Was Innocent guilty? . . . From Q to q. Really? . . . A speeding minister

The MLS’s San Francisco Earthquakes have a midfielder named Innocent, who recently was hit with a one-game suspension. It was Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle who suggested that the headline on that story should have been ‘Innocent Guilty.’ . . . Ron Judd of the Seattle Times, with a ‘Note to Canada’: “Y’all seemed really excited last week announcing your first bombing runs against ISIS. Question: If we jumped off a bridge into Kabul, would you do it, too? OK, bad example.” . . . Judd, again: “Commercial fishermen in the Gulf of Alaska are getting increasingly miffed by the large numbers of sperm and killer whales that nab hooked cod and other fish right off their lines. Damn whales think they own the whole ocean.” . . .

ICYMI, a couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King recently were married. Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong reported: “When asked if they were planning to start a family they replied, ‘Yes, our first daughter will be named Wendy. If it’s a boy, then Carl Jr.’ ” . . . If you’re a fan of the New York Yankees, you are thinking: If they had only given Robinson Cano what he wanted. . . . Only the deep thinkers at CBC would take a scandalized radio show called ‘Q’ and rename it ‘q’. . . . Seriously, who makes those decisions? . . .

You can’t make this stuff up: Todd Stone is B.C.’s minister of transportation and infrastructure. Thus, he is responsible for the speed limits in the province. It was revealed on Friday that he was ticketed three weeks ago for going 109 kilometres per hour in an 80 zone. Cost him $196. Apparently, he was rushing to catch a ferry to the Lower Mainland from Victoria, with his wife and three children in the vehicle with him. . . . It turns out that Stone lost his driver’s licence in 2000 after accumulating five speeding tickets. He now has had two speeding tickets since then so obviously is a slow learner. . . . Maybe he should stick to the Coquihalla Highway, where he recently jacked up the speed limit to 120. . . . BTW, if you’re like me, you’re wondering if he made the ferry. . . .

You may be aware that Masters champ Jordan Spieth attended the U of Texas but didn’t stay long. He left in 2012 without finishing his sophomore year. As Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel pointed out: “It's an under-publicized problem for college golf: The hole-in-one-and-done.” . . . You may have noticed that a big part of the media is in love with Tiger Woods. As Phil Mushnick of the New York Post put it: “If there were a 5,000-car pileup, the breaking news would be: Tiger Woods wasn’t in it — and escaped unhurt.” . . . After the 21-year-old Spieth won the Masters, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted: “Tiger Woods has hickeys older than Jordan Spieth.” . . .

A paragraph from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent: 1. “According to stats in the early going, the length of major league baseball games are down eight minutes. Or about one Mike Hargrove at-bat.” . . . To the youngsters in our audience, Hargrove’s nickname was The Human Rain Delay. . . . 2. “Tom Brady bounced his first pitch at the Red Sox home-opener. I hear the baseball was two PSI below the limit.” . . . 3. “Britt McHenry's life story on film — ‘Gone Baby-Girl.’ In Britt's case, there hasn't been such a clear and emphatic reminder of another's 'lower' station in life since the heyday of Leona Helmsley.” . . .

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com has a “note to those who laughed at Tom Brady after his ceremonial pitch: Four Super Bowl rings; wife Gisele Bundchen; wife’s 2014 earnings, $47 million. Who’s laughing now?” . . . One more from Currie: “Iconic Pittsburgh safety and shampoo pitchman, Troy Polamalu, announced his retirement. Yet to be decided — the hair apparent.” . . . With foreigners again allowed to compete in the Pyongyang Marathon in North Korea, Vancouver comic Torben Roflsen point out: “But they couldn’t have any water. The winner of the race was Kim Jong-un, with a reported time of 1 hour 35 minutes.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: ““There is a mayoral bet on the Canucks-Flames series: If Vancouver wins, the Red Mile becomes a bike lane.” . . .

Please, no more whining about WHL bus trips. “The Milwaukee Brewers’ AA farm team,” notes Ray Ratto of CSNBayArea.com, “which moved from Huntsville last year because Biloxi got all flirty and new ballpark-y, is beginning a 55-game, 60-day roadie because said new park isn’t ready yet. And because this is the Southern League, it’s all bus rides -– from Pensacola to Mobile to Jacksonville to Pensacola to Huntsville to Jackson, Mississippi, to Jackson, Tennessee, to Huntsville to Chattanooga to Birmingham. When the Shuckers finish this trip, they will have well and truly bonded. Unless, of course, they kill each other going from Jackson to Jackson.” . . .

So, Charles Barkley, what goes through your mind when you hear about NBA players getting into it with fans on social media? “I always use this analogy when it comes to sports fans,” he replies. “Just because you watch Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t mean you can perform an operation.” . . . “In Allen, Texas,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “a rancher was given a $266 citation for doing what he’s been doing for years, riding his horse to Taco Bell. Apparently, it’s not allowable to ride on a public street. Now, if he’d just walked downtown carrying a couple of shotguns. . .”

You are wondering why Lou Holtz is leaving his role as a football analyst with ESPN. Well, he’s 78, and as he told a Notre Dame website: “I’ve been everywhere except to bed. I’ve spoken to everybody except my wife. Somebody said, ‘Do you ever go anywhere where people don’t recognize you?’ I said, ‘Home.’ ” . . . Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post reports: “In his new book, former NFLer Phillip Buchanon claims his mother demanded $1 million from him — her fee for raising him, as it were — after he was drafted by the Oakland Raiders in 2002. That gives new meaning to ‘child support’ ” . . .

“Rassler-turned-actor Dwayne Johnson says he eats 2¼ pounds of cod a day — or 821 pounds a year,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Rock cod, we presume.” . . . Centre Kendrick Perkins of the Cleveland Cavaliers took nine steps with the ball in a recent game and wasn’t called for travelling. “I have gone for runs that were shorter,” wrote Kaseberg.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

“Sharks defenseman Marc-Edouard Vlasic said he missed (last) Saturday night’s pantsing at the hands of the mostly brutal Carolina Hurricanes because of ‘a cold,’ ” writes Ray Ratto of CSNbayarea.com. “Sunday he was placed on injured reserve. In other words, what we have here officially is an ‘upper body injury linked to killer phlegm.’ Boys, we don’t mind that you lie about injuries because your players are occasionally borderline psychopaths who would try to injure already-injured players. But you have to be able to lie better than that. You just have to. Children are watching.” . . . Meanwhile, in the WHL, Kootenay Ice head coach Ryan McGill sat out two games during the week. He went from “ill” to “upper-body injury” to “general body soreness.” . . .

You sit down on a Thursday night and have a hankering to watch an NHL game. The channel guide on your TV shows you four games, all on at the same time. Winnipeg at Nashville. Toronto at the New York Islanders. Pittsburgh at Ottawa. Edmonton at Montreal is on two channels, one French and one English. Later, it’s Calgary at Los Angeles. Five games. Each featuring a Canadian team. But in Gary Bettman’s NHL every one of those games is available regionally. Which means, here in Kamloops, it was the New York Rangers at Colorado or Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Hey, Rogers, if you’re wondering why the ratings aren’t nearly what you thought they would be. . . .

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times discovered an interactive soccer-related calculator at BBC.com and typed in the average U.S. salary of $43,000. This is what he got back: “Cristiano Ronaldo earns €18,200,000 ($20.9 million) per year. It would take him 18 minutes to earn your weekly salary. On your current salary, it would take you 551 years to earn Cristiano Ronaldo’s annual wage. If you had started in the year 1464 you’d almost be finished.” . . . Perry asks: “What do the Seahawks and NBC anchor Brian Williams have in common?” Perry answers: “Both would’ve been better off staying on the ground.” . . . Minor league baseball’s Akron Rubber Ducks will play host to Brian Williams’ Pants-on-Fire Night on April 27. You know you’ve made it when a baseball team is honouring you with a special night. . . .

Here’s comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “My sports and entertainment heroes have been, roughly in order, Bill Cosby, O.J. Simpson, Bruce Jenner, Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen and Brian Williams. I am starting to think I might be the problem.” . . . Seattle Times desk editor Bill Kossen asks: “How many Marshawn Lynches does it take to screw in a light bulb?” Kossen's answer: “Thank you for asking.” . . . G Jackson Whistle of the Kelowna Rockets underwent an appendectomy about 10 days ago. If you have ever wondered whether that is upper or lower body, the Rockets list him as being out with a lower-body injury. . . .

“Tiger Woods withdrew with a bad back, explaining that a long wait in the fog caused his glutes to deactivate,” wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle during last weekend’s PGA tournament. “First recorded case of foggy bottom. You know you’re in trouble when your ass goes south on you. Now can we declare a moratorium on discussion of any Tiger Woods body part below his waist?” . . . Jack Finarelli, The Sports Curmudgeon, chimed in with: “Personally, I wonder if this was a case of his glutes deactivating or a situation where he realized he was getting his glutes kicked.” . . .

“During a game at a recent Colorado Rockies fantasy camp,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, “a pitcher brushed back batter Lew Dunlap. Livid, Dunlap — who’s 88 — started to charge the mound. He’s expected to arrive there sometime next week.” . . . Cardale Jones, who finished the season as Ohio State’s starting quarterback, recently spent some time visiting a children’s hospital. While there, he played the NCAA football video game with a patient. Jones later took to Twitter to clear the air. “Man, he tweeted, “I wish everyone stop saying I beat a kid in the hospital 91-35 . . . It was 98-35, had 91 with 1:26 left in the 4th.” . . .

You may have noticed New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick chatting with David Letterman on Wednesday. Perhaps you were wondering why it wasn’t Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll. According to Letterman, “We invited Pete Carroll to be on the show, but he passed.” . . . Katy Perry has told people that the NFL had almost total control over her halftime Super Bowl extravaganza. “If my calculations are correct,” noted Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel, “that brings the total number of events that the NFL had under control this past season to one.” . . .

It says here that Dallas Stars forwards Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin, aka The Immature Punks, should just shut up until they have accomplished off the ice what Daniel and Henrik Sedin have in Vancouver. . . . Maybe the voices in their heads made Benn and Seguin say what they said on that open mouth radio show the other day. . . . “Kanye West told Ryan Seacrest that ‘voices in my head’ told him to go on stage at the Grammys and rant against Beck,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “How come these ‘voices’ in people’s heads never tell them to sit down and shut up?” . . . Hough is getting ready for the spring planting season. “Picked up a little pot of tulips,” she tells us. “Small stick with care instructions in the soil. Ending with: ‘For decoration only. Do not consume.’ And they assume anyone dumb enough to eat tulips is smart enough to read instructions?”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)


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Brad Rock writes a column, Rock On, in the Deseret News of Salt Lake City. The other day, it included this item: “Faced with declining revenue and high maintenance costs, some golf courses are allowing a new game called ‘footgolf.’ Participants kick a soccer ball down the fairway and into a 21-inch hole. Rock On will pass on that. He’s waiting to cash in on the swimboxing craze.” . . . Hey, Rogers Sportsnet, it’s about those digital ads that show up on the hitters’ background on your Blue Jays telecasts. How about dumping them? They really are misleading because that isn’t what the hitters are looking at. Besides, it‘s not as though there aren’t enough ads in the ballyard and on the telecasts already. . . .

If you missed it, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Matt Scott lost his cookies and then threw a touchdown pass during his club’s NFL preseason opener. Column contributor Bill Littlejohn wonders if that’s “a puke-six?” . . . “A woman found IKEA bags in a Swedish church that were filled with ancient human skulls and bones,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “And dozens of odd little wrenches.” . . . One more from Currie: “Knicks star Carmelo Anthony says he wants to be a facilitator. Imagine Nero saying he wanted to be a firefighter.” . . .

You know you’re having a bad season when you have a toy-truck giveaway and one of the trucks has a different team’s logo on it. That’s what happened to the New York Mets. One of the trucks that was given away actually had a Philadelphia Phillies logo on it. . . . In case you don’t think young players copy what they see on TV, consider this note from Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: “I watched five minutes of the Little League baseball regionals. Every batter steps out of the box after every pitch. One kid drew in the dirt with his bat, crossed himself, twitched, dug in and gave the ump the big ‘Wait!’ hand. After every pitch, the kid stepped out and refastened his batting glove. Stop that!” . . .

Astronaut Barry Wilmore is a happy camper these days, because NASA has agreed to provide an SEC Network feed to the space station so that he can watch some college football. There may be a downside, however. As Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News Sentinel pointed out: “I’m guessing he’ll have a pretty long wait for the cable guy if he loses his signal.” . . . A wildlife note from Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen: “Sharks kill 10 people annually. Hippos kill 2,900. When is Hippo Week?” . . . Rolfsen, again: “Smoke signals herald a new pope; baseball owners elected Rob Manfred as MLB’s new commissioner and tobacco spit gushed out of the building.” . . .

“Forty years ago (last) weekend, Nixon resigned,” notes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “The younger generation may find it hard to believe, but there actually was a time when we were shocked to learn that our leaders could be crooks.” . . . One more from Hough: “Tiger Woods has taken himself out of Ryder Cup consideration. Guess I should take myself out of consideration to be George Clooney's girlfriend.” . . . Hough, again: “The prosecution in Bob McDonnell’s trial has rested. They said the former Viriginia Governor and his wife took more than $165,000 in illegal gifts. And down in Louisiana they’re thinking ‘Amateurs’.” . . .

In case you missed it, Canada’s men’s soccer team is down four spots to No. 122 in FIFA’s latest rankings. Canada now is one spot ahead of Guinea-Bissau. . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Johnny Manziel Forced To Wear Cleveland Browns Jersey In Cruel Rookie Hazing Incident. . . . You wonder how long it will take PTI’s Michael Wilbon to get over it when he realizes that Tiger Woods now is just another guy on the PGA Tour. . . .

Aunt Jemima’s great grandson is reportedly suing various product makers for $2 billion in royalties. “He claims they have been using her image and recipes without compensation since 1937,” notes Richmond blogger TC Chong. “Following this case closely are families of Sara Lee, Betty Crocker and Tony the Tiger.” . . . There are a whole lot of junior hockey teams into training camps already, and a whole lot more will join the crowd this week. It’s all about school, you know. Gotta get the players who won’t be on the roster back home in time to start school. Except in B.C., of course, where going to school is just a distant memory. . . .

Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express has a question for TV watchers: “Would anybody else like to hear that Wendy’s pretzel-bun woman and Trivago Man are shacking up in a cheap motel?” . . . Here’s Hutchinson, again: “In Ontario, the provincial curling finals will be known as the Recharge with Milk Tankard. Somewhere Paul Gowsell must be shaking his head.” . . . A head-nodder from comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “The NFL announced it is placing tracking chips in players’ shoulder pads to measure how far and fast they run in a game. This from the league that still measures first downs with three guys, two sticks and a chain.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Kevin Love has decided that enough is enough. He has spent six seasons with the NBA’s Minnesota Timberwolves and has told management he will leave as a free agent after next season. As Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel wrote: “He wants to go to a winning franchise. The Timberwolves have finally learned that money can’t buy them Love.” . . . “In an interview with People Magazine,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, “Elin Nordegren praises Tiger (Woods) for being a good father. Translation: Tiger is making his monthly support payments on time.” . . . A woman in Florida is facing charges after having her neighbour’s home bulldozed. “That,” Chong points out, “is what you get when you don’t trim your overhanging branches.” . . .

“We don’t even have dental (coverage). Go figure.” That was B.C. Lions kicker Paul McCallum, in conversation with Lowell Ullrich of the Vancouver Province. Just in case you aren’t sure why the CFL and the CFLPA are duking it out. . . . “Two words I’m waiting to hear from the CFL: Replacement players,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. “I can visualize Keanu Reeves playing quarterback for the Blue Bombers.” . . . “Despite rumours to the contrary,” claims RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “the CFL has proposed a nine-per-cent increase in the salary cap, not a nine-cent increase.” . . .

In case you missed it, Gary Bettman, the commissioner of the NHL, was honoured the other night as Sports Executive of the Year at the Sports Business Awards in New York City. As he accepted the award, Bettman, who received a standing ovation, told the crowd: “It’s almost an out-of-body experience. This time of year, I’m normally presenting a trophy and getting booed. To receive one and get applause is really quite novel.” . . . A note from Janice Hough (aka The Left Coast Sports Babe): “Miguel Tejada has signed a minor-league deal with the Miami Marlins and will work out at the club’s spring training headquarters while he serves the last few weeks of a 105-game suspension for his third failed drug test. It’s all part of Bud Selig’s strict ‘three strikes and you’re almost out, maybe . . .’ policy.” . . .

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald reports that Vito Cammisano, the boyfriend of St. Louis Rams defensive end Michael Sam, is the grandson of a former Kansas City enforcer and mob boss. William Cammisano got his nickname -- Willie the Rat -- because he would dispose of bodies in the sewer where, well, you get the picture. . . . “Aside to Rams coach Jeff Fisher,” adds Cote. “Think twice before cutting Sam.” . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: Kevin Garnett mostly just pounding chest to keep heart going at this point. . . . Garnett, 37, will play at least one more NBA season with the Brooklyn Nets. You would, too, for the US$12 million the Nets owe him for next season, the last one on his contract. . . .

Golfer Rory McIlroy sent out the wedding invitations, then got cold feet and ended his engagement to tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. “In golf,” claims comedian Torben Rolfsen, “that is known as signing an inaccurate card.” . . . “Rory McIlroy opened with a 68 at Wentworth, his first round of golf since calling off his engagement to Caroline Wozniacki,” noted Currie. “It’s nice he had a hot hand to go with his cold feet.” . . . Social note: Actress Olivia Munn and Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers are said to be an item. Or, as the headline in the New York Daily News put it: Say Cheese! Pack's Rodgers dating actress Munn. . . .

According to USA Today, Duke men's basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski is the highest-paid coach in U.S. college sports. He pulls in US$9,682,032 a year. You have to wonder how hard he negotiated for that $32. . . . The Oakland A’s beat the host Tampa Bay Rays 3-2 on Wednesday night. Somehow, the A’s scored three runs on only one hit, and think about that for a moment or two. Oakland now is 1-82 when held hitless or getting one hit. . . . On the other side of the coin, the Rays lost for the first time in the 10 games in which they have held the opponent to zero hits or one hit. . . .

From Ron Judd of the Seattle Times: “We loved the reaction to the L.A. Clippers story from some corners around here: ‘Man, that NBA sure is run by a bunch of racist, misogynist mouth-breathers. Any chance this means we get a team?’ ” . . . More from Judd: "We’re hoping someone was joking by throwing together a potential Clippers’ ownership group comprising three of the most stupendous egos on Planet Earth (in order): Larry Ellison, Oprah and David Geffen. Is there some reason they left out Lance Armstrong?" . . . If Oreo cookies had never been invented, would we still have crossword puzzles?

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.