one of the worst contracts in history, be traded for Nathan Horton, who has a big contract and back problems, and may never play again. . . . Yes, it’s OK to slap your forehead.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

If cornerback Richard Sherman’s shoulder holds up, the Seattle Seahawks will win the Super Bowl. If not, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are winners. . . . With the NFL mounting an investigation into Deflategate, Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee tweeted: “If New England was to be DQ’d . . . We’d be their replacements, right?? . . . I should probably lay off these strawberry margs.” . . . “Due to irregularities in the earth’s rotation, an extra second will be added to clocks on June 30,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “I hope they don’t add this time onto the end of NBA games.” . . .

Dan Carcillo of the Chicago Blackhawks, one of the NHL’s few remaining slugs, drew a six-game suspension for a brutal cross-check from behind on Winnipeg Jets forward Mathieu Perreault, who had scored four goals in a recent game. Carcillo has been suspended nine times and fined on three other occasions for this kind of stuff. And there, on Monday night, was Sportsnet analyst Brad May telling the world that he didn’t mind the play on which Perreault was injured. Hey, Sportsnet, it’s OK for you to suspend May. He would be missed about as much as the NHL would miss Carcillo. . . .

If you didn’t notice, the Vancouver Canucks’ bandwagon is beginning to fill up again. If you hurry, though, you may be able to get a seat near the back. . . . “Man,” wonders Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, “why can't we give Bill Belichick credit for finding a way to deal with runaway inflation?” . . . “Good thing,” Ostler adds, “that Belichick isn’t in charge of the Macy’s Parade.” . . . Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn has a suggestion for the Super Bowl halftime show: “How about Air Supply?” . . .

On Monday night, as the host Toronto Maple Leafs were losing 4-1 to the Carolina Hurricanes, three fans threw their replica sweaters onto the ACC ice surface. Toronto police charged two of those fans with public mischief; the Leafs were then charged with impersonating an NHL team. . . .

@mirtle @MapleLeafs this is why people are LOSING it. Pay this kind of money to watch these despicable clowns! pic.twitter.com/mHGn9pVODV
— Marko Bernuchi (@MBernuch) January 20, 2015

You may not have been aware that New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon now heads up Major League Baseball’s finance committee. You also may not be aware that Wilpon was taken to the cleaners by Bernie Madoff as part of perhaps the biggest scam of our time. . . . Headline from TheOnion.com: “NFL investigating whether Patriots played game with properly inflated Vince Wilfork.” . . .

Urban Meyer, the head coach of the national champion Ohio State football Buckeyes, appeared on Late Night with David Letterman and, as usual, refused to say ‘Michigan.’ . . . Not speaking the name of his No. 1 rival is an old act for Meyer. As Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel wrote: “Meyer used to do the same thing (during his Florida tenure) when asked about the Gators’ biggest rival — the Gainesville Police Department.” . . .

Here is Seattle Seahawks punter Jon Ryan, on the 19-yard TD pass he threw out of field goal formation last Sunday: “It was a moment I won’t forget, even though I don’t remember it all right now.” . . . Ryan, who is from Regina, was a goaltender in his hockey-playing days. In fact, he says he was cut by three different WHL teams — the Brandon Wheat Kings, Medicine Hat Tigers and Regina Pats. . . . Larry Walker, who had a terrific baseball career, also was a goaltender back in the day. He was cut by the Regina Pats before deciding to focus on baseball. . . .

During the week, Ryan’s fiancee, Sarah Colonna, sent a tweet in the direct of supermodel Gisele Bundchen, who is married to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady: “My fiancé throws touchdown passes too, so if you wanna hang at the Super Bowl just let me know #twinsies.” . . . “It’s hard to adequately describe just how lurid Victoria Azarenka’s neon-yellow outfit is at the Aussie Open,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I’ll put it this way: it’s almost as loud as her grunts.” . . . One more from Currie: “I wasn’t surprised to hear ESPN analysts saying Kobe Bryant might pass up the rest of the season. I was surprised to hear ‘Kobe’ and ‘pass’ in the same sentence.” . . .

“(The Twelves) might be a fitting nickname for the collective IQ of the legal team for the Seahawks, who seek trademark protections for various uses of the number 12 and the word ‘boom,’ ” writes Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Who do you people think you are, the U.S. Olympic Committee?” . . . One more from Judd, who sums things up nicely: “Deflategate has a touch of evil genius to it, inspired by the very corporate ethic that rules the land. Everyone involved in the Patriots’ blatant cheating scam has built-in, plausible deniability — except the poor, bottom-feeding sap who actually deflated the footballs, who at some point will get canned. God Bless America.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

If it looks like a catch, talks like a catch, walks like a catch and 100 football fans in a bar say it’s a catch, then it’s a catch. Except in the NFL. . . . Look, by the letter of the NFL law, Dez Bryant’s catch wasn’t a catch. But if I hear one more person talk about “the process,” I am going to be ill. . . . The rule needs changing. . . . One other thing: The NFL, NHL and Major League Baseball need to watch where they are going with video review. Yes, it’s admirable to want to get every call correct. But I’m thinking the games may have been better with more human error and less huddling by officials. . . .

“The Winter Classic has become a lot like baseball’s all-star game,” writes Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. “It matters in the city it’s being played in. It matters in the cities of the teams involved. It doesn’t matter much anywhere else.” . . . Here’s Simmons, again: “Weird place, Toronto. We’ll buy overpriced Leafs tickets and world junior tickets. But give us reasonably priced tickets for the Argos or the Pan-Am Games and suddenly we’re not so interested.” . . . 

If you missed Rich Sutter as a Sportsnet analyst during the Thursday game between the host Vancouver Canucks and Florida Panthers, you missed a lot. He threw former Vancouver goaltender Richard Brodeur under the bus and how many other talking heads have done that? . . . They were picking the top three goaltenders in Canucks history and Sutter put Brodeur third, accusing him of having quit on the team at times. Sutter, who was with the Canucks at the time, said there were problems in the dressing room back then and that some of that, he claimed, was attributable to Brodeur’s attitude. . . . Hey, Sportsnet, more Rich Sutter, please. . . .

Ron Judd of the Seattle Times writes that he “enjoys the diversion of the NFL playoffs, too. But please spare us the annual torrent of media hype about monitoring of fan-caused ‘earthquake’ symptoms at the local football stadium. There’s probably some value in this hypefest’s main goal — ‘testing’ the impact of large numbers of people simultaneously clicking, in Pavlovian style, on an earthquake-info website. But claiming grand scientific value in the exercise sits between questionable and ludicrous.” . . . Here’s Judd, again: “Baseball pitching great Curt Schilling, ticked at not being inducted into baseball’s Hall of Fame alongside truly deserving honorees such as former Mariner Randy Johnson, whines that being a Republican costs him votes. Now he knows how Mitt Romney feels.” . . .

“Kim Kardashian claims she doesn’t smile often because it causes wrinkles,” writes Janice Hough, aka The West Coast Sports Babe. “Got news for Kim, people aren’t looking at her face.” . . . “Boston beat out San Francisco as the U.S representative amongst bids to play host to the 2024 Olympic Games,” notes Hough. “So they have the Olympic bid and Pablo Sandoval. Wonder which one will give Boston buyer’s remorse first?” . . .

Veteran receiver Steve Smith of the Baltimore Ravens has admitted to The Associated Press that he loves playing in prime time. Why? “Family members get to see you play,” he explained, “ex-girlfriends that wished they wouldn’t have dumped you, they’re questioning themselves right now.” . . . Here‘s Smith after the Ravens lost to the host Houston Texans late in the regular season: "We expect and understand and anticipate all of the negative feedback and all of the fat, lazy, sorry couch quarterbacks are going to come out. We expect that and understand that. We're not going to pay attention to it." . . .

After Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was given 18 months probation on a DUI charge, Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen noted: “A judge denied his request to be sentenced to Sea World.” . . . Jim Mora, the head football coach at UCLA, has told The Associated Press that he isn’t in any hurry to return to the NFL. As he explained: “I don’t mind the recruiting. I’m at the point in my life where I would rather deal with moms and dads rather than wives and agents.” . . .

ICYMI, some Michigan-based rocketeers launched an outdoor iffy into the wild blue yonder the other day. As Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald put it: “If the Redneck Games had a space program, this is what it’d look like.” . . . There is something wrong with an intermission interview in which the two participants refer to each other as Sweens and Beersy. But that was the case on a recent night when Bob Beers, an analyst on Boston Bruins’ broadcasts, interviewed Bruins assistant general manager Don Sweeney. . . . Rob Vanstone, in the Regina Leader-Post: “Pet peeve: Any interview that ends with ‘thanks for this.’ ” . . .

“A time capsule from 1795 was opened in Boston,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Among the articles inside were some petrified baked beans, a bloodied sock once worn by Paul Revere and a loud Minuteman jacket that once belonged to Don Cherry.” . . . Comedy writer Jerry Perisho noted that the most surprising thing found in the time capsule, at least part of which was put there by Revere, was “a Steve Nash rookie card.” . . . “I just hacked into Sony Pictures’ computers,” Chong claims, “and found a movie to be released this week. It’s about NFL coaching brothers Rex and Rob called ‘Saving Ryan’s Privates’.” . . .
 
“British tabloids report David Beckham has approached U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard about joining his Miami MLS team,” wrote Greg Cote of the Miami Herald last month. “Which would be exciting if Beckham actually, you know, had a Miami MLS team.” . . . One more from Cote: “A Memphis man was charged with stealing 7,500 pair of new LeBron James shoes valued at $1.5 million. That’s galling! I don’t mean the thief thinking he’d get away with it. I mean Nike charging $200 for a pair of sneakers.” . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com wonders: “If Santa's helpers snap photos of themselves, are they taking elfies?” . . . “Holly Sonders of Fox Sports is one of golf.com’s Most Beautiful Women in Golf 2015,” notes Currie. “So many male admirers voted for her in December, one could deck the halls with beaus of Holly.” . . . The NFL off-season is off to a fast start for the Chicago Bears. Cornerback Tim Jennings was arrested for speeding on a Georgia interstate (he was doing 99 mph in a 65 zone), reckless driving and DUI. Uhh, it was noon. Uhh, he was en route to a parent-teacher conference. His excuse? He said he was late. Perhaps he’ll be late for the next NFL season.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)


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“New Orleans Saints – 6-8, 1st in NFC South,” wrote Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, earlier in the week. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Saints fan and I love Drew Brees. But normally this level of mediocrity is only rewarded by re-election.” . . . Here’s Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, after the latest Monday Night Football debacle: “After almost 8,000 no-shows at Soldier Field, and another brutal performance, the Chicago Bears will announce Jon Lester as their starting QB in Week 16.” . . . A question from Chong: “Where do all those ugly Christmas sweaters originate? From ugly sheep?” . . .

After the Bears benched quarterback Jay Cutler, Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer explained the move: “The turnovers alone don’t damn him. But when you combine them with the fact that his body language is the quarterback equivalent of Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, something had to give.” . . . In what he refers to as a “Special Coded Note to Hackers,” Ron Judd of the Seattle Times writes: “Where were you a year ago, when the 11th mind-numbing season of Grey’s Anatomy was being considered? Or that insufferable Gary Busey ad for Amazon.com? Or Celtic Thunder in all forms? We could go on.” . . . Yeah, there’s the Toyota drum lady and TSN’s fantasy football spots and . . .

“Craig MacTavish is back behind the Edmonton Oilers’ bench,” writes Chong. “A memo was sent out by the league to Harvey the Hound asking him to watch his tongue.” . . . TBS’s Conan O’Brien has had enough. “Crossed Kim Jong-un off my Christmas list,” O’Brien tweets. “You have to take a stand somewhere.” . . . Sy Berger worked for Topps and is considered the father of collectible baseball cards. He died recently at the age of 91. As noted: “He will be laid to rest in a shoe box somewhere in an attic.” . . .

You may have heard about the trucking company employee who drove away in a truck containing US$1.5-million worth of LeBron James 12 sneakers. “It’s the first time someone with LeBron’s shoes has been caught travelling,” notes Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. . . . Yoenis Cespedes, the newest Detroit Tigers outfielder, drives a Lamborghini that spits flames from its pipes. “The explosion of fire doesn't faze Tigers fans,” claims Rolfsen, “who are used to watching the Detroit bullpen.” . . .

Tuesday night‘s NHL TV schedule: Buffalo at Winnipeg, regional; Anaheim at Toronto, regional; Carolina at Montreal, regional. Edmonton at Arizona, regional; New York Rangers at Calgary, regional. . . . Available: Los Angeles at St. Louis. . . . Watched: Yuletide Fireplace. . . . You may recall that Chris Davis of the Baltimore Orioles drew a 25-game suspension late last season for the unauthorized use of Adderall. Well, he now has a prescription for it so he’s back in the good books. Adderall is used to treat ADHD. The Baltimore Sun reports that MLB issued 112 exemptions for Adderall in 2014. There are about 750 MLB players. About four per cent of the general population deals with ADHD. . . . Headline at STLtoday.com: Bengals deflate Johnny Football. . . .

“The Florida Panthers won an NHL-record 20-round shootout over the Washington Capitals when Nick Bjugstad scored,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “The last shootout to use that many rounds was ended by Doc Holliday.” . . . Just the other day, ESPN asked: “Who'd you rather be: Johnny Manziel or Aaron Rodgers?” Here is Currie’s response: “Manziel may ‘show you the money,’ but Rodgers can show you Olivia Munn. Nuff said.” . . .

The Edmonton Oilers chose not to allow freshman forward Leon Draisaitl to play for Germany at the upcoming World Junior Championship. The stumbling, bumbling Oilers then made him a healthy scratch for the first time in his career. And this makes sense how? . . . Three weeks ago, you couldn’t find standing room on the Vancouver Canucks’ bandwagon. Then they went on a seven-game road trip and lost the last three games. By the time the losing streak hit five, you could find seats in the front row. . . .

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times writes: “The Cleveland Cavaliers jumped out to a 21-0 lead Monday night against: a) the Hornets en route to a 97-88 NBA win; b) Johnny Manziel and the Browns in a pickup football game.” . . . “Riesa, Germany, hosted the World Tap Dance Championships this month,” notes Perry. “Roger Goodell’s handling of the Ray Rice case came in third.” . . . Here’s Perry again: “The Interview? Where were the North Korean hackers when we really needed them — when ESPN was filming The Decision?” . . .

We end the last Keeping Score before Christmas with this groaner from the afore-mentioned Currie: “A Cincinnati shortstop named Rudy looked outside and said, ‘It's raining.’ His wife said, ‘No, it's snowing.’ ‘Raining!’ said he. ‘Snowing!’ said she. Raining! Snowing! Raining! Snowing! And on it went. ‘Listen,’ he finally said. ‘Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.’ ” . . . Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.