No kidding. Did Tiger listen to Mr. Rock? . . . Filling cups at Wrigley

So many people congratulated the Calgary Flames and Winnipeg Jets for clinching “playoff births” on Thursday night that I checked the baby notices in Friday’s papers. . . . When the Jets put playoff tickets on sale, they were priced from $107.75 to $340 per game. Fans were lined up at various bank branches to apply for loans and lines of credit. . . . You are free to wonder (a) if there are any hockey fans left in Atlanta, and (b) if there are, did they shed tears when both of their former teams clinched NHL playoff spots? . . .

“Rolls Royce is coming out with an SUV,” notes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Now the Porsche Cayenne will have some company in the Consumer Reports Blasphemy section.” . . . Dickson, again: “Taco Bell has made a menu change — the biscuit taco replaced the waffle taco. To Americans, this has more significance than a change on the U.S. Supreme Court.” . . .“There may be up to four new college bowl games next season,” Dickson reports, “meaning that two-thirds of FBS schools would make the postseason. ‘Bowl game participant’ now is only slightly more prestigious than ‘Kmart shopper’.” . . .

After the Chicago Cubs were beaten by the visiting St. Louis Cardinals in MLB’s season-opener last  Sunday night, Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen tweeted: “Sabermetrics: Cubs eliminated from playoffs.” . . . “Fans of the Chicago Cubs had to pee into cups as some restrooms at Wrigley Field weren’t available due to construction issues,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Those who drank more than a couple of beer needed to use a relief pitcher.” . . . As Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post noted: “That’s a departure for Chicago Cubs fans; usually they just cry in their beer.” . . . “You have to forgive the Cubs' bathroom problems,” claims Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “When Wrigley was built, humans had yet to develop bladders.” . . . Here’s RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com with his take on the situation: “Fans at Wrigley Field were peeing in cups because restrooms weren’t ready for Opening Day. Oh well, in the pantheon of Cubs failures, that’s just a drop in the bucket.” . . .

“In a recent ESPN.com survey of 103 PGA Tour regulars,” writes Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, “defending Masters champion Bubba Watson got 23 votes to top the list of golfers whom other players wouldn’t help in a fistfight. Watson obviously has done something to drive a wedge between himself and his peers. . . . That’s an interesting result. If a fight breaks out in a bar, don’t you want to be on the same side as the guy named Bubba?” . . . Brett Lawrie, the ex-Toronto Blue Jays third baseman who now is with the Oakland A’s, saw 12 pitches the other night and struck out four times. How much sleep do you think he got that night? . . . One night later, he had three hits and slept a whole lot better. . . .

“Charlie Sumner, the former Oakland Raiders defensive coach, passed Monday at age 84,” writes Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com, “reminding us of the best Sumner story ever – when he walked up the tunnel at the Coliseum after an exhibition game and unapologetically clocked then-49ers assistant Sam Wyche. Sometimes when you need to spark a rivalry, you need to say it with fists.” . . . Ratto, again: “Troy Polamalu is retiring after 12 years of playing lead battering ram for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Here’s hoping his post-football career is as happy for him mentally as his time playing the game. That’s not necessarily the way to bet, but it’s a worthy aspiration.” . . .

MLB is working to speed up games and there have been suggestions that teams go back to using carts to ferry in pitchers from the bullpen. Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer doesn’t know if that is such a good idea, adding: “I’m willing to compromise and settle for a zip line, though.” . . . “The Yankees and Red Sox engaged in a 19-inning game that lasted over seven hours,” writes Littlejohn, “and this was with one foot in the batter's box at all times.” . . . Former MLB pitcher John Smoltz remembers pitching in the wind at Wrigley Field. As he told the Detroit Free Press: “You know, when you walked outside and you saw the flag, you either had a sore arm or it was fun.” . . .

“Norwegian Cruise Lines has an ‘enhanced’ room service menu on some of their ships,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “And those menus will include a ‘convenience charge’ of up to $7.95 per order. ‘Convenience charge?!’ And many airlines are thinking, why didn’t we think of that?” . . . Here’s Hough, again: “Mercedes Benz is coming out with a pickup truck. The perfect vehicle for all those cowboy politicians who still want to pretend they can relate to the ‘common man’.” . . . Hough, one more time: “LeGarrette Blount, suspended three times at Oregon and arrested last year for marijuana possession, has now been suspended without pay for the first game of the 2015 NFL season for a ‘violation of the league’s substance abuse policy.’ This is clearly part of football’s strict ‘10 strikes and you’re out’ policy.” . . .

Kid Rock spoke with Rolling Stone and the subject was Tiger Woods, with whom he recently had hit a few balls: “Nice kid. A little bit of an Eminem and Axl Rose syndrome. Very reclusive, literal, and sometimes you feel a little bad for them. Sometimes they think the world’s against them. You gotta loosen up, man! People are gonna talk (smack). You just gotta enjoy it!” . . . If Tiger’s first three rounds at Augusta are any indication, it would seem that he was paying attention to Mr. Rock. . . .

“The Philadelphia Phillies are trotting out some gut-busting ballpark food of their own,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “The Wayback Burgers Triple Triple features nine patties, nine slices of cheese and 2,200 calories — all within one bun. The Milwaukee Brewers, not to be outdone, are reportedly concocting the Kaminsky Dog. It’s a 7-foot frank.” . . . After it was revealed that Minnesota Twins pitcher Ervin Santana had drawn an 80-game suspension for PED use, Perry noted: “A cynic might say he’s got to change his evil ways.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Are we really disgusted with Alex Rodriguez? Do we really despise other cheaters in sports? “We as a culture don’t hate cheating,” writes Ray Ratto of CSNbayarea.com. “In fact, we not only don’t hate it, we like it -– love it, in fact. Can’t get enough. In fact, based on the talking points from the last World Series and the Jackie Robinson West scandalette, we need far more cheating than we are currently getting. It has always worked for wrestling, Roller Derby and politics, and there’s no reason now that we’ve had so much fun with this last NFL season that we can’t ask for more. We’ll take all the cheating and despicable behaviour you’ve got.” . . . If you’re not aware, the recent India-Pakistan ICC World Cup match — that would be cricket, of course — drew a TV audience of about one billion people. That is about eight times larger than the Super Bowl’s viewing audience. . . .

“If recent pictures out of Florida are any indication, new Boston Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval turned up at spring training slightly out of shape,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “The Kung Fu Panda looks more like the Kung Pao Panda.” . . . “Bill Murray hasn’t been funny on a golf course since Caddyshack in 1980,” writes Phil Mushnick of the New York Post. “Nevertheless, throughout every Pebble Beach Pro-Am, CBS finds him inescapably hilarious.” . . . A Sunday tweet from Golf.com: “When Pebble Beach opened on Feb. 22, 1919, greens fees were $2 for gentlemen and $1.50 for ladies. Today: $495.” . . .

Headline at Fark.com: When the star hits the road in a salary unload, that’s Amar’e. . . . The New York Knicks bought out what was left on Amar’e Stoudemire’s five-year, US$99 million contract, resulting in his saying that he was leaving with “a heavy heart.” Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer pointed out that “is probably an indication he carries his wallet in his breast pocket.” . . . “Amar’e Stoudemire wrote a goodbye poem to New York,” reports contributor Bill Littlejohn. “He was a little disappointed that he couldn't find something that rhymes with 'fire extinguisher’ “ . . . Here’s Littlejohn, again: “Danny Almonte has come to the defence of the Jackie Robinson West Little League Team. Isn't that like Kim Jong Un coming to the defence of Kanye West?” . . .

A woman in a Manhattan diner got a fish hook in her mouth as she bit into her dinner. CBS-TV’s David Letterman summed it up this way: “I hate when you go into a restaurant and you’re the catch of the day.” . . . “Let me just clear something up,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “If you live in Colorado and your neighbor invites you over for a ‘pot roast,’ it doesn't mean the same thing as it does elsewhere.” . . . Dickson, again: “On Presidents Day, a lot of people don't work and instead sit around taking it easy. Sounds more like Vice Presidents Day. Presidents Day is when we honor the greatest leaders in American history with 30 per cent off on products that are mostly made in China.” . . .

In autographing a poster for Barack Obama, Michael Jordan misspelled the U.S. president’s name. As NBC-TV’s Jimmy Fallon pointed out, “The president made sure Jordan’s name was spelled right when he had him audited by the IRS.” . . . Brian Burke, the president of hockey operations with the Calgary Flames, isn’t much of a golf fan. As he told Calgary radio station Jack FM the other day: "I hate golf because it's slow and there's no fighting."

“An ESPN survey of NHL agents reveals the top three cities that players don’t want to go to are: 1. Edmonton; 2. Winnipeg; 3. Buffalo,” writes Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Congratulations to Evander Kane, who is attempting to complete the trifecta.” . . . After Miss P, a beagle from Enderby, B.C., was named Best In Show at the prestigious Westminster Kennel Club show in New York, Chong reported that residents of Enderby “now are planning to change the road greeting sign to Welcome to EnderBeagle.” . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “The beagle that won Best In Show at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became ‘America’s Dog’, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

“New Orleans Saints – 6-8, 1st in NFC South,” wrote Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, earlier in the week. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Saints fan and I love Drew Brees. But normally this level of mediocrity is only rewarded by re-election.” . . . Here’s Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, after the latest Monday Night Football debacle: “After almost 8,000 no-shows at Soldier Field, and another brutal performance, the Chicago Bears will announce Jon Lester as their starting QB in Week 16.” . . . A question from Chong: “Where do all those ugly Christmas sweaters originate? From ugly sheep?” . . .

After the Bears benched quarterback Jay Cutler, Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer explained the move: “The turnovers alone don’t damn him. But when you combine them with the fact that his body language is the quarterback equivalent of Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, something had to give.” . . . In what he refers to as a “Special Coded Note to Hackers,” Ron Judd of the Seattle Times writes: “Where were you a year ago, when the 11th mind-numbing season of Grey’s Anatomy was being considered? Or that insufferable Gary Busey ad for Amazon.com? Or Celtic Thunder in all forms? We could go on.” . . . Yeah, there’s the Toyota drum lady and TSN’s fantasy football spots and . . .

“Craig MacTavish is back behind the Edmonton Oilers’ bench,” writes Chong. “A memo was sent out by the league to Harvey the Hound asking him to watch his tongue.” . . . TBS’s Conan O’Brien has had enough. “Crossed Kim Jong-un off my Christmas list,” O’Brien tweets. “You have to take a stand somewhere.” . . . Sy Berger worked for Topps and is considered the father of collectible baseball cards. He died recently at the age of 91. As noted: “He will be laid to rest in a shoe box somewhere in an attic.” . . .

You may have heard about the trucking company employee who drove away in a truck containing US$1.5-million worth of LeBron James 12 sneakers. “It’s the first time someone with LeBron’s shoes has been caught travelling,” notes Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen. . . . Yoenis Cespedes, the newest Detroit Tigers outfielder, drives a Lamborghini that spits flames from its pipes. “The explosion of fire doesn't faze Tigers fans,” claims Rolfsen, “who are used to watching the Detroit bullpen.” . . .

Tuesday night‘s NHL TV schedule: Buffalo at Winnipeg, regional; Anaheim at Toronto, regional; Carolina at Montreal, regional. Edmonton at Arizona, regional; New York Rangers at Calgary, regional. . . . Available: Los Angeles at St. Louis. . . . Watched: Yuletide Fireplace. . . . You may recall that Chris Davis of the Baltimore Orioles drew a 25-game suspension late last season for the unauthorized use of Adderall. Well, he now has a prescription for it so he’s back in the good books. Adderall is used to treat ADHD. The Baltimore Sun reports that MLB issued 112 exemptions for Adderall in 2014. There are about 750 MLB players. About four per cent of the general population deals with ADHD. . . . Headline at STLtoday.com: Bengals deflate Johnny Football. . . .

“The Florida Panthers won an NHL-record 20-round shootout over the Washington Capitals when Nick Bjugstad scored,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “The last shootout to use that many rounds was ended by Doc Holliday.” . . . Just the other day, ESPN asked: “Who'd you rather be: Johnny Manziel or Aaron Rodgers?” Here is Currie’s response: “Manziel may ‘show you the money,’ but Rodgers can show you Olivia Munn. Nuff said.” . . .

The Edmonton Oilers chose not to allow freshman forward Leon Draisaitl to play for Germany at the upcoming World Junior Championship. The stumbling, bumbling Oilers then made him a healthy scratch for the first time in his career. And this makes sense how? . . . Three weeks ago, you couldn’t find standing room on the Vancouver Canucks’ bandwagon. Then they went on a seven-game road trip and lost the last three games. By the time the losing streak hit five, you could find seats in the front row. . . .

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times writes: “The Cleveland Cavaliers jumped out to a 21-0 lead Monday night against: a) the Hornets en route to a 97-88 NBA win; b) Johnny Manziel and the Browns in a pickup football game.” . . . “Riesa, Germany, hosted the World Tap Dance Championships this month,” notes Perry. “Roger Goodell’s handling of the Ray Rice case came in third.” . . . Here’s Perry again: “The Interview? Where were the North Korean hackers when we really needed them — when ESPN was filming The Decision?” . . .

We end the last Keeping Score before Christmas with this groaner from the afore-mentioned Currie: “A Cincinnati shortstop named Rudy looked outside and said, ‘It's raining.’ His wife said, ‘No, it's snowing.’ ‘Raining!’ said he. ‘Snowing!’ said she. Raining! Snowing! Raining! Snowing! And on it went. ‘Listen,’ he finally said. ‘Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.’ ” . . . Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.