Scattershooting . . . on a Thursday evening

1. You would have to think that NHL commish Gary Bettman is livid to have had the Arizona Coyotes mess blow up right in the middle of the Stanley Cup final. But isn’t there something wrong with an arrangement under which a city is paying an NHL team $15 million to hang around?

2. If you have dog in the hunt, perhaps the NHL final has some magic to it. But if you don’t the first four games haven’t offered up a whole lot of excitement. The NHL has to find a way to open up the game and I don’t know if those presently in power have the gumption to do it.

3. Someone said the NHL combine was on last weekend. Sure enough, I looked out the back door on Saturday and the farmer was in his field, taking off the first hay crop of the year.

4. If you are on Twitter, don’t you find it at least a little bit funny that there are so many would-be comedians out there?

5. I had dinner with a friend on Saturday. He couldn’t stop smiling. Why? Because he had played golf earlier in the day and he shot 84. That, of course, was one stroke better than Tiger’s day.

6. You don’t have to be an NBA fan to enjoy what is going on with that league’s championship final. So far you have to give the edge to LeBron James over Steph Curry, too. The Warriors got something going in the fourth quarter of Tuesday’s Game 3 loss in Cleveland, so it will be interesting to see if they can sustain it tonight.

7. Football is the ugliest sport of them all. And it showed its ugly side again on the weekend when the B.C. Lions released kicker Paul McCallum. They wanted him to retire; he wants to go out on his own terms so asked for his release. All he did last season was hit on 90.5 per cent of his field-goal attempts. But the Lions are looking for one kicker to handle kickoffs, punts and field goals, and that guy wasn’t going to be the 45-year-old McCallum.

8. It’s worth noting that this is a rather important season for those same B.C. Lions. There are whispers on the Left Coast that the Lions now are the No. 3 team in that market, behind the Vancouver Canucks, of course, and soccer’s Vancouver Whitecaps.

9. Michael Ferguson, Canada’s auditor general, spent $23.5 million on an audit of the Senate. That audit recovered $975,000. . . . Sheesh! When the then-community-owned Kamloops Blazers were looking for about a million missing dollars a few years back, they spent $300,000 on recovery efforts before calling a halt to it without getting back even a penny.

10. It won’t be long before observers are wondering where Arizona Diamondbacks first baseman Paul Goldschmidt ranks in the pantheon of right-handed hitters in MLB history. Yes, he’s that good.

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After that great American sporting event of July 4 -- Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest -- Eric Kolenich of the Richmond, Va., Times-Dispatch scribbled: “Joey (Jaws) Chestnut consumed 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes. The average American eats only 70 per year.” . . . You should know that prior to this year’s event, ESPN renewed its contract with Major League Eating, which isn’t to be confused with Major League Baseball, for the next 10 years. . . . A quiz from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times -- “The greatest American sports dynasty of the 21st Century is: a) the Spurs; b) the Red Sox; c) Joey Chestnut.” . . . A tweet from David Larkins of the Winnipeg Sun: “Joey Chestnut is coming to Winnipeg. So now's a great chance to grab that hot dog bun you've always wanted autographed.” . . .

The Purdy family in Kansas is headed up by Casey, a New York Yankees fan who has brothers named Roger, Andy and Mickey. Casey’s children are named Jeter, Maris and Yogi. . . . Seriously. . . . As Perry notes: “Luckily for the Purdys, it’s a long way down the Yankees’ all-time roster to the likes of Stubby Overmire, Snuffy Sternweiss and Pee-Wee Wanninger.” . . . Competitors in the Tour de France have been complaining about spectators standing on the road to take selfies with the cyclists headed their way. As Perry noted: “Too bad this fad hasn’t caught on at the Running of the Bulls.” . . .

Of Germany’s 7-1 throttling of Brazil in a World Cup semifinal game, Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post claims “it was the most embarrassing outcome of a high-profile contest since Rob Ford was elected mayor of Toronto.” . . . In case you missed it, running back Jerome Messam’s tour of the CFL is continuing in Regina. He was added to the Roughriders’ roster during the week; he also has worn uniforms belonging to the B.C. Lions, Edmonton Eskimos and Montreal Alouettes. . . . You wonder if the ultra-talented Messam realizes that the Arena league is next. . . .

With LeBron James’ decision to return home to Cleveland, you no doubt were wondering if he also would give the Cavaliers a hometown discount. . . . Yes, and pigs can fly. . . . He will sign a two-year deal for US$42.2 million with the Cavs. In two years, the NBA will get another gazillion dollars in TV money, meaning there will be even more money there for the best players. He will opt out of his contract and here we go again. . . . “LeBron James says his time in Florida was like going to college for him,” reports Vancouver funnyman Torben Rolfsen. “That would make him the first athlete in Miami to last four years in college.” . . . James, it seems, is intent on spending his playing days chasing the ghost of Michael Jordan. What James, who has two NBA championship rings, seems to forget is that Jordan won six rings in eight years and did it all with one team, the Chicago Bulls. . . . One more Cleveland-related note from Rolfsen: “Johnny Manziel spends more time in Las Vegas than Celine Dion.” . . .

Bill Hillmann, the author of How to Survive the Bulls of Pamplona, got bored during this month’s running of the bulls. As Richmond blogger TC Chong put it: “I’m guessing this guy knows how to write, but doesn’t know how to read or run.” . . . According to BBC News, Trixie, a border terrier, had surgery to remove a ball that had been lodged in her stomach for more than two years. RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com notes that “reincarnationists claim Trixie was once a line judge at a Serena Williams match.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Nation eagerly anticipates the release of Johnny Manziel’s 4th of July weekend party photos. . . . Headline at TheOnion.com: BREAKING: LeBron James Leaning Toward Joining Al-Qaeda. . . . Another TheOnion.com headline: Ravens warn rookies to save some extra money for bail. . . .

Planning on visiting Kamloops? Remember that the STOP signs are for decorative purposes only; we don’t stop at them, but we sometimes hang Garage Sale signs on them. . . . Remember, too, that the province has said it will crack down on those who drive in the left-hand lane. But the crackdown doesn’t seem to have started yet. . . . The next time you see that awful Honda commercial that features Indy Car driver James Hinchcliffe, check out the line in the asphalt in front of his car at the beginning and then again when the camera pulls back to show that he is sitting in a parked car. . . . Hard to believe but it seems that commercial took more than one take. . . .

Former major leaguer Jose Canseco apparently went on a recent tour that took him into Canada. “Obviously,” wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald, “America’s revenge on our neighbor to the north for sending us Justin Bieber.” . . . In case you missed it, the host Edmonton GreenGolds beat the Ottawa RedBlacks 27-11 in a Friday night CFL game. . . . When baseball’s All-Star Game hits Target Field in Minneapolis on Monday and Tuesday, fans will be able to use the new automated beer-vending machines, all of which doesn’t really excite Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon. As he noted: “Big deal. My dad had a self-serving beer machine 30 years ago. It was called ‘Jimmy.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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Ron Judd of the Seattle Times admits that he’s giddy “with excitement to see Steve Ballmer, who gave the world Windows 8.Huh?, realize a lifelong dream of joining the disorganized-crime syndicate that is the NBA. And anything he can do to keep its back-stabbing scalawags away from Seattle is welcomed.” . . . More from Judd, as he named his Entrepreneurs of the Decade: “Record executive Jimmy Iovine and Beats co-founder Dr. Dre, who conned Apple into paying $3 billion for their business, which markets the equivalent of $29 Radio Shack headphones to young-sucker consumers for $299 a pair. God bless America.” . . .

If you missed it, the air-conditioning unit malfunctioned at the arena in San Antonio so things got a little warm during Game 1 of the NBA final on Thursday night. The San Antonio Spurs beat Miami by 15 points, with Heat star LeBron James cramped up and unable to finish. The Spurs, Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong noted, “now are planning to install heated benches for the visitors in Game 2.” . . . On Twitter, someone sniped at Gatorade because of James’s problems. Gatorade’s Twitter account responded with: “The person cramping wasn’t our client. Our athletes can take the heat.” . . . James’s endorsement deal is with Powerade. . . . Gatorade later apologized. . . . Mike Lupica, in the New York Daily News: “The reaction to James’ cramping, in the sports media and social media, was so patently ridiculous you actually felt yourself getting dumber just trying to follow it all. In the end, it was noise. But then, more and more, that’s the object of the game, isn’t it?” . . .

Here’s Lupica, again: “Is that a new hairstyle for Lady Gaga or a science experiment gone horribly wrong?” . . . And one more from Lupica: “Edge of Tomorrow is supposed to be Tom Cruise’s greatest action flick since he was jumping up and down on the edge of Oprah’s couch.” . . . “Is it true,” Chong wonders, “that matchmakers in Dallas are being inundated with requests from Cowboys fans to hook up V. Stiviano with Jerry Jones?” . . .

“Jacques Cousteau’s grandson is going underwater for 31 days starting next week,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “It will be a record for the longest time anyone has spent down in the depths. Well, other than the Chicago Cubs.” . . . Hough, once again: “After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?” . . .

Chad Greenway, a linebacker with the Minnesota Vikings, dove into Lake Minnetonka the other day and helped rescue two boaters, one of whom turned out to be a fan of the Chicago Bears. “Good thing he told me that afterward,” Greenway told Minneapolis TV station KARE. . . . “John Daly estimated he has lost $55 million gambling,” writes Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “After giving that some thought, he immediately wagered $10,000 on the ‘over.’ ” . . . Contributor Bill Littlejohn claims that ““MLB and Joe Torre have warned Dodger pitchers to pick up their pace, as their games are getting too long. They first became aware when arriving fans at Dodger Stadium started getting there in the first inning instead of the usual third” . . .

So . . . when you were a kid playing road hockey, you always dreamed of playing in overtime of a Stanley Cup final game. Right? But, hey, what’s it really like? During Game 1 of this year’s final, Washington Capitals forward Dustin Penner tweeted: ““The feeling of playing in a game like this is a cross between constipation and explosive diarrhea.” . . . “ESPN tennis analysts said Canadian Eugenie Bouchard plays like a younger Maria Sharapova,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Well, other than Bouchard being shorter by four inches and quieter by 104 decibels.” . . . One more from Currie: “Cyclist Eloy Teruel pumped his arms to celebrate taking the Tour of California’s seventh stage — one lap too soon. He ended up 56th. A classic case of premature gesticulation.” . . .

In Moses Lake, Wash., a goof trying to rob a convenience story lost out to an 89-year-old woman with a golf club in her hands. As Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News put it: “Otherwise known as the ‘Elin Nordegren manoeuvre.’ ” . . . “It’s Los Angeles versus New York for Lord Stanley’s Cup,” writes James Montgomery in compiling Rolling Stone‘s weekly Everything Index. “Regardless of who wins, you can bet someone will be filling it with an artisanal cocktail.” . . . One more from the Everything Index: “Biebs apologizes after video of him telling racist joke surfaces. He should probably also apologize for that mustache too.” . . . “Little League Baseball, founded in 1939, turns 75 this year,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Coincidence? Just one year later, the very first Dairy Queen opened.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

With Canada winning both gold medals in Olympic hockey, Prime Minister Stephen Harper won two cases of beer from U.S. President Barack Obama. As Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post put it: “Harper had better be asking for cases of Molson Golden.” . . . With former NHLer Sean Avery having been selected to appear on Dancing With The Stars, Hamilton pointed out: “It’s ironic that Avery has agreed to compete on the show. When he played, he refused most of the invitations he received to dance.” . . . Tim Hortons plans on adding 500 outlets in Canada over the next five years. You mean there are 500 places in Canada in need of one? . . .

Michael Rosenberg, at SI.com: “Americans generally chafe at any sport that is judged, but judges contributed so much to the American medal count in Sochi, the USOC should pursue lifetime appointments, like we have for Supreme Court justices.” . . . LeBron James, who once worked in Cleveland, and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo apparently chatted last week. During that conversation, James is said to have given Romo some advice on how to ignore criticism. According to James, he told Romo not to watch ESPN. . . . To which ESPN’s Bob Ley tweeted: “Help me here, @KingJames. ‘Don’t watch ESPN.’ -- except when you’re the focus of a 1 hr show announcing your free agent destination?” . . . Ley wins that one, with a slam dunk. . . .

Headline at TheOnion.com: Sochi’s Euthanized Dogs To Be Returned To Streets After Olympics. . . . If you were starting an NHL team and could have either Sidney Crosby or Jonathan Toews, which one would you take? . . . It’s nice that so many hockey coaches are using Team Canada’s defensive play as an example for their own teams. But how many of those coaches have access to that kind of talent? . . . “Now that Robinson Cano is making the kind of money he’s making with the Mariners,” writes Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News, “I think he should just hire somebody to run out ground balls for him.” . . .

Here’s Will Leitch of Sports on Earth, with his take on curling after the Olympic Winter Games: “Curling is super fun, particularly on television, where its inherent goofiness is both intriguing and, ultimately, soothing. (I find it comforting and an easy transition into a pleasant nap.) But in person, there are four games going on at once, and if you think you have a hard time following one curling match, try understanding four. The games also take nearly three hours, the first two of which are almost entirely setup. And they do three of these a day . . . a full day of curling, with three matches, can last up to 14 hours. I like curling, but that's a lot of curling. Also, in Sochi, they didn't sell alcoholic beer at the curling venue, which defeats half the purpose.” . . .

After Adelina Sotnikova skated to gold in the ladies’ singles figure-skating event in Sochi, Conan O’Brien of TBS noted: “The Russian skater said she was inspired by her family, her coaches and what happened to the losing — and now missing — Russian men’s hockey team.” . . . It seems that New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter and model Hannah Davis are an item again. As Fark.com put it: “Apparently he’s batted around and is back to the top of the order.” . . .

In case you think Major League Baseball’s pot of gold is running out consider that during the offseason the Atlanta Braves spent US$280.7 million on first baseman Freddie Freeman, right fielder Jason Heyward, closer Craig Kimbrel, shortstop Andrelton Simmons and starter Julio Teheran. . . . We should find out something about the Seattle Mariners in the early part of the baseball season. They will meet the Oakland A’s, the defending AL West champs, six times before May 8. As well, Seattle will play 11 of its first 27 games at home. . .

“Sadly unrealized was my Olympic dream,” writes Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, “in which the U.S. men win the hockey gold medal, beating Russia 1-0, the goal caroming off Vladimir Putin’s forehead as he leans over the glass, and after the game the guy who scored the goal comes out as gay.” . . . Here’s Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, with, we think, tongue planted firmly in cheek: “By the way, how come the IOC has not jumped in on dogsled racing as an Olympic event? In fact, there could be multiple events from ‘sprints’ to multi-day competitions. If horse jumping can be an Olympic sport for the Summer Games, why not dogsled racing for the Winter Games?” . . .

During the Olympic Winter Games, Sir David Attenborough, a veteran British broadcaster who is perhaps best known for narrating documentaries, was asked to do some play-by-play during a curling game that involved Great Britain’s women’s team. Here’s part of it: “And off she goes: gently but flamboyantly launching the oversized walnut down the frozen river. The alpha female’s job is complete. It’s now up to the herd to frantically follow the walnut down the river, gently frisking the foreground.” . . . Take that, Vic Rauter!

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

A dinner date with country diva Carrie Underwood and her husband, Mike Fisher of the Ottawa Senators, was up for grabs at a recent charity auction in the capital. It went for 24 grand. “I’d probably bid that to have a night alone with my wife,” Fisher said. . . . Brent Sutter’s move to put five defencemen out on the Calgary Flames’ PP the other night was a desperate move by a desperate head coach. . . . Don’t you wish someone would rescue Jarome Iginla from Sutterville? . . . The now-retired Bob Green spent 24 seasons as head football coach at Montana Tech. He is a Vietnam War vet who once observed his club’s fitness level early in training camp and uttered: “It’s a good thing you guys weren’t with me in ’69. I wouldn’t be here.” . . .
Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “Got all excited when I saw the business story that the Ontario Teachers had sold their share of Maple Leaf. Until I read it. Turns out it was Maple Leaf Foods, not Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment Ltd.” . . . One more from Simmons, who spent most of last week in Edmonton: “My favourite Grey Cup outfits: Two middle-aged women wearing similar football jerseys, one with ‘Drunk’ as the player name on the back, the other wearing ‘Drunker.’ ” . . . Their grandchildren must have been proud. . . . A plug for a local business that is on board with The Daily News Christmas Cheer Fund: Walmart now is open 24 hours a day for your holiday shopping enjoyment. . . . And if you don’t enjoy shopping, just go there, watch the people and try not to smile. . . .
How many times have we seen a hitter slam a home run and point to the heavens as he crosses home plate? Of course, they never point up there after striking out . . . But now we have Stevie Johnson, a wide receiver with the Buffalo Bills. He dropped a pass in an end zone in OT on Sunday and his guys went on to lose to the Pittsburgh Steelers. After the game, Johnson tweeted this: “I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS IS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO . . .” . . . It’s the Bills and Minnesota on Sunday and, as Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times notes: “If the Vikings’ cornerbacks are smart, they won’t be covering Johnson very tightly. The next thing he catches might be a lightning bolt.” . . .
Early in November, after Formula One driver Jenson Button was targeted by thieves in Sao Paulo, Brazil, F-1 honcho Bernie Ecclestone said: “They look for victims, they look for anyone that looks like a soft touch and not too bright. The people that look a bit soft and simple, they will always have a go at.” . . . The 80-year-old Ecclestone was robbed of jewellery worth $314,000 last week in London. . . . You know what they say about karma. . . . If you’re a Men’s Journal reader, watch for the Boogeyman, Derek Boogaard, in the January issue. “I’m wearing my Rangers’ jersey, with my skates on inside a meat locker punching a side of beef like Rocky,” the Boogeyman reports. . . . I’d take the Boogeyman over by a third-round TKO. . . . Hey, Rocky is 64 now. . . .
 Whomever it was who broke into the car belonging to Line Gignac, the widow of Pat Burns, will be caught. And when they are caught, they should be put into a locked dressing room with Tie Domi and Ken Daneyko. . . . You may have noticed that the Monday Night Football game featured the San Francisco 49ers at the Arizona Cardinals, both of whom were 3-7. Do you think Howard Cosell would have put up with that kind of matchup? . . . Mike Bianchi, in the Orlando Sentinel: “Did you see where President Obama told Barbara Walters that he is a Miami Heat fan and keeps tabs on the Heat’s progress from the White House? Should we really be surprised? I mean, why wouldn’t Obama be a big fan of a team that has spent tons of money but is getting no results? The Heat are the NBA’s version of the federal government.” . . .
Larry Brooks, in the New York Post: “When Mike Richards talks about P.K. Subban needing to show respect for his elders, he means like the way he respected Peter Forsberg when they were teammates in Philadelphia, and the way he respected David Booth in that game last year, right?” . . . One more from Brooks: “The name is the same, but this Matthew Barnaby of ESPN who doesn’t like anything (Sean) Avery does, this can’t be the same headhunting turtler who used to play in the league, is it?” . . . Is it just my imagination or is there more fighting in the provincial NDP than at a month’s worth of WHL games? . . . Also, is it just my imagination or were Liberal leadership candidates hard to find before the NDP started to implode? Now it seems that there are more people wanting to be this province’s next premier than B.C. has mountains. . . .
If LeBron James thought he had it tough going into Cleveland on Thursday night, he should speak with Byron Scott. Scott said that when he and the L.A. Lakers would go into Boston back in the day, “It got so bad they were mooning our wives.” . . . That’s bad. . . . The best t-shirt slogan spotted in Cleveland on Thursday: The Lyin’ King. . . . Ron Judd, in the Seattle Times: “A rural Wisconsin man blasted his TV with a shotgun after watching Bristol Palin’s Dancing with the Stars routine. Like all faithful viewers of the show, Steven Cowan, 67, had been drinking and was believed to suffer from bipolar disorder.”

Gregg Drinnan is sports editor of The Daily News. Email him at gdrinnan@kamloopsnews.ca, follow him at twitter.com/gdrinnan, or visit his blog at gdrinnan.blogspot.com. Keeping Score appears Saturdays.