Mount Budmore awaits . . . Did Bo know? . . . Any bowl games left? . . . Hey, it's Mr. Double Cheeseburger

Stars may not always win on the ice, but they always win above it.

(Pic via @unlikelyfanatic) pic.twitter.com/C4KdO5SaQZ

— Allison Currie (@AlleyDalley) January 22, 2017

“I’m not saying Bud Selig doesn’t deserve to be enshrined,” writes Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. “Just not in the Baseball Hall of Fame, even though he shattered all the commissioner-salary records. Selig should be chiseled into rock on Mount Budmore, along with Bud Abbott, Larry (Bud) Melman, Buddy Holly, Bud Light and Zola Budd.” . . . Ostler, again: “Look, I don’t want to return to the good olde days. I enjoy the crazy celebrations in the NFL, and even some of the taunting. But when did we reach the point where every play concludes with a heated jaw-off? Every play! Every cornerback is Deion Sanders and every guy who catches a pass is Terrell Owens.” . . .

So, in hindsight, adults in the 70s were pretty much just inviting us to all kill ourselves on the playground. pic.twitter.com/GKMnLtaToR

— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) January 22, 2017

“NFL bust Johnny Manziel will be signing autographs and posing for pictures with fans in Houston in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, with charges ranging from $50 to $128,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “No word on whether each signed photo comes with a complimentary sucker.” . . . Here’s Perry, again: “What’s this, a pro athlete with perspective? Two-time MVP Stephen Curry — when ESPN asked if it bothers him being only the fourth-highest-paid Warrior — replied: ‘If I’m complaining about $44 million over four years, then I’ve got other issues in my life.’ We now return you to our usual assortment of miscreants and knuckleheads.” . . . 

I wish @seanspicer would stop texting people in the White House Press Corps that the Packers are winning.

— Dave Zirin (@EdgeofSports) January 22, 2017

You may have heard last week where former baseball/football star Bo Jackson said he wouldn’t have played football had he known the potential impact of head injuries. As Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., pointed out: “So it turns out after all these years that Bo really didn’t know.” . . . I turned on the TV on Saturday afternoon expecting to watch an NHL game or two. After all, there weren’t any football games until Sunday and Canada has a whole bunch of sports channels, so what better time for the NHL to monopolize the airwaves. But there wasn’t even one NHL game to be found. . . . I would like to thank Gary Bettman and the NHL, though, because you are responsible for my watching Adam Hadwin shoot 59, instead. . . . 

When Don Cherry said "The Russian.. whatever his name is.." he was referring to Martin Marincin, who happens to be from Slovakia.

— Dimitri Filipovic (@DimFilipovic) January 22, 2017

“The Los Angeles Chargers plan on playing their first two seasons at the 30,000-seat Stub Hub Center in Carson,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Won’t they be embarrassed by all those empty seats?” . . . Littlejohn also notes: “The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is closing after 146 years. Fortunately, the genre still has the New York Knicks, the Kardashians, and the San Francisco 49ers front office.” . . . According to Littlejohn: “The Dallas Cowboys say they'll handle the 'Romo problem' with 'kid gloves.’ Right  . . . and the kid's name is Dak Prescott.” . . . Before the inauguration, Littlejohn reported that “President-Elect Trump has named New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as ambassador to the UK. When asked to comment about the Court of St. James, Johnson replied, 'I'm not going to get into it with LeBron.’ ” . . .

Sports should be about kids and their passion, not about parents and their goals. – Mike Matheny

— Coach Quotes (@CoachMotto) January 22, 2017

“Is that it for college football?” asks Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings. “I’m worried there is some 7-5 vs. 6-6 bowl lurking.” . . . Rolfsen, again: “The Chargers are moving to L.A. Depending on freeway traffic, they should be there in time for the 2018 season.” . . . According to Rolfsen: “Netflix's new show A Series of Unfortunate Events goes behind the scenes with the Vancouver Canucks at NHL draft lotteries.” . . . Why is the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shutting down? Because, according to Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “it couldn’t possibly compete with the daily circus in Washington.” . . .

“We didn’t only win five games because of the last-place defence that he co-ordinated,’’ Durant said. “I guess it’s all because of my play."

— Regina Leader-Post (@leaderpost) January 20, 2017

The feds have decided to give people free entry into Canada’s national parks in 2017, which is our country’s 150th birthday. That got Les Perreaux of The Globe and Mail to wonder: “Why destroy a provincial park on May long weekend for $8 when you can trash a national park for free?” . . . If you’re not Canadian, you need to understand that what is know up here as “May long” is when we come out of hibernation, set up out tents and, yes, it’s party time. . . . Before leaving office, President Obama pardoned Willie McCovey, the former San Francisco Giants star, for a 1995 tax-evasion conviction. As comedy writer Tim Hunter put it: “In tax terminology, that’s what they call ‘an intentional walk.’ ”

“Experts say Alabama would have beaten Clemson had Tide running back Bo Scarbrough not broken his leg in quarter three,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I find the argument about Scarbrough fair.” . . . Currie, again: “A Florida man reportedly was arrested for burning his underwear in a Starbucks washroom. Its always hard to believe a story about pants on fire.” . . . One more from Currie: “Sylvester Stallone’s three daughters made history as the first trio to serve as Miss Golden Globe. The Rocky star has had five offspring in total — 11 if you include sequels.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Report: City of Los Angeles eyeing move to get away from Rams and Chargers. . . . 

“A Red Oak, Iowa, pilot celebrated his 99th birthday by piloting a plane,” Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald writes. “Through force of habit he still calls his co-pilot ‘Orville.’ ” . . . Dickson, again: “A British man has legally changed his name to ‘Bacon Double Cheeseburger.’ The New York Times refers to him as Mr. Double Cheeseburger. His children, the McNuggets, had no comment.” . . . One more from Dickson: “In 2017, NBC will launch a year-round all-Olympic network.   Because it’s NBC, all events will be tape-delayed until 2019.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

A little of this and some of that as you take a break from turkey

For the younger generation going "Who?",  #ZsaZsaGabor was a Kardashian before there were Kardashians.

— Janice Hough (@leftcoastbabe) December 19, 2016

“Zsa Zsa Gabor has died at 99,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Wild celebrations broke out in chinchilla communities around the world.” . . . “Joining Leonard Fournette and Christian McCaffrey on the sidelines for their teams’ bowl games is North Carolina's Elijah Hood,” Littlejohn tells us. “Good grief! Is this the bowl season or the Major League Baseball All-Star Game?” . . . To which Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, chimes in: “Or the Pro Bowl?” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks has told a radio talk show host that ‘I'll ruin your career.’ If that happens, expect the Democrats to try and get him on Rush Limbaugh.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Snow has fallen on the Sahara Desert for the first time in 40 years — another sign of hell freezing over and the Apocalypse in conjunction with the Chicago Cubs having won the World Series.” . . . 

Ok jerk, just go around me. I’m already doing 20 over the limit, I’m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights.

— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) December 25, 2016

“There is still no word on performers at Donald Trump’s inauguration,” Hough tells us. “Maybe Trump can get a chorus together to sing Putin on the Ritz.” . . . As for rumblings that Trump soon is to reveal his new Secretary of Veterans Affairs soon, Hough asks: “Can I put money on a billionaire draft-dodger with no health-care experience?” . . . The New England Patriots added receiver Michael Floyd after the Arizona Cardinals released him following his DUI arrest. Later, a police video was released that showed Floyd’s arrest in all of its ugliness. However, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has said that video won’t have any impact on Floyd’s status. “Well, yeah,” Hough writes, “by comparison, not like he shot anyone or anything.” . . . 

In two weeks, the price of gas in Kamloops went from 99.9 cents to $1.16.9 for a litre of regular. So you know who gets the award for being The Biggest Grinch of Christmas 2016. . . . Perhaps we should be thankful it didn’t go all the way to $2. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Ezekiel Elliott scores touchdown, immediately donates self to Salvation Army. . . . Also from fark.com: NFL announces the players who will try to skip the Pro Bowl. . . . “There is a golf tournament in northern Oregon exclusively for marijuana smokers and growers,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “It’s the second athletic competition of its type. The other, of course, is called the NBA season.” . . .

“The Texas Longhorns generated a record $3.1 million in revenue from 2016 in-game alcohol sales,” RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports. “They also finished 5-7, but fans really didn't seem to mind.” . . . Currie, again: “First-year centre Auston Matthews is on pace to surpass a Toronto rookie scoring record. Typical of the Buds: still near the division basement despite turning over a new Leaf.” . . . 

Here’s Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “From the Sometimes These Items Just Write Themselves file comes word that the inaugural Celebration Bowl — won 10-9 by Grambling State over North Carolina Central — was decided on a blocked PAT that had been moved back 15 yards. Because of an excessive-celebration penalty.” . . . “Cheerleading has been granted three-year provisional status in hopes of becoming an Olympic sport,” Perry notes. “If it ever comes to fruition, you’ve got to like Egypt’s gold-medal chances in the pyramid competition.” . . . Perry, again: “NBC says it will roll out the Olympic Channel on select cable and satellite systems next summer. Apparently the peacock people still have a huge backlog of tape delays from the 1988, 1992 and 1996 Games that they haven’t shown yet.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

49ers did win without Harbaugh . . . Rams lose to grinches . . . Yes, we have the Fire Log!

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald is in the Christmas mood. . . . He writes: “The Nebraska Legislature Christmas pageant has been canceled. They couldn’t find three wise men.” . . . Dickson, again: “On Sunday, the public got to tour the 91,480-square-foot Nebraska Governor’s Mansion. I’m pretty sure the average town in Nebraska is about 80,000 square feet.” . . . “Once per year,” Dickson writes, “the Nebraska Governor’s Mansion is open to the public. This allows Democratic politicians to see what the inside looks like.” . . . One more from Dickson: “United Airlines has a new baggage policy. What? Are they now going to send the suitcases to the same city as the passengers?” . . .

Kylie has a 2017 lingerie calendar coming out. I also have a calendar, but I just write “underwear” each day so I don’t forget to wear it.

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) December 19, 2016

The Saskatchewan Roughriders went 5-13 in 2016 and missed the CFL playoffs. On Wednesday, 11 days before Christmas, members of the team’s training staff were given their walking papers. . . . The departed include Schad Richea, a former Regina Pats’ trainer who had been named the Roughriders’ head athletic therapist in January. . . . Hey, when you go 5-13, you have to pin it on someone. . . . Also in the grinchy spirit: The big oil companies, who pumped up the price of gas last week. But, then, that shouldn’t surprise anyone, should it? . . . 

72% of Leafs fans are scared Trump will cause the end of the world just as the team is getting good

— Stats Canada (@stats_canada) December 16, 2016

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent reports: “Evidence is mounting that the Russians, led by Vladimir Putin himself, exerted heavy Internet influence on the recent U.S. election. Suspicions were heightened when one unnamed state ballot initiative had the choices 'Da' and ‘Nyet.’ “ . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “Fired Oregon coach Mark Helfrich says he hoped Chip Kelly would be hired as the new Ducks football coach. ‘Ditto,’ said many fans of the San Francisco 49ers.” . . . Hough, again: “As fans await the end of the 49ers’ season, remember that San Francisco was sure it could win without Jim Harbaugh as head coach. And it has — six times in two years.” . . .

Trump won't attend daily U.S. intelligence briefings. Apparently, they're a schedule conflict with his Russian intelligence briefings.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 13, 2016

Headline at Fark.com: Giants alert NFL office over Steelers’ under-inflated footballs / League suspends Tom Brady four more games. . . . The other day, a readerboard at Kennedy’s Auto Pro in Halifax read: Things that tell the truth: small children, drunk people and yoga pants. . . . As proof that NBA regular-season games are all but meaningless to some teams, the Cleveland Cavaliers didn’t dress stars LeBron James, Kylie Irving and Kevin Love for a game in Memphis last week. The reasoning? It’s a long season and the players need rest. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “What’s next? A bye week for NBA teams?” . . .

In U.S., media crazy with fear Trump will to start WW3. In Canada, Peter Mansbridge just warned Albertans about "car licking moose". We win.

— randy turner (@randyturner15) December 16, 2016

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports that wrestler-turned actor “Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson said on The Tonight Show that his daughter has a fear of mall Santas. I’m thinking it’s Claustrophobia.” . . . Currie, again: “Anyone else secretly hoping Jose Bautista gets shipped to Boston? Only Tom Brady could deflate that ego.” . . . One more from Currie: “The Cleveland Browns will lose one home game next year to play an NFL game in England. At first the team protested, but Cleveland fans insisted.” . . . Currie was watching Thursday’s NFL game, the one in which the Seattle Seahawks appeared to be covered in green slime. Or, as Currie put it: “At any given time, it looked like 11 grinches stealing the Los Angeles Rams’ Christmas.” . . . 

RIP, Zsa Zsa Gabor. This 2007 @VanityFair profile of her has some fantastic writing. pic.twitter.com/JpY3xI2cAV

— Adam Proteau (@Proteautype) December 19, 2016

ICYMI, the Seattle Sounders won the MLS Cup the other evening, beating Toronto in a shootout despite not being able to muster even one shot on goal through 120 minutes of real play. As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, put it: “Zero. Also the number of new soccer fans the league's showcase game created.” . . . Why are car dealers allowed to sell so many vehicles whose turn-signals don’t work. I mean, if they worked the drivers would use them, wouldn’t they? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Donald Trump to also honor professional wrestling champions at the White House. . . . 

You know that eight-year-old grandson who stuck his tongue on a froze pole. Kid got me today. Drew a black spider on roll of toilet paper.

— Terry Jones (@sunterryjones) December 19, 2016

Congrats to Derek Evely, a veteran Canadian track-and-field coach who had a successful stint with the Kamloops Track and Field Club and will be inducted into the Burnaby Sports Hall of Fame on Feb. 23 at the Firefighters Banquet Hall at Metrotown. Evely is a graduate of Burnaby Central who finished sixth in the decathlon at the 1983 world junior championships. From a news release: “His athletes have set 13 national records. Eight have earned 33 national team positions and 10 won 71 national medals including seven who captured 39 titles. Four of his athletes – Sultana Frizell, Sophie Hitchen (U.K.), Dylan Armstrong and Shane Niemi – have won 13 international medals.” Yes, those are hall of fame-calibre numbers. . . . 

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”

— Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917—2016) pic.twitter.com/0JD7ZWJFM5

— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) December 18, 2016

A tweet from ESPN’s Mike and Mike radio show points out that the last three Pittsburgh Steelers head coaches have 442 victories between them; the last three Cleveland Browns head coaches have won 14 games. . . . Rob Vanstone, in the Regina Leader-Post: “After a no-expenses-paid, two-week vacation in New York, it is time for more futile lobbying. We want ESPN! Don’t forget ESPN2, ESPN Classic, TNT and NBC Sports Network. All is not lost. At least we have the Christmas Fire Log.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

NFL? Sense of humour? . . . Bautista not big in Baltimore . . . Who is Twit of the Year?

A note from comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “The NFL is unsure why TV ratings are down 14 per cent. But for now let’s cut to the Papa John, Nationwide, GEICO analysis of all the penalties and injuries before we cut to a commercial.” . . . “Boise State and Baylor, in case you missed it, will be paired in the Motel 6 Cactus Bowl on Dec. 27,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “And they will keep a light on for ya: The game doesn’t kick off until 8:15 p.m.” . . . Be honest. You tuned into that Thursday night NFL game, saw the Oakland Raiders dressed in white and thought: “I didn’t know anyone in the NFL office had a sense of humour.” . . .

A report from Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent: “A day after trading starter Chris Sale to the Boston Red Sox, the Chicago White Sox dealt outfielder Adam Eaton to the Washington Nationals. The White Sox haven’t seen this much upheaval since Disco Demolition Night.” . . . “Congrats to Mick Jagger becoming a dad again at 73,” tweeted Bette Midler. “Which reminds me, I need to pick up a pregnancy test, because I’m, like, 936 weeks late!” . . .

ICYMI, Dan Duquette, the general manager of the Baltimore Orioles, says he hasn’t attempted to sign Jose Bautista because Baltimore fans don’t like the Toronto Blue Jays outfielder. Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, points out: “Well, that and maybe Bautista’s .234 batting average in 2016.” . . . “Won’t it be wonderful,” writes Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express, “if Bautista and his inflated ego have to crawl all the way back to Toronto?” . . .

Here’s Hutchinson, again: “The biggest employers in the world are the United States Department of Defence, the People’s Liberation Army in China, Walmart, McDonald’s and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. I’m guessing the Riders are still finding players in basement suites.” . . . One more from Hutchinson: “I flipped on TSN last Saturday and was treated to a U.S. college hockey game between Union, N.Y., and Quinnipiac. There is no punch line.” . . . Meanwhile, I flipped on Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday night and Cassie Campbell-Pascall was one of the analysts for a game between the Winnipeg Jets and the Flames in Calgary. She is married to one of the Flames’ assistant general managers. Hutchinson is right. There is no punch line. . . . 

Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, has an idea for the NHL and its Vegas franchise, which finds itself caught up in a nickname controversy. “At this point,” Rolfsen notes, “the new Vegas NHL team should just call itself the Roughriders. After all, 25 per cent of CFL teams called themselves that for decades and there was never any legal problem.” . . . Headline at Fark.com: Colts coach Chuck Pagano: ‘There’s no trophies for second place.’ Banners conspicuously not mentioned. . . .

Steve Simmons, in the Toronto Sun: “The NHL players who want Olympic participation most are the ones who won’t be playing in Korea. That way, they get two weeks off in the middle of the season. Who wouldn’t vote for that?” . . . Simmons, again: “I feel a whole lot better about Donald Trump, future president, now that Linda McMahon is involved with a significant posting (as head of Small Business Administration). Apparently, Jesse Ventura was otherwise engaged.” . . . Meanwhile, there was this reaction from Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “What next? Director of Homeland Security Sergeant Slaughter?” . . .

“Up to 30 inches of snow was predicted for mountaintops in Hawaii,” Dickson wrote early in the week. “Let’s hope we don’t learn that Hawaii has better snow removal than Omaha.” . . . Dickson, again: “The ‘mannequin challenge’ is when someone stands motionless and doesn’t move. In Omaha, this also is sometimes called ‘road construction.’ ” . . . Time magazine has named president-elect Donald Trump its Man of the Year. To which Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong wrote: “Not to be outdone, Twitter is expected to name Donald its Twit of the Year.” . . .

“New York City police say a thief snatched a pot of gold off the back of an unattended armoured truck,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “He was last seen being pursued by three leprechauns.” . . . Currie, again: “Emma Morano, reportedly the world's oldest person at 117, credits her long life to eating two raw eggs daily. Today she lives in an old yokes home.” . . . One more from Currie: “The New York Post is questioning why the NFL has failed to address ‘crass, uncouth social-media behavior’ by players. I think we can rule out lack of evidence.” . . .

After San Antonio dropped a 95-91 decision to the Bulls in Chicago on Thursday, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich was asked whether he had his players ready to play. His response shows why he is who he is: “Guys get a lot of money to be ready to play. No Knute Rockne speeches. It’s your job. If you’re a plumber and you don’t do your job, you don’t get any work. I don’t think the plumber needs a pep talk. If a doctor botches operations, he’s not a doctor anymore. If you’re a basketball player, you come ready. It’s called maturity. It’s your job.” . . . Following the death of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, comedian Argus Hamilton noted: “San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick praised Castro as a great humanitarian, automatically triggering the NFL’s concussion protocol.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

KS: Martha and Snoop . . . Colon and Dickey . . . Did Tiger win a major?

A tweet from Randy Turner (@randyturner15) of the Winnipeg Free Press: “Independence Day was a movie about aliens going from planet to planet sucking all resources. In a related story, the Arizona Coyotes are moving to Tempe.” . . . One more tweet from Turner: “I still don’t appreciate the way TSN cuts away after Jets games like they’ve just robbed a bank.” . . . The Chicago Cubs end a 108-year drought. Donald Trump is the president-elect of the world’s most-powerful nation. Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are business partners. Hey, is this a great time to be alive or what? . . . 

TC Chong, the Richmond, B.C., blogger, had plans for the weekend: “Time to put up the Christmas lights and pick up the leg-hold traps I set for the Pokemon players.” . . . Just wondering but are you as tired as I am of listening to people’s telephone conversations while out doing Christmas shopping? . . . After the Atlanta Braves, about to move into a new stadium, signed aging right-handers Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey — actually, Colon is 43, and Dickey is 42 — comedy writer Marc Ragovin wondered: “What is the name of their new place? Jurassic Park?” . . . 

In case you weren’t aware, the Cleveland Browns, who are 0-12, had a bye this weekend. As comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted going into the weekend: “Las Vegas has the Browns vs. Bye as too close to call.” . . . The Vancouver Sun, a Postmedia product, had a full page in Saturday’s sports section on airplane crashes involving the sporting world. Unfortunately, there isn’t a mention of the 1956 crash near Chilliwack that took the lives of five CFLers who were on their way back to Regina and Winnipeg from the all-star game that had been held in Vancouver. Of course, the copy the Sun used was from the Washington Post. . . . It’s enough to make an old newspaper guy cry. . . .

“I must have missed something,” venerable golf writer Dan Jenkins tweeted on Sunday. “Tiger beat two out of 17 players, but I kept reading that he was winning another major.” . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, after the second round of this weekend’s golf tournament: “ESPN headline ‘Tiger Woods fires 2nd-round 65 at Hero World Challenge, nearly aces No. 12.’ So is anyone actually leading this tournament?” . . . A note from Hough that some of us appreciate: “Dear Santa: On behalf of all of those people who have such nice cars but couldn’t afford turn signals — could you help them out this Christmas?” . . . “Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr said he tried marijuana twice for back pain in the last year and a half, but ‘it didn’t help at all,’ ” Hough reports. “Hmm! Maybe he should ask around the NBA for help getting better stuff.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, reports: “Indiana University fired men’s basketball coach Kevin Wilson for apparent player mistreatment. Imagine that — a coach at Indiana who mistreated players.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The MLB All-Star Game no longer will determine home-field advantage in the World Series. Instead, it will go to the pennant winner with the best regular-season record. The choice reportedly left a descendant to Paul the Octopus very disappointed.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Twenty to 30 inches of snow has been forecast for parts of the Big Island of Hawaii. So I guess, in the wake of the Chicago Cubs winning it all, Hell has officially begun to freeze over.” . . . Littlejohn also reports that, according to PNC Wealth Management, the cost of The 12 Days of Christmas now is more than US$34,000, an increase of more than $200 over last year. There are only three Saturdays left, so you best get started. . . . 

“The world’s oldest person, an Italian woman, has turned 117,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Even more impressive, she’s been alive for all three Cubs World Series championships!” . . . On Nov. 20, NFL kickers missed on 12 extra-point attempts, causing Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald to note: “The best kicking I saw all week took place on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special.” . . . 

If you didn’t hear, Flemingsberge IK dumped Åker/Strängnäs HC, 5-0, in a hockey game in a Swedish U-18 league the other day. The teams combined for 871 penalty minutes — that’s right, 871. Thankfully, there only were 67 spectators in the house. . . . The 1-10 San Francisco 49ers met the host 2-9 Chicago Bears on Sunday. How bad was it? Well, neither team was able to complete a pass in the first quarter. According to ESPN Stats and Info, that hadn’t happened in the NFL since Nov. 13, 1988, when the New York Jets and New England appreciates accomplished (?) it. . . . The Bears eventually won, to go to 3-9, which still won’t get them into the playoffs. . . .

Headline at TheKicker.com: Wildlife handlers dispatched to tranquilize Jim Harbaugh. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Chip Kelly starting to worry 49ers won’t fire him in time to take the Oregon job. . . . As my wife and I were sitting in our car on Friday, trying to make a right turn into traffic from a driveway with no one willing to slow down and let us in, she pointed out: “It’s December, the rudest month of the year because everyone is in a hurry.” . . . Slow down out there, folks. Take a deep breath and enjoy December.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Farewell to The Spectator . . . Aretha's NFL reign . . . Change coming to express lanes?

A Thanksgiving Day tweet from @TheFakeESPN: “Aretha Franklin had a longer NFL career than Johnny Manziel.” . . . If you missed it, the Queen of Soul handled the U.S. anthem prior to the Thursday game in Detroit between the Lions and Minnesota Vikings. She did it in a nifty four minutes 35 seconds, too. . . . That led CBS-TV to put up a late first-half graphic that showed times of possession: Vikings 10:48; Lions 14:37; Aretha Franklin 4:35.” . . . “Her rendition of The Star-Mangled Banner went on so long that the leg Colin Kaepernick was kneeling on at home fell asleep,” noted Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. . . .

BTW, Hamilton, a veteran of the print wars at the Leader-Post, has taken a buyout and his column — The Spectator — ended its run on Saturday. Hamilton wrote: “The last word this week goes to The Spectator, who is ending this column’s run after 13 years. Thanks for reading and (hopefully) laughing once in a while. Adios!” . . . “A popular Heinz television ad showing people drumming on baked bean cans was banned by British regulators as unsafe,” reports RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “Probably a decision by a bunch of old farts.” . . . 

“The Miami, Ohio, Redhawks, with a 21-20 victory over Ball State, have become the first team in FBS history to become bowl eligible after starting the season 0-6,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our crack South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “The only more impressive turnarounds involve cable cars and Robert Downey Jr.” . . . Littlejohn wonders: “With Fidel Castro gone, the world’s most notable dictator is (a) Kim Jong Un; (b) Vladimir Putin; (c) John Tortorella?” . . . Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, with an interesting NFL-related note: “Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has as many wins playing in Cleveland (10) as any Browns QB since 1999.” . . . 

Ahh, football coaches are a special breed. First, we watched Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll blow a Super Bowl with the overthink, and then Dave Dickenson of the Calgary Stampeders does it in the Grey Cup game. And yet football coaches are the first ones to tell everyone to keep it simple. . . . The Regina Pats are the best WHL team that I have seen to this point in the season, and that was without centre Sam Steel, the league’s leading scorer, in the lineup. . . . 

After Andre Ward got the decision over Sergey Kovalev in a recent light-heavyweight title fight, Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald noted: “In a sign of the times, Kovalev won the popular vote.” . . . Here’s Dickson, after LeBron James signed a three-year, US$100-million contract extension with the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers: “That will take him through the next six Cavaliers head coaches.” . . . One more from Dickson: “I read that supermarket chains around the country are relaxing a limit on the number of items you can have in the checkout line. Oh, great. So instead of 45 items in the ’12 items or less’ express line, now people will have 108.” . . . 

We close this week with a final paragraph in honour of the aforementioned Hamilton by using three clips from his swan song. . . . “Two Buffalo Bills fans who threw a sex toy onto the field during a game have been banned for life from New Era Field. Team officials wanted to find a suitable penalty, so they thought long and hard about it.” . . . “Green Bay Packers fan Glenn Seefeld told WKOW in Madison, Wis., that he won’t wear pants until his struggling team wins another game. A Wisconsin winter is fast approaching, but Seefeld is vowing not to shrink from the challenge.” . . . “In a Thanksgiving Day clash, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant and Washington Redskins cornerback Josh Norman threw verbal (and left) jabs at each other. Norman told reporters that Bryant at one point said, ‘Where I’m from, we unload the clip.’ Who does Bryant think he is, Plaxico Burress? . . . What a pair of turkeys.” . . . Adios, pal.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

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Keeping Score: Bambi thumps runner ... Reaching out to Bartman ... Boss's bike breaks

With news that the NHL’s Arizona Coyotes are likely to get a new arena in Tempe, Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register notes: “Coyotes are abandoning a beautiful arena in Glendale. Wrong side of town? Not if they adopted a new parking plan called ‘winning.’ ” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Anthony Davis can’t name anyone else on the Pelicans either. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Week 10 TV ratings up after NFL tries new strategy of good games. . . .

A report from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “English golfer Ian Poulter, in fit of pique, took a club and whacked his bag a few times — shattering not only his cellphone, but his caddie’s, too. That was certainly uncalled for.” . . . One more from Perry: “Giddy Cubs fan Ricky Rainey, to commemorate the curse-busting World Series title, had the Wrigley Field marquee tattooed onto the top of his head. So how does he top that, get ivy implants?” . . . By now, you may have seen the video of the deer that took out cross-country runner Justin DeLuzio in Center Valley, Pa. As Perry put it, it was a case of “a fast-moving Bambi deciding to turn Thumper.” . . .

“The Chicago Cubs have won their first World Series title since 1908 and Donald Trump has won the U.S. presidential election,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Those logic-defying events can mean only one thing: Congratulations to the 2017 Stanley Cup-champion Toronto Maple Leafs.” . . . Fore Twenty, a marijuana-friendly golf tournament, is scheduled for Oregon City, Ore., in June. Hamilton reports: “Highest score wins.” . . . Hamilton, again: “The Houston Texans and Oakland Raiders are to meet in an NFL game Monday in Mexico City. Raiders fans had better hustle home before Trump’s wall goes up.” . . .

“President Obama inviting the Chicago Cubs to the White House before he leaves office reminds one of a similar situation the last time the Cubs won the World Series,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Pharaoh invited the Cubs for a visit just before the Ten Plagues of Egypt.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Cubs owner Tom Ricketts says he plans to 'reach out' to Steve Bartman. Hope it goes better than when Moises Alou reached out to Bartman.” . . .

“In Freehold, N.J.,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, “biker Dan Barkalow stopped to help a stranded rider whose chopper had broken down. It turned out to be Bruce Springsteen. So of all the bikes sold in New Jersey, Springsteen bought one that wasn’t Born to Run.”. . . “Kate Upton aimed a twitter tirade at two Cy Young voters who left her fiancé Justin Verlander off their ballot,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I can only imagine what it's like having Kate Upton against me.” . . . One more from Currie: “Game 3 of the World Chess Championship in New York lasted six hours. I caught most of the second half by switching back-and-forth during the final three minutes of an NBA game.” . . . Currie, again: “Metro UK reports a German found a long-lost wedding ring in his garden with a carrot grown through it. He was happy to find the band, even if it was just one-carrot gold.” . . . 

If there was any doubt as to which B.C. community is the province’s Baseball City, it was removed with the news that Victoria will be the site of the next two Canadian senior men’s championships. The 2017 tournament is scheduled for Aug. 23-27, with the 2018 event running Aug. 22-25. Victoria also is home to the HarbourCats, who led the West Coast League in attendance in each of the past two seasons. In 2016, the average crowd was 2,239. . . . Yes, Kamloops remains on the WCL’s radar, but that would be in 2018 at the earliest. . . . 

After the visiting Chicago Bears lost 36-10 to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune wrote: “The Bears went down to Tampa to play a football game. Instead, they held televised auditions for clown college.” . . . “Don’t look now, but the Los Angeles Lakers are respectable again,” notes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “So is it Luke Walton coaching or Kobe Bryant leaving?” . . . The Indiana Supreme Court has ruled that Notre Dame’s police department doesn’t have to release crime reports to ESPN. “Well, yes,” writes Hough, “because there is no higher authority than Touchdown Jesus.” . . .

It’s Thursday night and there are five NHL games to choose from on TV — Winnipeg at Philadelphia, Florida at Toronto, Nashville at Ottawa, Edmonton at Los Angeles, and Arizona at Vancouver. . . . Whoops! That’s not quite right. They all are regional telecasts. . . . So we’ll watch one of the two NBA telecasts, the NCAA college football game or the NFL game. While we’re watching, we will be wondering just how it is the NHL thinks it is growing the game. . . . 

Here’s Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “SI.com ranked the most memorable moustaches in sports. I believe that six of the top 10 belong to former members of the East German women’s Olympic team.” . . . Long-time Chicago Cubs fan Mabel Ball died on Nov. 8 at the age of 108, just days after her favourite team had ended its championship drought. As comedy writer Jim Barach noted: “Her last words were ‘I’m not going through that again.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

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Going squirrelly in Green Bay . . . Vikes are who we thought they were . . . Epstein dines on goat

Here is Ray Ratto of CSN Bay Area, after the U.S. election: “How this chapter in American history turns out is anyone’s guess, depending on the cheeriness of one’s outlook. Perhaps there is a Trump we haven’t seen yet, one who can work the milieu of anger as fuel, one who can actually grow from the man whose catch phrase meant unemployment. Nobody believes that now, though, and whether the lesson is how far we have fallen as a nation, how uncivil we have become in our daily discourse, or whether we have lost the right to buy into our own loftier impression of ourselves, we are now naked and raw as a nation, stripped of the layers of our illusions, and a nasty winter is coming on.” . . . 

You may have noticed that the NHL scheduled the first head-to-head meeting between Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby for last Tuesday, which was election night in the U.S. “What?” stated Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings. “The Super Bowl time slot wasn’t available.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “Gary Bettman must be thrilled that the faces of the NHL for the next 10-15 years are in Toronto, Edmonton and Winnipeg.” . . . Rolfsen watched an NFL game the other night and noted: “There was a squirrel on the loose at Lambeau Field during Colts-Packers. It was gathering cheese and beer for the winter.” . . .

While dining out on Wednesday night, I happened to glance at a TV set and noticed that there were anti-Trump protests going on in at least seven American cities. My first thought: It’s too late America; you should have thought about that before Tuesday. . . . Here’s Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot with a pre-election note: “My polling place is at the Norfolk Zoo. Considering this election year, that seems fitting to me.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Vikes honor Dennis Green by being who we thought they were. . . . “Not saying the Minnesota Vikings field-goal kicker is cursed,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “but he’s just a hand-held camera away from the Blair Walsh Project.” . . . Currie, again: “For years my vegetable of choice was broccoli. Then I heard John Lennon on the radio and decided to give peas a chance.” . . .

The NFL is concerned with tumbling TV ratings so it gives us the Cleveland Browns on a Thursday night. Now that’s funny. . . . Here’s Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong on the NFL’s concern: “Really? Hey, let’s put Cleveland-Baltimore on national TV this week, and get more of those 7:30 a.m. games from London, England.” . . . ICYMI, tight end Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs picked up 30 yards in penalties and an ejection after taking a hand towel from his waistband and throwing it in the direction of an on-field official. So what did Kelce learn from the incident? “I can’t throw my flag at the ref, but he can throw his all day long.” . . . 

The Nebraska Cornhuskers had Wisconsin and Ohio State in back-to-back games recently. As Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald noted: “The last time someone had a road test this stiff, it was Lewis and Clark.” . . . Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent with a note from the U.S. election: “After holding a lead in all of the major polls heading into the election, Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump in one of the most shocking of upsets. And you thought the Giants' bullpen collapsed against the Cubs.” . .

Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, had some fun with words the other day. For example, he came up with Kaepernicking and defined it thusly: “In honor of Colin Kaepernick, this word could come to mean drawing attention to oneself when one’s performance is insufficient to do so.” . . . That got Finarelli to wondering: “If Tiger Woods were to withdraw from the Hero World Challenge – as he did from the last tournament he said he would play in – how close would that bring him to ‘Kaepernicking?’ ” . . . Tuned into the Thursday night NHL game between the Vancouver Canucks and the host Detroit Red Wings. Was blown away by — wait for it! — the number of empty seats in the Joe. I guess Detroit no longer is Hockeytown USA. . . . 

Headline at Fark.com: Bud Black named as the next manager the Colorado Rockies will fire. . . . “Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein celebrated winning the World Series and ending the so-called billy goat curse by feasting on roasted goat in the Wrigley Field bleachers,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “So what did Epstein chow down on in 2004 when his Boston Red Sox finally ended the Curse of the Bambino — a Baby Ruth?” . . . Perry pondering: “Alabama football coach Nick Saban astounded the country when he said: a) He was completely unaware that Tuesday was election day; b) He thought Electoral College was the Tide’s season-opening opponent next fall.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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Kickers are like lawyers . . . Oakland plane called for holding . . . New eatery in Montreal

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Hear about the guy who woke up in a cold sweat while dreaming he’d just gotten tickets to a possible showdown for the ages between Cleveland and Chicago? Alas, it was for a Browns-Bears game.” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Browns keep NFL in suspense, refuse to accept the results of season. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Regardless of who wins the World Series, hell will freeze over. . . . Ray Styrlund, at 105 years of age, is the world’s oldest Chicago Cubs fan. When WQAD-TV talked with him and asked if he thought the team was about to end its World Series drought at 108 years, he replied: “They better. I’m not going to wait another 100 years.” . . .

“In Mission Viejo, Calif., High School's 1993 yearbook, senior graduate Michael Lee predicted that the Cubs would win it all in 2016,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Not only that, but that he'd attend a World Series game with Marty McFly.” . . . “A golf outing for President Obama and Tiger Woods cost U.S. taxpayers $3.6 million,” Littlejohn writes. “And you thought it was expensive to play at Pebble Beach.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The Oakland Raiders picked up an NFL-record 23 penalties on Sunday in Tampa Bay. When their flight home approached Oakland International Airport, the plane was called for holding.” . . . 

“Kickers are like lawyers,” notes Matt Hasselbeck, a former NFL quarterback who now is an ESPN analyst. “Nobody really appreciates them until you need a good one.” . . . Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, wonders: “Anyone but me really tired of pumpkin-flavored everything?” . . . Hough, on Cleveland’s big year: “The Cavs have an NBA ring, the Indians are in the World Series, and the Browns are going to get a No. 1 draft pick.” . . . Girl Scout Cookies? How about Girl Scout Cookie Cereal? General Mills is bringing it out in a limited edition in Thin Mint and Caramel Crunch flavours. Here’s Hough: “Isn’t it easier to just eat cookies for breakfast?” . . .

There is nothing in the world of sports that is uglier than the NFL’s Thursday night uniforms — other than the Thursday night games, that is. But when you are the most powerful entity in the sporting world, you aren’t about to admit you’re wrong. So we’re stuck with them. . . . If you haven’t heard, Budweiser is working on a plan that involves having self-driving trucks make deliveries. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering “how long it will take my neighbour’s 14-year-old kid to hack into Bud’s GPS so all deliveries arrive at his door.” . . . ICYMI, Met Life has fired Snoopy. “I can’t believe that loveable little mutt lost the insurance company mascot competition to a stupid lizard with a dumb accent,” Chong writes. . . .

Russia will have a mascot named Zabivaka for the 2018 World Cup (soccer, not hockey). As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, noted: “No, it's not a bottle of vodka. It's a wolf, and it narrowly beat out a hacker.” . . . Police in Denver have arrested suspects after someone broke into the home of Broncos defensive lineman DeMarcus Ware and stole, among other things, a Super Bowl ring. “Houston police,” Rolfsen claims, “are still investigating how Brock Osweiler stole $72 million from the Texans.” . . .

“It seems Cleveland pitcher Ryan Merritt wasn't ‘shaking in his boots’ after all,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “José Bautista’s boots? They were planted firmly in his mouth.” . . . “It's Halloween,” reports Currie. “This October, the Edmonton Oilers are disguised as contenders.” . . . “Miami Heat guard Tyler Johnson, who played only 36 games last season and has averaged 7.4 points in his career, said he threw up after hearing the team offered him $50 million,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Tyler, that makes two of us.” . . . One more from Dickson: “Hillary Clinton slammed Donald Trump for losing a billion dollars. To put that in perspective, a Clinton has to give four speeches to earn that much.” . . . “Montreal scares me,” Steve Simmons writes in the Toronto Sun. “There’s now an all-you-can-eat poutine place downtown.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.