Everyone gets bowl game . . . Who should retire? . . . Salute to Sideline Chatter

May 2017 not include me in its celebrity deaths!!! Happy New Year!

— Larry King (@kingsthings) January 2, 2017

Headline at TheKicker.com after the Cleveland Browns won their first game of the NFL season last weekend: Browns fans bruise tender hands that hadn’t clapped all year. .  .  . Also at TheKicker.com: NCAA to give every game in 2017 a ‘bowl name’ to improve ratings. . . . So there was this Christmas party in Florida where folks seemed to have a drunken time with Vanessa Barcelo, a Florida beauty-pageant winner, in attendance. She later was charged with assaulting a man with a baseball bat. As comedian Argus Hamilton put it: “If stupidity were oil, Florida would be OPEC headquarters.” . . .

“Head coach Rex Ryan was fired by the Buffalo Bills last week,” notes Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “He was canned because he didn’t fulfill his promise of taking the team to the playoffs. Rex said he tried his best, but tickets to Pittsburgh Steelers and New England Patriots games were already sold out when he tried to buy 50 of them.” . . . Chong, again: “Remember ex-Patriots running back Jonas Gray who was sent packing by New England head coach Bill Belichick because he slept in and missed a team meeting? He’s currently trying out with the Seattle Seahawks. That’s right . . . Sleepless in Seattle.” . . .

Classy move by the Bills to let Rex Ryan go while he can still get a cabinet position.

— SportsPickle (@sportspickle) December 27, 2016

“Alabama DE Dakota Ball will miss the Peach Bowl after a hunting accident in which he blew off his left index finger,” Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, writes. “This comes despite an offer of a special glove from Jason Pierre-Paul.” . . . “For the second time, the Alabama team buses left behind offensive co-ordinator Lane Kiffin after a practice,” Littlejohn reports. “Well, it beats being thrown under the bus like he was at USC.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The Golf Channel honoured Tiger Woods on his birthday Friday by airing a 15-hour marathon that chronicled his major championship highlights from the 1997 Masters to the 2008 U.S. Open, plus features on his life. In that case, shouldn’t there have been a couple of episodes from 'Law and Order SVU’ thrown in?” . . . And a query from Littlejohn: “After an embarrassing performance around New Year's by a once-invincible superstar, calls are coming in for her retirement. Am I talking about (a) Ronda Rousey or (b) Mariah Carey?” . . .

Congratulations @TeamBrownBC! Winners of the 2017 BC Junior Women's Curling Championship! Undefeated. https://t.co/55ezWMIj37 #curling pic.twitter.com/16DfiGs3Na

— CurlBC (@CurlBC) January 1, 2017

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The Seattle Times has chosen to (almost) bring an end to Dwight Perry’s Sideline Chatter, with had quite a run as a three-times-a-week feature. The 3,704th Sideline Chatter appeared in Friday’s paper. Starting this month, it will appear only on Sundays, which is better than Never on Sunday. . . .

In tribute to one of the best, we will close with a few of Perry’s items from last week:

Ageless — OK, 44-year-old — Jaromir Jagr of the Florida Panthers moved into second place behind Wayne Gretzky on the NHL’s all-time scoring list when a puck bounced off his butt right to a teammate for an unlikely assist.

The first congratulatory text, we assume, came from Mark Sanchez.

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Name of the Year: Six-foot-10 Creighton basketball player Sam Dunkum.

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UFC announced that one of Cris (Cyborg) Justino’s test samples has been flagged for a potential doping violation.

What could be an illicit substance in Cyborg? Too much STP in the 30-weight, perhaps?

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Herbert Hayden, 81, pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor battery charge for punching a fellow competitor at the Pinellas Park, Fla., Senior Center and whacking him with a shuffleboard cue.

Hayden was ordered to pay about $1,000 in fines, fees and restitution. And just for good measure, the judge tacked on five minutes for fighting, two minutes for roughing and another two for high-sticking.

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Was Aussie race-car driver Will Power, in a previous life, a German racer named Horst?

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Forbes has named Scarlett Johansson the top grossing star of 2016.

Only because cameras weren’t there to catch Vince Wilfork’s towel fall off in the sauna.
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Hey, it’s great work if you can get it.

Ronda Rousey got paid $3 million to go 48 seconds in her UFC comeback Friday night — which pencils out to a tidy $225 million an hour.

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Arkansas tight end Jeremy Sprinkle got sent home just hours before Thursday’s Belk Bowl when he got caught shoplifting — from a sponsoring Belk department store.

Or, as Razorbacks apologists prefer to put it: He had bad hands.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

49ers did win without Harbaugh . . . Rams lose to grinches . . . Yes, we have the Fire Log!

Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald is in the Christmas mood. . . . He writes: “The Nebraska Legislature Christmas pageant has been canceled. They couldn’t find three wise men.” . . . Dickson, again: “On Sunday, the public got to tour the 91,480-square-foot Nebraska Governor’s Mansion. I’m pretty sure the average town in Nebraska is about 80,000 square feet.” . . . “Once per year,” Dickson writes, “the Nebraska Governor’s Mansion is open to the public. This allows Democratic politicians to see what the inside looks like.” . . . One more from Dickson: “United Airlines has a new baggage policy. What? Are they now going to send the suitcases to the same city as the passengers?” . . .

Kylie has a 2017 lingerie calendar coming out. I also have a calendar, but I just write “underwear” each day so I don’t forget to wear it.

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) December 19, 2016

The Saskatchewan Roughriders went 5-13 in 2016 and missed the CFL playoffs. On Wednesday, 11 days before Christmas, members of the team’s training staff were given their walking papers. . . . The departed include Schad Richea, a former Regina Pats’ trainer who had been named the Roughriders’ head athletic therapist in January. . . . Hey, when you go 5-13, you have to pin it on someone. . . . Also in the grinchy spirit: The big oil companies, who pumped up the price of gas last week. But, then, that shouldn’t surprise anyone, should it? . . . 

72% of Leafs fans are scared Trump will cause the end of the world just as the team is getting good

— Stats Canada (@stats_canada) December 16, 2016

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent reports: “Evidence is mounting that the Russians, led by Vladimir Putin himself, exerted heavy Internet influence on the recent U.S. election. Suspicions were heightened when one unnamed state ballot initiative had the choices 'Da' and ‘Nyet.’ “ . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe: “Fired Oregon coach Mark Helfrich says he hoped Chip Kelly would be hired as the new Ducks football coach. ‘Ditto,’ said many fans of the San Francisco 49ers.” . . . Hough, again: “As fans await the end of the 49ers’ season, remember that San Francisco was sure it could win without Jim Harbaugh as head coach. And it has — six times in two years.” . . .

Trump won't attend daily U.S. intelligence briefings. Apparently, they're a schedule conflict with his Russian intelligence briefings.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 13, 2016

Headline at Fark.com: Giants alert NFL office over Steelers’ under-inflated footballs / League suspends Tom Brady four more games. . . . The other day, a readerboard at Kennedy’s Auto Pro in Halifax read: Things that tell the truth: small children, drunk people and yoga pants. . . . As proof that NBA regular-season games are all but meaningless to some teams, the Cleveland Cavaliers didn’t dress stars LeBron James, Kylie Irving and Kevin Love for a game in Memphis last week. The reasoning? It’s a long season and the players need rest. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “What’s next? A bye week for NBA teams?” . . .

In U.S., media crazy with fear Trump will to start WW3. In Canada, Peter Mansbridge just warned Albertans about "car licking moose". We win.

— randy turner (@randyturner15) December 16, 2016

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com reports that wrestler-turned actor “Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson said on The Tonight Show that his daughter has a fear of mall Santas. I’m thinking it’s Claustrophobia.” . . . Currie, again: “Anyone else secretly hoping Jose Bautista gets shipped to Boston? Only Tom Brady could deflate that ego.” . . . One more from Currie: “The Cleveland Browns will lose one home game next year to play an NFL game in England. At first the team protested, but Cleveland fans insisted.” . . . Currie was watching Thursday’s NFL game, the one in which the Seattle Seahawks appeared to be covered in green slime. Or, as Currie put it: “At any given time, it looked like 11 grinches stealing the Los Angeles Rams’ Christmas.” . . . 

RIP, Zsa Zsa Gabor. This 2007 @VanityFair profile of her has some fantastic writing. pic.twitter.com/JpY3xI2cAV

— Adam Proteau (@Proteautype) December 19, 2016

ICYMI, the Seattle Sounders won the MLS Cup the other evening, beating Toronto in a shootout despite not being able to muster even one shot on goal through 120 minutes of real play. As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, put it: “Zero. Also the number of new soccer fans the league's showcase game created.” . . . Why are car dealers allowed to sell so many vehicles whose turn-signals don’t work. I mean, if they worked the drivers would use them, wouldn’t they? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Donald Trump to also honor professional wrestling champions at the White House. . . . 

You know that eight-year-old grandson who stuck his tongue on a froze pole. Kid got me today. Drew a black spider on roll of toilet paper.

— Terry Jones (@sunterryjones) December 19, 2016

Congrats to Derek Evely, a veteran Canadian track-and-field coach who had a successful stint with the Kamloops Track and Field Club and will be inducted into the Burnaby Sports Hall of Fame on Feb. 23 at the Firefighters Banquet Hall at Metrotown. Evely is a graduate of Burnaby Central who finished sixth in the decathlon at the 1983 world junior championships. From a news release: “His athletes have set 13 national records. Eight have earned 33 national team positions and 10 won 71 national medals including seven who captured 39 titles. Four of his athletes – Sultana Frizell, Sophie Hitchen (U.K.), Dylan Armstrong and Shane Niemi – have won 13 international medals.” Yes, those are hall of fame-calibre numbers. . . . 

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”

— Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917—2016) pic.twitter.com/0JD7ZWJFM5

— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) December 18, 2016

A tweet from ESPN’s Mike and Mike radio show points out that the last three Pittsburgh Steelers head coaches have 442 victories between them; the last three Cleveland Browns head coaches have won 14 games. . . . Rob Vanstone, in the Regina Leader-Post: “After a no-expenses-paid, two-week vacation in New York, it is time for more futile lobbying. We want ESPN! Don’t forget ESPN2, ESPN Classic, TNT and NBC Sports Network. All is not lost. At least we have the Christmas Fire Log.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

KS: Martha and Snoop . . . Colon and Dickey . . . Did Tiger win a major?

A tweet from Randy Turner (@randyturner15) of the Winnipeg Free Press: “Independence Day was a movie about aliens going from planet to planet sucking all resources. In a related story, the Arizona Coyotes are moving to Tempe.” . . . One more tweet from Turner: “I still don’t appreciate the way TSN cuts away after Jets games like they’ve just robbed a bank.” . . . The Chicago Cubs end a 108-year drought. Donald Trump is the president-elect of the world’s most-powerful nation. Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are business partners. Hey, is this a great time to be alive or what? . . . 

TC Chong, the Richmond, B.C., blogger, had plans for the weekend: “Time to put up the Christmas lights and pick up the leg-hold traps I set for the Pokemon players.” . . . Just wondering but are you as tired as I am of listening to people’s telephone conversations while out doing Christmas shopping? . . . After the Atlanta Braves, about to move into a new stadium, signed aging right-handers Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey — actually, Colon is 43, and Dickey is 42 — comedy writer Marc Ragovin wondered: “What is the name of their new place? Jurassic Park?” . . . 

In case you weren’t aware, the Cleveland Browns, who are 0-12, had a bye this weekend. As comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted going into the weekend: “Las Vegas has the Browns vs. Bye as too close to call.” . . . The Vancouver Sun, a Postmedia product, had a full page in Saturday’s sports section on airplane crashes involving the sporting world. Unfortunately, there isn’t a mention of the 1956 crash near Chilliwack that took the lives of five CFLers who were on their way back to Regina and Winnipeg from the all-star game that had been held in Vancouver. Of course, the copy the Sun used was from the Washington Post. . . . It’s enough to make an old newspaper guy cry. . . .

“I must have missed something,” venerable golf writer Dan Jenkins tweeted on Sunday. “Tiger beat two out of 17 players, but I kept reading that he was winning another major.” . . . Here’s Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, after the second round of this weekend’s golf tournament: “ESPN headline ‘Tiger Woods fires 2nd-round 65 at Hero World Challenge, nearly aces No. 12.’ So is anyone actually leading this tournament?” . . . A note from Hough that some of us appreciate: “Dear Santa: On behalf of all of those people who have such nice cars but couldn’t afford turn signals — could you help them out this Christmas?” . . . “Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr said he tried marijuana twice for back pain in the last year and a half, but ‘it didn’t help at all,’ ” Hough reports. “Hmm! Maybe he should ask around the NBA for help getting better stuff.” . . .

Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, reports: “Indiana University fired men’s basketball coach Kevin Wilson for apparent player mistreatment. Imagine that — a coach at Indiana who mistreated players.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The MLB All-Star Game no longer will determine home-field advantage in the World Series. Instead, it will go to the pennant winner with the best regular-season record. The choice reportedly left a descendant to Paul the Octopus very disappointed.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “Twenty to 30 inches of snow has been forecast for parts of the Big Island of Hawaii. So I guess, in the wake of the Chicago Cubs winning it all, Hell has officially begun to freeze over.” . . . Littlejohn also reports that, according to PNC Wealth Management, the cost of The 12 Days of Christmas now is more than US$34,000, an increase of more than $200 over last year. There are only three Saturdays left, so you best get started. . . . 

“The world’s oldest person, an Italian woman, has turned 117,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Even more impressive, she’s been alive for all three Cubs World Series championships!” . . . On Nov. 20, NFL kickers missed on 12 extra-point attempts, causing Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald to note: “The best kicking I saw all week took place on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special.” . . . 

If you didn’t hear, Flemingsberge IK dumped Åker/Strängnäs HC, 5-0, in a hockey game in a Swedish U-18 league the other day. The teams combined for 871 penalty minutes — that’s right, 871. Thankfully, there only were 67 spectators in the house. . . . The 1-10 San Francisco 49ers met the host 2-9 Chicago Bears on Sunday. How bad was it? Well, neither team was able to complete a pass in the first quarter. According to ESPN Stats and Info, that hadn’t happened in the NFL since Nov. 13, 1988, when the New York Jets and New England appreciates accomplished (?) it. . . . The Bears eventually won, to go to 3-9, which still won’t get them into the playoffs. . . .

Headline at TheKicker.com: Wildlife handlers dispatched to tranquilize Jim Harbaugh. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Chip Kelly starting to worry 49ers won’t fire him in time to take the Oregon job. . . . As my wife and I were sitting in our car on Friday, trying to make a right turn into traffic from a driveway with no one willing to slow down and let us in, she pointed out: “It’s December, the rudest month of the year because everyone is in a hurry.” . . . Slow down out there, folks. Take a deep breath and enjoy December.

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Keeping Score: Bambi thumps runner ... Reaching out to Bartman ... Boss's bike breaks

With news that the NHL’s Arizona Coyotes are likely to get a new arena in Tempe, Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register notes: “Coyotes are abandoning a beautiful arena in Glendale. Wrong side of town? Not if they adopted a new parking plan called ‘winning.’ ” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Anthony Davis can’t name anyone else on the Pelicans either. . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Week 10 TV ratings up after NFL tries new strategy of good games. . . .

A report from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “English golfer Ian Poulter, in fit of pique, took a club and whacked his bag a few times — shattering not only his cellphone, but his caddie’s, too. That was certainly uncalled for.” . . . One more from Perry: “Giddy Cubs fan Ricky Rainey, to commemorate the curse-busting World Series title, had the Wrigley Field marquee tattooed onto the top of his head. So how does he top that, get ivy implants?” . . . By now, you may have seen the video of the deer that took out cross-country runner Justin DeLuzio in Center Valley, Pa. As Perry put it, it was a case of “a fast-moving Bambi deciding to turn Thumper.” . . .

“The Chicago Cubs have won their first World Series title since 1908 and Donald Trump has won the U.S. presidential election,” writes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Those logic-defying events can mean only one thing: Congratulations to the 2017 Stanley Cup-champion Toronto Maple Leafs.” . . . Fore Twenty, a marijuana-friendly golf tournament, is scheduled for Oregon City, Ore., in June. Hamilton reports: “Highest score wins.” . . . Hamilton, again: “The Houston Texans and Oakland Raiders are to meet in an NFL game Monday in Mexico City. Raiders fans had better hustle home before Trump’s wall goes up.” . . .

“President Obama inviting the Chicago Cubs to the White House before he leaves office reminds one of a similar situation the last time the Cubs won the World Series,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Pharaoh invited the Cubs for a visit just before the Ten Plagues of Egypt.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Cubs owner Tom Ricketts says he plans to 'reach out' to Steve Bartman. Hope it goes better than when Moises Alou reached out to Bartman.” . . .

“In Freehold, N.J.,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, “biker Dan Barkalow stopped to help a stranded rider whose chopper had broken down. It turned out to be Bruce Springsteen. So of all the bikes sold in New Jersey, Springsteen bought one that wasn’t Born to Run.”. . . “Kate Upton aimed a twitter tirade at two Cy Young voters who left her fiancé Justin Verlander off their ballot,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “I can only imagine what it's like having Kate Upton against me.” . . . One more from Currie: “Game 3 of the World Chess Championship in New York lasted six hours. I caught most of the second half by switching back-and-forth during the final three minutes of an NBA game.” . . . Currie, again: “Metro UK reports a German found a long-lost wedding ring in his garden with a carrot grown through it. He was happy to find the band, even if it was just one-carrot gold.” . . . 

If there was any doubt as to which B.C. community is the province’s Baseball City, it was removed with the news that Victoria will be the site of the next two Canadian senior men’s championships. The 2017 tournament is scheduled for Aug. 23-27, with the 2018 event running Aug. 22-25. Victoria also is home to the HarbourCats, who led the West Coast League in attendance in each of the past two seasons. In 2016, the average crowd was 2,239. . . . Yes, Kamloops remains on the WCL’s radar, but that would be in 2018 at the earliest. . . . 

After the visiting Chicago Bears lost 36-10 to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune wrote: “The Bears went down to Tampa to play a football game. Instead, they held televised auditions for clown college.” . . . “Don’t look now, but the Los Angeles Lakers are respectable again,” notes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “So is it Luke Walton coaching or Kobe Bryant leaving?” . . . The Indiana Supreme Court has ruled that Notre Dame’s police department doesn’t have to release crime reports to ESPN. “Well, yes,” writes Hough, “because there is no higher authority than Touchdown Jesus.” . . .

It’s Thursday night and there are five NHL games to choose from on TV — Winnipeg at Philadelphia, Florida at Toronto, Nashville at Ottawa, Edmonton at Los Angeles, and Arizona at Vancouver. . . . Whoops! That’s not quite right. They all are regional telecasts. . . . So we’ll watch one of the two NBA telecasts, the NCAA college football game or the NFL game. While we’re watching, we will be wondering just how it is the NHL thinks it is growing the game. . . . 

Here’s Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: “SI.com ranked the most memorable moustaches in sports. I believe that six of the top 10 belong to former members of the East German women’s Olympic team.” . . . Long-time Chicago Cubs fan Mabel Ball died on Nov. 8 at the age of 108, just days after her favourite team had ended its championship drought. As comedy writer Jim Barach noted: “Her last words were ‘I’m not going through that again.’ ”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Going squirrelly in Green Bay . . . Vikes are who we thought they were . . . Epstein dines on goat

Here is Ray Ratto of CSN Bay Area, after the U.S. election: “How this chapter in American history turns out is anyone’s guess, depending on the cheeriness of one’s outlook. Perhaps there is a Trump we haven’t seen yet, one who can work the milieu of anger as fuel, one who can actually grow from the man whose catch phrase meant unemployment. Nobody believes that now, though, and whether the lesson is how far we have fallen as a nation, how uncivil we have become in our daily discourse, or whether we have lost the right to buy into our own loftier impression of ourselves, we are now naked and raw as a nation, stripped of the layers of our illusions, and a nasty winter is coming on.” . . . 

You may have noticed that the NHL scheduled the first head-to-head meeting between Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby for last Tuesday, which was election night in the U.S. “What?” stated Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings. “The Super Bowl time slot wasn’t available.” . . . One more from Rolfsen: “Gary Bettman must be thrilled that the faces of the NHL for the next 10-15 years are in Toronto, Edmonton and Winnipeg.” . . . Rolfsen watched an NFL game the other night and noted: “There was a squirrel on the loose at Lambeau Field during Colts-Packers. It was gathering cheese and beer for the winter.” . . .

While dining out on Wednesday night, I happened to glance at a TV set and noticed that there were anti-Trump protests going on in at least seven American cities. My first thought: It’s too late America; you should have thought about that before Tuesday. . . . Here’s Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot with a pre-election note: “My polling place is at the Norfolk Zoo. Considering this election year, that seems fitting to me.” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Vikes honor Dennis Green by being who we thought they were. . . . “Not saying the Minnesota Vikings field-goal kicker is cursed,” writes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “but he’s just a hand-held camera away from the Blair Walsh Project.” . . . Currie, again: “For years my vegetable of choice was broccoli. Then I heard John Lennon on the radio and decided to give peas a chance.” . . .

The NFL is concerned with tumbling TV ratings so it gives us the Cleveland Browns on a Thursday night. Now that’s funny. . . . Here’s Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong on the NFL’s concern: “Really? Hey, let’s put Cleveland-Baltimore on national TV this week, and get more of those 7:30 a.m. games from London, England.” . . . ICYMI, tight end Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs picked up 30 yards in penalties and an ejection after taking a hand towel from his waistband and throwing it in the direction of an on-field official. So what did Kelce learn from the incident? “I can’t throw my flag at the ref, but he can throw his all day long.” . . . 

The Nebraska Cornhuskers had Wisconsin and Ohio State in back-to-back games recently. As Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald noted: “The last time someone had a road test this stiff, it was Lewis and Clark.” . . . Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent with a note from the U.S. election: “After holding a lead in all of the major polls heading into the election, Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump in one of the most shocking of upsets. And you thought the Giants' bullpen collapsed against the Cubs.” . .

Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, had some fun with words the other day. For example, he came up with Kaepernicking and defined it thusly: “In honor of Colin Kaepernick, this word could come to mean drawing attention to oneself when one’s performance is insufficient to do so.” . . . That got Finarelli to wondering: “If Tiger Woods were to withdraw from the Hero World Challenge – as he did from the last tournament he said he would play in – how close would that bring him to ‘Kaepernicking?’ ” . . . Tuned into the Thursday night NHL game between the Vancouver Canucks and the host Detroit Red Wings. Was blown away by — wait for it! — the number of empty seats in the Joe. I guess Detroit no longer is Hockeytown USA. . . . 

Headline at Fark.com: Bud Black named as the next manager the Colorado Rockies will fire. . . . “Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein celebrated winning the World Series and ending the so-called billy goat curse by feasting on roasted goat in the Wrigley Field bleachers,” reports Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “So what did Epstein chow down on in 2004 when his Boston Red Sox finally ended the Curse of the Bambino — a Baby Ruth?” . . . Perry pondering: “Alabama football coach Nick Saban astounded the country when he said: a) He was completely unaware that Tuesday was election day; b) He thought Electoral College was the Tide’s season-opening opponent next fall.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Kickers are like lawyers . . . Oakland plane called for holding . . . New eatery in Montreal

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Hear about the guy who woke up in a cold sweat while dreaming he’d just gotten tickets to a possible showdown for the ages between Cleveland and Chicago? Alas, it was for a Browns-Bears game.” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Browns keep NFL in suspense, refuse to accept the results of season. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Regardless of who wins the World Series, hell will freeze over. . . . Ray Styrlund, at 105 years of age, is the world’s oldest Chicago Cubs fan. When WQAD-TV talked with him and asked if he thought the team was about to end its World Series drought at 108 years, he replied: “They better. I’m not going to wait another 100 years.” . . .

“In Mission Viejo, Calif., High School's 1993 yearbook, senior graduate Michael Lee predicted that the Cubs would win it all in 2016,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent. “Not only that, but that he'd attend a World Series game with Marty McFly.” . . . “A golf outing for President Obama and Tiger Woods cost U.S. taxpayers $3.6 million,” Littlejohn writes. “And you thought it was expensive to play at Pebble Beach.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “The Oakland Raiders picked up an NFL-record 23 penalties on Sunday in Tampa Bay. When their flight home approached Oakland International Airport, the plane was called for holding.” . . . 

“Kickers are like lawyers,” notes Matt Hasselbeck, a former NFL quarterback who now is an ESPN analyst. “Nobody really appreciates them until you need a good one.” . . . Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, wonders: “Anyone but me really tired of pumpkin-flavored everything?” . . . Hough, on Cleveland’s big year: “The Cavs have an NBA ring, the Indians are in the World Series, and the Browns are going to get a No. 1 draft pick.” . . . Girl Scout Cookies? How about Girl Scout Cookie Cereal? General Mills is bringing it out in a limited edition in Thin Mint and Caramel Crunch flavours. Here’s Hough: “Isn’t it easier to just eat cookies for breakfast?” . . .

There is nothing in the world of sports that is uglier than the NFL’s Thursday night uniforms — other than the Thursday night games, that is. But when you are the most powerful entity in the sporting world, you aren’t about to admit you’re wrong. So we’re stuck with them. . . . If you haven’t heard, Budweiser is working on a plan that involves having self-driving trucks make deliveries. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering “how long it will take my neighbour’s 14-year-old kid to hack into Bud’s GPS so all deliveries arrive at his door.” . . . ICYMI, Met Life has fired Snoopy. “I can’t believe that loveable little mutt lost the insurance company mascot competition to a stupid lizard with a dumb accent,” Chong writes. . . .

Russia will have a mascot named Zabivaka for the 2018 World Cup (soccer, not hockey). As Torben Rolfsen, who hosts The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, noted: “No, it's not a bottle of vodka. It's a wolf, and it narrowly beat out a hacker.” . . . Police in Denver have arrested suspects after someone broke into the home of Broncos defensive lineman DeMarcus Ware and stole, among other things, a Super Bowl ring. “Houston police,” Rolfsen claims, “are still investigating how Brock Osweiler stole $72 million from the Texans.” . . .

“It seems Cleveland pitcher Ryan Merritt wasn't ‘shaking in his boots’ after all,” notes RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “José Bautista’s boots? They were planted firmly in his mouth.” . . . “It's Halloween,” reports Currie. “This October, the Edmonton Oilers are disguised as contenders.” . . . “Miami Heat guard Tyler Johnson, who played only 36 games last season and has averaged 7.4 points in his career, said he threw up after hearing the team offered him $50 million,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “Tyler, that makes two of us.” . . . One more from Dickson: “Hillary Clinton slammed Donald Trump for losing a billion dollars. To put that in perspective, a Clinton has to give four speeches to earn that much.” . . . “Montreal scares me,” Steve Simmons writes in the Toronto Sun. “There’s now an all-you-can-eat poutine place downtown.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.) 

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Did Blue Jays win World Series already? . . . FIFA in Mob Museum . . . Hanks wants word with Flores

On the ultra-rare occasion you phone a business and a real live person answers, you're hard pressed not to begin weeping with gratitude

— George Johnson (@GeorgejohnsonCH) July 27, 2015

“Russian President Vladimir Putin said Monday that FIFA boss Sepp Blatter deserves the Nobel Prize,” reports Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Everyone else thinks Blatter deserves the No-Bail Prize.” . . . Have you noticed how Tiger Woods is becoming golf’s answer to the Chicago Cubs? Like the Cubbies, Tiger now teases his fans with a good round or two before he falls back into the pack. . . . “Thank God for @KING5Seattle's weather ‘futurecast’,” tweets Ron Judd of the Seattle Times. “Because ‘forecast’ was just so confusing to so many of us for so long.” . . .
“A woman who won a $188-million lottery jackpot this year in North Carolina was busted last week for marijuana,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “You’d think with that much money she could afford to move to Colorado.” . . . Hough, again: “The Houston Astros have made Taylor Swift move her tour date at Minute Maid Park from Oct. 13 to Sept. 9 because the team may be headed to the playoffs. Wonder how long it will take for Swift to write a bitter song about the brush-off?” . . . With the struggling Detroit Tigers and Boston Red Sox playing on ESPN last Sunday night, Hough wrote: “I’ll take ‘Matchups that sounded a lot better when they drew up the schedule’ for $400, Alex.” . . .
After Philadelphia starter Cole Hamels threw a no-hitter against the Cubs, the Twitter account @Cubs handled it with: “Dexter Fowler walks twice in loss to Phillies.” . . . It’s fireworks season in Vancouver and Wednesday was Brazil night. Why? Because, as Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen explained, Brazil “had some money to burn between the World Cup and Olympics.” . . . The Seattle Seahawks signed quarterback Russell Wilson to a four-year, US$87.6-million contract on Friday. “Fortunately,” noted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “Seattle citizens still have vastly less-important issues to hold their attention-like education, transportation and health care.” . . .
Is it just me or is Buck Martinez, the always-talking TV voice of the Toronto Blue Jays, trying hard to become the Canadian version of Hawk Harrelson, the professional cheerleader who calls Chicage White Sox’ games? . . . Why else would Martinez be screaming at balls to “get out of here” when a Toronto player hits a long ball? . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Yankees and Red Sox have to be disgusted by Blue Jays trying to buy an AL East title. . . . Did the Blue Jays win the World Series when they beat the bat-less Minnesota Twins on Monday afternoon? . . . Hey, just asking. . . . One more from SportsPickle.com: A-Rod says he wants to play until he’s 45 or baseball begins testing for rare steroid he’s using. . . .
“Jose Canseco says he will live as a woman to support Caitlin Jenner,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “He started by borrowing some leftover stash from Manny Ramirez.” . . . The Mob Museum in Las Vegas has said it will open a FIFA exhibit in September. That led Littlejohn to wonder: “How much did FIFA have to bribe them to get it?” . . . “The first photos of Jason Pierre-Paul's hand have emerge” Littlejohn writes of the New York Giants defensive lineman who suffered injuries during a July 4 fireworks accident. “It looks like we've found the long-lost cousin of Kermit the Frog.” . . .
Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News wonders: “Has any sports owner around here ever had to admit, as John Mara did the other day, that he didn’t know how many fingers one of his star players has?” . . . Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has a question: “If Pete Rose were a Buddhist, would he be banned for more than one lifetime?” . . . Here’s RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com with a social note: “Tennis stars Maria Sharapova and Grigor Dimitrov have ended their two-year relationship. I can’t help thinking he took Sharapova for grunted.” . . .
Earlier this week, centre Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins was seen serving coffee at a Tim Hortons outlet in Dartmouth, N.S.. That got Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong to wondering: “How does he sleep at night taking away much needed part-time work from CFL players?” . . . Actually, Crosby and Nathan MacKinnon of the Colorado Avalanche were shooting a TV commercial. . . . “New York Mets shortstop Wilmer Flores was shown on TV crying after they told him he had been traded,” Chong writes. “The deal fell through but Tom Hanks still said he wanted to have a few words with young Wilmer.” . . .
Brendan Taman, the general manager of the 0-6 Saskatchewan Roughriders, gave his head coach, Corey Chamblin, a vote of confidence on Monday. . . . That only means that Chamblin shouldn’t be buying any green bananas. . . . Actually, the head coach is signed through 2017 and, while the Roughriders have money in the bank, they aren’t about to spend it by paying someone not to coach for two-plus seasons. . . . NFL training camps are in full swing. "As usual," NBC's Seth Meyers reports, "the New England Patriots camp began with the ceremonial burning of the rule book.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)
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An alligator in the dugout . . . WHL players turning cheerleaders? . . . Shark survives encounter with surfer

There is a 10 foot alligator just chilling in the visiting teams dugout at our field #MilbProbz pic.twitter.com/DSP0OKGd8F

— kyle mckenzie (@kmckenzie13) July 24, 2015

The Toronto Maple Leafs stunned the hockey world Thursday when they announced they had signed Lou Lamoriello to a three-year deal as their general manager. It couldn’t have been that much of a story, though, as the Toronto Sun only did 10 pages on the Leafs in Friday’s paper. . . . Lamoriello never met a media person with whom he wanted to deal. The Maple Leafs are owned by media conglomerates Bell and Rogers, so, like, what could go wrong? . . . There are reports that retired New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter and gal pal Hannah Davis — she of the commercials with the talking horse — went Dutch on a pizza while in Italy. Which caused RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com to ask:“What kind of people report on these things? The pizzarazzi?” . . .
“Tiger Woods said he still has his sights on Nicklaus’ record 18 majors,” Currie writes. “It was so inspiring, I mailed another marriage proposal to Anne Hathaway.” . . . One more from Currie: “Ex-Blackhawks defenceman Johnny Oduya has signed with the Dallas Stars — a two-year, US$7.5-million deal. Which is a fine-how-do-you-Oduya.” . . . TC Chong, who blogs out of Richmond, B.C., writes: “Sen. Lindsay Graham posted a video on YouTube of him destroying his cell phone with a bat, chainsaw and golf club after Donald Trump gave out his number. Hope he wasn’t driving at the time.” . . .
“Santa Claus threw a terrible first pitch at a recent Tigers game,” reports Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent. “The good news for him is that it wasn't in Philadelphia.” . . . Littlejohn also reports that “an alligator was found in the dugout prior to a minor league game between the Daytona Tortugas and Charlotte Stone Crabs in Port Charlotte, Fla. Animal control reportedly tranquilized the gator and returned him to his natural habitat at the local golf course.” . . . One more from Littlejohn: “In Cooperstown, Reggie Jackson reportedly got into a heated confrontation with a fan who was in line for a second autograph. Reggie reportedly told him, 'Just one straw per drink!’ ” . . .
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times isn’t too hyped for the release of Creed, the seventh instalment in the Rocky movie series. “Not that Rocky Balboa is showing his age or anything in Creed,” Perry writes, “but the eye of the Tiger now has cataracts.” . . . Forward Josh Smith signed with the NBA’s Los Angeles Clippers the other day, getting only the veterans’ minimum. “At the end of the day, you know, I do have a family,” he told the Detroit Free Press. “So it is going to be a little harder on me this year. But I’m going to push through it, you know.” . . . Smith, who has made about US$91 million in his career, and his family will have to get by on $6.9 million for 2015-16. . . .
You may recall earlier this year when Washington legislators voted that the state’s four WHL teams don’t have to pay minimum wage to their players. Well, the state of California is enacting legislation under which professional sports teams must pay at least minimum wage to their cheerleaders. . . . A number of WHL players are said to be considering career changes. . . . Take the worst thing you have ever seen on TV and then multiply that by 10. What do you get? Those horrid attack ads paid for by Stephen Harper and his friends. . . . Never mind Justin Trudeau; those ads just aren’t ready for anything but the garbage. . . .
Taking note of the drought situation in Vancouver, comic Torben Rolfsen points out: “We are at Stage 3 water restrictions in Vancouver (no lawn watering). Stage 4 is no showers in strip joints.” . . . Rolfsen also wondered: “Has PETA complained about that surfer punching the shark yet?” . . . Headline at SportsPickle.com: Shark just grateful to be uninjured after terrifying encounter with surfer. . . .
Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald has a question: “Do we really need the ‘heat index?’ Isn't it bad enough knowing that it's 100 degrees without being told it ‘feels like’ 112?” . . . Dickson, again: “President Obama just became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison. He hasn't seen that many inmates since he welcomed the national-champion Florida State football team to the White House.” . . . “In Idaho,” writes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, “a cyclist stopped to defecate in a ravine and decided it would be a good idea to light his toilet paper on fire afterwards rather than littering with it. And he accidentally started a 73-acre wildfire. Talk about a dumb shit.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.

Werth bobblehead will grow beard . . . Diddy or didn't he? . . . Spice Girl gets married

If you’re a baseball fan, you will know that Jayson Werth of the Washington Nationals is a starter on the hair/beard all-star team. He’s about to join the all-bobblehead team, too. The Nationals have scheduled Jayson Werth Chia Night for Aug. 5. They’ll hand out 20,000 bobbleheads, each capable of growing a Chia beard. . . . When the Edmonton Eskimos and Toronto Argos opened their CFL seasons on Saturday in Fort McMurray, Alta., attendance was just under 5,000. It was an Argos’ home game and the top-priced ticket was $99. . . . Conflicts with the Pan Am Games and the World Cup of women’s soccer left the Argos without a place to play in Toronto. . . .

“No need to say ‘Break a leg!’ to these thespians,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Tonya & Nancy: The Rock Opera — based on the Harding-Kerrigan figure-skating knee whack in 1994 — makes its Big Apple debut at the New York Musical Theatre Festival in July.” . . . “Well, one thing that can be said about Tonya & Nancy: The Rock Opera,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif.-based correspondent, “is that the opera isn't over until the fat laddie swings.” . . . “Seattle Seahawks running back and Oakland native Marshawn Lynch rode on a float in the Golden State Warriors' victory parade,” notes Littlejohn. “He reportedly wanted the driver to stay in the No Passing Zone.” . . . Littlejohn has seen a report that indicates “there are 40 quarterbacks in the NFL who will make more than Russell Wilson this season.” Littlejohn adds: “Not only that, but five quarterbacks in the SEC will, as well.” . . .

When Edgar Martinez replaced Howard Johnson as Seattle’s hitting coach, the Mariners were last in MLB in batting average and 28th in runs and OBP. “Here’s hoping,” wrote the aforementioned Perry, “Martinez knows a good recipe for chicken salad.” . . . “Lambeau Field security officers ejected nearly 300 people for fighting, harassment and extreme intoxication during a recent Kenny Chesney concert,” Perry reports. “Or as the locals now call it, Packer fans’ offseason minicamp.” . . .

Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong, with a valid point: “With the winning team getting home-field advantage in the World Series, wouldn’t it be wiser for Kansas City fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?” . . . “If pitchers have Tommy John surgery,” asks Chong, “does Pete Rose get Pinocchio surgery?” . . . Here’s Fark.com with a suggestion on how to update the board game Clue: “Professor Diddy in the weight room — with a kettle bell.” . . . Headline in the Las Vegas Review-Journal: “Diddy or didn’t he?” . . .

With the Kansas City Royals dominating MLB’s all-star voting, Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald reported: “Six members of the Kansas City Royals are now leading the U.S. presidential race.” . . . StubHub is suing Ticketmaster and, as Dickson notes, “Seats in the lower bowl of the courtroom are selling for $79.95.” . . . One more from Dickson: “The 2015 College World Series is over. Great, now where am I going to find a T-shirt in Omaha for 30 bucks?” . . . Social note: Geri Halliwell, the former Spice Girl, has married Christian Horner, who runs the Red Bull Formula 1 racing team. . . . Spice Girls? Better try Google. . . .

A bang-on Tuesday night tweet from Steve Buffery of the Toronto Sun: “When you watch the solemn coverage of #DeflateGate you realize how ridiculous sports is sometimes.” . . . Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen wants to know: ““When did NBA draft candidates all start dressing like movie ushers?” . . . Frank Kaminsky, a centre, went back to the U of Wisconsin for his senior season a year ago, saying: “At the Kohl Center, we play in front of nearly 17,000 fans every single time. . . . I know the NBA has their crazy fans and all, but . . . there are games when teams like the Bobcats get hardly any fans, and it looks flat-out boring.” . . . You guessed it! Kaminsky got drafted by Charlotte on Thursday night. . . . And then there is forward Larry Nance Jr., who played at Wyoming. Three years ago he tweeted: “Gee I sure hope Kobe can keep his hands to himself in Denver this time. #rapist.” . . . Kobe, meet one of your new teammates. . . .

A New York City-bound Amtrak train was stranded for about five hours without food, air-conditioning or working bathrooms. That had Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, to wonder: “Are they really trying to compete with the airlines?” . . . With receiver Dez Bryant threatening to hold out on the Dallas Cowboys despite being contracted for US$12.8 million this season, Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot notes that he is “violating the first rule of rich people — no whining on the yacht.” . . .

When Alex Rodriguez got his 3,000th hit the other day, the New York Daily News headlined the story thusly: Mr. 3,***. . . . “If I'm a free agent,” tweets Peter Vecsey, “I want to play wherever LeBron James is coaching.” . . . At one point this month, Detroit Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera was hitting .647 with five home runs and 15 RBI in nine games against the Cleveland Indians. That resulted in reader David S. writing the Cleveland Plain Dealer to ask: “Did Albert Einstein get his definition of insanity by watching the Indians pitch to Miguel Cabrera?”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at gdrinnan.blogspot.ca and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

There has never been a subscription fee for this blog, but if you enjoy stopping by here, why not consider donating to the cause? Just click HERE. . . and thank you very much.