Sunday, June 8, 2014





Ron Judd of the Seattle Times admits that he’s giddy “with excitement to see Steve Ballmer, who gave the world Windows 8.Huh?, realize a lifelong dream of joining the disorganized-crime syndicate that is the NBA. And anything he can do to keep its back-stabbing scalawags away from Seattle is welcomed.” . . . More from Judd, as he named his Entrepreneurs of the Decade: “Record executive Jimmy Iovine and Beats co-founder Dr. Dre, who conned Apple into paying $3 billion for their business, which markets the equivalent of $29 Radio Shack headphones to young-sucker consumers for $299 a pair. God bless America.” . . .

If you missed it, the air-conditioning unit malfunctioned at the arena in San Antonio so things got a little warm during Game 1 of the NBA final on Thursday night. The San Antonio Spurs beat Miami by 15 points, with Heat star LeBron James cramped up and unable to finish. The Spurs, Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong noted, “now are planning to install heated benches for the visitors in Game 2.” . . . On Twitter, someone sniped at Gatorade because of James’s problems. Gatorade’s Twitter account responded with: “The person cramping wasn’t our client. Our athletes can take the heat.” . . . James’s endorsement deal is with Powerade. . . . Gatorade later apologized. . . . Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “The reaction to James’ cramping, in the sports media and social media, was so patently ridiculous you actually felt yourself getting dumber just trying to follow it all. In the end, it was noise. But then, more and more, that’s the object of the game, isn’t it?” . . .

Here’s Lupica, again: “Is that a new hairstyle for Lady Gaga or a science experiment gone horribly wrong?” . . . And one more from Lupica: “Edge of Tomorrow is supposed to be Tom Cruise’s greatest action flick since he was jumping up and down on the edge of Oprah’s couch.” . . . “Is it true,” Chong wonders, “that matchmakers in Dallas are being inundated with requests from Cowboys fans to hook up V. Stiviano with Jerry Jones?” . . .

“Jacques Cousteau’s grandson is going underwater for 31 days starting next week,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “It will be a record for the longest time anyone has spent down in the depths. Well, other than the Chicago Cubs.” . . . Hough, once again: “After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?” . . .

Chad Greenway, a linebacker with the Minnesota Vikings, dove into Lake Minnetonka the other day and helped rescue two boaters, one of whom turned out to be a fan of the Chicago Bears. “Good thing he told me that afterward,” Greenway told Minneapolis TV station KARE. . . . “John Daly estimated he has lost $55 million gambling,” writes Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “After giving that some thought, he immediately wagered $10,000 on the ‘over.’ ” . . . Contributor Bill Littlejohn claims that ““MLB and Joe Torre have warned Dodger pitchers to pick up their pace, as their games are getting too long. They first became aware when arriving fans at Dodger Stadium started getting there in the first inning instead of the usual third” . . .

So . . . when you were a kid playing road hockey, you always dreamed of playing in overtime of a Stanley Cup final game. Right? But, hey, what’s it really like? During Game 1 of this year’s final, Washington Capitals forward Dustin Penner tweeted: ““The feeling of playing in a game like this is a cross between constipation and explosive diarrhea.” . . . “ESPN tennis analysts said Canadian Eugenie Bouchard plays like a younger Maria Sharapova,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Well, other than Bouchard being shorter by four inches and quieter by 104 decibels.” . . . One more from Currie: “Cyclist Eloy Teruel pumped his arms to celebrate taking the Tour of California’s seventh stage — one lap too soon. He ended up 56th. A classic case of premature gesticulation.” . . .

In Moses Lake, Wash., a goof trying to rob a convenience story lost out to an 89-year-old woman with a golf club in her hands. As Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News put it: “Otherwise known as the ‘Elin Nordegren manoeuvre.’ ” . . . “It’s Los Angeles versus New York for Lord Stanley’s Cup,” writes James Montgomery in compiling Rolling Stone‘s weekly Everything Index. “Regardless of who wins, you can bet someone will be filling it with an artisanal cocktail.” . . . One more from the Everything Index: “Biebs apologizes after video of him telling racist joke surfaces. He should probably also apologize for that mustache too.” . . . “Little League Baseball, founded in 1939, turns 75 this year,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Coincidence? Just one year later, the very first Dairy Queen opened.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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