Mount Budmore awaits . . . Did Bo know? . . . Any bowl games left? . . . Hey, it's Mr. Double Cheeseburger

Stars may not always win on the ice, but they always win above it.

(Pic via @unlikelyfanatic) pic.twitter.com/C4KdO5SaQZ

— Allison Currie (@AlleyDalley) January 22, 2017

“I’m not saying Bud Selig doesn’t deserve to be enshrined,” writes Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. “Just not in the Baseball Hall of Fame, even though he shattered all the commissioner-salary records. Selig should be chiseled into rock on Mount Budmore, along with Bud Abbott, Larry (Bud) Melman, Buddy Holly, Bud Light and Zola Budd.” . . . Ostler, again: “Look, I don’t want to return to the good olde days. I enjoy the crazy celebrations in the NFL, and even some of the taunting. But when did we reach the point where every play concludes with a heated jaw-off? Every play! Every cornerback is Deion Sanders and every guy who catches a pass is Terrell Owens.” . . .

So, in hindsight, adults in the 70s were pretty much just inviting us to all kill ourselves on the playground. pic.twitter.com/GKMnLtaToR

— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) January 22, 2017

“NFL bust Johnny Manziel will be signing autographs and posing for pictures with fans in Houston in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, with charges ranging from $50 to $128,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “No word on whether each signed photo comes with a complimentary sucker.” . . . Here’s Perry, again: “What’s this, a pro athlete with perspective? Two-time MVP Stephen Curry — when ESPN asked if it bothers him being only the fourth-highest-paid Warrior — replied: ‘If I’m complaining about $44 million over four years, then I’ve got other issues in my life.’ We now return you to our usual assortment of miscreants and knuckleheads.” . . . 

I wish @seanspicer would stop texting people in the White House Press Corps that the Packers are winning.

— Dave Zirin (@EdgeofSports) January 22, 2017

You may have heard last week where former baseball/football star Bo Jackson said he wouldn’t have played football had he known the potential impact of head injuries. As Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., pointed out: “So it turns out after all these years that Bo really didn’t know.” . . . I turned on the TV on Saturday afternoon expecting to watch an NHL game or two. After all, there weren’t any football games until Sunday and Canada has a whole bunch of sports channels, so what better time for the NHL to monopolize the airwaves. But there wasn’t even one NHL game to be found. . . . I would like to thank Gary Bettman and the NHL, though, because you are responsible for my watching Adam Hadwin shoot 59, instead. . . . 

When Don Cherry said "The Russian.. whatever his name is.." he was referring to Martin Marincin, who happens to be from Slovakia.

— Dimitri Filipovic (@DimFilipovic) January 22, 2017

“The Los Angeles Chargers plan on playing their first two seasons at the 30,000-seat Stub Hub Center in Carson,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Won’t they be embarrassed by all those empty seats?” . . . Littlejohn also notes: “The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is closing after 146 years. Fortunately, the genre still has the New York Knicks, the Kardashians, and the San Francisco 49ers front office.” . . . According to Littlejohn: “The Dallas Cowboys say they'll handle the 'Romo problem' with 'kid gloves.’ Right  . . . and the kid's name is Dak Prescott.” . . . Before the inauguration, Littlejohn reported that “President-Elect Trump has named New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as ambassador to the UK. When asked to comment about the Court of St. James, Johnson replied, 'I'm not going to get into it with LeBron.’ ” . . .

Sports should be about kids and their passion, not about parents and their goals. – Mike Matheny

— Coach Quotes (@CoachMotto) January 22, 2017

“Is that it for college football?” asks Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings. “I’m worried there is some 7-5 vs. 6-6 bowl lurking.” . . . Rolfsen, again: “The Chargers are moving to L.A. Depending on freeway traffic, they should be there in time for the 2018 season.” . . . According to Rolfsen: “Netflix's new show A Series of Unfortunate Events goes behind the scenes with the Vancouver Canucks at NHL draft lotteries.” . . . Why is the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shutting down? Because, according to Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “it couldn’t possibly compete with the daily circus in Washington.” . . .

“We didn’t only win five games because of the last-place defence that he co-ordinated,’’ Durant said. “I guess it’s all because of my play."

— Regina Leader-Post (@leaderpost) January 20, 2017

The feds have decided to give people free entry into Canada’s national parks in 2017, which is our country’s 150th birthday. That got Les Perreaux of The Globe and Mail to wonder: “Why destroy a provincial park on May long weekend for $8 when you can trash a national park for free?” . . . If you’re not Canadian, you need to understand that what is know up here as “May long” is when we come out of hibernation, set up out tents and, yes, it’s party time. . . . Before leaving office, President Obama pardoned Willie McCovey, the former San Francisco Giants star, for a 1995 tax-evasion conviction. As comedy writer Tim Hunter put it: “In tax terminology, that’s what they call ‘an intentional walk.’ ”

“Experts say Alabama would have beaten Clemson had Tide running back Bo Scarbrough not broken his leg in quarter three,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I find the argument about Scarbrough fair.” . . . Currie, again: “A Florida man reportedly was arrested for burning his underwear in a Starbucks washroom. Its always hard to believe a story about pants on fire.” . . . One more from Currie: “Sylvester Stallone’s three daughters made history as the first trio to serve as Miss Golden Globe. The Rocky star has had five offspring in total — 11 if you include sequels.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Report: City of Los Angeles eyeing move to get away from Rams and Chargers. . . . 

“A Red Oak, Iowa, pilot celebrated his 99th birthday by piloting a plane,” Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald writes. “Through force of habit he still calls his co-pilot ‘Orville.’ ” . . . Dickson, again: “A British man has legally changed his name to ‘Bacon Double Cheeseburger.’ The New York Times refers to him as Mr. Double Cheeseburger. His children, the McNuggets, had no comment.” . . . One more from Dickson: “In 2017, NBC will launch a year-round all-Olympic network.   Because it’s NBC, all events will be tape-delayed until 2019.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

49ers did win without Harbaugh . . . Rams lose to grinches . . . Yes, we have the Fire Log!

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald is in the Christmas mood. . . . He writes: “The Nebraska Legislature Christmas pageant has been canceled. They couldn’t find three wise men.” . . . Dickson, again: “On Sunday, the public got to tour the 91,480-square-foot Nebraska Governor’s Mansion. I’m pretty sure the average town in Nebraska is about 80,000 square feet.” . . . “Once per year,” Dickson writes, “the Nebraska Governor’s Mansion is open to the public. This allows Democratic politicians to see what the inside looks like.” . . . One more from Dickson: “United Airlines has a new baggage policy. What? Are they now going to send the suitcases to the same city as the passengers?” . . .

Kylie has a 2017 lingerie calendar coming out. I also have a calendar, but I just write “underwear” each day so I don’t forget to wear it.

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) December 19, 2016

The Saskatchewan Roughriders went 5-13 in 2016 and missed the CFL playoffs. On Wednesday, 11 days before Christmas, members of the team’s training staff were given their walking papers. . . . The departed include Schad Richea, a former Regina Pats’ trainer who had been named the Roughriders’ head athletic therapist in January. . . . Hey, when you go 5-13, you have to pin it on someone. . . . Also in the grinchy spirit: The big oil companies, who pumped up the price of gas last week. But, then, that shouldn’t surprise anyone, should it? . . . 

72% of Leafs fans are scared Trump will cause the end of the world just as the team is getting good

— Stats Canada (@stats_canada) December 16, 2016

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent reports: “Evidence is mounting that the Russians, led by Vladimir Putin himself, exerted heavy Internet influence on the recent U.S. election. Suspicions were heightened when one unnamed state ballot initiative had the choices 'Da' and ‘Nyet.’ “ . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “Fired Oregon coach Mark Helfrich says he hoped Chip Kelly would be hired as the new Ducks football coach. ‘Ditto,’ said many fans of the San Francisco 49ers.” . . . Hough, again: “As fans await the end of the 49ers’ season, remember that San Francisco was sure it could win without Jim Harbaugh as head coach. And it has — six times in two years.” . . .

Trump won't attend daily U.S. intelligence briefings. Apparently, they're a schedule conflict with his Russian intelligence briefings.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 13, 2016

Headline at Fark.com: Giants alert NFL office over Steelers’ under-inflated footballs / League suspends Tom Brady four more games. . . . The other day, a readerboard at Kennedy’s Auto Pro in Halifax read: Things that tell the truth: small children, drunk people and yoga pants. . . . As proof that NBA regular-season games are all but meaningless to some teams, the Cleveland Cavaliers didn’t dress stars LeBron James, Kylie Irving and Kevin Love for a game in Memphis last week. The reasoning? It’s a long season and the players need rest. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “What’s next? A bye week for NBA teams?” . . .

In U.S., media crazy with fear Trump will to start WW3. In Canada, Peter Mansbridge just warned Albertans about "car licking moose". We win.

— randy turner (@randyturner15) December 16, 2016

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports that wrestler-turned actor “Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson said on The Tonight Show that his daughter has a fear of mall Santas. I’m thinking it’s Claustrophobia.” . . . Currie, again: “Anyone else secretly hoping Jose Bautista gets shipped to Boston? Only Tom Brady could deflate that ego.” . . . One more from Currie: “The Cleveland Browns will lose one home game next year to play an NFL game in England. At first the team protested, but Cleveland fans insisted.” . . . Currie was watching Thursday’s NFL game, the one in which the Seattle Seahawks appeared to be covered in green slime. Or, as Currie put it: “At any given time, it looked like 11 grinches stealing the Los Angeles Rams’ Christmas.” . . . 

RIP, Zsa Zsa Gabor. This 2007 @VanityFair profile of her has some fantastic writing. pic.twitter.com/JpY3xI2cAV

— Adam Proteau (@Proteautype) December 19, 2016

ICYMI, the Seattle Sounders won the MLS Cup the other evening, beating Toronto in a shootout despite not being able to muster even one shot on goal through 120 minutes of real play. As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, put it: “Zero. Also the number of new soccer fans the league's showcase game created.” . . . Why are car dealers allowed to sell so many vehicles whose turn-signals don’t work. I mean, if they worked the drivers would use them, wouldn’t they? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Donald Trump to also honor professional wrestling champions at the White House. . . . 

You know that eight-year-old grandson who stuck his tongue on a froze pole. Kid got me today. Drew a black spider on roll of toilet paper.

— Terry Jones (@sunterryjones) December 19, 2016

Congrats to Derek Evely, a veteran Canadian track-and-field coach who had a successful stint with the Kamloops Track and Field Club and will be inducted into the Burnaby Sports Hall of Fame on Feb. 23 at the Firefighters Banquet Hall at Metrotown. Evely is a graduate of Burnaby Central who finished sixth in the decathlon at the 1983 world junior championships. From a news release: “His athletes have set 13 national records. Eight have earned 33 national team positions and 10 won 71 national medals including seven who captured 39 titles. Four of his athletes – Sultana Frizell, Sophie Hitchen (U.K.), Dylan Armstrong and Shane Niemi – have won 13 international medals.” Yes, those are hall of fame-calibre numbers. . . . 

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”

— Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917—2016) pic.twitter.com/0JD7ZWJFM5

— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) December 18, 2016

A tweet from ESPN’s Mike and Mike radio show points out that the last three Pittsburgh Steelers head coaches have 442 victories between them; the last three Cleveland Browns head coaches have won 14 games. . . . Rob Vanstone, in the Regina Leader-Post: “After a no-expenses-paid, two-week vacation in New York, it is time for more futile lobbying. We want ESPN! Don’t forget ESPN2, ESPN Classic, TNT and NBC Sports Network. All is not lost. At least we have the Christmas Fire Log.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

NFL? Sense of humour? . . . Bautista not big in Baltimore . . . Who is Twit of the Year?

A note from comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “The NFL is unsure why TV ratings are down 14 per cent. But for now let’s cut to the Papa John, Nationwide, GEICO analysis of all the penalties and injuries before we cut to a commercial.” . . . “Boise State and Baylor, in case you missed it, will be paired in the Motel 6 Cactus Bowl on Dec. 27,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “And they will keep a light on for ya: The game doesn’t kick off until 8:15 p.m.” . . . Be honest. You tuned into that Thursday night NFL game, saw the Oakland Raiders dressed in white and thought: “I didn’t know anyone in the NFL office had a sense of humour.” . . .

A report from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent: “A day after trading starter Chris Sale to the Boston Red Sox, the Chicago White Sox dealt outfielder Adam Eaton to the Washington Nationals. The White Sox haven’t seen this much upheaval since Disco Demolition Night.” . . . “Congrats to Mick Jagger becoming a dad again at 73,” tweeted Bette Midler. “Which reminds me, I need to pick up a pregnancy test, because I’m, like, 936 weeks late!” . . .

ICYMI, Dan Duquette, the general manager of the Baltimore Orioles, says he hasn’t attempted to sign Jose Bautista because Baltimore fans don’t like the Toronto Blue Jays outfielder. Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, points out: “Well, that and maybe Bautista’s .234 batting average in 2016.” . . . “Won’t it be wonderful,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express, “if Bautista and his inflated ego have to crawl all the way back to Toronto?” . . .

Here’s Hutchinson, again: “The biggest employers in the world are the United States Department of Defence, the People’s Liberation Army in China, Walmart, McDonald’s and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. I’m guessing the Riders are still finding players in basement suites.” . . . One more from Hutchinson: “I flipped on TSN last Saturday and was treated to a U.S. college hockey game between Union, N.Y., and Quinnipiac. There is no punch line.” . . . Meanwhile, I flipped on Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday night and Cassie Campbell-Pascall was one of the analysts for a game between the Winnipeg Jets and the Flames in Calgary. She is married to one of the Flames’ assistant general managers. Hutchinson is right. There is no punch line. . . . 

Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, has an idea for the NHL and its Vegas franchise, which finds itself caught up in a nickname controversy. “At this point,” Rolfsen notes, “the new Vegas NHL team should just call itself the Roughriders. After all, 25 per cent of CFL teams called themselves that for decades and there was never any legal problem.” . . . Headline at Fark.com: Colts coach Chuck Pagano: ‘There’s no trophies for second place.’ Banners conspicuously not mentioned. . . .

Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “The NHL players who want Olympic participation most are the ones who won’t be playing in Korea. That way, they get two weeks off in the middle of the season. Who wouldn’t vote for that?” . . . Simmons, again: “I feel a whole lot better about Donald Trump, future president, now that Linda McMahon is involved with a significant posting (as head of Small Business Administration). Apparently, Jesse Ventura was otherwise engaged.” . . . Meanwhile, there was this reaction from Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “What next? Director of Homeland Security Sergeant Slaughter?” . . .

“Up to 30 inches of snow was predicted for mountaintops in Hawaii,” Dickson wrote early in the week. “Let’s hope we don’t learn that Hawaii has better snow removal than Omaha.” . . . Dickson, again: “The ‘mannequin challenge’ is when someone stands motionless and doesn’t move. In Omaha, this also is sometimes called ‘road construction.’ ” . . . Time magazine has named president-elect Donald Trump its Man of the Year. To which Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong wrote: “Not to be outdone, Twitter is expected to name Donald its Twit of the Year.” . . .

“New York City police say a thief snatched a pot of gold off the back of an unattended armoured truck,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “He was last seen being pursued by three leprechauns.” . . . Currie, again: “Emma Morano, reportedly the world's oldest person at 117, credits her long life to eating two raw eggs daily. Today she lives in an old yokes home.” . . . One more from Currie: “The New York Post is questioning why the NFL has failed to address ‘crass, uncouth social-media behavior’ by players. I think we can rule out lack of evidence.” . . .

After San Antonio dropped a 95-91 decision to the Bulls in Chicago on Thursday, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich was asked whether he had his players ready to play. His response shows why he is who he is: “Guys get a lot of money to be ready to play. No Knute Rockne speeches. It’s your job. If you’re a plumber and you don’t do your job, you don’t get any work. I don’t think the plumber needs a pep talk. If a doctor botches operations, he’s not a doctor anymore. If you’re a basketball player, you come ready. It’s called maturity. It’s your job.” . . . Following the death of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, comedian Argus Hamilton noted: “San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick praised Castro as a great humanitarian, automatically triggering the NFL’s concussion protocol.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Going squirrelly in Green Bay . . . Vikes are who we thought they were . . . Epstein dines on goat

Here is Ray Ratto of CSN Bay Area, after the U.S. election: “How this chapter in American history turns out is anyone’s guess, depending on the cheeriness of one’s outlook. Perhaps there is a Trump we haven’t seen yet, one who can work the milieu of anger as fuel, one who can actually grow from the man whose catch phrase meant unemployment. Nobody believes that now, though, and whether the lesson is how far we have fallen as a nation, how uncivil we have become in our daily discourse, or whether we have lost the right to buy into our own loftier impression of ourselves, we are now naked and raw as a nation, stripped of the layers of our illusions, and a nasty winter is coming on.” . . . 

You may have noticed that the NHL scheduled the first head-to-head meeting between Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby for last Tuesday, which was election night in the U.S. “What?” stated Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings. “The Super Bowl time slot wasn’t available.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “Gary Bettman must be thrilled that the faces of the NHL for the next 10-15 years are in Toronto, Edmonton and Winnipeg.” . . . Rolfsen watched an NFL game the other night and noted: “There was a squirrel on the loose at Lambeau Field during Colts-Packers. It was gathering cheese and beer for the winter.” . . .

While dining out on Wednesday night, I happened to glance at a TV set and noticed that there were anti-Trump protests going on in at least seven American cities. My first thought: It’s too late America; you should have thought about that before Tuesday. . . . Here’s Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot with a pre-election note: “My polling place is at the Norfolk Zoo. Considering this election year, that seems fitting to me.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Vikes honor Dennis Green by being who we thought they were. . . . “Not saying the Minnesota Vikings field-goal kicker is cursed,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “but he’s just a hand-held camera away from the Blair Walsh Project.” . . . Currie, again: “For years my vegetable of choice was broccoli. Then I heard John Lennon on the radio and decided to give peas a chance.” . . .

The NFL is concerned with tumbling TV ratings so it gives us the Cleveland Browns on a Thursday night. Now that’s funny. . . . Here’s Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong on the NFL’s concern: “Really? Hey, let’s put Cleveland-Baltimore on national TV this week, and get more of those 7:30 a.m. games from London, England.” . . . ICYMI, tight end Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs picked up 30 yards in penalties and an ejection after taking a hand towel from his waistband and throwing it in the direction of an on-field official. So what did Kelce learn from the incident? “I can’t throw my flag at the ref, but he can throw his all day long.” . . . 

The Nebraska Cornhuskers had Wisconsin and Ohio State in back-to-back games recently. As Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald noted: “The last time someone had a road test this stiff, it was Lewis and Clark.” . . . Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent with a note from the U.S. election: “After holding a lead in all of the major polls heading into the election, Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump in one of the most shocking of upsets. And you thought the Giants' bullpen collapsed against the Cubs.” . .

Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, had some fun with words the other day. For example, he came up with Kaepernicking and defined it thusly: “In honor of Colin Kaepernick, this word could come to mean drawing attention to oneself when one’s performance is insufficient to do so.” . . . That got Finarelli to wondering: “If Tiger Woods were to withdraw from the Hero World Challenge – as he did from the last tournament he said he would play in – how close would that bring him to ‘Kaepernicking?’ ” . . . Tuned into the Thursday night NHL game between the Vancouver Canucks and the host Detroit Red Wings. Was blown away by — wait for it! — the number of empty seats in the Joe. I guess Detroit no longer is Hockeytown USA. . . . 

Headline at Fark.com: Bud Black named as the next manager the Colorado Rockies will fire. . . . “Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein celebrated winning the World Series and ending the so-called billy goat curse by feasting on roasted goat in the Wrigley Field bleachers,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “So what did Epstein chow down on in 2004 when his Boston Red Sox finally ended the Curse of the Bambino — a Baby Ruth?” . . . Perry pondering: “Alabama football coach Nick Saban astounded the country when he said: a) He was completely unaware that Tuesday was election day; b) He thought Electoral College was the Tide’s season-opening opponent next fall.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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Kickers are like lawyers . . . Oakland plane called for holding . . . New eatery in Montreal

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Hear about the guy who woke up in a cold sweat while dreaming he’d just gotten tickets to a possible showdown for the ages between Cleveland and Chicago? Alas, it was for a Browns-Bears game.” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Browns keep NFL in suspense, refuse to accept the results of season. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Regardless of who wins the World Series, hell will freeze over. . . . Ray Styrlund, at 105 years of age, is the world’s oldest Chicago Cubs fan. When WQAD-TV talked with him and asked if he thought the team was about to end its World Series drought at 108 years, he replied: “They better. I’m not going to wait another 100 years.” . . .

“In Mission Viejo, Calif., High School's 1993 yearbook, senior graduate Michael Lee predicted that the Cubs would win it all in 2016,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Not only that, but that he'd attend a World Series game with Marty McFly.” . . . “A golf outing for President Obama and Tiger Woods cost U.S. taxpayers $3.6 million,” Littlejohn writes. “And you thought it was expensive to play at Pebble Beach.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The Oakland Raiders picked up an NFL-record 23 penalties on Sunday in Tampa Bay. When their flight home approached Oakland International Airport, the plane was called for holding.” . . . 

“Kickers are like lawyers,” notes Matt Hasselbeck, a former NFL quarterback who now is an ESPN analyst. “Nobody really appreciates them until you need a good one.” . . . Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, wonders: “Anyone but me really tired of pumpkin-flavored everything?” . . . Hough, on Cleveland’s big year: “The Cavs have an NBA ring, the Indians are in the World Series, and the Browns are going to get a No. 1 draft pick.” . . . Girl Scout Cookies? How about Girl Scout Cookie Cereal? General Mills is bringing it out in a limited edition in Thin Mint and Caramel Crunch flavours. Here’s Hough: “Isn’t it easier to just eat cookies for breakfast?” . . .

There is nothing in the world of sports that is uglier than the NFL’s Thursday night uniforms — other than the Thursday night games, that is. But when you are the most powerful entity in the sporting world, you aren’t about to admit you’re wrong. So we’re stuck with them. . . . If you haven’t heard, Budweiser is working on a plan that involves having self-driving trucks make deliveries. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering “how long it will take my neighbour’s 14-year-old kid to hack into Bud’s GPS so all deliveries arrive at his door.” . . . ICYMI, Met Life has fired Snoopy. “I can’t believe that loveable little mutt lost the insurance company mascot competition to a stupid lizard with a dumb accent,” Chong writes. . . .

Russia will have a mascot named Zabivaka for the 2018 World Cup (soccer, not hockey). As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, noted: “No, it's not a bottle of vodka. It's a wolf, and it narrowly beat out a hacker.” . . . Police in Denver have arrested suspects after someone broke into the home of Broncos defensive lineman DeMarcus Ware and stole, among other things, a Super Bowl ring. “Houston police,” Rolfsen claims, “are still investigating how Brock Osweiler stole $72 million from the Texans.” . . .

“It seems Cleveland pitcher Ryan Merritt wasn't ‘shaking in his boots’ after all,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “José Bautista’s boots? They were planted firmly in his mouth.” . . . “It's Halloween,” reports Currie. “This October, the Edmonton Oilers are disguised as contenders.” . . . “Miami Heat guard Tyler Johnson, who played only 36 games last season and has averaged 7.4 points in his career, said he threw up after hearing the team offered him $50 million,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Tyler, that makes two of us.” . . . One more from Dickson: “Hillary Clinton slammed Donald Trump for losing a billion dollars. To put that in perspective, a Clinton has to give four speeches to earn that much.” . . . “Montreal scares me,” Steve Simmons writes in the Toronto Sun. “There’s now an all-you-can-eat poutine place downtown.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Did Blue Jays win World Series already? . . . FIFA in Mob Museum . . . Hanks wants word with Flores

On the ultra-rare occasion you phone a business and a real live person answers, you're hard pressed not to begin weeping with gratitude

— George Johnson (@GeorgejohnsonCH) July 27, 2015

“Russian President Vladimir Putin said Monday that FIFA boss Sepp Blatter deserves the Nobel Prize,” reports Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Everyone else thinks Blatter deserves the No-Bail Prize.” . . . Have you noticed how Tiger Woods is becoming golf’s answer to the Chicago Cubs? Like the Cubbies, Tiger now teases his fans with a good round or two before he falls back into the pack. . . . “Thank God for @KING5Seattle's weather ‘futurecast’,” tweets Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Because ‘forecast’ was just so confusing to so many of us for so long.” . . .
“A woman who won a $188-million lottery jackpot this year in North Carolina was busted last week for marijuana,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “You’d think with that much money she could afford to move to Colorado.” . . . Hough, again: “The Houston Astros have made Taylor Swift move her tour date at Minute Maid Park from Oct. 13 to Sept. 9 because the team may be headed to the playoffs. Wonder how long it will take for Swift to write a bitter song about the brush-off?” . . . With the struggling Detroit Tigers and Boston Red Sox playing on ESPN last Sunday night, Hough wrote: “I’ll take ‘Matchups that sounded a lot better when they drew up the schedule’ for $400, Alex.” . . .
After Philadelphia starter Cole Hamels threw a no-hitter against the Cubs, the Twitter account @Cubs handled it with: “Dexter Fowler walks twice in loss to Phillies.” . . . It’s fireworks season in Vancouver and Wednesday was Brazil night. Why? Because, as Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen explained, Brazil “had some money to burn between the World Cup and Olympics.” . . . The Seattle Seahawks signed quarterback Russell Wilson to a four-year, US$87.6-million contract on Friday. “Fortunately,” noted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “Seattle citizens still have vastly less-important issues to hold their attention-like education, transportation and health care.” . . .
Is it just me or is Buck Martinez, the always-talking TV voice of the Toronto Blue Jays, trying hard to become the Canadian version of Hawk Harrelson, the professional cheerleader who calls Chicage White Sox’ games? . . . Why else would Martinez be screaming at balls to “get out of here” when a Toronto player hits a long ball? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Yankees and Red Sox have to be disgusted by Blue Jays trying to buy an AL East title. . . . Did the Blue Jays win the World Series when they beat the bat-less Minnesota Twins on Monday afternoon? . . . Hey, just asking. . . . One more from SportsPickle.com: A-Rod says he wants to play until he’s 45 or baseball begins testing for rare steroid he’s using. . . .
“Jose Canseco says he will live as a woman to support Caitlin Jenner,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “He started by borrowing some leftover stash from Manny Ramirez.” . . . The Mob Museum in Las Vegas has said it will open a FIFA exhibit in September. That led Littlejohn to wonder: “How much did FIFA have to bribe them to get it?” . . . “The first photos of Jason Pierre-Paul's hand have emerge” Littlejohn writes of the New York Giants defensive lineman who suffered injuries during a July 4 fireworks accident. “It looks like we've found the long-lost cousin of Kermit the Frog.” . . .
Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News wonders: “Has any sports owner around here ever had to admit, as John Mara did the other day, that he didn’t know how many fingers one of his star players has?” . . . Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has a question: “If Pete Rose were a Buddhist, would he be banned for more than one lifetime?” . . . Here’s RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com with a social note: “Tennis stars Maria Sharapova and Grigor Dimitrov have ended their two-year relationship. I can’t help thinking he took Sharapova for grunted.” . . .
Earlier this week, centre Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins was seen serving coffee at a Tim Hortons outlet in Dartmouth, N.S.. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “How does he sleep at night taking away much needed part-time work from CFL players?” . . . Actually, Crosby and Nathan MacKinnon of the Colorado Avalanche were shooting a TV commercial. . . . “New York Mets shortstop Wilmer Flores was shown on TV crying after they told him he had been traded,” Chong writes. “The deal fell through but Tom Hanks still said he wanted to have a few words with young Wilmer.” . . .
Brendan Taman, the general manager of the 0-6 Saskatchewan Roughriders, gave his head coach, Corey Chamblin, a vote of confidence on Monday. . . . That only means that Chamblin shouldn’t be buying any green bananas. . . . Actually, the head coach is signed through 2017 and, while the Roughriders have money in the bank, they aren’t about to spend it by paying someone not to coach for two-plus seasons. . . . NFL training camps are in full swing. "As usual," NBC's Seth Meyers reports, "the New England Patriots camp began with the ceremonial burning of the rule book.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)
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An alligator in the dugout . . . WHL players turning cheerleaders? . . . Shark survives encounter with surfer

There is a 10 foot alligator just chilling in the visiting teams dugout at our field #MilbProbz pic.twitter.com/DSP0OKGd8F

— kyle mckenzie (@kmckenzie13) July 24, 2015

The Toronto Maple Leafs stunned the hockey world Thursday when they announced they had signed Lou Lamoriello to a three-year deal as their general manager. It couldn’t have been that much of a story, though, as the Toronto Sun only did 10 pages on the Leafs in Friday’s paper. . . . Lamoriello never met a media person with whom he wanted to deal. The Maple Leafs are owned by media conglomerates Bell and Rogers, so, like, what could go wrong? . . . There are reports that retired New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter and gal pal Hannah Davis — she of the commercials with the talking horse — went Dutch on a pizza while in Italy. Which caused RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com to ask:“What kind of people report on these things? The pizzarazzi?” . . .
“Tiger Woods said he still has his sights on Nicklaus’ record 18 majors,” Currie writes. “It was so inspiring, I mailed another marriage proposal to Anne Hathaway.” . . . One more from Currie: “Ex-Blackhawks defenceman Johnny Oduya has signed with the Dallas Stars — a two-year, US$7.5-million deal. Which is a fine-how-do-you-Oduya.” . . . TC Chong, who blogs out of Richmond, B.C., writes: “Sen. Lindsay Graham posted a video on YouTube of him destroying his cell phone with a bat, chainsaw and golf club after Donald Trump gave out his number. Hope he wasn’t driving at the time.” . . .
“Santa Claus threw a terrible first pitch at a recent Tigers game,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “The good news for him is that it wasn't in Philadelphia.” . . . Littlejohn also reports that “an alligator was found in the dugout prior to a minor league game between the Daytona Tortugas and Charlotte Stone Crabs in Port Charlotte, Fla. Animal control reportedly tranquilized the gator and returned him to his natural habitat at the local golf course.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “In Cooperstown, Reggie Jackson reportedly got into a heated confrontation with a fan who was in line for a second autograph. Reggie reportedly told him, 'Just one straw per drink!’ ” . . .
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times isn’t too hyped for the release of Creed, the seventh instalment in the Rocky movie series. “Not that Rocky Balboa is showing his age or anything in Creed,” Perry writes, “but the eye of the Tiger now has cataracts.” . . . Forward Josh Smith signed with the NBA’s Los Angeles Clippers the other day, getting only the veterans’ minimum. “At the end of the day, you know, I do have a family,” he told the Detroit Free Press. “So it is going to be a little harder on me this year. But I’m going to push through it, you know.” . . . Smith, who has made about US$91 million in his career, and his family will have to get by on $6.9 million for 2015-16. . . .
You may recall earlier this year when Washington legislators voted that the state’s four WHL teams don’t have to pay minimum wage to their players. Well, the state of California is enacting legislation under which professional sports teams must pay at least minimum wage to their cheerleaders. . . . A number of WHL players are said to be considering career changes. . . . Take the worst thing you have ever seen on TV and then multiply that by 10. What do you get? Those horrid attack ads paid for by Stephen Harper and his friends. . . . Never mind Justin Trudeau; those ads just aren’t ready for anything but the garbage. . . .
Taking note of the drought situation in Vancouver, comic Torben Rolfsen points out: “We are at Stage 3 water restrictions in Vancouver (no lawn watering). Stage 4 is no showers in strip joints.” . . . Rolfsen also wondered: “Has PETA complained about that surfer punching the shark yet?” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Shark just grateful to be uninjured after terrifying encounter with surfer. . . .
Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald has a question: “Do we really need the ‘heat index?’ Isn't it bad enough knowing that it's 100 degrees without being told it ‘feels like’ 112?” . . . Dickson, again: “President Obama just became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison. He hasn't seen that many inmates since he welcomed the national-champion Florida State football team to the White House.” . . . “In Idaho,” writes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “a cyclist stopped to defecate in a ravine and decided it would be a good idea to light his toilet paper on fire afterwards rather than littering with it. And he accidentally started a 73-acre wildfire. Talk about a dumb shit.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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Open season on Tiger . . . Studs own KIBT . . . Nuke Laloosh in the money

Some folks are having fun piling on Tiger Woods these days, not that he isn’t an inviting target. . . . Early in the week, someone asked Woods if he was having any thoughts about retirement. “I don't have an AARP card yet,” he replied, “so I'm a long ways from that.” AARP used to be the American Association of Retired Persons; now it’s just AARP. . . . Woods then went out and shot 76 to start The Open Championship. After which AARP tweeted at Woods: “It's better to be over 50 than it is to be over par.” . . . And then there are the folks who operate the Twitter account Fake ESPN. On Thursday, they tweeted: “World Golf Rankings: 1. Rory McIlroy 2. Jordan Spieth . . . 239. Charles Barkley 240. 4-year-old on windmill mini-golf hole 241. Tiger Woods.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Tiger Woods fires swing coach Charles Barkley. . . .

“You know this year's all-star game was the first without a starter from the Red Sox or Yankees since 1945,” writes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “That's almost the last year the U.S. presidential election didn't have a Clinton or a Bush on the ballot.” . . . Hough, again: “Not only did Mexican drug lord El Chapo escape, he did so via a lighted and ventilated tunnel, over a mile long, which he somehow had built while inside a maximum security prison. It’s a shame this guy is such a bad dude, Caltrans could use him to oversee some of its building projects.” . . . One more from Hough: “Donald Trump was bragging (Wednesday) that he is worth $10 billion. That must give such a warm fuzzy feeling to creditors of his four companies that have declared bankruptcy.” . . .

In case you missed it, and The Left Coast Sports Babe might have, the Seattle Studs won KIBT (the Kamloops International Baseball Tournament) for a fifth straight year last weekend. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Officials: Escaped N.Y. prisoners were hoping to join Florida State football team. . . . One more from the gang at SportsPickle.com: Most Phillies not expected to return after escaping team over All-Star break. . . . After the U.S. signed a nuclear arms deal with Iran, Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel wanted to know: “Did we acquire any future draft picks or free up any cap space?” . . .

The American Homebrewers Association has named Pliny the Elder as the best beer in the U.S. To which RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com responded: “I thought Pliny the Elder was the latest signing by the San Antonio Spurs.” . . . Guard Ty Lawson of the Denver Nuggets has experienced a second DUI arrest in six months. As comedy writer Alan Ray puts it: “He led his team in double-doubles last season — mostly Jack and Cokes.” . . . Jordan Hill used to play with the Los Angeles Lakers; now he’s with the Indiana Pacers. How did he enjoy his time with the Lakers? “All you hear is Kobe’s mouth,” Hill says. . . . Hope he wasn’t surprised at that. . . .

Sorry, Bryce Harper, but Mike Trout is the best player in MLB right now. Here’s Detroit Tigers pitcher David Price, to ESPN, after Tuesday’s All-Star Game: “I just sit there and laugh when he goes out there and does what he does. I'll shoot him a text. And I'll be like, 'Hey, you do know that this is the highest league? There's not a higher league, in case you're bored right now.' But he has to keep playing with us, keep playing with us common guys.” . . . Amanda Belichick is the new women’s lacrosse coach with the Holy Cross Crusaders. The College of the Holy Cross is located in Worcester, 46 miles northwest of Foxboro, Mass., which is where her father, Bill, has his office. . . .

A query from Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen: “Did they ever find a cure for Saturday Night Fever?” . . . “Among this year’s canceled NFL promotions,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “is the New York Giants’ Jason Pierre-Paul/‘We’re No. 1’ Foam Finger Night.” . . . We close this week with a note from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent: “A horse named Nuke Laloosh finished in the money at a race at Los Alamitos recently. He reportedly celebrated with a mare named Annie.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Werth bobblehead will grow beard . . . Diddy or didn't he? . . . Spice Girl gets married

If you’re a baseball fan, you will know that Jayson Werth of the Washington Nationals is a starter on the hair/beard all-star team. He’s about to join the all-bobblehead team, too. The Nationals have scheduled Jayson Werth Chia Night for Aug. 5. They’ll hand out 20,000 bobbleheads, each capable of growing a Chia beard. . . . When the Edmonton Eskimos and Toronto Argos opened their CFL seasons on Saturday in Fort McMurray, Alta., attendance was just under 5,000. It was an Argos’ home game and the top-priced ticket was $99. . . . Conflicts with the Pan Am Games and the World Cup of women’s soccer left the Argos without a place to play in Toronto. . . .

“No need to say ‘Break a leg!’ to these thespians,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Tonya & Nancy: The Rock Opera — based on the Harding-Kerrigan figure-skating knee whack in 1994 — makes its Big Apple debut at the New York Musical Theatre Festival in July.” . . . “Well, one thing that can be said about Tonya & Nancy: The Rock Opera,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, “is that the opera isn't over until the fat laddie swings.” . . . “Seattle Seahawks running back and Oakland native Marshawn Lynch rode on a float in the Golden State Warriors' victory parade,” notes Littlejohn. “He reportedly wanted the driver to stay in the No Passing Zone.” . . . Littlejohn has seen a report that indicates “there are 40 quarterbacks in the NFL who will make more than Russell Wilson this season.” Littlejohn adds: “Not only that, but five quarterbacks in the SEC will, as well.” . . .

When Edgar Martinez replaced Howard Johnson as Seattle’s hitting coach, the Mariners were last in MLB in batting average and 28th in runs and OBP. “Here’s hoping,” wrote the aforementioned Perry, “Martinez knows a good recipe for chicken salad.” . . . “Lambeau Field security officers ejected nearly 300 people for fighting, harassment and extreme intoxication during a recent Kenny Chesney concert,” Perry reports. “Or as the locals now call it, Packer fans’ offseason minicamp.” . . .

Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, with a valid point: “With the winning team getting home-field advantage in the World Series, wouldn’t it be wiser for Kansas City fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?” . . . “If pitchers have Tommy John surgery,” asks Chong, “does Pete Rose get Pinocchio surgery?” . . . Here’s Fark.com with a suggestion on how to update the board game Clue: “Professor Diddy in the weight room — with a kettle bell.” . . . Headline in the Las Vegas Review-Journal: “Diddy or didn’t he?” . . .

With the Kansas City Royals dominating MLB’s all-star voting, Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald reported: “Six members of the Kansas City Royals are now leading the U.S. presidential race.” . . . StubHub is suing Ticketmaster and, as Dickson notes, “Seats in the lower bowl of the courtroom are selling for $79.95.” . . . One more from Dickson: “The 2015 College World Series is over. Great, now where am I going to find a T-shirt in Omaha for 30 bucks?” . . . Social note: Geri Halliwell, the former Spice Girl, has married Christian Horner, who runs the Red Bull Formula 1 racing team. . . . Spice Girls? Better try Google. . . .

A bang-on Tuesday night tweet from Steve Buffery of the Toronto Sun: “When you watch the solemn coverage of #DeflateGate you realize how ridiculous sports is sometimes.” . . . Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen wants to know: ““When did NBA draft candidates all start dressing like movie ushers?” . . . Frank Kaminsky, a centre, went back to the U of Wisconsin for his senior season a year ago, saying: “At the Kohl Center, we play in front of nearly 17,000 fans every single time. . . . I know the NBA has their crazy fans and all, but . . . there are games when teams like the Bobcats get hardly any fans, and it looks flat-out boring.” . . . You guessed it! Kaminsky got drafted by Charlotte on Thursday night. . . . And then there is forward Larry Nance Jr., who played at Wyoming. Three years ago he tweeted: “Gee I sure hope Kobe can keep his hands to himself in Denver this time. #rapist.” . . . Kobe, meet one of your new teammates. . . .

A New York City-bound Amtrak train was stranded for about five hours without food, air-conditioning or working bathrooms. That had Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, to wonder: “Are they really trying to compete with the airlines?” . . . With receiver Dez Bryant threatening to hold out on the Dallas Cowboys despite being contracted for US$12.8 million this season, Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot notes that he is “violating the first rule of rich people — no whining on the yacht.” . . .

When Alex Rodriguez got his 3,000th hit the other day, the New York Daily News headlined the story thusly: Mr. 3,***. . . . “If I'm a free agent,” tweets Peter Vecsey, “I want to play wherever LeBron James is coaching.” . . . At one point this month, Detroit Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera was hitting .647 with five home runs and 15 RBI in nine games against the Cleveland Indians. That resulted in reader David S. writing the Cleveland Plain Dealer to ask: “Did Albert Einstein get his definition of insanity by watching the Indians pitch to Miguel Cabrera?”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.