Sunday, May 31, 2015

FIFA this, FIFA that . . . You will want to try a Frankenslice . . . NBA fun begins Thursday





As you will know by now, Sepp Blatter was re-elected as president of FIFA on Friday, despite the seeming implosion of the organization earlier in the week. . . . “Say,” wondered Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, “wasn’t Sepp one of the original Three Stooges?” . . . More from Hamilton: “Seven of the people arrested in Zurich, Switzerland were picked up at the five-star Baur au Lac hotel. They’re now staying at the no-star Crowbaur Hotel.” . . . The FIFA scandal involves officials being charged with accepting bribes to the tune of more than US$150 million. As comedy writer Jerry Perisho pointed out: “Do you know how hard it is to take $150 million in bribes without using your hands?” . . .

“This FIFA scandal has gained some interest in Canada,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Mike Duffy wants to know how he can get on the board of directors.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: FIFA fires executive who failed to bribe U.S. and Swiss officials. . . . “Officials at soccer's governing body, FIFA, are allegedly involved in a $150-million bribery scandal,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Or, as members of the U.S. Congress call that, ‘October.’ ” . . .

“Atlanta Hawks radio play-by-play man Steve Holman made his feelings known about Cleveland Cavaliers guard Matthew Dellavedova on Tuesday,” reports the afore-mentioned Hamilton. “During the Eastern Conference final between the teams, Dellavedova’s frequent dives into the legs of Atlanta players resulted in an injury to one (Kyle Korver) and the ejection of another (Al Horford, who threw an elbow at Dellavedova’s head). So, as Dellavedova arrived at the scorer’s table in Game 4, Holman told his listeners: ‘Tonya Harding checking in.’ ” . . . Trust a minor-league baseball team, in this case the Fresno Grizzlies, to come up with the Frankenslice — one slice of pizza with hot dogs baked into the crust. One will set you back $7. As Fark.com put it: “Any fan who can eat a whole pie gets to be carted off on the seventh-inning stretcher.” . . .

Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen: “Draft lottery 1960s: fake injury to avoid Vietnam. Draft lottery 2010s: fake injury to avoid Knicks.” . . . You may not have been aware that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, he of Deflategate, and baseball home run king Barry Bonds both attended the same high school in San Mateo, Calif. Here’s Dickson: “I believe the school’s known as The Fighting Asterisks.” . . . A mid-week tweet from Michael Farber of Sports Illustrated: “The hockey word for 2015, ripped off from basketball, is ‘looks,’ as in ‘getting good looks.’ Calling your team a ‘group?’ That is so 2013.” . . .

The NBA is going to have Steph Curry versus LeBron James in its championship final. Yes, the association is all smiles. . . . The fun begins on Thursday. . . . “Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors passed Reggie Miller for most 3-pointers in one NBA postseason the other night,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our California correspondent who is based in South Lake Tahoe, “but it should come with an asterisk. After all, Curry didn’t do it with Spike Lee hanging all over him.” . . . “Former wide receiver Joe Horn has called NFL commissioner Roger Goodell 'the devil,’ ” Littlejohn writes. “Goodell denied this, saying that he's never even met Charlie Daniels.” . . . Littlejohn also reports: “A newlywed couple in Massachusetts says they won’t go on their honeymoon until Tom Brady's four-game suspension is lifted. Goodell and the NFL reportedly sent them a list of Boston area seminaries.”

“The minor-league Port Charlotte, Fla., Stone Crabs canceled their A-Rod Juice Box Night after the Yankees complained that lampooning PED-inflated slugger Alex Rodriguez was in poor taste,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “There goes any hope for hosting Tom Brady Ball-Needle Night.” . . . “In tennis news,” Perry reports, “Portugal’s Joao Sousa defeated Brazil’s Joao Souza 7-5, 6-3 at the Geneva Open. So where will they stage the rematch — in Walla Walla, Wash.?” . . . One more from Perry: “Jack Nicklaus donated the 3-wood he used to win all 18 of his major golf titles to the USGA Museum. No word on whether Elin Nordegren plans to hand over her 9-iron.” . . .

“Thanks, or no thanks, to technological advances,” writes Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot, “MLB can gauge the height of a home run ball at its apex. Miami’s Giancarlo Stanton, for instance, hit a homer the other night that crested at 143 feet, the fifth-highest by anyone this season. Another relatively new measurement is the speed at which a ball leaves the bat. Do these revelations actually enhance our enjoyment of the game . . . or just serve as a reminder that some people sitting behind computers have too much time on their hands?”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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