Terry Siebert, a Toronto Maple Leafs fan of long-standing, died in Hamilton on Monday, and his obituary appeared in the Hamilton Spectator. The last line read: “It was Terry’s last wish that his pallbearers be the Toronto Maple Leafs so they could let him down one last time.” . . . Well, none of the Maple Leafs showed up, but the six pals who served as pallbearers all wore Maple Leafs jerseys. . . . The Regina Pats are the only team in the WHL without a head coach. Oh, they also need a couple of assistant coaches. Should we tell the new owners that training camp opens in about a month? . . .

“Germany’s World Cup trophy somehow got a piece chipped off during the title celebration,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Conspiracy theorists immediately claimed that Luis Suarez bit it.” . . . You have to love the eastern side of the CFL, where all four teams are tied for first place, each at 1-3. That would be the Toronto BlueWhites, the Hamilton GoldBlacks, the Montreal BlueRedWhites and, of course, the Ottawa RedBlacks. . . .

Headline at TheOnion.com: Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Retirement To Live Comfortably On Streets. . . . Why did the Los Angeles Kings win the Stanley Cup? Because, as head coach Darryl Sutter, says: “We had four centres no one can match up against.” Which explains why the Boston Bruins have signed Spencer Asuchak to a PTO and an invitation to rookie camp. Asuchak, who is from Kamloops and played last season with the Central league-champion Allen Americans, is 6-foot-5 and 230 pounds and can skate. . . . Don’t be surprised if Asuchak starts the season with the AHL’s Providence Bruins. . . .

Here’s Ron Judd in the Seattle Times: “The recent national kerfuffle over customer service, or lack thereof, by U.S. corporations — not to mention any names, such as COMCAST — is a blunt reminder of an indisputable fact: Corporate America has confused the art of talking about customer service with the practice of actually providing it.” . . . That’s hard to believe, isn’t it? . . . Here’s Judd, again using a skewer to point out something of an injustice: “Former U-Dub boss Mark Emmert, currently El Presidente of the cartel known as the NCAA, saw his pay soar to $1.7 million last year as he trotted around the country explaining why college football players should continue to be paid nothing.” . . . BTW, U-Dub would be U of Washington, not the U of Western Hockey League. . .

In the U.S., more than 1,000 golf courses have disappeared over the past eight years. As realtor Steve Ekovich told HBO: “There’s people that had this idea that build it and they will come. They didn’t come.” . . . The Calgary Stampeders visited the Edmonton Eskimos in CFL action on Thursday night and it seems the fans in attendance paid more attention to the 50-50 draw than they did to the game. Does that sound like the CFL, or what? . . . Connor Croken had the winning ticket and will pick up his cheque, for $348,534, on Tuesday. Croken now has more friends than any other 20-year-old in Edmonton. . . .

After centre Pau Gasol left the Los Angeles Lakers for Chicago, RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com put it this way: “He’ll just be another Spaniard running with the Bulls.” . . . Receiver Chad Johnson of the Montreal Alouettes was bemoaning the fact that he had received 15 parking tickets because he is unable to read French. Currie had a message for him: “Here’s a tip: A French fire hydrant looks just like an English one.” . . .

You may have heard that Fox Sports has bumped Pam Oliver off its No. 1 NFL crew, with Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, and replaced her with Erin Andrews. Oliver reacted by saying that she felt blindsided. To which Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald wrote: “We have about 314 million Americans. I’m pretty sure the other 313,999,999 saw this one coming.” . . . With Byron Scott said to be pondering an offer to coach the NBA’s Lakers, Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register tweeted: “Byron Scott obviously trying to balance prestige of coaching the Lakers against the chore of coaching Nick Young.” . . . Nick Young? Perhaps you know him better as Swaggy P. . . . OK, maybe not. . . .

Somehow, Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice was handed only a two-game suspension for allegedly knocking unconscious the woman who now is his wife. “Maybe it’s for the best,” reasoned Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “If instead of fighting, the couple had just mellowed out with a joint, he’d have been suspended at least four games.” . . . DJ Gallo of SportsPickle.com writes that you are a professional golfer if “your only shots that roll on the ground the whole way are putts” and “your Buick is a source of income, not personal shame” and “none of your playing partners loudly belch in your backswing.” . . .

There now is a move afoot to take the 2018 World Cup away from Russia. Yeah, like FIFA is going to put itself in front of Vladimir Putin and do that. . . . The other day, Fark.com wondered “what if every NHL player went home like LeBron?” . . . Fark.com answered its own question with: “No American team would win the cup ever again.” . . . You know it was a slow weekend in sports when the biggest story in some places had to do with LeBron deciding what number he will wear with the Cleveland Cavaliers.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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Tweet! Tweet! Virtanen breaks the news

D Ryan Button (Prince Albert, Seattle, 2007-11) has signed a one-year contract with the Iserlohn Roosters (Germany, DEL). Last season, with the Texas Stars (AHL), he had three goals in 26 games. He also had 23 points, including seven goals in 26 games with the Idaho Steelheads (ECHL).
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1. WHL teams will start training camps in about four weeks time, and the Regina Pats still don’t have a head coach. In fact, they are the only WHL team without a head coach. They are short two assistant coaches, as well. . . . Greg Harder of the Regina Leader-Post has the latest right here.
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2. The Vancouver Canucks have signed F Jake Virtanen of the Calgary Hitmen to a three-year entry-level contract. Virtanen, from Abbotsford, B.C., was the sixth overall selection in the NHL’s 2014 draft. He had 71 points, including 45 goals, in 71 games with the Hitmen last season, his second in the WHL. The Hitmen selected him with the first overall pick in the 2011 bantam draft. . . . In what surely is a sign of the times, Virtanen broke the news of his signing via his Twitter account.
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3. The Saskatoon Blades have signed F Wyatt Sloboshan, 17, to a WHL contract. Sloboshan was a third-round selection by the Swift Current Broncos in the 2012 bantam draft. The Blades acquired him in January as part of a deal in which F Nathan Burns went to Swift Current. From Vanscoy, Sask., Sloboshan had 77 points, including 27 goals, in 45 games with a midget team at the Okanagan Hockey Academy.
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4. The Edmonton Oil Kings have added Ryan Marsh to their coaching staff as the lead assistant under head coach Steve Hamilton. Marsh 39, has been an assistant coach with the U of Alberta Golden Bears for the past two seasons and the hockey director for Vimy Ridge Academy for 12 years. . . . Hamilton and Marsh are friends, having coached together with the AJHL’s Spruce Grove Saints and Fort Saskatchewan Traders. They also worked together at Vimy Ridge.
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5. Dustin Forbes is the new play-by-play voice of the Lethbridge Hurricanes. He takes over from Pat Siedlecki, who lost his spot when CJOC chose not to get involved in bidding for a new contract. . . . The Hurricanes will be heard on Rock 106 when the new season begins. . . . Forbes spent last season with the BCHL’s Cowichan Capitals. He also has done play-by-play for the SJHL’s La Ronge Ice Wolves and the junior B Richmond Sockeyes and Comox Valley Glacier Kings.
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6. The CFL hit the big time on Friday . . . the really, really big time. ESPN.com carried a story on the goings-on Thursday in Edmonton that culminated Friday morning when Connor Croken, 20, claimed the winnings from the 50-50 draw that was held during the game between the Eskimos and Calgary Stampeders. Croken showed up to let them know the $322,216 was his. He'll be back Tuesday to pick up his cheque. . . . The ESPN piece is right here.
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Welcome back to the @TheWHL @rmarsh19 nothing like another Quesnel boy sportin the suit n tie behind the bench. Good luck.
— Mitch Love (@mlovehockey) July 25, 2014

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